Heaven or Hell.

All characters borrowed from the TV series Nashville.

This is a different view of the Juliette/Avery breakup including their reunion and the Jeff incident. In the television series there are a number of situations and interpretations that are completely ignored or taken in their simplest context Taken in conjunction with the rest of the story outcomes and conclusions could be very different.

Heaven or Hell.

Avery was standing inside the door. He had challenged her for the truth and she poured her heart out to him. Letting him know it was true…she was trying to mask the expected future pain because she thought he was going to leave her for Scarlett. Her insecurities were to blame but that was no reason. Now her heart was in agony…a deep searing ache in her chest. She was desperate to convince him, clutching for anything so he would forgive her...give her another chance. Bring back that love they shared…that perfect love...the love she always thought was a divine gift. She knew she would never know a love like that again…not without him. She, in her anger, her stupidity, her lack of faith, her paranoia had destroyed it all. She betrayed him, she betrayed herself but worst of all she had betrayed them.

Seeing the pain in his face wracked her with guilt. Their love was so wonderful, what had come over her…what would become of her? How could she have doubted what was between them? Searching, trying to find those words that would move him. She could not think.

Rayna advised telling it all to him but her prepared confession was gone…lost in a mental confusion when he already knew…he was angry…she groped for the right response…he was harsh, severe…ignoring her pained regrets …over-riding her pleas… she panicked…nothing registered…desperation. She could only beg for his compassion. "Please, oh please," she cried. "Don't make me be alone again." Tears streaming down her face she turned towards him in a forlorn hope.

There was no doubt her pleading had touched him. He was crying as intensely as she was. He was told she had slept with another man…not just any man but Jeff Fordham…the man Avery most despised. How could she do this? "Oh god Juliette," he said, "this hurts so much. How could you be so cruel? I loved you with everything I had…wasn't that enough? How could you betray us? God no! I can't think...I don't know…I'm crushed. Why...Why…What had I ever done to make you do this?"

"You've done nothing, you were wonderful. Everything is my fault. I hate myself. I don't think I will ever get over what I have done. Oh Avery! I truly love you so much. I am so, so sorry."

"No, don't say that. Love, you don't know the word. You have never been in love and when you do find love you have no idea how to return it." He tried to conceal his pain with anger and attacked her, "I would never do that to you. You never hurt the people you love. Never! Do you understand? You used to say our love was perfect. Well, how do you describe it now? Still think it's a gift from heaven? No, more like hell because that's where I am, in hell. God! This is agony. Heaven doesn't do this."

He crossed in front of her and sat in a chair.

He put his face in his hands…she could see his shoulders heaving. He was still crying. She placed her face in her hands as well, crying with a wrenching intensity.

She had no idea how long they were like that, but it was a long time…an hour she guessed maybe more. She heard him clear his throat and sigh. She lifted her face from her hands and looked at him. He had not stopped crying, his eyes red and his face as streaked as hers.

"I can't think," he said, trying to fathom some conclusion. "It's all too much…I need to get my mind right…calm down…think what is best…what can be done. This is going to take time, a lot of time. I'm just going to need time."

"Yes," she said, "I understand. Take time…as much as you need. I'll wait for you, for as long as it takes. But please remember…I really love you so much and I will forever."

He took her into his arms and held her, turning his head into her shoulder. She held him the same way...head to shoulder. A sudden fear gripped her. "Please God," she prayed to herself, "Please God, don't let this embrace be his last goodbye."

After too brief a time he slowly released her. "This will take time…a lot of time," confused, he repeated himself, "maybe…I don't know." Then he was gone.

All she could do was curl up on the couch and cry and cry for what she had done to herself, for the pain she caused him and for their love.

She had two commitments she needed to fill. Rayna had a concert the next evening at LP Field and a business meeting with Glenn and Emily the following afternoon. After that she would shut herself away from the world and wait, forever if necessary until she heard from him.

Rayna came into her dressing room at the concert. "I hurt him real bad," Juliette told her and began to cry, "He may never be back. God this hurts."

"Look," Rayna said, "Don't go on if you're not up for it."

"No," she said. "I have to be professional. This is for you. We need this album to sell."

Just then Bucky Dawes' head appeared around the door. "Jeff's here to see you if it's a good time."

. "Now would be excellent," Rayna said.

"Well, look at this," Juliette said. "Jeff Fordham."

Sarcastically Fordham addressed Juliette, "I just wanted to let you know I really enjoyed myself the other night at that BMI party." He had an evil little sneer on his face.

"Well, I was very, very drunk and I don't remember much," Juliette answered. "But I do remember it was the worst one and a half minutes of my life. By the way, you don't have to worry about blackmailing me anymore Jeff. Avery knows and he is very hurt, so that should make you happy. You can also take satisfaction that your nasty little scheme has probably ruined my life as well. But that blackmailing thing, that just made you so obvious. Did you plan it beforehand or did it just pop into that ugly little head of yours when you figured I'd be too drunk to know what was going on? I can't believe it happened. Just thinking about it makes my skin crawl. It's a kindness I don't remember much about it. You're disgusting on every level." Fordham just grunted in reply.

She took the stage with Rayna and they sang a duet. Ironically, the song was about a boy who was not going to change. Juliette was reminded of Avery and hoped the song was not some kind of bad omen. No! She had to have faith.

The remainder of the night was a blur. She had a weight in her chest that was just becoming worse. She sat in front of the television. The news featuring the night's concert was on but she was oblivious to it. She did not care. Not eating, even alcohol did not interest her. Perhaps an occasional coffee that was all. Everything was just going through the motions.

Her mind was consumed with Avery and their heart wrenching night. She could not count how many times she picked up her phone to contact him but had to resist. How her heart leapt with anticipation when it rang. What was she going to do if he never returned…if he could not forgive her…if he would not give her another chance? She really would not want to live. She felt as if someone had fed her some sort of love narcotic and now she had tried it, she could not quit.

The first rays of sunlight were coming through the windows when she went to bed. She didn't sleep, she just cried into her pillow. There was nothing to face in the day. Bed was as good as anywhere.

She could hear this knocking…the front door she realized. "Juliette, Juliette," she could hear Emily. Then she heard a key in the lock.

"Juliette," Emily was in the bedroom now. "It's 2.30. We're having a meeting. Glenn will be here in a minute.

"Go away, leave me alone."

"Juliette, what's the matter. Are you ill?"

"No. I just want to stay here."

"Come on, you have to get up," Emily said. She pulled back the covers and helped Juliette into a bath robe.

Barefoot, Juliette padded into the living room. "Are you sure you're alright?" You look dreadful," Emily asked.

"I'll be alright. Can you get me a cup of coffee…very strong coffee?"

Just then Glenn arrived. "Good grief Juliette, you look terrible. What's happened? Are you ill?"

"I'm alright Glenn. Can we just drop it?"

"I'm afraid not Juliette. You are not alright. It's 2.30 in the afternoon and you're still in your bathrobe. You look like you haven't had any sleep for a week. Your eyes seem like they're about to fall out of your head and your face looks like you've been crying for days."

"I don't want to talk about it."

"I'm sorry but I won't leave it there. I'm your manager and it's my job to look after you. Now you let me know what's going on or we're going to the hospital."

Juliette broke down. She sat on the couch crying. "Oh god! Why am I so stupid? Why do I do these things to myself? I don't know what to do. I can't fix this."

"Tell me Juliette. We can work this out together."

"I went to the BMI party the other night. I got really, really drunk because I thought Avery was going back to Scarlett. Anyway, I got talking to Jeff Fordham and before I realized what was happening we were having sex in a back room."

Glenn was gob-smacked. He and Emily simultaneously breathed, "Oh Avery."

"Someone must have seen us because they told Avery. I have hurt him so badly. I don't think he'll be coming back and I don't know what to do. I can't live without him. I love him so much."

Glenn put his arms around her, "my dear, dear, girl. You punish yourself and you never need to. You have so many who care about you. He was the best thing you have ever had in your life. Let's work on it. Let's try and see what can be done. It might not be too late. Now please get dressed we need to see a doctor."

Glenn took Emily aside while Juliette was dressing. "It might be a good idea if you moved in with her for a while. I don't like that 'I can't live without him' comment. She just might be bad enough to harm herself. You can always call on Bo as well if you need to."

A course of sedatives from the doctor had Juliette sleeping and resting much better. However her depression and heartache for Avery was becoming worse in Glenn's observations. During the day she just rested on the couch in the living room and stared out the window. She kept her phone beside her and if it rang she snatched it up immediately to see who was calling. Occasionally she would suddenly cry from heartache and she rarely bothered to change out of her bathrobe.

It had now been four weeks since her breakup with Avery. Juliette was still in obvious pain. A slightly bent over posture with her arms holding her upper abdomen. She looked at Glenn. "Do you think a person can die from a broken heart? I would never have thought so, but now I believe it. This pain…it just gets worse and worse. God I miss Avery so much. I would give anything just to hear his voice."

Glenn placed an arm around her shoulders. "Whatever you do, don't ring him. You must give him the space. Contacting him before you hear from him might undo any progress that has been made. Perhaps we can make you an appointment with a psychiatrist. They may be able to help with this love obsession you have."

"No! Not that," she looked at him fearfully, she almost looked terrified. "I will never stop loving him. I can't do it. What if he wants us together again? I don't even want to risk changing that. I want to be just the same for him."

Glenn thought for a while. "I might call on Deacon and Scarlett. They're in pretty close contact with Avery. I could get them to call in. They might at least let you know what he is up to."

She started crying again. "Oh Glenn, would you please do that. I really need to know and I would love to talk to them."

Later at Deacon's house, "Hi Glenn, come in. I thought you might call sooner or later."

"Deacon, it's been a while. It's good to see you. Hi Scarlett, I'm glad you're here as well because I wanted to see both of you."

"You've got the same problem we have by the look of things," Deacon said. "I guess I don't need to be a genius to know why you're here. Actually, you just beat us by about an hour. We were about to call on you."

"I'm really worried about Juliette. She's a mess and I really think she's getting worse. She's not much better than a zombie. Sitting on her couch, staring out the window, crying…it's tragic to see it. Emily is staying with her and looking after things. I thought she'd start to get over it by now but as I said, she's just getting worse. I've never heard of something like this. She must have been completely devoted to him. I think the main problem is…she doesn't want to get over him."

"That pretty much describes Avery as well. For the first two weeks he was drunk. I've never known him to have more than two beers at a time but his apartment was a mess. Empty bottles everywhere, nothing cleaned, things just scattered all over the place. Scarlett was going around and cleaning up for him. She tried to snap him together but he just wasn't interested. He hasn't been into the Bluebird since it happened. We got Gunner to fill in for him. Now he just sits and stares. A zombie, that's a pretty accurate description for him as well and tragic is the right word. I think you might have something though, I don't think he wants to get over her either."

"I did think," Glenn said, "that maybe one or both of you could go and have a chat with Juliette but if Avery is as bad as she is then that's probably not a good idea…hearing that might make her worse."

"I wonder," Scarlett said, "if it would help if they spoke to each other."

"That might be worth a try," Glenn said. "But Juliette won't ring him. She's scared she could upset something. She does sit right next to her phone though, hoping he will ring her."

"I'll go and see him," Scarlett said, "I'll coax him into calling her."

"Let's hope it helps," Glenn said.

Glenn got back to Juliette's and told Emily what they had decided. Emily gave him a brief nod and small smile. She obviously agreed with the idea. Juliette had not moved from where she was when he left to see Deacon.

Her ring tone, 'Trouble is' suddenly broke the tension. Just hearing Juliette singing the song, even on her cell phone seemed to ease the mood for Glenn and Emily.

Juliette looked at the name on the screen. As soon as she read his name she sobbed from deep inside "Oh Avery." She was terrified of what he might say to her and Glenn could read her anguish. She hesitated for a few seconds and then pressed the answer icon.

"Avery," she said with a choking sob, tears ran down her cheeks.

"Juliette," he answered. He wasn't speaking clearly, she had the impression he was crying as well.

"It's so good to hear from you Avery."

"It's great to hear your voice as well."

"How are you?"

"I'm alive but it hurts so much. It keeps getting worse."

"Yes it does. It hurts a little more every day. It's so hard."

"I miss you Juliette." She could hear him crying as he said it.

"I miss you too Avery and I love you so much." She was sobbing now.

"I love you as well Juliette. But I keep seeing you with that scumbag and his filthy hands on you. It just makes me retch."

"I know it's difficult but please keep fighting it Avery. I will never quit on us. We meant so much to each other. Please keep fighting."

"I will. I'll fight. I won't quit on us. What we had was so good."

"Yes, it was. Avery, can I ring you from time to time. I won't be a nuisance. You can ring me whenever you want."

"Yes Juliette, whenever you want."

"Thank you Avery, I love you."

"Yes Juliette, Thank you. I love you.

The line disconnected. Both Glenn and Emily were crying. Seeing Juliette under such emotion it was impossible not to feel for her.

They both went to her and enfolded her into their arms. They were all crying but at least there was now a light in the distance to aim for.

Unfortunately, bad luck rarely presents itself without a brother and today was Juliette's day for the sibling visit. She was lying in bed feeling quite nauseous, probably just a nervous reaction to her talking with Avery, she expected. She smiled to herself. It was so good to hear his voice and so good to know there was still hope for them. The mental image Avery visualized of her and Fordham would probably have them star crossed, but eventually, she hoped, that could be overcome. They still had feelings for each other, so, anything could be achieved.

She swung her legs over the side of the bed and sat up. Immediately her nausea overtook her. She rushed to the bathroom and threw up. She threw up a second time.

Emily was inside the bathroom, "Juliette," was all she said.

Juliette turned. Her look said it all…a look of pained bewilderment. She threw up again. "It's not possible. It can't possibly be," Juliette said, on the verge of panic. "I'm protected it must be something else, just a bug."

"I'll get some tests. We have to be sure," Emily said.

Juliette sat, just staring at the window in the pregnancy test…the result was not going to change no matter how much she willed it…pregnant.

"Emily," she said, sounding desperate. "What am I going to do? Doesn't morning sickness start at about four weeks? That means Fordham will be the father. This can't be happening. This BMI party situation is turning into the worst kind of nightmare."

"Let's not panic yet. I'll make you an appointment to see your gynecologist. Then we'll take it from there."

Emily returned in five minutes. "You're lucky. They had a cancellation. Your appointment is 2.15 this afternoon.

"Emily," Juliette said. "Lucky, is a word that is in no way appropriate to this situation."