Pariah:

1.

an outcast.

2.

any person or animal that is generally despised or avoided.

Naina

You are a pariah… you know that it is true. They avoid you at all costs, finding excuses not to sit with you, not to talk with you, not to be seen with you or known as your friend.

Instead you are talked about, in hushed tones and sometimes loudly.

You are a pariah because they know exactly what it is that you are, what it is that you have done, and what it is that has been caused by you… you are a pariah because they know you are a trouble maker, that you are in fact… trouble.

You know it too, and that is why you allow them to treat you this way, why in some ways you are grateful for it.

They punish you for being what you are, and you are glad that they do so. Because if they don't punish you, then who will; and if nobody punishes you then it doesn't mean you're not guilty. But then again, guilty or innocent, what difference does it make anyway?

You do not regret your status here, or how they treat you. You don't need them to be your friends, you have friends. The fact that they are distant from you does not mean that you have lost them.

And yet sometimes…

Sometimes you wish that it didn't have to be this way, that you really could be like the others; happy, carefree, without a past, without a history.

There are so many reasons for why you are the way you are.

He made you this way.

Whether he intended to or not.

/

It doesn't matter anymore what the truth really is, and you doubt that anybody really cares.

He loved you.

He died.

It's simple, case closed.

Everybody has heard about the trial, about the accusation, about his refusal to answer. Everybody has their own theories on it.

There are many different versions of it that you have heard, from the ones where you are painted as the victim, to those where you were responsible for everything.

You trapped him, used him for your own selfish purposes, and then allowed him to take the fall. The day that Aalekh heard that one he jumped onto the soldier who'd started it, beating him almost into a pulp.

It wasn't long after that, that they decided it would be best if you and Aalekh were not posted together from then on.

And you were okay with that, really you were. Yes, you miss him, and yes, it is lonely, so very, very lonely. But Aalekh is better off as far away from you as possible, and you know that. If he stays then you will drag him down with you, and that is the very last thing that you want.

You already have a reputation as a trouble maker. Four bases in less than three years, and you're counting down until the time you'll be transferred from this one too.

It's not like you go looking for trouble but somehow it always manages to find you, as if it has your direct number. The fact that you were the best cadet in your academy and that you managed to expose a traitor and have him arrested doesn't really count for anything, you're not going to be promoted anytime soon.

Huda was the first to become a Captain, he knows how to play the game, how to please the right people. He calls you sometimes, counselling you to mind your temper, to be more cautious. You laugh and tell him that ranks mean nothing to you and that you're happy to be a lieutenant for the rest of your life if it means you can do your job properly.

Unfortunately for you, doing your job properly seems to mean annoying all the wrong people.

Your first base, your commanding officer had heard about the trial and like everybody else he had made his own assumptions. One day after duty he called you to his office where he suggested things about you and Rajveer Sir and told you plainly that you'd be a Captain soon if you were to have the same sort of relationship with him.

You slapped him hard in the face and made a formal complaint.

The complaint got lost somewhere in the system, and the powers that be decided that the best way to handle the situation was simply to transfer you.

You were shocked by the fact that you weren't more surprised. In less than a year, you'd become far too cynical.

Your second posting was in Kashmir. While tracking down suspected terrorists you were unable to stand by and watch as one of your superior officers beat a civilian almost to death in an effort to get information. You stepped in, protested, told him that you would make a formal complaint.

He dared you to, laughed at the idea, so you did.

That complaint also got lost somewhere in the system, and once again the best answer to the problem was to transfer you.

You really, really, weren't surprised.

The third base, you were posted with Aalekh. That base lasted the longest, nearly a year in total. He kept you out of trouble, got you to control your temper. You were happier… calmer. Then he lost his temper and got into that fight, and they decided to transfer him out.

Soon after that your transfer orders came through too, and once again you weren't surprised.

After all you're a troublemaker, you've proven yourself to be one.

You are a pariah… and in a way you relish the label.

When everything becomes too much and you wonder why you bother at all, why you don't just play the game by their rules, you glance down at the watch that remains on your wrist. It is more than enough of a reminder.

Wasn't your mentor also a pariah at the end? Wasn't he also reviled by the same people who had once respected him? In his memory, you won't let them mould you into what they want you to be, you will remain what you should be.

Justice, however difficult, will always come first for you. You'll live life on your own terms.

And if they don't like that… they can go to hell.

God knows, you're already there.