Okay, here's an interesting idea… Just something to write on for pure humor. Also, I've been working on a few other stories. I plan to upload 'Going Crazy' soon. I'm also halfway through the newest chapters of 'Kiddy Degrade' and 'Squirrel Stole My Checkbook' (Be patient, I'm a lazy slob). I also plan to write a new fanfiction, 'Who Wants to be a Mutt' sometime soon. Co-writing its idea on Gaia really gave me a push to write it.
Now for this story… I have some warnings.
Warning #1
Excessive Kaiba gloating - Because we all know his ego.
Warning #2
Slight OOCness - Look, this is a humor fanfiction. I know I made Joey more of an idiot than usual. I also think I may have also dumbed Seto down a bit.
Warning #3
Excessive character and OOC torture - What? You're suspecting me to write something that doesn't embarrass, shock, or comically hurt the characters?
Warning #4
There's Joey and Seto… but no puppyshipping - Like OMG! Is that possible?
Warning #5
Confusion on Pi, the pastry and Pie, 3.14 may ensue.
Now then, let's get started shall we?
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: PI ARE ROUND :
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'How to Change that F into an F3'
On a rainy night in Domino City, a freckled, red-haired nerd lay motionless on a stretcher as it was pushed through the white ambulance doors… Okay, fine… It was actually pretty warm and sunny at the time but whatever. As the vehicle departed, two important acquaintances watched it go. One was a dark haired teacher wearing half-moon spectacles. This was Mrs. Arishima, a teacher of Domino high school. The other was a pathetic blonde dog-I mean… teenager. This was Joey Wheeler, a complete idiot, cheap duelist, and the source of all my problems this month… Hmph… most of them anyway.
Now that geek you just saw in the stretcher was Wheeler's first tutor. Not to mention the reason I was brought into this mess, but we'll discuss him later. Right now, we're going back a few days to how this disaster started.
"It's good to see that you're all here," Mrs. Arishima said finishing up the role, "Now…. Today we will be finishing up the poems topic with a test grade."
Seto took one more look at the novel he was reading for leisure before shutting it closed and setting it aside. He then focused his attention on the teacher for whatever simple assignment she was about to provide. Whatever it was, it would probably be no more than a waste of time.
"For your final assignment you will be doing a poem." Seto smirked. He had known it would be all too easy. "However, this poem has to be based on the subject I will provide you with," the teacher continued. Seto rolled his eyes. 'Big deal…' he thought. It didn't matter what subject he was given, he still came out on top. However, after he rolled his eyes he spotted something strange about one of his classmates. Tea seemed really happy about something, almost too happy. "One of my students recommended it to me. The subject you will write the poem on is…" Seto returned his attention to Mrs. Arishima. "… Friendship!"
"WHAAAAAAAT?" The young CEO yelled in shock, jumping up from his desk.
As much as that plays a key role in how I got blackmailed into the situation, I didn't mean that far back. It was Monday of last week when the source problem began.
Mrs. Arishima walked through the rows of desks with a packet of papers held in her arm. With the red slashes and grade letters marked on them, they were not unfamiliar. "I'm passing out your scores on the test we took last Friday. If you have questions on any answer please come and talk to me."
She sets down a paper marked with a huge crimson A+ at the top. It's no surprise. I am Domino High's cleverest student after all. Sometimes I even wonder why I have to go to this rundown school. I know everything they're teaching, I'm already a billionaire, and I'm CEO of my own company. The most school means to me is a waste of time I should be using to run Kaiba Corp. But laws must be obeyed and I am required to attend. Oh well… at least I'm still treated with the respect I deserve.
It was almost amusing watching those few classmates squirm at the low scores they got. More interestingly, the unfortunate few included a certain blonde mutt.
The teacher slapped Joey's graded test face down on his desk and cautiously Joey flipped it over to take a look. The shocked expression on his face was enough said for the grade he got. He looked around cautiously to check if there were any wary eyes. Seeing none, he quickly whipped out a black marker, made a few changes, then slipped it into his book.
If you think he was trying to correct his answers with that marker then I'm sorry to say you couldn't be more wrong. Turns out Wheeler's grades were usually as bad as his amateur dueling skills. Frankly, it's a miracle he made it as far as high school. I sometimes wonder if he miraculously got through by changing all his 'F's to 'B's by having someone hack into the school's database to change his grades. Wait… is even smart enough to do that?
Not long after she handed out the last paper the lunch bell rang. Finally, some freedom from this rat hole. While gathering my supplies I noticed Wheeler's friends were already gathering around him like flies. If he wasn't bad enough on his own, the mutt hangs around a cheerleader, some guy with a pencil for hair, and Yugi… that midget with tri-colored hair. Yugi is perhaps the only one somewhat decent in that group and yet I can go on about him, too. Still, this story isn't about him is it…
You should already know I wouldn't waste my time staying in the classroom just to listen to them. I have much better things to do then listen to their yapping and Egyptian nonsense. When I left class that day however, I had left unaware that Wheeler was in for a real treat.
"Man, is it me, or do these tests keep getting harder and harder," Tristan said holding his graded test paper with a large red 'C' on it.
"This is school Tristan, they're supposed to be getting harder," Tea replied, almost teasingly.
"Yeah, but that was like a college thesis compared to the stuff we've been doing."
"I didn't think it was too bad. Some of the questions seemed to be out of place but other than that they were pretty easy," Yugi added, joining the conversation.
"I know I was curious about some of the questions. What does calculus have to do with world history, anyway?" Tea asked.
"Eh, the teacher must be losing it," Joey answered, casually shrugging his shoulders with a smirk.
"Yeah, while attempting to teach you, who wouldn't?" Tristan laughed.
"Hey, for your information I got a 'B' on this test," Joey said whipping out his modified answer sheet.
"Uhh… Joey, I don't mean to burst you bubble or anything but that's an 'F' with the number three connected to it," Tristan said studying the paper.
"And how do you know?" the blonde angrily asked trying to comprehend how they found out. He could've sworn his modification was spotless.
"Because the 'F' is written in red and the three is black…" he duly pointed out. Joey raised an eyebrow then flipped his own paper around to take another look at it. Indeed, it looked like a thick black three was making out with the thin red F on his paper. His eyes burrowed into the paper with annoyance. That was the third time that had happened… this week.
"Joey, you didn't try to modify your grade again did you?" his star haired friend asked with worry in his tone.
"Yeah, so what if I did?" Joey replied pushing the test back in with his stuff.
"There's going to be consequences if you keep doing that, man." Tristan answered.
"Really Joey, you should get help if you're having problems," Tea agreed.
"Problems? I'm not having problems?"
"When was the last time you graded higher than a 'D'?" the other brunette instantly quizzed.
"Um… Well, I got a 'B' on that test we took last Monday."
"Copying from me, doesn't count Joey," Yugi sighed.
"Er… How about the 'C' I got on that chemical project?"
"You were working with a partner… and since you couldn't figure anything out on your own, you had your partner explain every single detail for you. Eventually, she gave up and did the entire project by herself."
"Oh yeah, that's right… Wait, what about that quiz I did last Tuesday?" Joey tried again.
"You copied it word for word," Yugi answered.
"How do you know?"
"Does "Name: Ryou Bakura," ring a bell?" Tea asked. Joey swore to himself being reminded of how Ryou got two graded quizzes that day. The look on both his and Ryou's faces were hilarious to see, but the scorn he got that day never seemed to come to an end.
"Then how about our most recent test that we took last Friday? I got 'B' on it!" The group just looked down in embarrassment. Tea sighed, Yugi slapped a hand to his forehead, and Tristan shook his head in disbelief.
"Oh that's right… How about…?" Joey started again only to be interrupted.
"Just admit it Joey, you haven't gotten a paper with an honest passing grade on it since school started," Yugi exclaimed. Joey looked down at his desktop in humble silence. As much as he hated to admit it, his friends were right. He had been having some problems keeping up with schoolwork, but it was harder than it looked. Sometimes he even wondered if it mattered at times. "You should really get help."
"Yeah… I guess…" Joey mumbled.
"Ah, Joseph," he suddenly heard a sickening sweet feminine voice call him. He looked up to find his teacher staring down at him like a hawk with a ruby smile. "Could I have a word with you for a minute alone?" Joey looked at his friends for reassurance. They inverted their glance, and fidgeted a bit. Knowing Joey, they well knew he was the one to get into trouble often. Still, among the trio there was a comforting smile from Tea. She knew it wasn't going to be entirely bad, whatever the teacher had planned. As a matter of fact, it may be beneficial.
"We'll meet you outside," Tea said turning to head for the door.
"Good luck, man," Tristan said, soon following after her. Yugi just silently nodded to reassure Joey and sped up to catch the others. This left him all alone in the classroom, with his overly dressed up teacher. Joey studied her for hints of the problem. This was not an unfamiliar experience as he had gotten himself into trouble a lot more times than he should have. It could be anything and while he watched her intently he felt that smile to be twisted and devious. The unfortunate teenager didn't even want to think about what she had in store for him this time.
"Okay… what is it now?" Joey asked as he prepared himself to endure whatever punishment awaited him. It was odd, though. He couldn't remember punching anybody's lights out lately, so what was this possibly about? Then he remembered his recent conversation and swallowed. Yep, this was about his grades.
"Joseph, I have noticed you are struggling with my class," Mrs. Arishima said, using a very serious tone. Joey knew it. He leaned back in his fiberglass seat and avoided looking directly into her face.
"Yeah, I guess…" Joey calmly responded. His body slowly melted into his seat. Even though this wasn't as serious as beating somebody up, he didn't like the direction this was going.
"This is a big concern Joseph. I've talked to your other teachers and they have said the same things about your grades. Just why are you having problems? Are you having trouble at home?" Joey rested his cheek on his fist staring at her with lazy eyes.
"No…" he nonchalantly responded.
"Are being distracted in class?"
"No…" Joey answered again, now focusing his attention on a particular fly traveling in ragged and unpredictable lines over the window.
"Are you having problems understanding the material?" Arishima continued asking.
"No…" Joey said using the same monotone voice and staring at the fly. The teacher soon caught on to his small mental getaway and groaned. It's times like this that made her hate the occupation… still…
"What kind of sound do cows make?"
"Buzz… … … … Wait… Wha?" Joey said snapping back into reality and returning his eyes to her.
… It was also times like this that made her enjoy it more than ever. She let out a sigh, shook her head, and smiled at his clueless behavior.
"I see…" she said, nodding. Hearing that… Joey tried to hide the blood that was now flowing to his cheeks in a full-out blush. With his impression at stake, he had to pull out a cover up quickly.
"I was just ignoring you and thinking about how cool it would be if that fly caught on fire…" Joey abruptly blurted out. Then he realized what he had just said out loud to his teacher. "Ah, crap…" he groaned. The teacher rolled her eyes for a second but regained that bittersweet smile. At least she knew the problem now.
"I understand…" she sighed, getting up. As she headed off to her desk, Joey watched in disappointment as his entertainment found on open window and flew off into the abyss.
"Aww man…" he moaned. Boredom was back. With nothing to even slightly entertain him, he curiously looked back at his teacher to see what she was doing now. She seemed to be going through her grade book. Every so often she stopped to think about something, then would shake her head no and keep traveling down the list.
When searching for a tutor, one of those names she came across was mine. She well knew I was the most intelligent one in her class and she came to the conclusion that I could be capable of being a beneficial teacher. Still, it was such a shame… she knew me quite well. She shook her head several times at the thought of making me a tutor for Wheeler. Then she sighed and continued down the list. I had been spared that day… but not completely marked out as a possible choice. And that became a problem...
Not long after going through the names and letters she found the perfect tutor. It was one of her favorite honors students and it put joy in her heart just thinking about her. There was no doubt her dimmest pupil could learn from this young lady. She had such a caring and kind nature that no one could possibly ignore her. Even in the most frustrating times, she would remain happy and chipper as ever.
Mrs. Arishima got up and motioned Joey over to her desk. Still, it worked about as well as waving to a blind man so it didn't take her long to give up and put her own feet to use.
"Joseph?" she said sweetly.
"What?" Joey asked in a slightly sullen manner.
"Now don't take this the wrong way. I'm sure you're a very bright student and you just need some push," she told him. Joey swallowed . He definitely didn't like where this was going. "So we're going to find you a tutor and starting tomorrow, you're going to be taking personalized lessons from her every third period."
"WHAT?" Joey shouted, lurching in his desk. This couldn't be. Was he so bad that he really needed a tutor? What would everybody think? His coolness rating just slipped to zero!
"Now Joseph… she won't be there to put you down or make fun of you for being slow. She's going to help you bring your grades up." Mrs. Arishima explained.
"But I don't need help. I-I can do just fine alone… I can teach myself," Joey tried to tell her holding up a book and opening it. "See… I can read the books to myself on my own time…yee…ro…eet… yee… What the? Is this book written in Latin?"
"Um... Joseph you're holding the book upside down," the teacher kindly told him.
"Right, I knew that…" he lied, rotating the book to its readable position.
"Joseph, just try this tutor idea. I'm sure you'll like it."
"And if I don't?" he whined thinking of the worst.
"Er… Well that's not the point is it," the teacher quickly said.
"But…"
"Now you better hurry up and join your friends for lunch. Tomorrow you'll be seeing your new tutor," interrupted the teacher as she hurriedly pulling Joey from his seat and forced him out the door. "I'll see you after lunch." With that she slammed the door behind Joey's back and then followed with the familiar metallic clicking noise. It was also her lunch break and she really did need a break from this student. He was exhausting her patience and self-control. She needed some serious zen time to herself.
There you have read it, the event that started a series of chaos and madhouse events. I almost feel sorry for those tutors before me, but then again those worms managed to wiggle themselves free from tutoring the dog with no strings attached. I wasn't so lucky, being at the very bottom of that wretched bucket.
Later, at lunch, I overheard the news about Wheeler being placed in a tutoring program. He was barking as loudly as he usual did in the cafeteria, so you'd have to be deaf to miss it.
"I can't believe it. Personal tutoring?" Tristan asked in pure shock.
"Yup," Joey answered sticking a fork in his mouth and letting it hang there while thinking.
"That's great Joey!" Yugi said, "Maybe, you'll be able to catch up with your grades then." Joey yanked the fork out of his mouth and pointed two questioning eyes at him.
"Great? Are you kidding? I have no clue who my tutor is going to be and whoever it is they're probably going to treat me like I'm some dumb two-year-old. Not to mention, she's planning the sessions for third period each day. I'm going to miss valuable sleeping time."
"But Joey, they'll help you get caught up in class. Don't you want that?"
"Yeah… but it's just… I don't know… It just makes me feel kind of stupid."
"Yep… Well, can't say I can help you there…" Tristan said shrugging.
"Tristan…" Tea scolded, reading to pound him for that comment.
"Relax… I was just joking."
"Come on, Joey. Would an idiot come in second for the Duelist Kingdom Finals?" Tea asked starting to reassure him.
"Uh…." He uttered thinking about it.
"Would an idiot reach it to the Battle City Finals?"
"I guess not…" Joey continued.
"You are not-" Gardner started but her voice was pierced by lower and fiercer voice… mine.
"Actually, Wheeler's proved it be quite possible," I told them, smirking. Wheeler's tutoring session was the most interesting news I heard that day. As I walked by I couldn't help but add insult to injury. Of course, after my honest statement, the rest of the geeks were on me like a bunch of annoying little bugs.
"Kaiba," the pointy haired freak hissed at me. I ignored him and the angry stares aimed at me. They were no bother.
"So Wheeler can't learn by himself so he needs somebody to do it for him…" I continued, walking around the side of the table. One glance over my shoulder and I noticed the mutt snarling at me like the canine he was. Yet in those angry eyes I couldn't help but chuckle at the glimpse of unsteadiness. He knew I was right.
"Why does it concern you, Kaiba?" the cheerleader said taking her turn on me.
"No reason, except to say it's about time people started recognizing Wheeler as the idiot he is," I said keeping up the turmoil. To my delight, Wheeler's face was starting to show a shade of red now. "Now, if only they had tutors for poor duelists." It didn't take long after that for him to stand up from his seat to bark at me just as I suspected.
"What did you say about me?" he spat at me.
"Joey, don't do this, man…" his pencil-haired friend warned trying to leash the dog before he did anything stupid. Too bad it was already too late. It was funny how Wheeler almost listened to him.
"So you're poor at hearing also? What else do you fail at?" I answered condescendingly.
"Joey calm down…" the other brunette geek of the group told him but all too late.
"We'll I know one thing, and that is I won't fail to beat the snot out of you this time!" Wheeler shouted. Just as I suspected he charged for me. It was a dumb move from a dumb mutt. All it took to put him in his place was a casual step aside. I watched punch after punch as it failed to hit it's target. I could tell Wheeler was getting more enraged as his desire to get payback slowly went down the drain. Now it was time I made a move. I grabbed one of his fists as it flew past me.
"Huh? Wha?" Before he could finish his sentence I used that fist, the one that desired so much to cause me pain, as an anchor to throw him into his own table. Another day, another loss for Wheeler. I shot one last smirk at him where he was sitting next to his table curled up in pain before turning to walk off. I didn't need to look back to tell his friends were already trying to help him. I knew he didn't have what it takes to get up on his own steam. How much I would've liked to finish this with one last useful hint to that dog, but eyes were already staring. Oh well, at least my point was proven. I headed to the exit of the cafeteria and left the geeks to attend to their pet. I unfortunately didn't suspect what I had just done to come back and hit me.
WHAM! A hard, unopened, soda pop can collided with the back of Seto's skull making him crouch slightly on sting of impact. He fixed his feet back into position to fling his head around and target his assailant.
"Nice shot, Tea…" Tristan complimented.
I didn't mean that literally…
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Yeah… I'm sorry if sounded a little rushed. I was just working a little bit on it each day because of my lazy-ness. Anyway, I hoped it wasn't too bad and there's more to come. Thankies for reading…
Chapter Two…
One by one, the tutors are used up. Whether it's for trying to strangle their student, or being rushed to the hospital from an asthma attack.