Chapter One: Heartbreak Warfare

Lightning strikes

Inside my chest to keep me up at night

Shawn felt tears slip down his face. It had been three days since he had been completely honest with Juliet. So far she had been refusing his calls, and Psych had yet to be called onto any new cases. Part of him wished she'd either talk to him, or tell the Chief about all his lies. He just wanted it all to be over with. The pain that continually shoots through his chest is almost like an electric shock straight into his heart.

With a swipe of his hand, he wiped away the fresh tears. He closed his eyes, as the pain increased. Sniffling, he wondered for a moment if he might be having a heart attack. Nighttime was the worse. That was when everything would come back as fresh as it had been three days ago, and the conversation, his hesitation, and the pain so apparent on her face.

Juliet placed a hand to her face, trying to ebb the fall of her tears. His eyes appeared cold. Heartless almost. He spoke the words that would break her heart into a million pieces, and he did it with a stone cold straight face. It made her wonder if his heart was made out of ice. She shivered, and knew the feeling to be that of shock. He had been lying. All these years. Six damn years, and he waited until the week before their wedding to tell her the truth. How could he not know that his words would hurt her?

"Please. Just tell me that it's all a joke. That this is just you're weird way of having cold feet. Tell me that you haven't been lying to my face for six years."

Her eyes pleaded with his, and for one instant she saw his heartless mask drop. Behind that mask she saw a relentless fear. In that one instant she knew that what he said was the truth. He wasn't really a psychic. It was all just a ploy. She felt sick. It was her job to read people. To see their lies and call them on it. How could something like this get past her? She had known better than to mix business with pleasure. It had been something her mother had pounded into her head for years before she finally moved out on her own.

"I am sorry Jules." She grimaced. Not his nickname, she couldn't take it. It hurt too badly. "I wanted to tell you, and god...I tried to so many times. I had the conversation over and over with myself! It just...was never the right time."

"Not the right time! How hard is it Shawn?" she paused and glared at him. She was hurt, and she was pissed and right now at this moment she wanted nothing more than to smack that pitiful 'poor me' look right off his face. She pinched the bridge of her nose for a moment and counted to ten. Needing to calm herself down before she did something she would regret. "Was it really that hard Shawn? I think maybe you just enjoyed the fact that you had fooled me! I should have trusted Lassiter and believed him when he said that love just ended in heartache."

"Jules."

His voice was so low that she barely heard it, but it was enough. It was all she could take to be in the same room as him. Her heart was breaking into a million pieces, and seeing the hurt she felt reflected in his beautiful brown eyes broke her heart even more. The look on his face made her feel bad for being angry, but it was her god given right. He was the liar. It was his fault.

"Just...please let me explain. I didn't do this on purpose, there was a reason! Please Jules."

"No Shawn. Just go. Leave. I don't want to see you anymore. Oh and the wedding, if you can't tell. It's off." she paused as she yanked the beautiful ring off of her left hand. The engravement caught her eye, as a tear fell from her eye. For my favorite, most beautiful junior detective. Yeah. She fell for that line of bull. "Take this with you, because I sure as hell don't want it anymore." She threw the petite ring at Shawn, and saw that for the first time since the words slipped from his lips, a tear slip down his cheek.

It took everything in her to not comfort him. Bowing her head, she pointed toward the door. She didn't notice that he had gotten up, and didn't realize that he was gone until she heard the door shut quickly behind him. She was alone, and finally she let the tears fall. Her body shook with violent sobs. Pulling her knees up to her chest, she wrapped her arms around them and let her head fall forward against her knees and let the tears fall.

She wouldn't tell the Chief or Lassiter, at least not right away. Not for Shawn, but for Gus and Henry. They would go down with Shawn and his lie, and it wasn't fair for them to be in trouble for something that Shawn Spencer decided to do on his own. No. For now she'd keep quiet, but she won't work with him again, and she damn sure won't marry him now. That ship sailed when he decided to lie to the woman he loved.

Dream of ways

To make you understand my pain

Two hours later, Shawn's eyes drifted close and a soft sniffling snore drifted from his mouth. Juliet had done nothing but haunt his dreams that past three nights, and this night was no different. As always he was back in her apartment, but that was the only thing the same. It was always a different time of day, they were always doing something different. Sometimes he talked himself out of telling her, only for her to broach the subject herself. It always ended the same way, and he only wanted for her to realize how big a deal it was for him to tell her the truth, and how badly it had hurt him to keep such a large secret from her for so long.

As always, his eyes shot open only thirty minutes later. His eyes had started to burn earlier in the day due to lack of sleep. The purple bags under his eyes had only grown in size, and according to Gus, he appeared to look like a crack addict with bloodshot eyes. Sighing, he shifted and moved to the opposite side of the bed. Grabbing hold of the pillow, like he did every night, he inhaled her scent. The pain it caused was worse than just thinking about what had happened. He was starting to think that she didn't care about him anymore, and if that was the truth, it wouldn't surprise him.

He rubbed his eyes, as more water fell from them. This time it wasn't from crying, but from dryness. Overtly tired. Shawn had decided that he would just never sleep again. Sleeping only lead to dreams, which only lead to more heartbreak, and that only lead to him being even more exhausted than before. Rising from his bed, he stalked slowly toward the living room. He collapsed on the couch, and flipped on the television, hoping to find one of his favorite 80's movie on.

Clouds of sulfur in the air

Bombs are falling everywhere

It's heartbreak warfare

Shawn hadn't realized that he had drifted off into a peaceful, dreamless sleep until he heard a light pounding on his front door. He glanced at the clock on the wall and saw that it was only seven-thirty. Standing up, and stretching for a moment before moving toward the door, and fear over took him. He half expected Lassiter to be on the other side of the door. After the very loud, slightly embarrassing conversation he had with the elder detective when they had first started to date. The look of utter disbelief and extreme embarrassment on Juliet's face had been slightly amusing.

"Spencer!"

Shawn grinned as he turned to face Lassie. "Lassitude! My main man. What is cracking."

Lassiter placed a hand on his gun, hoping for Shawn to give him one good reason to draw his weapon. Scowling at the young man, Lassiter eyed the blond detective behind him. His eyes were instantly drawn to their interlocked hands. A sick feeling in the pit of his stomach made his trigger finger extra itchy.

"You hurt her. You harm one hair on her head, and I'll break you. Then I'll shoot you. It'll be fun, and it will be my best day."

Shawn tried to hide the fear that he currently felt. He squeezed Juliet's hand, and felt her squeeze back reassuringly.

"I would never harm my favorite little pumpkin doodle!"

He saw out of the corner of his eye, as her face turned a bright shade of red.

Once you want it to begin,

No one really every wins

In heartbreak warfare

Shawn opened the door, and a breath caught in his throat as his eyes caught the blue orbs of Juliet's. His mouth agape, he just stared at her for a moment. It was obvious that she too had not been sleeping. The purple bags under her eyes were apparent, and the frown she wore said that this was not going to be a fun conversation.

"Shawn..."

He recovered as quickly as he could, and moved out of the way so that she could enter his apartment. "Please come in."

She shook her head, pushing past him. She walked to the back of the couch, and let her shoulders hunch over for a moment. She had not expected him to look so...haggard. It was apparent that he hadn't sleep since they're argument, and from the looks of his apartment, he hadn't cleaned much either. Steeling herself, Juliet turned back toward Shawn. His eyes were red and puffy, with large purple bags underneath them. Not only had he not been sleeping, but from the looks of it, he had been crying as well.

"Can we talk?" She tried to keep her voice even. Part of her, a large part, was still beyond angry at him, and yet the smaller part was winning the inner debate.

"Of course Jules." She winced when he said her favorite nickname. He was the only person that had ever called her that, and he was the only one that she would allow to call her that.

If you want more love,

why don't you say so?

"Be honest with me. The whole...lying thing. Is that why you had become so distant the last few weeks?"

Shawn paused, as he opened and closed his mouth a few times. Had he done that? He hadn't even realized that he had been more distant. Though they both had particularly heavy case loads the past few weeks, but they had always done such a great job of juggling work and home time. It had been a rule that Juliet had enforced when Shawn had whined about not being able to spend enough time with her. Yet here she was claiming he had done the same thing. Then again, if it bothered her so badly, why hadn't she said something?

"I didn't mean to be distant. I didn't notice, why didn't you say something?"

He watched as her blue orbs clouded slightly, a single tear slipped from her eye, and he realized that she thought he was lying. Walking toward her, his arms outstretched, not to hug her but to put a comforting hand on her shoulder she stepped back, her back against the couch.

"Don't."

That single word tore a new hole in his heart, and felt his breathing increase. He was losing her, and there was nothing he could do to stop it.

Drop his name

Push it in and twist the knife again

"You know what Shawn."

His head lifted up, when she started to speak again. Her vision was no longer cloudy, it was full of a mixture of anger and hurt. The mixture made his pain even worse. He had hurt her so badly, and that was never what he wanted.

"What, Jules?"

Her eyes fell to the floor, she couldn't look at him, not with what she was about to say.

"It's not fair. You hurting me like this, making me feel so helpless. I never once felt that way with Declan. He would have never hurt me like you did. Five years Shawn."

Her eyes fell back onto his, and her breath caught in her throat as she watched him quickly wipe away a fresh batch of tears. She had always known that Declan was a sore subject for him, and she had only brought it out to hurt him. She knew she had, and now she had only hurt herself in the process.

"That's not fair Jules. You never once asked me what I was going to tell you that day that you went out with him."

Juliet's eyes widen only slightly. His voice cracked with unshed tears, and his words hit home. She never had brought it back up again. To be honest she had forgotten all about it. Her mouth bobbed open and then close a couple of times.

Watch my face

As I pretend to feel no pain

"I was going to tell you about my not being psychic. I know it was still five years of lying Jules, and I never wanted to hurt you. That was never my intention Juliet, but you never asked me why I did it. Maybe I didn't have a choice. Did you ever come to think of that?"

The pain that had been etched on his face only moments earlier was replaced with anger. How dare she throw Declan in his face. Yes, he had hurt her, but that was hitting below the belt. It was like this marry-go-round of blame wouldn't end. They both had done things that brought them to where it was that they currently were standing. Playing the blame game wouldn't fix anything, and yet Shawn was sick of feeling sorry for himself, and definitely was over feeling sorry for her.

"Why did you do it Shawn?"

Scowl formed on his face, and Juliet didn't like it. She liked the brilliant light in his eyes, and his playfulness. This hardened, hurt, angry Shawn was not the man she fell in love with, and she wasn't sure if he'd ever be that man again.

"I didn't have a choice. Lassie and his partner were going to throw me in jail for something I didn't do! I had called in tips, neither of them believed that I could figure out information from just watching the news. I would have been put in jail, then again you probably don't care about that. Speaking of, can you tell me before you tell the Chief, so I can warn my father and Gus? It would be a curtsey for them, not me."

"Shawn..."

How come the only way to know how high you get me

is to see how far I fall

"No Juliet. I'm done. I am exhausted, and I cannot handle this right now. Just go."

The anger that had been so apparent on his face disappeared only to be replaced with that haggard look from before.

"I have to get to work anyway. I'm coming back after work. We will finish this conversation."

Shawn didn't fight her, he didn't have the strength to. He just shook his head, as his hand rubbed the back of his neck. Something he became accustomed to doing when he was beyond exhausted. He watched her walk toward the door, she paused for a moment, looked over her shoulder. He could have swore he saw tears in her eyes, before she opened the door and left.

Walking back to the couch, Shawn sank down on it, his head in his hands. When had his life gotten so complicated? Why in the hell had he waited so long to tell her the truth. The pain in his chest dulled only slightly, though he chalked it up to exhaustion. He grabbed the throw pillow that Juliet had used to decorate his couch with, and laid down, pulling the afghan down around his body. If she was coming back later, he'd need at least a little sleep under his belt before she returned.

I don't care if we don't sleep at all tonight

Let's just fix this whole thing now

Juliet came to his door, and heard no noise coming from within. Her heart sped up, and fear kicked in. Sifting through her keys, she landed on the one she wanted. Feeling relief that she hadn't returned his key just yet, she put it into the lock and twisted. Turning the door knob, she threw the door open. Walking swiftly into his apartment, she stopped in her tracks when she heard a light snore flow from the couch. Walking quietly over toward the small piece of furniture, she smiled softly at Shawn curled up on the couch. His hair was in complete disarray, and it was the single cutest thing she had ever seen. She walked back over to the door, and shut the door as quietly as she could.

"Mmmm. Jules?"

"Shawn."

He sat up, his hair sticking up in different directions. "Sorry, overslept." She watched as he wiped the sleep from his eyes.

"Where were we?"

"I was about to apologize for being such a tyrant earlier. I never should have brought up..." She let her sentence fall off. No need to say his name again. It'd only bring back, bad feelings.

"I never should have lied to you. I just...Chief Vick promised that if she ever found out that I was lying...she'd send me to prison...I wouldn't fair well in prison with this hair."

His mouth went agape when his hands felt his hair. "Don't worry Shawn...it's not that bad."

"It's worse."

Juliet felt a chuckle bubble up into her throat at the look on his face. "Let's go take care of it then."

She knew it would take time, and that they may never be the same people...the same couple that they had been prior to his big reveal, but in that instant she felt like maybe, just maybe they would make it after all.