It had been awhile since she was handled with kid gloves. It had to have been a few months at least since the crew treated her like she was going to fall apart at the slightest nudge.

Zoe forgot how alienating it actually was.

Mal had been acting off for a couple of days when he dealt with her. As if he could some how make her forget what day was coming up quickly on their calendar. He had thrown them into an asinine job, that almost got Jayne killed. And now Mal was pushing Serenity to make it to their meeting with Monty. All the while, he tried very hard to distract her.

It only reminded her more.

Kaylee had gone out of her way to talk to Zoe more in the past few months, when the mechanic wasn't up to her armpits in grease or in the arms of the good doctor. It warmed where Zoe's heart should be to see the two of them together, stealing little moments when they could, dealing with the good natured comments from the Capt'n about how shipboard romances were no good, when he himself was harboring a secret one that the whole damn ship knew plenty about.

When Mal couldn't be found on the bridge or the common areas, the only other place Zoe would think of looking was Inara's shuttle. Since the fight at Miranda, everyone, including the Capt'n took a long hard look at the outcome, and it wasn't long afterward that he and Inara finally stepped over the line they had been dancing around for almost a year. They didn't talk much about it with the crew, but it was there, plain as the nose on Zoe's face.

Inara was the only one who tried to talk to her about Wash after his death. She was the only one that seemed to dare approach the subject with the widow. But after Zoe's continued, unwavering resolve not to talk about Wash, Inara gave up.

Simon dealt with her the way he knew how. He offered her drugs. Good ones, from what Zoe's previous experiences with Simon's drugs were like. She hadn't gone to him immediately after the fight for sleep aids. It took about 3 weeks worth of not sleeping for Mal to finally insist, in that nice not so yielding way he insists, that Simon help her out in some fashion. So Zoe wasn't too surprised to find a syringe and smoother vial next to her bunk when she finally retreated to her room. She was pretty positive it was probably Doc's little sister who had left her the present, probably at her brother's asking.

And all in all, it wasn't any of them that made her outer shell collapse, pretty much right in front of everyone in the gallery. Zoe had been making a cup of tea while Mal sat at the gabel cleaning his guns, keeping a half an eye on her every move. Kaylee, Simon and River were only half-heartedly playing a game in the small sitting area. None of them had said much to her all day, and she didn't take any offense to it. She knew they meant well.

Jayne came in, in full grouch mode and walked up to he other side of the counter. "You would think someone died," he admitted to her. "Why is everyones tits in a twist today?"

Zoe looked at him as the room fell slient, a shocked silence, and for the first time since Wash's death she allowed tears to puddle in her eyes. With a half-hearted grin, she just left the room, heading for her bunk.

As she reached her door, she heard the angry whispering and Jayne's simple. "How the fuck was I ta remember that?"

Zoe didnt turn on the light in her bunk but simply sild down against the bulk head, knees to eyes, and let her self release the day full of hiding and putting on a brave face. "Happy Birthday, Husband," she whispered in the darkness.