He fell to the groud with a grunt, happy with the strong impact.

"You bastard!" Cal could hear Nick yell as he kicked him in the gut.

"Hit me harder," Cal whispered.

"What was that?" Nick frowned and crouched down. "What did you say?"

"Hit me harder."

Nick grabbed him by the hair and pulled Cal's face towards his. "You want me to stop?"

"No. Hit me harder, you bloody idiot," Cal hissed, wincing as Nick dropped his head and kicked him.

"Why?"

"I hurt her..." Cal whispered, squeezing his eyes shut as he jolted with every kick.

"I don't want to be with you Nick. I am dating Cal."

He leaned against the wall and ran a hand through his hair. "C'mon Gillian... leave him for me."

"No. I love Cal. I will not do that."

She walked out of the office, and Nick was about to follow her out when he saw Cal walking down the hallway. "Lightman!"

"Yes?" Cal looked around, searching for who was calling him. His eyes landed on Nick and he whispered, "Oh."

"Yeah, can I talk to you?" Nick asked.

"Yeah, what about...?" Cal stopped beside Nick and raised an eyebrow.

Nick took a step into Cal's personal space and hissed, "If you do anything to hurt her.. Gillian, I mean... if you cheat on her, if you yell at her, if you hit her, if you do ANYTHING to hurt her... I will personally come and beat you to a pulp."

Cal looked at him, not exactly intimidated. "Right, well, mate, I'll try not to." He smiled and patted Nick's shoulder. "Maybe next time, buddy."

Nick watched him walk away and yelled out, "I'm serious! Don't think that I'm not!"

"Oh, I'm not worried... I'm sure that you are serious, but we will never run into that problem, will we?"

Cal held his stomach and coughed when Nick kicked his back.

"I hope you feel like a piece of shit, because that's what you are," Nick hissed.

Cal squeezed his eye shut and nodded. He knew that's what he was.

"We shoudn't be doing this," Cal whispered as he laid little kisses over her jaw.

"I don't care what we should or shouldn't be doing. I've been waiting a long time to do this with you." She unbuttoned the first button for his polo shirt and then grabbed the bottom, pulling it up over his hed. She ran her hands over his chest and he shifted away uncomfortably.

"No... we shouldn't... be... uh... doing this." He gulped loudly and tried to push her away. "Please stop... I don't want to do this."

"Oh, that's a lie." She pushed on his chest until they had fallen back on his bed.

She pulled open her shirt and shook her chest smiling. "That makes it all better?" She took his hand and placed it on a breast.

"No..." He pulled away and pushed her away. "No, stop."

"Oh, Cal... c'mon." She jumped on him one last time, pressing their lips together.

He pushed on her hips as she tried to push her tongue into his mouth.

He opened his mouth to take a breath, not really thinking, and she slipped her tongue in, running her hands down his chest to his pants. She unbuttoned them and pushed them down his legs.

He changed his pushing to pulling and pulled her waist into him. He ran his hands up her back and helped her pull the rest of her shirt off.

"Cal! I came over... I thought we could have dinner tonight!"

His eyes got wide and he rolled off his bed. "You need to leave right now," he hissed.

"Cal?" She laid a bag of groceries on the counter and went to the stairs. "Where are you, Cal? I'm coming upstairs."

He crawled over the floor and silently locked the door, breathing heavily. "Get out!" he hissed.

"Cal... just tell her."

"No, leave! Now!" He pointed to the window.

"Cal? Can I come in?"

"Um, no, wait a sec," he mumbled, standing up, searching for his pants. "Get the hell out of here." He opened up the window and grabbed the woman, pushing her through the window.

She fell onto the yard in just her jeans and bra. He found her shirt and threw it out of the window. "Leave!" He pointed away from the house.

"Cal?" Gillian asked, leaning against the wall outside of his room.

He pulled his jeans on and buttoned them. "Alright, uh, you can come in."

He unlocked the door and went to looking for his shirt when she came in.

Before she walked in he grabbed the blanket on his bed and threw it up to the pillows.

"Hey," he said with a smile when she walked in.

"Hey..." She returned the smile and looked at his chest. "You can put that shirt on now."

He nodded and pulled the black polo over his head. "What's up?"

He tightened her jaw and asked, "What were you doing in here?"

"Nothing... getting dressed..." he shrugged and smiled.

"What the hell was going through your head? I've been busting my ass for the past four months to be with her... and it's a breeze for you, but you can't even treat her right!" Nick bit his tongue and kicked Cal again.

"I'm sorry..." Cal whispered.

"Yeah, you should be sorry. I should kill you."

"Dinner was good," he said, taking her hand and pulling her up to his room.

Gillian smiled and grabbed the collars of his polo shirt, "Kiss me."

"Yes ma'am." He smiled and pulled her onto his bed.

She fell on top of him and laid her mouth on his, taking it slowly.

He threw the blanket down to the bottom and held to her waist as they kissed.

"What's that?" she asked, pullingaway from the kiss.

"What?" he asked, following her finger to the black high heel shoe.

"That shoe. Who's is it? That's too big for Emily and it certainly isn't mine."

"Uh..." He bit his lip and looked at her.

"She's never going to love you again," Nick brought to Cal's attention, pulling him from the ground and sending him back down with a punch.

"He was cheating on me..." Gillian cried, sitting beside Nick.

"Are you fucking serious?" Nick asked, disgusted.

"Yeah... I didn't even catch him... I... I found a high heel in his bedroom. He couldn't even tell me. Why would he cheat on me?" she asked.

"I don't know, but he's definitely notgoing to get away with it." Nick stood up and gave her a small kiss on the cheek. "He's going to pay," he whispered.

Cal stood in front of her, a black eye and busted lip.

"What happened to you?"

"What I deserved," he whispered, fidgeting with his fingers.

"Are you okay?" she asked.

"Yeah, I'm fine. Listen, Gillian. I'm sorry." He took a step towards her. "You'll never forgive me and that's okay. I just want you to know that I'm sorry."

.:.

"So... I've never really prayed before, but this is kind of important. I don't... really know how, but Emily said that I just... just talk to you?" Cal rubbed the back of his neck and took a deep breath. "I've never talked to you before... 'cept maybe saying "God, help me get this' or something like that... you know? But... but now I really need some help, and I don't know if I've earned it, but I really need some assistance with being a better man... could you help me with that? Uh, I just want to - to know how to make things better... help me the man that she needs. Uh, thanks." He did the sign of the cross and stood up awkwardly.

The Man I Want To Be by Chris Young