Episode 3x03: Chuck Versus the News
by Estee
Reboot Universe Note: You are not just reading a random story written in episode format. To fully appreciate this story, you should go back and read the following:
Episode 3x01: Chuck Versus the Reboot (.net/s/5059735/1/Chuck_Versus_the_Reboot)
Episode 3x02: Chuck Versus the PDA (.net/s/5163195/1/Chuck_Versus_the_PDA)
Author's Thanks: First and foremost, special thanks to spectacular failure (.net/u/1935649/spectacular_failure) for going above and beyond the call of duty. He was the beta reader for this story, but it would be more fitting to call him "story editor" due to all the time and thought he put into helping make this story better. I highly recommend checking out his own season three episodes here at (Chuck Versus the Ringmaster and Chuck Versus the Plot). He is Awesome.
Bonus Features: If you've read Chuck Versus the PDA, you may recall a series of memory flashes that involved Chuck's past Sarah experiences. Kacey has been kind enough to create video versions of those flashes plus one additional flash for this episode. If you're interested in seeing the flashes, send me a message (I tried posting links, but they disappeared).
And now, finally, our feature presentation:
TEASER
INT. TELEVISION NEWS STUDIO - NIGHT
ERIKA STRAUSS (24, brunette, beautiful) and LOGAN REED (26,
blond, handsome) sit at a news desk, looking more like MTV
veejays than TV news anchors. They wait to go on the air.
ERIKA
It's taking longer than I thought.
LOGAN
They've been cycling through
signals for the past week, looking
for something that brings results.
ERIKA
I'm just getting bored. This isn't
the job I signed up for.
LOGAN
And what job was that?
ERIKA
I don't exactly know, but I'm
pretty sure taking over the world
was in the contract somewhere.
Logan chuckles. A director steps up and gives a silent
countdown. On a monitor, an onscreen graphic gives the name
and slogan: "News Ring Network: Watching the World for YOU."
ERIKA
Good evening, I'm Erika Strauss.
LOGAN
And I'm Logan Reed.
ERIKA
And this is NRN.
INT. LIVING ROOM - CHUCK'S APARTMENT - NIGHT
CLOSE ON: the television in Chuck's apartment. The news
broadcast plays on the screen.
Out the window, CHUCK, SARAH and CASEY are visible as they
enter the courtyard.
EXT. APARTMENT COURTYARD - NIGHT
Chuck is dressed in his normal Nerd Herd attire, but Casey
is dressed as a chef (complete with hat) and Sarah wears a
maid costume (complete with sex appeal).
CHUCK
Team Bartowski foils another evil
plot to take over the world.
CASEY
The Bartowski portion of the team
didn't do much foiling tonight.
CHUCK
Yeah, well, they can't all be flash
fests, Casey. And I can't exactly
help you fight when put under
certain... vehicular... restraints.
Casey grunt-chuckles then heads off for his apartment.
Chuck's sigh is on the dejected side. Sarah steps in front
of him, puts a hand on his shoulder and smiles.
SARAH
Chuck, don't worry about it. You
did what we needed you to do.
CHUCK
Are you really giving me props for
staying in the car?
SARAH
No. I'm praising you for keeping
yourself safe while providing us
with better back-up than Casey or I
have ever received from any team--
Bartowski or otherwise.
Chuck looks at her with a small smile. He puts a hand over
the hand she still has on his shoulder.
CHUCK
Thanks, Sarah.
A beat as their contact becomes awkwardly prolonged. Sarah
gently pulls her hand away and heads for their apartment.
Chuck makes just the briefest perusal of her outfit.
CHUCK (CONT'D)
You know, if anyone saw us right
now, they would probably think
we're pretty--
INT. LIVING ROOM - CHUCK'S APARTMENT - NIGHT
MORGAN (O.S.)
Kinky.
Chuck follows Sarah into the apartment where MORGAN sits on
the couch with a bowl of popcorn on his lap, the TV remote
in his hand, and the lights low. He mutes the news show.
CHUCK
Morgan? What are you doing here?
MORGAN
Settling in for a little late-night
channel surfing. You guys?
He smirks, taking a long look at Sarah's attire. She barely
notices as she looks around the apartment suspiciously.
SARAH
How'd you get in?
MORGAN
Same as always. Morgan Door.
Morgan points the remote at the TV.
CHUCK
Go home, Morgan.
MORGAN
No, no, no. Chuck, buddy...
Morgan sets down his popcorn and tosses the remote onto the
couch. He hops up and gets in Chuck's space.
MORGAN (CONT'D)
I can't go back there.
SARAH
Why? What happened?
CHUCK
I don't think we really want to--
MORGAN
I was at home, sitting in my room,
checking out some online... message
boards when I got a serious case of
the nighttime Morgan munchies.
Sarah looks to Chuck. He smiles.
CHUCK
Think Gremlins, but not as cute...
and in his stomach.
Sarah makes a grossed out face.
MORGAN
And right there on the counter
where I usually assemble the
ingredients for my delectable
microwave nachos...
CHUCK
(to Sarah)
You had to ask.
MORGAN
There they were.
Chuck and Sarah look at each other in dread and disgust.
CHUCK
Okay, that's enough--
SARAH
You know, I really didn't
MORGAN (CONT'D)
Apartment brochures.
Chuck and Sarah breathe a double sigh of relief.
MORGAN
And a note that said "hint,
hint"... in my own mother's
handwriting. Hawaii is too far, but
Sherman Oaks, she's fine with.
Sarah looks at him sympathetically.
SARAH
You can stay here tonight, Morgan.
Chuck gives Sarah an arched eyebrow. She smiles.
MORGAN
Thank you, Sarah.
Morgan gives Chuck a pointed look then turns his attention
to the television and settles back onto the couch.
MORGAN (CONT'D)
And, don't worry, guys. When the
Tron poster's a'rockin', the Morgan
won't come a'knockin'.
Chuck closes his eyes, embarrassment playing all over his
face. Sarah grins seductively and takes Chuck's hand,
leading him down the hallway toward his bedroom.
Morgan smirks then grabs the remote and unmutes the TV. He
is instantly engrossed in the news program.
INT. CHUCK'S ROOM - NIGHT
Chuck sits on his bed, intently watching Sarah lean over his
desk and root around for something behind it. She fishes out
a shopping bag from which she pulls a set of clothes.
CHUCK
You didn't have to do that.
SARAH
I felt bad for him.
CHUCK
His mom and Big Mike. The Anna
situation. Getting his own place.
The only thing you should feel bad
about is that he perpetually
re-lives the same problems.
Sarah unzips the maid costume and steps out of it. Chuck
stares at her undergarments for a beat before he looks away.
CHUCK (CONT'D)
So, since you're stuck in here...
Sarah pulls on a pair of jeans.
CHUCK (CONT'D)
I guess I'll take the floor.
Sarah slides a button-up shirt over her shoulders.
SARAH
You're not sleeping on the floor.
Sarah buttons up the shirt. Chuck pretends not to watch.
SARAH (CONT'D)
And I'm not stuck in here.
She walks over to the window and opens it.
SARAH (CONT'D)
This "door" works both ways. I'm
going out. If you need anything--
CHUCK
Going out? Going out where?
Chuck walks over to her. She folds her arms.
CHUCK (CONT'D)
Can I go with you?
SARAH
Sorry, but no. I don't need any
backup on this one, Chuck.
Chuck looks at her with a disappointed look.
SARAH (CONT'D)
(gentle, insistent)
It's personal.
CHUCK
But--
SARAH
If you need anything,
(she takes his hand)
call Casey.
Sarah points to his wristwatch then lets go of his hand.
Chuck takes a step back and watches Sarah climb out. He
walks to his videogame collection to pull out his CALL OF
DUTY 4 case. He opens it and slips out the instructions.
MONTAGE - "YOU DON'T KNOW ME AT ALL" BY BEN FOLDS
1. The pages of the instruction booklet have been covered
over with different information. The first page reads "Sarah
Walker File" and shows a printed out photo of Sarah.
2. Sarah walks across the apartment courtyard. Casey spies
on her out his window. Sarah looks over her shoulder.
3. A page listing songs from "Sarah's I-pod Playlist."
4. Sarah drives. Her I-pod plays through her car speakers.
Sarah glances into her rear view mirror where she spots
Casey's car. She hangs a quick right into a burger joint.
3. Another page in the Sarah file lists "Dislikes: Olives,
Pet Names, Losing, Cold Feet?" On the opposite page, "Likes:
Wine(red), Guitar Hero?, Extra Pickles."
4. Sarah drives with the windows down, the music up and a
cheeseburger in her hand, pickles sticking out the edges.
5. The next page catalogs "Sarah Flashes" with hand-written
descriptions and pictures to accompany each of Chuck's flash
locations: the Subway, the Buy More entrance, the driveway.
6. Chuck lies on his bed, writing in his Sarah book.
CLOSE ON: The page labeled "What is she hiding?" A list of
hypotheticals follow: "Double agent? Fast food addiction?
Swingers' Party? Boyfriend? Girlfriend? Booty Call?"
7. A "24-HOUR" sign shines over the store. In the window, a
television set plays the News Ring Network.
Sarah walks through the parking lot, tossing the wrapper
from her cheeseburger into a trashcan by the door. She
glances around one more time before walking into the store.
Casey pops up from a nearby shrub, watching Sarah walk in.
8. Chuck continues to write in his book.
CLOSE ON: Chuck's hypothetical list. Everything has been
scratched off except "Boyfriend?" and "Booty Call?"
With the booklet still in his hand, Chuck glances at his
watch. He shakes his head and pulls out his cell phone.
END OF MONTAGE
EXT. BUSHES - PARKING LOT - NIGHT
CLOSE ON: Casey as he answers his phone.
CASEY
You better be dead or dying.
INT. CHUCK'S ROOM - NIGHT
CHUCK
Does Sarah have a boyfriend?
CASEY (V.O.)
Yeah. His name's Chuck. He's a real
pain in the--
CHUCK
Come on, Casey. You know what I
mean. Does Sarah have a real
boyfriend?
EXT. DRUG STORE - NIGHT
CASEY
Don't know; don't care. Nor should
you. It's not our business.
Casey walks up to the store, peeking inside. Over his
shoulder, Sarah is visible walking through the aisles.
CHUCK (V.O.)
She went out. She said "it's
personal" then she just... left.
INT. DRUG STORE - NIGHT
Casey sneaks into the store, ducking behind shelves and
displays as he speaks to Chuck:
CASEY
Duh, Bartowski. Your room's bugged.
Something you may want to consider
the next time you decide to listen
to "Hip to be Square" on a loop...
all day... all weekend.
CHUCK (V.O.)
Don't dis my jam, Casey. And don't
try to distract me. What kind of
secret personal business could
Sarah Walker possibly have?
Sarah again walks into Casey's line of sight. He turns away
so she doesn't spot him, only to find himself face-to-face
with a wall of feminine hygiene products.
He grumbles and wrinkles his nose. He looks up to see Sarah
headed for his aisle. He quickly slips into another aisle.
CHUCK (V.O.) (CONT'D)
Hello? Casey? Are you there?
CASEY
I'm a little busy right now.
CHUCK (V.O.)
I feel like there's something
Sarah's not telling me.
CASEY
Look, she's a lady, okay? Maybe she
had to go take care of some lady
business. Now, let it go.
Casey watches as Sarah walks past the feminine hygiene
products, but stops in the same aisle.
CHUCK (V.O.)
Fine. You're right. She deserves
her privacy... and I trust her. I
know I'm jumping to conclusions,
but I'm also... confused and...
honestly... just plain curious.
CASEY
Curiosity killed the spy, Chuck.
Casey hangs up the phone and squints to get a look at the
box Sarah picks up.
CLOSE ON: the "Home Pregnancy Test" in Sarah's hand.
Casey shakes his head and blinks in disbelief.
CASEY (CONT'D)
And that will kill this whole
Chucking operation.
FADE TO BLACK.
END OF TEASER