A/N: Hi everyone! Welcome to my entry for the SasuSaku Challenge! I have seriously been feeling a little guilty these past few days for my lack of involvement with the Show Me The Love Summer Challenge, and so, have decided to put aside my utter bewilderment at this (lovely nonetheless) couple and write something for them! I hope I do them justice! This isn't beta-ed, and I apologize for the fact that I seem to insist on adding angst to everything XD
I have no idea where the title for this came from…(*cough* Don't Hug Me I'm Scared *cough*) But I decided to kind of alter the timelines here. Sasuke actually came back when Sarada was five (but left again a year later). Right now, he's been home for a month. Let's go!
Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto, for if I did, the romance would have been greater than thy sharingan XD
Do check out the other participants for the challenge once you're done here!
angee1011, darkprincess238, een nihc, Emma Raye, fanofthisfiction, MLLu, Pixie07, RushiAei, Sakura's Unicorn, shuricant, wingedmercury, Wintry Leen, and Yengirl.
XxX
Sasuke sat opposite Sakura at their dining table, his eyes focused on nothing as his mind wondered. Sarada was slowly eating her food, opening her mouth at its widest while leaning forward as she sat to his left. Her small hands gripped the fork tightly and angled awkwardly towards her face. Sakura ate silently -she was focused on her food.
It was odd, Sasuke thought. He knew his wife loved him deeply, she always had. But she wasn't acting as if she did. When he arrived home a month ago, she stood just there staring at him. He thought the shock of his return would wear off eventually -he had been gone for five years after all, with only sparse communication of small notes he'd send to her. But then again, for communication to take place, there must be a response. Sakura hasn't told him anything since he got back. He felt as if he wasn't even there.
Everything about this situation was wrong; he wasn't supposed to be home; they weren't supposed to have a daughter...Sakura shouldn't love him...but does she even?
The pink haired medic nin suddenly stands up, and for a second Sasuke swore she heard his thoughts. She turns, taking her plate to the kitchen. The pipe sounds and rushing water can then be heard. Sarada almost seems to feel the tension as she stops eating to look at her father.
"Papa?"
He doesn't respond, but for a moment his daughter resembled him, her dark questioning eyes almost soulless as she stared at his face. Genetics weren't kind to her as she looks like him.
He gets up after his wife, leaving a very confused five year old with silence to answer.
Sakura stood in the kitchen, her back facing him.
"Sakura," her name rolls off his tongue in an almost forbidden way, "what's wrong?"
"Nothing," the first thing she's said to him in years. It hurts a little.
"Then why are you acting so…" he wasn't even sure how to say it. To be honest, Sasuke wasn't even sure if there was anything to fret over. It's not like he had ever been married before, so what's he to know of these sorts of things? His own family had been dead for so long that his very concept of the word family had begun to blur.
What was this?
"Nevermind," he finishes instead.
Sakura's green eyes turn to him as her body shifts. His posture was straight as always, but his face was downcast. That same handsome face she had dreamed about for over two decades, she somehow came to loathe within that time as well.
Sarada ran into the room, her plate in one hand and her fork in the other. Her sudden appearance seemed to snap the two adults out of their trance.
"Done!" She stands proudly before her parents, her face dirtied around her mouth and on her cheeks by some of the sauce from the food. Sakura chuckles dryly at their daughter; but it doesn't feel like that to Sasuke. Somehow, he feels as though she's chuckling more at their family image rather than their innocent daughter.
XxX
The sun has fully gone down now, leaving the moon to rise in its stead. Sakura finishes tucking Sarada into bed, giving her a good-night kiss, and placing the story book on her night stand. Dimming the lamp to only a soft glow, the pinkette walks from the room, and leaves the door slightly ajar.
Sakura makes her way down the hall, intent on heading to the study to get some late night work done for the hospital. She turns to her left and nearly has a heart attack.
"Sasuke," she holds a hand to her chest and evens her breathing, "I didn't see you there."
"I didn't mean to frighten you," he responds calmly, his eyes secretly searching hers.
"It's okay," she quickly fixes her light pink robe, tying the sash a little more tightly around her waist. With a nod, she makes her way around him.
Like two strangers in each other's home.
He doesn't turn to watch her go, but follows her mentally through his memory of the house layout. The quiet sound of a door opening and closing in the distance is enough to shut off any trace of his wife.
XxX
Sakura sits in the study staring at documents. After an hour of reading through and signing different papers, her eyes were beginning to grow tired, and the words started to fade and mesh. At this point, everything was a conjumbled mess.
Sighing as she rolled her chair back, she rubs the bridge of her nose, almost feeling like a small mouse in a maze.
She knew damn well that her mind wasn't on the hospital.
She turned to the picture within a frame that she had on her desk. The picture never moved from that spot since she placed it there five years ago. She didn't even touch it. The light dust that covered the top was barely visible in the dark, but Sakura was aware of its presence. Just like she was aware of his presence within the house. In the picture stood her and her husband; one week, four days, eight hours and twenty-nine minutes before he left for his journey. One that would carry him out of Konoha, and keep him there until...whatever did or didn't happen. The details were still foggy; still classified; still inconsequential.
In the picture she was smiling, and he looked...happy, she supposed. It was the day they were officially deemed married in the village -since they had gotten 'married' outside of the village. She knew why she was so happy. Years, it had been years working up until the day she could call him hers. Be his wife. What a title that held for her. Essentially, she felt like a queen. It didn't matter that there were no people to rule over; that his family was dead and there was no clan per say. Together, they could start a new family and live happily ever after. She would be there for him, being sure to support him. She knew what a delicate person he was, despite his claims otherwise. They had gone through too much together and apart; he had been alone and lonely for so long it was surely second nature to him. But she had been determined to show him the love he deserved; that which he had been neglected of for his whole life.
But he wasn't there.
He wasn't there to get the love; he wasn't there when she needed a friend -Ino was. He wasn't there when she fell and couldn't get up -Tsunade was. He wasn't there when she cried her heart out for him -Naruto was.
Sasuke had never been there; not for Sarada's first steps or words. He was never a presence. It pained in her heart for her daughter not to recognize her own father. The child spent the first week avoiding the man, constantly asking her mother who he was, and never quite understanding what a 'father' was. Still now, the little girl refused to be put to bed by anyone but her mother.
That shouldn't be.
For the first time in years, Sakura touched the picture frame -only to slam it face down. The promises it held lied, and she wasn't about to face it like that anymore.
Getting up from the desk, she flicks the light switch off, and departs the room, completely forgetting the documents, but subconsciously not caring anyway.
XxX
The morning came by quickly, casting a bright light through windows with the hopes of waking the lazy. Sasuke had been up for hours, never quite feeling like the bed he slept in was meant for two people, entertaining himself with exploring the house that should be his home. But it was foreign.
Shouldn't you know where you live?
He had spent the better half of the last hour practically avoiding the woman whom he was to adore wholeheartedly. And he does...he thinks.
With a mental sigh, he makes his way to the kitchen. The smell of eggs and bacon was flowing through the entire house, and he could hear the giggles of his daughter. The sight of his wife at the stove should have warmed his heart, but instead, it merely sunk.
Sakura seemed to sense his presence.
She always seemed to know when it was him.
She turned to face him, her eyes devoid of any affection towards him. There was a plate with breakfast on it in her hand. Guessing that it was probably for him, he walks towards her, grabbing the dish from her slowly. He seemed uncertain.
She seemed hopeful.
Something about the way she looked at him, he imagined that right now she was playing some alternative scenario in her mind.
One where she was happy, and he was someone else.
He wondered sometimes. Moving to go sit in his usual seat at the head of the small table, Sarada smiled at him.
"Hello papa," she greeted.
"Good morning Sarada," he nods, unsure of how to talk to a child, but determined to treat her as an equal.
It wasn't long after when Sakura joined them at the table.
"Thank you mama," Sarada clapped her hands, right before beginning to eat.
"You're welcome darling," she smiles at her, a warmth radiating whenever she would address her daughter.
In that moment, Sasuke felt he didn't belong. The moment was too normal; too sweet; too valuable.
Did he deserve such a precious feeling?
He continued to eat in silence. The food was delicious, but he dared not say a word.
Sakura observed her husband from her end of the table. His handsome features untouched by the early morning fatigue. He looked alert, lively, and just as beautiful as he ever had.
Sarada looked to her mother for a second, then back to her food. In that one second, she looked just like him. Genetics were kind to her, for she looks like him.
Sakura finished her breakfast quickly, feeling uncomfortable sitting at the table. She got up and washed her dish, and left father and daughter to their meal without a word. She had been given three weeks off as a personal gift from the Hokage to spend quality time with her husband. Yet here she was, at the beginning of her third week, hiding away in the study still working anyway.
Had he been worth it?
Sometimes the sacrifices seemed too much. The pain had seemed too pointless. Years, and years, and years wasted on running after him. Trying to bring him back. But did they succeed?
Physically, Sasuke was there, yes. But mentally, it was almost as if he was adrift. His mind somewhere that no one else could venture. It was by the fault of nobody. Simply fact, Sakura supposes. A fact she understood, but didn't understand deep enough. For this, she hates him.
She hates her inability to connect with him on another level.
She is his goddamn wife, and yet she can't determine what he thought from what he didn't.
What kind of relationship is that? The ring at this point was more of a 'hands off' sign for the mere reason of perseverance. There was no love, or special need from the other to themself.
There was no attachment from Sasuke to her.
Sakura shakes her head quickly, clearing her thoughts and throwing her tears into every which way. She can't be crying about it. That time has passed, and tears are no longer allowed.
The sound of multiple knocks on the door brings the pinkette to full reality. She speed walks from the study as fast as she can to get to the door, nearly tripping on one of Sarada's toys.
'So that's where that went,' she almost laughs in her mind.
The knocks sounded some more, and Sakura had to roll her eyes this time.
"Coming!" She yells out, finally reaching, and opening up.
"Morning Sakura-chan! It's your friendly neighbourhood Ino!" the blonde woman cheered happily. Beside her stood her son, Inojin, and Choji's daughter, ChoCho. Both children smiled as they wobbled the bags on their back.
"I'm here for Sarada."
"Oh! Right," Sakura's eyes widen, completely forgetting that she asked her best friend to take Sarada out on a playdate with the other children. "She's finishing up on her breakfast right now, but she'll be ready in a minute. Come on in."
Ino, followed by the small kids, removes her shoes and steps into the house, taking a dramatic inhale.
"Oh my gosh Sakura, it smells good! Did you leave any for me?"
"I would never dream of it," she laughs in response, watching the children run over to the couch and perch themselves on top. "Let me go put together Sarada's bag."
Ino nodded as she stood in the living room, twirling her body slightly in an almost childlike manner. Then Sasuke stepped in.
All twirling ceased.
All cherriness faded.
And disgust replaced them.
"Sasuke! You're in the village?" She feigned ignorance.
He didn't know how else to respond other than with a nod. The image of Sarada running behind him to go upstairs at Sakura's call wasn't even enough to kill the tension.
"Nobody told me."
That was a lie. Ino was the first to know.
"Hm," she smiled convincingly, something she mastered because of her husband, "we should get together sometime," her eyes didn't match the happiness in her voice.
"We have so much catching up to do," at this her smile dropped, and she showed her scowl. In this moment, every bit of hurt, anger and sadness could be seen in her sky blue eyes. Her regret of loving him, once, very long ago. Her regret of letting Sakura love him. Her regret of not trying hard enough to protect her friend.
It had been spite. Somewhere, deep down, Ino knew all of the baggage Sasuke carried would fall unto the one he loved -or the one who loved him enough to stay. She knew she wasn't going to win against the pinkette. She never did. It had been the jealousy at the time that caused her to allow Sakura to continue falling for the doomed Uchiha boy.
Jealousy that kept her guilty...and quiet.
Sakura came down the stairs only a second later with Sarada in one hand, and a cute red bag in the other. She stopped when she came into the room. Sasuke's back was to her, but Ino's face was visible.
"Is...everything alright in here guys?" the pinkette tried to laugh it off, "looks like a stare down is going on." Right now, it even appeared that Inojin was staring at Sasuke with a confused expression. Confusion mixed with an indoctrinated dislike.
"Everything is perfectly fine," Ino snapped back to her cherry mood, moving past Sasuke in brisk movements to take Sarada from Sakura.
"We'll be back in a few hours! Can't put time on fun," the blonde sang as she motioned for the other two children to follow.
"Bye bye mama. Bye bye papa," the young Uchiha girl waved to her parents, completely unaffected by the tension in the room that time.
"See you later sweetie!" Sakura waved her off, moving over to close the door behind them after patting Inojin and ChoCho on the head as they made their way out. She said nothing more, just stood there, staring at the door.
Sasuke remained in silence also. Ino had left a presence of loathing that felt slightly unjustified, but he knew Sakura thought differently.
They never see eye to eye.
She turned slowly, a habit that formed over the last couple of weeks. Her eyes didn't connect with his, but her heart jumped out to him. Hopeful.
Always hopeful.
It should have come as no surprise when he simply walked away, and her heart fell. Again.
"Damn you," she growled out, and Sasuke looked back at her in confusion.
"Sakura," the forbidden word, "what did I-"
"Damn you!" she shouted this time, tears rolling down her face. "You ungrateful bastard!"
"You haven't spoken much to me since I returned...what could I possibly have done wrong?"
Isn't this unfair?
Sakura frantically ran her hands through her hair, messing it up and looking hysterical while forcing unamused laughter. Sasuke never flinched.
"Why God?" she sounded hysterical, "why the hell did it have to be him?"
Her tears seemed to multiply. Sasuke took a step forward, but Sakura practically stomped up to him, proceeding to slap him across his face.
He saw it coming.
He didn't dodge.
"We all sacrificed so much for you! I sacrificed so much for you!" her eyes were glossy and her face distraught. Sasuke showed no signs of regret.
But he was never really good at expressing his feelings, was he?
"I gave up my friendship to chase after you! Yet Ino stood there all this time, still cheering me on, and I can never forget how much it pained her to -now everytime I see her I remember just how much I hurt her," she pointed an accusing finger towards him. "I turned down every guy who ever wanted me, because I wanted you, I loved you!
"Everything has always been about you, hasn't it?" her voice was breaking now and her vocal cords sore, "your whole damn life never centered around anyone else!"
For this, she is wrong.
"But I get it," her entire mood changed, now she seemed understanding towards his situation, and Sasuke's face softened from stone as her hands were placed at the sides of his neck, and her thumbs rubbing slowly at his cheeks, "your family was killed, and you were so consumed with rage...but you let it control you."
Sasuke said nothing as he stared at her face, not quite reaching her eyes.
The silence left the room shrinking, erasing the world and creating a horrid reality where no feelings exist. Except anger.
"I should have never fallen in love with you!" she screeched, clenching her fists where they lay and scraping his cheeks.
"I never asked you to!" he finally snapped back, causing Sakura to backtrack only slightly with widen eyes.
"Not once," he continued, "I practically begged you to leave me alone, and this is my fault?"
"Yes, yes it is," she hissed.
"How?!"
"Because you don't love me!" with this, she broke away from him and fell to her knees, a hand covering her face as she sobbed. Even if she hated herself for being weak because Sasuke is her weakness, there was nothing that could help the matter. "You can't love me…"
The world was coming back steadily, everything fading back in and the room coming back to them. It didn't feel as clustered as it had before.
She's simply tired of being strong for everyone.
Her quiet strangled noises were heartbreaking, even to the man who had been convinced his heart had shattered beyond repair a very long time ago. Oddly, the image of Sakura crying over him again was both annoying and...painful. He knew he was at fault here.
He always had some fault the bear, didn't he?
"I don't want you to hurt me…" he whispered while looking down at her, uncharacteristically honest out loud.
She looked up at him, and finally their eyes connected. Her sadness, hurt and pain reflected his. In that moment, their battered willowed souls were mirror images.
"I can't lose to love again," another whisper.
He can't lose another love again, he means…
She stood slowly, not once looking away from the man before her. Her eyes were red, clashing dangerously with the green. Her hair a mess, and her body shaky. Sasuke didn't flinch, and their eyes could find nothing but the other.
"You have hurt me," she started sadly, "been hurting me since forever, whether you realize it...or not."
He looked guilty now…
"Why?" her voice cracked as more tears followed the tracks along her face, "Were you trying to break me until there was nothing left? Because I would still love you...I can't help it..."
"Sakura," forbidden forbidden forbidden, "love...causes the most pain...I don't want to love…"
But it cannot be helped, because he already loves.
Her eyes disconnect from his and fall downcast. Her soul had no more fight left in it, and she couldn't force herself to push on.
This wasn't when Sasuke left the village.
This wasn't where Sasuke nearly killed her.
This wasn't Sasuke consumed with rage.
This was simply...what was left. I broken man, who didn't want to break anymore.
"But it's too late."
She looks back up at him. Hopeful.
Always hopeful.
He stares at her as their eyes reconnect. All of them connects. A restrained, tiny and smothered thread seems to tie between them.
Sakura loves him, but also hates him. His sins have yet to be repented, but still she cannot live without him.
Sasuke loves her, but doesn't want to. The pain and suffering that comes from love was unbearable the first time, and would surely kill him if ever a second.
But they were connected. Their souls could only yearn for another. And a product of this need, their love, as unwanted, foolish and selfish as it was -or made them be, sat on a swing, laughing to her heart's content.
Ignorance is bliss, but Sasuke feared what was surely to come.
Damn love…
End.
A/N: Hm...this ended differently than I expected ^^! Anywaysssss, somewhere higher up I drifted from my original plan in the direction that this one-shot was to go… and I don't know what happened. I think I was really upset over something that happened once I posted the snippet, and...well, I shifted in my mood for this...
Oh well.
For those of you who really wanted me to continue, I sincerely hope that I didn't disappoint. I am never quite happy with the endings of my stories (or one-shots) so I'm not even gonna go on about how badly I feel about the ending. (NOT AS PLANNED DAMMIT) I just hope that this wasn't anti climatic.
All I can say is that I have successfully part taken in the SasuSaku Show Me The Love: Oneshot Challenge! :D
Thank you Fanofthisfiction for inviting me!
To RushiAei: Remember how I said I wasn't putting Karin in it? That's because I had already planned to tackle the Ino part of things (which also didn't come out as planned, but what ya' gonna do? XD)
Read and review! I would also ask you to enjoy it, as that actually makes a difference when I read things and the authors then as me to enjoy it XD Excuse the typos. This is unbeta-ered
God Bless!
~Poodie
P.s The italicized sentences that exist on their own, those are actually dialogue pieces from a third onlooking party ;p Sounds creepy but I swear it isn't. Can you guess who?