A/N: Hey guys guess who is back writing yup this chick woohoo, I think I'm going to have a lot of fun writing this story but first I'm making a one-shot and if people really start to like it and want more then I will make it a full story this is going to be so fun for me because I'm going to be writing Laura Marano in a whole different light, as well as Ross.
*WARNING* *WARNING* *WARNING* contains swearing, talk of eating disorder, depression and self-harm. (Read before judging)
"Art is one of those things, where you can completely lose yourself within and be yourself, people will always judge your work, there will always be a better artist than you. But Art isn't a completion, it's a way to express ourselves & be free. For me I do it to share my stories with the world and to amaze people by what they see not what they wish to see. "(My quote)
Growing up is just something that comes along with life, well of course don't we all know that?, but one thing that we don't realize until we are older, is that not everything happens as you planned out before you even knew the meaning of life and what it was to know one day we will die and that is at anytime, anywhere and any age.
But often the same question will be asked over and over, first it's out of "just wondering", then "are you sure?" and finally at the age of 15 you get looked straight in the eye and the words you feared most are told "it's time to make a decision on what you want to become when you get older?". But how can you possibly know, when you barely figuring out who you are?
As teenagers we often hear the same things, "you're bound to mistakes, "you're dumb and young"," teenagers think they know everything"…..yet we're asked to make a huge decision at an age where, we're not even driving yet.
At the age of 6 I was certain of what I was going to do the rest of my life, to be an actress…
I was certain that I had this whole life thing figured out, I was very successful in what I did I was the main character of a hit Disney show series called "Austin and Ally", I knew how to play the piano beautifully and for god's sake I knew how to sing.
But I was different than all the other famous actresses in Hollywood, I jumped into the Disney business at age 15, but at the same time I went to regular High School, where for once I felt normal, which I was very grateful for.
That's when this game you called Life hits you hard, your plan goes completely wrong, you begin to lose yourself "but this person I was for 17 years was I really her?, or this woman I am today at the age of 22 who I was meant to be, just took a while to find the road?"
We all think we have this powerful thing called control but really we don't even have a grip upon it, we're miles from reaching, life is called a game for reason, yes we are the ones to roll the dice but we never know the outcome, that's up to faith, and it's sad to say but we are forced to play, deciding isn't an option. But the real question is what faith is?
5 years ago…. (Takes place on the Austin & Ally set, in Calum's dressing room.)
We have just finished filming a scene for season 3 of Austin and Ally, as usual we are in Calum's dressing room, he is making coffee no surprise there, Ross is looking at his phone probably on twitter and I and Raini are chatting away.
"So… I—was thinking after were done with A&A season 3 I could get a piercing and maybe a tattoo, but nothing too crazy" I said to Raini.
"That's cool but aren't you worried but the producers will say? I mean we may have a season 4, I don't think you want to stay a while in makeup" Raini asked me questionably.
My hands began to sweat and I stuttered "we—ll that's t—the thing- im" I was cut off when I heard a chuckle across the room.
I quickly shot up and turn to see Ross trying his best not laugh…"What's so funny" I asked him irritated here I am trying to announce something important to me and he's laughing.
"Come on isn't it obvious?" Ross asked me as if I was dumb for even asking.
"Actually no" I said angrier than before. "Well it's simple, we all know miss goody two shoes Laura Marano will never ruin her "Disney image"….
By this time I was so fed up with Ross these last couple weeks, I knew it was time to stand up for myself.
"Listen up Ross, you don't know a damn thing about me, yeah you know my name, not my story, before you freakin start pointing fingers look at your damn self…huh im not the one who had the world taking about them, saying you got drunk while you were on tour" I said with my fists clench
"Wow didn't know miss Laura believed every rumor, come on Laura we all know you act all innocent but really you're a hoe that is hidden" Ross basically yelled at me
"Damit wake up and smell the fuckin coffee, we all know you're fucking sick of Austin and Ally, all you care about is your band, and you don't need us anymore, your famous now. So why don't you stop being a fake bitch and quite, we all know you don't want to be known as a "Disney star".
Since day one all you cared about was R5 for all are birthdays or even when we had new job offers, you never said congratulations or called and said Happy Birthday…..you don't give two shits about us…By this time I could feel the heat crawling up on my cheeks.
"Your damn right about everything I don't fucking need you slut, matter of fact I hope I don't ever have to see you again, I hate you with every inch of my soul, your so annoying in everything we do interviews, photo shoots, filming everything damit" Ross screamed in my face…
But what hurt the most was these exact words " I hope you fuckin die Laura"…It was if the whole world froze, even my heart before the tears fell, I quickly grabbed my stuff and ran out the door leaving Calum and Raini stunned.
( N/A Prov)
I was so done with everything in this moment of my life, I jumped in my car drove to my house I shared with my family, I didn't care how many red lights I passed, I hopped out and very quickly ran up to my room, thank god my whole family was out in meetings.
I bust open my door, ransacked my cabinet when I finally came across on the one thing that kept me sane..
My blade, I quickly walk into my bathroom lock it and take off my shirt. I slide the sharp cold metal across my wrist that already had new and old scars.. 1. for being a dumbass 2. For thinking I had a chance 3 for lying 4 for saying things I can never take back 5,6,7,8,9,10 and 11 for losing the love of my life, the one person that gave me a reason to continue when things got hard.
"Something about the blood dripping down gave me a sense of relief…yeah im a cutter but so what it's the one thing that I have control in my life…
But now I lost them….and now I'm starting to think I have no self-control at all
Back on set (A/N prov)
Once I left Calum's room, I went straight to my boss's office. I gently knocked and Kevin opened the door.
"What brings you here?" Kevin asked…."I am here to turn in my paper work, I officially quite Disney as of today, if any questions talk to my lawyer, now excuse me I have a plane to catch"
. And with that I left in my car to my house, I jumped out, went to my bedroom and packed everything to my name, expect furniture I could just buy that. I hurried to LAX and was on my way too England.
(Back at home)
I once again ransacked my cabinet for my anti-depressant medication, it says only take one but I took 6, I didn't want to die I just wanted to num the pain.
But before I drank them down, I went to my knees, put my toothbrush down my throat and threw up everything that was in my system which was only 4 crackers and one apple…. I could feel the acid destroying my teeth, my body begging me to stop, my head feeling dizzy, my skin pale and cold, my hands shaking, my body slowly giving up on me, shutting down every minute that goes by.
Why?, Why do I continue to do this?, why must I crave emptiness?, why does this make me feel alive when really I'm killing myself?, why do I force my throat to go through this self-inflected torture I bring upon it?
But that's the answer life, in life we are fooled to believe we have human powers, not the superhero ones, but the ones that made us human, we have come a long way realizing our self-existence in which now the human mind understands we live, but we eventually die, life is a circle in which it must come to an end. We have grown from our past generations…
When will the human mind go through the process in which it understands, the one thing us humans don't have is control, you may believe you do but really you hide it by choosing another thing to crave off, with once again not realizing ….roll the dice I guess and hope upon faith, which is the small voice in the back of our heads telling us to continue when all hope disappears in fades into thin air
I then threw back the pills, wobbled to my bed and hoped sleep washed the pain far away, that maybe, just maybe I would have control this time.
(Next day)
I went to set earlier than usual looking for the person who I love, hoping to get their forgiveness
"Hey excuse me sir but have you happen to seen - around? "Sorry but haven't you received an important meeting call last night?", "No….", "well sorry to break the news like this but A&A season 3 has been canceled _ has quit all Disney actives since yesterday"
My whole body shut down, fear rose in my eyes and my heart rate slowed down….what have I done? Why does life have to do this to me? My breath hitched in my throat, almost as if I lost all ability to function normally. Once again my hope has disappeared faster than the second in between which the light is turned on and off, faster than the human blink, right before my eyes….
I guess the dice was rolled but the outcome wasn't very good.
I DON'T OWN R5 OR AUSTIN AND ALLY CAST, ALL GOES TO WRITERS AND WHOEVER OWNS PLOT IS MINE