TOGETHER

STATUS: Complete
CATEGORY: Epilogue
SPOILERS: Lifeboat
SEASON / SEQUEL: seven, set shortly after the events of Lifeboat
CONTENT WARNINGS: none
SUMMARY: O'Neill is having a difficult time with what happened on the ship on P2A-347.
DISCLAIMER: Nothing of Stargate is mine. I don't make any money with this. I'm only having some fun, and hope to provide some for others with this.
AUTHOR'S NOTES: I watched this episode and was immediately wondering how Jack would take it, seeing a father fight for his son. That, plus the need to have Daniel back would have been a struggle for him, so this is what I think happened afterwards. Thanks to Mary for the beta.

Oh, god...

His son is in there.

His son is in Daniel. I cannot believe it. How can I ask a father to give up his son? How can I do that, knowing all too well what it will cost this man?

Looking at the scene in front of me, my heart aches as I see a father pleading with his son. I see the pain, the sorrow, the helplessness. I feel it. Right now, I am hurting along with this man, a stranger to me yet somebody closer to me than any friend due to the fate he is facing.

The fate I am making him face.

Who the fuck do I think I am anyway, to condemn this kid, and his father? Why are we the ones to decide who should live and who should die?

We are not gods, yet we act like we are.

I didn't care who was inside of Daniel before. I just wanted them out, I wanted Daniel back. I mean, we just got him back recently, for crying out loud. I don't think I can handle losing Daniel again, not after all we've been through, not after all the hard work we've put in to picking up the pieces of our shattered friendship and moving on. We were best friends once, and together, we were regaining that relationship, piece by little piece.

It hurt, losing Daniel. It hurt that he made me stop Jacob's attempt to heal him. It hurt, when he showed up in Ba'al's little playground, just to have a little chat to help me through.

I can't stop thinking on everything that hurt, including his decision to attempt to save the people of Abydos, his returning to us, but we have faced it all, talked it through and now, finally, when we have some solid ground under our feet, I am facing losing him all over again.

I cannot let that happen.

I didn't care who was inside him before. They don't belong there and I wouldn't let them stay. I never doubted it for a second, fate had decided who should live and who should die. It was Pharrin who had made the decision to take matters in his own hand. All against Daniel's will. He had no right and he had to undo what he'd done. It all sounded so very legitimate.

Until the boy surfaced.

A kid, for crying out loud. A little kid will get to me every single step of the way.

Now I'm doubting. Do I really have the right to want Daniel back? Can I be that selfish? Is it right to demand the sacrifice of many in order to save one? Can I truly say that I would have acted differently if I'd been in that man's shoes?

We are no goulds but we damn well come close sometimes.

Pinching the bridge of my nose, something I always do with a developing headache, I close my eyes briefly. Then I look up at the father standing in front of Daniel and I realize again that sometimes, I really, really hate to be me.

Scratch that. I hate me.

The day had been quiet, dreadful and boring. I'd been doing nothing of interest, picking up some groceries, doing some laundry, cleaning up the house and removing some weed from the garden. The headache was a still present memory of what had happened just a day ago.

Fraiser had sent us all home for a day. Something about relief of stress, required rest and more of that crap.

It hadn't done me any good, though. I felt restless, and the lack of something important that needed to be done made it impossible for me to concentrate. Impossible to make simple decisions, too. To cook or order a fast-delivery. To water the garden or wait for rain. To wear jeans or sweats. To make coffee or settle for beer.

To be or not to be, wasn't that Shakespeare's question?

I couldn't even decide to go and visit Charlie. I needed to be with him, yet didn't dare to. The image of the scared little boy Keenin trapped inside Daniel's body an everlasting memory of what we've done made me too ashamed to go. I couldn't possibly face Charlie after failing yet another kid. So I stayed home instead.

As the evening set in, I had enough of it all. There was only one thing left for me to do, one place for me to go and find some peace of mind.

A beer in one hand, I climbed up to my private little sanctuary.

Grabbing a blanket and a pillow from the little storage box I'd brought up there some weeks ago, I rummaged until I could sit down, blanket underneath my butt, pillow stuffed in my back.

There.

Sipping slowly, I let the silence engulf me, my eyes focused on the sky, where I knew the stars would become visible soon.

"Jack!"

A familiar voice called me back to awareness. Snapping my head up, I opened my eyes, staring into the darkness of the evening. Gee. I must have fallen asleep.

"Jack, are you up there?"

Daniel. Throwing a quick glance at my watch told me it was nine-thirty already. "Yo! Come on up!" I called out to my friend, then quickly, I added, "grab a beer from the kitchen first and bring me one, too, Daniel."

It gave me some time to shake off the weary feeling from waking up too soon. Rubbing my eyes with the back of my hand I shook my head, another attempt to clear it. The nail inside my head was back with a vengeance, and I groaned out loud.

Daniel's head appeared above the railing a little while later, and then he shoved a new bottle in my direction while sliding down next to me. "Hi."

"Hi." Daniel sometimes has his ways with words, but then again, so do I.

"Did you fall asleep here?" Daniel questioned.

I gave a slight nod with the head, regretting it immediately. A hammer unmercifully slammed repeatedly on the inside of my skull. I must have grimaced, cause I could feel Daniel's worried gaze.

"Are you okay?"

"Headache," I responded shortly, feeling there was no need to hide the obvious.

Daniel threw me a sympathetic look. "Oh."

"You?" I asked, wondering what the after-effects of carrying around a dozen or more personalities would do to one's head.

"I'm okay," Daniel assured me. "Janet gave me some pills."

Of course she did. She has pills and juices and booster shots for everything and loves to refill her stock every other week, so go figure.

"Didn't she give you anything?" my friend asked, against knowing better.

"Hmmph," I grunted.

"Ah," nodded Daniel. "They don't go well with beer, so you left them on the counter. I should have known."

I sighed. Somehow I was too tired and too drained to be having this kind of Daniel-Jack-banter conversation.

"So... beside the headache... how are you doing?"

So apparently Daniel realized now was not a good time to be doing the yes-no-did-did-not thingies. I lifted my head to look at him. "Shouldn't I be asking you that question? You're the one that was kidnapped inside your own body by God knows how many people."

"Yeah, about that..." Daniel responded. "You know, I still have some trouble believing what happened. It really was a weird experience."

"What do you remember?" I asked out of curiosity.

"I remember voices. Voices inside my head. I remember having no control over my own body and mind. Like I was being pushed inside a box. I remember strange feelings. Feelings of unbelief to what was happening, fear, anger, worry, greed..."

"Greed?"

"Yeah... that Martice guy... the bossy one. He wasn't really into sharing, if you know what I mean," Daniel explained. "He played around with the others, you know... trying to manipulate... I didn't like him at all."

Well. That said something of the guy. I mean, Daniel likes *everybody*. Daniel understands, forgives and forgets, Daniel doesn't do the not-liking-thing well. "He wanted to live. Sometimes, somebody's survival instincts are larger than their sense of humanity," I tried to explain.

"I guess," Daniel nodded slowly. "Anyway, I came to thank you for not giving up on me."

I felt my friend's intent gaze and I couldn't help wincing. Was I right in not giving up on Daniel, while Pharrin hadn't wanted to give up on his people, too?

Daniel must have sensed my hesitation. "Jack?"

I let out a long, deep sigh and dropped my head on my hands.

"I'm sorry," Daniel started to apologize, apparently completely misunderstanding my reluctance to respond. "I realize it must have been hard on you... losing me *again*."

I tried to downplay the situation by waving him away with one hand. "It's okay."

"I know you did everything you could, Jack. I know you wanted to be there before you were even recovered from the neural shock... I heard about your nosedive... and how ..."

"Nosedive?" I tried to play innocent but I cursed inwardly at Carter for having told Daniel about that.

A grin formed around Daniel's lips. "You haven't changed, have you? Getting out of that bed when you did... Sam said she could hardly keep her eyes open for five seconds when you attempted to escape. Anyway, guess what I'm saying is that I appreciate it that you stuck around like you did."

"Yeah." It was lame, but I wasn't ready yet.

Without looking at him I knew Daniel was staring at me, wondering how to continue. He's not one to give up easily.

He sipped, then slowly shook his bottle. "I'm going to get another one. You?"

Stretching out my arm I handed him mine. He took the bottle from me and climbed down the ladder. It gave me some time to think, and I raised my head to look at the stars. It wasn't a clear night and I could barely find the constellations I always like to look at.

He came back, silently handing me the new bottle and then he sat down next to me.

It happens every time we have a little heart to heart. He tries his ways to make me talk and he always seems to amaze me with his talents. Sometimes he works on my anger, sometimes on my pain and sometimes on my nerves, too. But in the end I am doomed to lose the battle and he gains.

This time, he used a different tactic. He remained silent. He just sat there, staring at the same sky I was staring at. I was grateful, still unable to reveal what was making me hurt and feeling vulnerable.

We sipped together, slowly.

Then, finally, I opened up a little. "I couldn't lose you again, you know."

From the corner of my eye I noticed him nod. "I know," he said.

"I mean, I am finally getting used to having you back and all, and..." I tried to clarify.

Daniel's hand on my arm stopped me from continuing. "I know, Jack. It's okay."

"No, it's not okay!" I snapped sharper than I intended to.

"There was no other way to save these people, Jack," Daniel responded softly.

Guess he's still good at guessing what is bugging me. I sighed. "Yes, there was," I responded with a soft voice.

He turned his head towards me. "What, you mean by leaving them in me?"

I shrugged.

"It wouldn't have worked, Jack, and you know it."

"Do I?" I dared to differ. "It was working pretty fine." Well, don't ask me to clarify 'fine' in this case, but still.

"It would have been one person leading his life, suppressing all the others to the back of my mind," Daniel said confidently. "What do you think, Jack? That I had a say in my own body? That the others had one? Martice would have pushed us all back, claiming my body all for himself."

His words shocked me some what. I hadn't thought about that. Yet, I wasn't convinced. "Still... what gives us the right to chose, Daniel? They were only trying to save their own lives."

"I am not saying it was easy, Jack. The fact that I'm alive at their cost doesn't make me feel very comfortable, either. I keep asking myself over and over. Why me, and not them. But you know what? It's not up to me. It's not up to you, either. None of this is our fault. Pharrin was desperate and did something he had no right doing."

"What would you have done, if you were in his shoes?" I had to ask.

Pinching his glasses back, Daniel sighed. "I don't know. Honestly? Maybe I would have done the same thing. I might have taken the chance, hoping to be able to solve it later on, and save everybody."

"Guess that's what he was hoping for, then," I nodded.

"Yeah," Daniel said. "Unfortunately, there was no other way."

"And that sucks," I stated simply. "Cause it doesn't make me feel any better."

"I know," Daniel said, as he removed his hand from my arm. He took another sip, then placed the bottle next to him on the floor. "And yet you still don't believe me when I'm telling you you're a better man than you think."

I raised a brow and looked at him.

"You care, Jack." Daniel's big, blue eyes were now staring into the depths of my soul. " You sometimes have to make tough decisions, you can eliminate an enemy without second guessing but you never stop caring. For us, for the weak, the suppressed, the good and even the bad."

I shrugged, not sure how to respond to that. I dropped my gaze and studied the blanket underneath me. "And that's a good thing?"

Daniel grinned, then slapped me on the shoulder. "Never stop caring, Jack. And we will never stop caring about you."

I finished my beer. Then something Daniel had said earlier finally rang a bell. I raised my head and turned to look at him.

He nodded, a sad expression on his face. "I also came here to tell you that Pharrin, and the others, didn't make it. There were too many personalities and the brain just couldn't handle them all. It shut down all together..."

Shifting, I moved and looked back at the dark sky. "That's good.," I whispered.

Daniel fell silent for a while and I felt him studying me. "Why?" he finally asked.

My eyes were searching for the constellation I had named after Charlie. I could barely find it. Thinking back on the final conversation Pharrin had had with his kid I envied him. At least he'd had the chance to say goodbye. I placed my bottle down. Where was Charlie's star?

I rubbed two fingers over the bridge of my nose and swallowed. "Because now they really are together."

EINDE - THE END - ENDE