A/N: my friend was talking about this, because she saw it on tumblr, and hell, i decided to write it. for pure fun purposes, i'm sure this won't happen to darren or something.
"In which Darren Doesn't Know" or something like "In which Joey and Chris and Fate hate Darren Criss"
Darren's convinced that the Gods hate him.
That's something he decides in the middle of the red carpet for The Oscars.
He's pretty sure he's always eaten his greens, and never talked back to his mom. He's sure that he's given every hobo he's seen a little cash if he can. He's pretty sure that he's done so many good things in life, including never making fun of Nickelback, no matter how much he wanted to.
He's sure that all these good things will come back soon as good karma, but there's one little thing he's always wondering about.
WHAT DID HE EVER DO TO MAKE THE "BIG GUY IN THE SKY" SO PISSED, BECAUSE HE IS NOT LETTING HIM MEET DANIEL RADCLIFFE ANYTIME SOON.
Darren is a good guy. This he knows, but sometimes he wonders if he ever stepped on the wrong ant that had connections to the right guy who knew the big guy in the sky. Maybe it's all those times he illegally downloaded music, or that time he illegally made a parody for Harry Potter. Maybe the world just hates him the way those kids down the block did when he was ten.
"Darren, you're such a dork, why don't you come out and play!"
"I have homework!"
"LOSER!"
"but-"
"Darren you're such a loser!"
Maybe they were just like "You've Got Mail" with Meg Ryan and Tom Hanks, or something. He's been through this with Joey a couple of times. Maybe Daniel secretly loves him and is avoiding him because Daniel fears that he'll say something that'll kick the world off it's axis like "Will you marry me Darren Criss", but Joey always says "No, dude, I'm pretty sure he's avoiding the fact that soon, you'll be in his bed, living his life, and he'll be out in the curb because you always have to be one step behind him" and to that Darren says, "Fuck you Joey."
Maybe it was the time when he said he'd rather be working with Oprah, than anyone else.
"So Darren, who are you looking forward to working with soon?"
Hmmph, Darren thinks, Who am I looking forward to-
"Oprah," he says, "Definitely Oprah.."
Maybe it's that. Maybe the Gods are taking that on account, and they're actually putting him to work with Oprah on some school opening in Africa or something. Or she'd probably adopt him, and keep him in her basement, only to take him out to sing and record songs and make some more money for him. (To that Joey says, "Dar, I'm sure that she'd rather keep Daniel in her basement, another couple of Harry Potter movies about college and all that shit, and she'd be secured for this life, and the one that she sold to the-," and to that Darren interrupts with a "Fuck you Richter")
He remembers all those times when they could have met. That time in Los Angeles, and that time at the Harry Potter Deathly Hallows Part 2 premiere, and that other time at the party in New York, those were opportunities he's failed to take advantage of.
He thinks of Joey, and how he's met Rupert Grint.
The lucky bastard, he thinks to himself, Fuck him.
"You'll never guess..."
"What?"
"Come on guess!"
"You said I'll never-"
"Just fucking do it, Blaine!"
"I'm not Bla-"
"Fuck COME ON!"
"Okay, what?" says Darren, "You met Rupert Grint and got a photo with him?"
"Oh, well shit-"
"Fuck you Joey.."
He thinks of all these opportunities and Joey's luck, and the possibility of a "You've Got Mail" deal going and well, he's fucked.
Oh and he also thinks of that one time at the Red Carpet for the MTV Movie Awards, when the Cast of Harry Potter was attending.
"So Darren, who are you looking forward to meeting tonight?"
He thinks carefully about all the GODS up above, and to his left, and a bit of Morgan Freeman, and he thinks to himself, Darren, you best watch yourself and-
"Morgan Freeman!"
Well fuck.
"I can't believe you said Morgan Freeman you fucking dumbass!"
"Joey shut the-"
"What if- okay hear this, what if DanRad is avoiding you because you keep saying how much you want to meet other people, and he's just waiting for you to say his name?"
"Joey-"
"Shit, what if it is like 'You've Got Mail' except for like it's NOT"
"That makes no-"
"Fuck shut up, I'm getting somewhere!"
"Okay?"
"What if, he's scared that you'll hate him?"
"It's actually the opposite.."
"Yeah, I know what you mean. That sounds more plausible, because-"
"Really?"
"What?"
"Plausible, are you-"
"Fuck you Darren."
He's pretty sure that Joey's up to something, even though he came up with the idea first. What if his life was just up to saying Daniel's name, so he closes his eyes and-
"Daniel Radcliffe," he says, "Daniel Radcliffe.."
"So, he's your celebrity crush?"
He opens his eyes and sees that he's not alone (son of a bitch), and that Ryan Seacrest and Julian Rancic are looking at him with wide eyes, and they almost look manic.
"What?" he says.
"Your answer to your celebrity crush was DanRad," says Ryan as he nudges Darren in the rib with an elbow. (Sometimes, Darren thinks to himself, Sometimes I wonder about this -)
"Uhh,"
"Is this why you're so keen on stepping on each one of his stepping stones, and following in his footsteps?" asks Juliana, and what a bitch, Darren thinks to himself, now I have to talk about how much of a-
"He's actually here tonight," says Ryan, and that's what kicks Darren out of his stupor, "He's presenting in a category, and introducing a tribute to Harry Potter and all the things that have come with it, are you looking forward to any of that tonight?"
"Yeah," Darren says, "Definitely, I mean, I am a huge fan of Daniel, and he's such a cute guy!"
"Oh is he now," says Julliana with a smirk on her face.
"Well, yeah," says Darren, while watching his tone, whether it's verging on breathy fangirl or stalker, "He's a goo looking guy and he's-"
"Do tell us more," says Ryan as he and Julliana move a bit closer to him, with nearly identical smirks on their faces.
"He's such a cool guy, and he's good looking yeah, and so talented and who wouldn't be looking forward to any of that?"
"Uh-huh," Ryan says with a glimmer in his eyes, "What else?"
Darren sighs, because what the hell Ryan, I just want to get inside and- "He's got nice eyes, and cool hair!"
"Oh do I really?"
Darren is sure that whatever is in the sky hates him with all their might.
They hate his hair, and his eyes, and his curls and most of all him.
He's sure that he probably killed someone in his past life, because nothing he's ever done could have been the trigger for this moment.
He's just embarrassed himself in front of THE HARRY POTTER, THE FINCH, and most of all THE DANIEL RADCLIFFE.
"What if you embarrass yourself-"
"Shut the fuck up and don't jinx me, I will NOT embarras myself infront of Daniel Radcliffe."
"Do not jinx yourself Darren..."
"Fuck you Joey,"
He's shaken out of his little moment by Ryan Seacrest who's suddenly got an arm around him, and he's squeezing him and damn Darren did not prepare himself for this moment.
"It's nice to meet you Darren," says Daniel, "I'm-"
"You're Daniel Radcliffe dude," says Darren.
(Darren makes sure to tally up how many times he's embarrassed himself both in this moment, and in the future when he signs on to tumblr, yes he has one just for kicks, and sees all the gifs, and the manips, and reads about how fucking hilarious that moment was, because it is exactly how many times he'll be subjected to laughter from both Team Starkid, and Chris Colfer at the same time.)
"I know," says Daniel, "And you're Darren Criss, yeah?"
Darren nods his head fast at this, and he remembers how he could possibly look like a puppy at the moment, and stops.
"You're-"
"Yeah," says Ryan, "I know.."
"Brought him over just for you," someone says from behind Daniel, "I knew how much you've wanted to meet him and..."
He looks over at the guy behind Daniel, and realizes that hell no he did not need to do that at all, because he knows that voice and-
"Chris!" he sneers as Chris comes out from behind Daniel and loops his arm around Daniel's elbow, "You traitor!"
"Yeah," says Chris, "I know."
"Hey Darren," says Chris as he slips next to him for a photo on the red carpet.
"What is it?" he replies as he loops an arm around Chris' waist and turns to him.
"Remember that time you met Dan, and you just absolutely freaked out and-"
"Fuck you Chris," he says to Chris as he pinches his waist, "You're an asshole."
Chris and Darren both laugh into each other's spaces as the cameras snap and click and as the people just watched them interact. They continued to smile for the cameras, and sneak a bit of conversation between every pose, until Darren feels another arm slip behind him and a hears a chuckle from his left side.
"Language boys," says the voice. Darren looks up to see a friendly smile turned to him and returns one to the man in an Armani suit next to him and just melts into the man's grip.
"Yeah Darren," snickers Chris, "Listen to DanRad, and don't embarrass yourself!"
The world may have hated him back then, but now?
The world just loves him and his best friend DanRad, and his sometimes a best friend, sometimes a pillow, sometimes something he doesn't even know friend Chris Colfer.