And there you go.
~
The flag fluttered, slightly, when the chilly autumn breeze stroked by and the weight of the hand on her shoulder suddenly felt heavy, while the goose bumps rose on her pale skin.
"Sweetie, let's go." She heard her friend say and did her best to ignore the cracks and the broken tremble. She managed to shake her head, numbly. "I'm staying for a little longer. I'll meet you…" She trailed off, silently and the hand left her shoulder, after squeezing it. "Alright." Footsteps faded away, and she was alone. Everyone had left already, and except for the fluttering of the wind and her own breathing, there was silence.
Her eyes found the carvings in the polished stone, loving father and friend. Her hand reached out to stroke his name, she closed her eyes, just to feel. Her fingers trailed over the letters, counting how many there were left before she said goodbye. She paused, her finger on the last letter and then her knees gave up on her and she fell to the ground, her legs hitting the grass with a low thud. She opened her eyes, slowly, her breath hitching in her throat when they focused on the name once again. And there it was. Finally there was the pain, finally there was the ache that swallowed her whole. She gasped, clutching the ground while her mouth opened in a mute cry that could only be described as grief.
He was gone, never to return. And there was nothing she could do. It felt like that time she was stuck under ground, only this was worse. Because he wasn't here to save her, not this time. In fact he would never save her ever again. And right now, she wouldn't want him to.
She felt like crying out, 'come and get me, I'm here, you can have me, let it end' and of course, everyone told her the pain would fade. The loss would become bearable, but everyone didn't understand. The belt buckle, the socks… The way his grin could light up a whole room, the whole world if he had wanted to, it was all meaningless to them. But to her it was real, it was intoxicating and it was everything. It was life, it was air and it was love.
The guilt was almost unbearable, because it was all her fault. All hers. He knew, he was that guy and she had told him no. She had driven him away, back to the army. And yes, he did belong there but not as much as he belonged to her. If she had told him yes, he would have stayed. He would have stayed and that bullet hadn't lodged itself in his chest. In the heart that belonged to her.
The sobs, the hysterical unending sobs burst from her lips and she tried to stop them. She really did, but at the same time: maybe it wasn't all that bad to cry. Because she had loved him and now he was dead and gone. And she was sorry, so so sorry.
She closed her eyes once again, her fingers trembling with the sobs that wracked through her body and with another painful tear-filled shake she found his name. Seeking the last letter, her finger stroked the h and then … let go.
She found the strength to get up, just for him and raised herself from the grass. One last time she smiled for him, while the tears spilled from her eyes and fell to the ground, hoping that perhaps, perhaps he was watching from some place. It was foolish and against every scientific thought she had ever had in her life, but since it was him, she would make an exception.
She turned around and left, after throwing one last look at the name.
Seeley Booth.
A review would be appreciated but the choice is, of course, yours.
xo.