We're finally here with the dinner date! Been a long time since writing this AU.
"It's this stop."
"No, it's the next one. The next one's closer."
"I'm getting off at this one."
"I'm getting off at the right one."
Usopp rolled his eyes and jumped to his feet as the bus came to a halt. "Fine. Have fun walking."
"Same to you." Sanji blew him a kiss as he hopped off the bus. He settled back into the seat upholstery, pulled the bell as the bus started moving again, and got off as soon as it stopped. He walked down the street and across the dark parking lot, opening the door to Palla's and sitting on a free chair, tapping his foot. About five minutes went by before the door opened and Usopp strolled in. He spotted Sanji and scowled as Sanji stood, stretching, and went to the maître d′ behind the small podium.
"Evening," Sanji said. Usopp stood next to him, folding his arms. "We've got reservations for . . . six, under a Mr. Black?"
"Yes, sir," the maître d′ said, checking the list. "Two of your party are already waiting, so unless you'd like to wait for the remainder?"
Sanji declined, and a waiter led him and Usopp to a table by a window facing the parking lot, where Nami and Vivi were already sitting. They thanked the waiter and sat down. All four were dressed in semi-formal clothes; Sanji in a clean suit, Usopp in a dress shirt and slacks, Nami in a red cocktail dress, and Vivi in a long golden empire.
"Evening, ladies," Sanji said with a brilliant smile, resting his hand on his chin. "So sorry to keep you waiting. How are you this—? Vivi?"
"It is you!" Vivi exclaimed. She and Sanji stood and hugged while Nami and Usopp stared. "Oh, it's been years!"
"'Scuse me?" Usopp said, poking Sanji's side.
"Vivi?" Nami said, looking between her and Sanji. They released each other and sat back down.
"Sorry, sorry," Sanji said, still smiling. "Um—we knew each other in middle school."
"We used to date," Vivi added.
"Oh, you're the one—" Usopp looked between them. "Why didn't either of you tell me?"
"I didn't know," they said together.
"How was I supposed to know it was the same Vivi?" Sanji said, holding up his hands. "Usopp, you never described her."
"I didn't think you would have a boyfriend is all, Sanji," Vivi explained. "I mean, you were always flirting with every girl in class!"
"That was years ago," Sanji protested. "Well over a decade!"
"You're still a massive flirt," Usopp said, smacking his shoulder.
"I agree," Nami said, eyeing him and swirling the water around in her glass. "Usopp, right? How do you put up with him?"
"Because he flirts with me, too, and he's an amazing cook," Usopp explained.
"Are those the only reasons?" Sanji asked, hurt.
"Yes. Absolutely."
"There are other friends coming, too, right?" Vivi asked, looking towards the restaurant entrance.
"Yes, I hope they'll be here soon," Sanji said, also looking that way. He looked back and smiled. "So, Vivi, you teach preschool now?"
"Actually, I work at a daycare . . ."
"Zoro, turn right."
Zoro spun the wheel hard at the intersection and Luffy looked up as he was flung into the side window. "That was left!"
"What? Why didn't you say so?"
"I told you right!" Luffy held up the printout of the MapQuest directions, trying to read the arrows in the streetlights. "Can you turn around and then go straight?"
"There's no U-turns on this street."
"How do you know?"
"There's a sign right there that says so!"
"Do it anyway!"
Zoro stepped on the gas and made a hard left, causing several cars to screech to a stop and their drivers to poke their heads out and honk and yell.
"I could've made somebody crash!" he exclaimed as he reached the last intersection again, squinting at the signs. "Why'd you make me do that?!"
"If it was that dangerous, you shouldn't've done it!"
"Then why'd you tell me to do it?!"
"Because it was faster! And who cares what a dumb sign says?"
"Those dumb signs are there to protect people from idiots like you!"
"You're the one getting lost! Zoro, why did you turn right?!"
"You told me to turn right earlier!"
"You're facing a different direction now!"
"It is pretty hard to bring in money, but Sanji's job helps a lot," Usopp explained. He took a small sip from his Sprite, trying to save most of it for his meal. The waiter seated two people near them, a brunette with freckles and a blonde with a scar on one side of his face, both sporting thick mustaches and sunglasses.
"I see," Nami said, tapping the side of her mimosa glass. She took a sip, and Sanji looked at his wine glass, reaching for it. Usopp grabbed his hand and shook his head.
"Wait till we have food," he said sternly. "Eating food helps absorb the alcohol before it all goes to your pancreas."
"Your what?" Vivi said, holding her warm teacup.
"The pancreas. It's that small organ, I think people have two of them sometimes? It filters alcohol and stuff."
"The pancreas makes insulin to help process sugar," Sanji said, shaking his head.
"The liver's the one that helps filter blood and toxins, and it makes bile," Nami added.
"The two small organs are your kidneys," Vivi said, tilting her head. "But you're right about food helping keep alcohol out of your system."
"See? I'm one-hundred percent correct," Usopp said proudly.
"You don't listen at all," Sanji said, rolling his eyes. "God, where are they?"
"Your friends?" Nami said. "Maybe there's traffic . . ."
"More likely, Zoro got lost," Usopp said.
"Of course," Sanji exclaimed, clapping a hand to his forehead. "He and his boyfriend are probably in Arizona by now."
"Come on, his car's not that fast," Usopp said.
A sound behind them made them turn around, and they found a disgruntled Zoro leading a grinning Luffy behind him by the hand. Zoro had had the sense to wear a dress shirt and slacks, and Luffy was wearing the same, though judging by the way it fit, his shirt was borrowed from Zoro.
"Hey," Zoro said, sitting next to Usopp while Luffy sat next to Vivi. "Got held up." The people sitting behind their table shifted, throwing glances their way.
"By your shitty sense of direction," Sanji said, reaching around Usopp to smack Zoro's shoulder. He looked at Luffy, narrowing his eyes. "So this is the boyfriend?"
"Zoro, this is Nami and Vivi," Usopp said quickly. "You know Nami, and this is her girlfriend."
"I wouldn't call it knowing her," Zoro said. He shook hands with the women. "But it's nice to meet you both. And yes, this is Luffy."
"Hi, nice to see you guys again," Luffy said, waving and grinning. He looked at Nami and Vivi. "Nami, right? And Vivi? Nice to meet you!"
"Again?" Usopp said.
"Have we met?" Sanji asked, looking between Zoro and Luffy. The waiter interrupted them to take their drink orders, and Zoro and Luffy decided on what they wanted to eat fast enough for everyone to order dinner right there and then.
"Have we met, you said?" Luffy said to Sanji. "You don't remember?"
"Luffy, now might not be a good time," Zoro said as their waiter took the orders of the table behind them from the two men with the thick mustaches and sunglasses. "Why don't we wait until we all—"
"I was one of the bank robbers a year ago," Luffy explained. Zoro rested his chin in his hand, staring at the table. Sanji's and Usopp's eyes widened, Nami scowled, and Vivi moved away from Luffy.
"Excuse me?" Usopp yelped, staring at Luffy. "Why aren't you in jail?"
"Zoro helped me get out."
"What're you doing, dating a criminal who held your dear friends hostage?" Sanji demanded. This time Usopp hit Zoro's shoulder.
"You and your stupid comrades almost gave me a heart attack that day!" Nami exclaimed, glaring at him. "You should be paying financial repercussion for emotional damages!"
"Nami," Vivi whispered, holding her hand on the table. Nami relaxed, though she still scowled at Luffy.
"Geez, I'm sorry," Luffy said in surprise. "It was a long time ago. I didn't think it was a big deal now."
Sanji sighed, leaning back in his chair and taking a quick sip of wine before Usopp could stop him. "You didn't answer the question," he said to Zoro. "Why're you together?"
"Long story," Zoro said, grateful to jump back into normal conversation. "We've known each other since middle school, but we lost contact in high school." The waiter brought him a Long Island iced tea and Luffy a cola, and then walked away to serve drinks to the table behind them. "We met again at the whole bank thing, and we've been seeing each other ever since."
"That's why you've been so busy this past year?" Sanji exclaimed, taking another sip of wine. He hiccupped. "You never said anything, you ass—"
"Sanji, for your own good, stop drinking right now," Usopp said sternly.
"What? I'm fine, the food'll be here soon—"
"So you're still in the force?" Nami asked Zoro. Usopp confiscated Sanji's wine, placing it out of reach.
"Yeah, unfortunately," Zoro said. He grabbed the glass and took a sip of the wine, much to Sanji's chagrin, before giving it back to Usopp. "I wouldn't mind being somewhere else, but this job pays well. Are you still a teller?"
"I sure am. Handling money is my thing."
"What about you? Luffy, is it?" Vivi asked, turning to him. She still held Nami's hand on the table, using her other to sip her tea.
"I'm no good at anything, so I don't have a job right now," Luffy said with far too much cheer. "Also, I'm still on prostitution for the robbing thing. Zoro says he'll help me find something to do after that's done."
"Prostitu . . . so you do have a job?" Usopp said, scooting the wine away again as Sanji tried to sneak a hand around him to grab it.
"I thought that was illegal here?" Nami said. "How do you get away with it? Zoro, you're a cop, shouldn't you—?"
"He means probation," Zoro said before the conversation could get out of hand. A collective sigh of understanding went around the table. Luffy reached for Zoro's drink, but Zoro shook his head. "No, no, this is alcohol, it's not real tea."
"You're not allowed to drink on probation?" Nami said.
"Well, no, but I also don't like alcohol," Luffy said. He took a sip of his drink. Sanji finally snatched back his wine from Usopp and stubbornly took another sip, his cheeks turning pink.
"Say," Vivi said, turning to Sanji and Usopp. "Sanji, why did you want us all to meet?"
"The dinner thing was Usopp's idea," Sanji said, grinning and pointing. "We're friends with you two beautiful, lovely ladies, we know Moss, and we wanted to meet his boyfriend, so what I'm saying is we wanted to tell you all at once. We would've invited Robin too, but she's working—"
"Tell us what?" Zoro interrupted, used to Sanji's tipsy mannerisms.
"Usopp proposed. We're engaged!" Sanji held up his left hand and held up Usopp's as well. "Pretend we've got rings on our ring fingers. They'll be there one day."
"Congratulations!" Vivi exclaimed, smiling and placing a hand on her chest. "That's wonderful!"
"About time," Zoro said at the same time Nami said, "Congrats!" and Luffy said, "Engaged, like married?"
"Almost married," Usopp said with a shy grin, throwing his arm around Sanji's shoulders. "We talked about it this morning, and we decided we were ready. So, here we are. Sorry, I know it's last-minute—"
"It's fine, you're paying," Nami interrupted. She smiled at Sanji. "Right?"
"Of course, of course, nothing less for you," Sanji cooed, grinning.
"Though that's not gonna stop anytime soon," Usopp added. "Anyway . . . if we have a proper wedding, it won't be for a while, so don't get your hopes up."
"That's part of why we're waiting, too," Vivi said. Nami placed her other hand over Vivi's. "We want a nice ceremony, and Nami doesn't want to wait a long time after the engagement."
"Zoro, why aren't we married?" Luffy asked.
Zoro spat his mouthful of drink back into his glass, making Nami scrunch up her nose, and the people at the table behind them stood up. "We've only been seeing each other a year, officially," he explained. "We needed that time to get to know each other again. I don't know if you're allowed to get hitched on probation, and you should probably find work first."
"Oh," Luffy said, slumping in his seat. The people behind him sat down again.
"You don't like waiting for things, huh?" Usopp asked, releasing Sanji and grabbing the wine again.
"Nope. When's our food here?"
"Hopefully soon," Nami said. "This drink's not good for me on an empty stomach."
"Then stop drinking it," Vivi said. Nami's glass was half-empty.
"Watch this for me," Usopp said, putting the wine glass in front of Luffy. "You're farthest from him."
"Don't take orders from him," Sanji said, his attempts to reach the glass prevented by Usopp's firm hand. "I can take care of myself. I don't need a babysitter."
"Sorry about him," Zoro said to the women and Luffy. "He gets stupid when he's drunk."
"How stupid?" Nami asked, her eyes lighting up.
"He's gone after one drink. Why?"
"Am not," Sanji snapped, slapping Zoro's head over Usopp's.
"So, how many drinks could I buy off of him tonight?"
"Nami," Vivi exclaimed.
"What? If he's willing to pay—"
"As many as you want, my dear," Sanji said with a big smile.
"Why, thank you," Nami said, giving him a big smile back.
"I won't let you have another one," Vivi said, taking away her hand and folding her arms. "We have perfectly good wine at home."
Luffy laughed, swirling around Sanji's wine in the glass. "You guys are weird. Even Zoro's like that. He's got a whole three shelves of alcohol at home."
"Doesn't everyone?" Zoro said.
"Grampa never did."
"We sure don't," Usopp said. "It'd be dangerous, with him." Sanji gave up on his wine, trying to straighten himself in his chair. "So, Luffy, you're out of work. How about hobbies? You like to do anything?"
"Hide-and-seek," Luffy said without missing a beat. "And drawing, and playing cards, and making card houses."
"I like drawing, too! I'm the finest painter in town," Usopp said, straightening his back. "My paintings go for thousands on the black market!"
"The black market's the illegal one," Sanji said, laughing a little too loudly. "And if they went for thousands, we'd have a mansion!"
Usopp slouched in his chair again. "Sanji, I'm trying to make a friend, don't embarrass me."
Luffy just laughed. "You're pretty cool! Do you still tell stories?"
"Stories?" Nami asked, now playing with her silverware. She placed her napkin on her lap. "Right, last year . . ."
"Usopp told a tale to distract Luffy and the second guy while I knocked out the third," Sanji told Vivi with a big grin, gesturing to Usopp proudly, "and then I knocked out Luffy and his friend. But that's all water under the bridge, right?"
"Yeah! You're pretty strong," Luffy said with a laugh. The people behind him, who had started to stand again when Sanji mentioned knocking out Luffy, sat back down, throwing glances towards Sanji and Zoro and whispering. "And it was a good story, so I don't mind!"
"You've got strange logic as always," Zoro said with a fond smile. His drink, somehow, was almost gone. "I'll be right back. Bathroom."
He stood and left. Sanji watched him go and then turned back to Luffy.
"Listen," he said, his eyes wide and serious. "I gotta know how you do it. How do you put up with him?"
"What do you mean?" Luffy asked. Usopp scooted Sanji's wine farther away when Sanji tried to grab it again.
"He's an idiot, and a barbarian, and a food-stealer! How do you do it? I gotta know."
"He's the best," Luffy said, and refused to elaborate.
"Usopp, give Sanji back his wine," Nami said. "A little more won't hurt."
"You just want him drunk so he'll pay for more drinks," Usopp snapped. "You were just saying that earlier!"
"Excuse me!" Nami said, placing a hand on her chest. "I'm only saying that it's his drink, so he should have it back!"
"Nami, I told you, no more," Vivi exclaimed. "I don't have my license, so you have to drive."
"She's right, she's right," Sanji said, giving Nami and Vivi a big smile again. "You lovely lady, you're always right . . ."
"Which one are you talking to?" Luffy asked, poking the wine glass a little too hard. Usopp caught it as it tipped over, and only a drop splashed onto the tablecloth.
Their food arrived. By some miracle, Luffy's hamburger and fries sat untouched, and he explained he was waiting for Zoro. The others didn't offer the same courtesy, deciding it was Zoro's own fault he wasn't there and digging in with gusto.
"It's so good," Sanji sighed, his fork slipping as he tried to pick out noodles from his shrimp spaghetti. "Are you enjoying your meals, ladies?"
"You haven't even tried yours yet," Usopp said, taking Sanji's fork from him and twirling some spaghetti for him. He gave it back to Sanji and returned to his fish and chips. "Geez, you're hopeless."
"Where did you guys go to high school again?" Nami asked, picking up a slice of the cheese pizza she was sharing with Vivi.
Usopp told her. "You two were on the mainland, right? Around here?"
"Yes, I moved after middle school," Vivi said, smiling at Sanji, who melted. "Luffy, where did you go to school?"
"On the island, but I dropped out," Luffy said. "I ran away from home 'cause me n' grampa fought." He brightened. "Guess who came by earlier today? Ace and Sabo!"
"Who?" Usopp said. Sanji reached for his wine and Usopp rolled his eyes, handing it back at last.
"My brothers! They live around here now! It's been so long since I saw them, so that was really cool!" As he spoke, the people sitting behind him smiled and straightened in their chairs.
Yet another miracle occurred when Zoro found his way back to the table and sat in front of his sea bass. "You touch anything yet?" he asked Luffy. Luffy shook his head, and simultaneously he and Zoro grabbed fries off each other's plates.
"Oh, do you do that with everyone?" Usopp asked Zoro. "Eat off their plates?"
"We've always done this," Zoro said, grinning at Luffy.
Sanji squinted at the exchange and glared at Zoro. "Is that why you fuckin' stole my food all the time?" he snapped, sipping his wine and hiccupping.
"Yeah, I missed doing it," Zoro said. "You never really did it back. You could've, but you didn't. Not my fault."
"Fuckin' bastard, I'll kill you," Sanji mumbled, setting his glass aside and trying to eat more spaghetti with dignity.
"Is he always like that?" Vivi asked Usopp in an undertone. Luffy took a big bite of hamburger and held it out to Zoro, who took a bite as well.
"Yeah, sorry, I shouldn't've let him bring his license," Usopp whispered. As Zoro chewed, his eyes landed on the people sitting behind Luffy at last, and his eyes widened.
"Luffy," he said, his eyes now watering as he swallowed too fast. He chased down the bite with the rest of his Long Island. "Don't look now, but your brothers are here."
"Where?" Luffy said, looking around the restaurant. Ace and Sabo, the two wearing sunglasses and fake mustaches behind him, hid their faces as a waiter brought them their food.
"Never mind. Fuck, I told them not to come."
"Where are they?" Usopp asked Zoro. Zoro pointed them out in a whisper and Usopp squinted, nodding slowly. "Okay. Why're they here?"
"They don't trust me."
"That makes sense."
Zoro glared at him and Usopp shrunk back.
"You threatenin' my boyfrien'?" Sanji demanded loudly, pointing at Zoro. "I'll kick your ass, I'll kill you!"
"Not in that state, you won't," Zoro said, rolling his eyes. "Hey, Usopp, I can pick up the tab for me and Luffy."
"Oh, no, that's okay—"
"I was gonna get another drink."
"Well, if you insist."
"Hey! I said I'll kill you!"
"You're too loud," Nami said. She looked at the rest of the pizza. "I think I'm done with this."
"Me, too," Vivi said. They waved over a waiter, and after a quick moment of decision Usopp decided to box up the rest of his fries. Sanji's wine was all gone and he insisted in a slurred voice he could finish his spaghetti.
"Where are they?" Luffy demanded again, still looking this way and that for Ace and Sabo. His eyes had passed over them several times, utterly oblivious.
"Luffy, please, I'll tell you when we're back," Zoro said. His meal and Luffy's had vanished. "And when the doors and windows are locked." He flagged down a waiter and ordered his second drink.
"Sounds like such a fun family," Vivi said, smiling. "Sanji, are you sure you're going to finish your meal?"
"Of course, my beautiful, stunning, lovely lady," Sanji mumbled, grinning and poking at his remaining bits of pasta with his fork. "I jus' need . . . another minute . . ."
Usopp stopped the waiter bringing Zoro his second drink and quietly asked for a box.
"Are we gonna get dessert?" Luffy asked Zoro.
"We got that cake earlier," Zoro reminded him. He looked around. "Anyone need a ride home?"
"We're good, we drove here," Nami said, looking regretfully at her lone, empty glass. Vivi patted her shoulder, rolling her eyes.
"Maybe, yeah," Usopp said, looking at Sanji. The box arrived and Usopp quickly scooped the rest of the pasta into the box. "Sorry, Sanji, but we're not gonna stay here any longer than we need to. You need a cold shower."
"I'm clean as a fiddle," Sanji slurred, his head dropping onto Usopp's shoulder.
"He's funny," Luffy remarked. Nami took care of asking for the checks while Zoro finished off his drink in record time and Usopp made sure Sanji wasn't going to vomit.
"By the way, let me drive back," Usopp said, petting Sanji's hair and awkwardly taking his part of the check.
"How's that work?" Zoro asked, pulling out cash for his end and setting the checkbook down again. "It's my car."
"I drive to our place, me and Sanji leave, and then you and Luffy drive back to your place. I just don't want you getting lost on the way to our place. Do that for yourself, not me." Usopp took out his card and tucked it into the checkbook.
"I don't get lost."
"You did on the way here," Luffy said, laughing. Sanji let out a laugh from Usopp's shoulder.
"Because of your stupid directions!"
"They weren't stupid! You were!"
"I just wanna get out of here before your brothers have time to stalk us again," Zoro said as the waiter came by to swoop up the checkbooks. Nami and vivi pulled on their jackets and Usopp made sure he and Sanji had everything.
"You're just making that up," Luffy said, pointing accusingly. "I never saw them anywhere."
"I'll explain when we're in the car," Zoro hissed, throwing a wary glance at Ace and Sabo again, who were dangerously close to finishing their meals. The waiter brought back the checkbooks and Zoro hurriedly signed off for the tip, standing and grabbing Luffy's hand.
"We'll wait at the front," he said, dragging Luffy away.
"He's high-strung," Usopp remarked as he signed the receipt. "Vivi, Nami, sorry about Sanji tonight."
"It's okay," they said together.
"I wouldn't mind inviting him to a bar sometime," Nami said with a gleam in her eye.
"I'd love nothing more than to spend a long beautiful night with a beautiful, lovely lady," Sanji sighed, at the same time Usopp and Vivi said, "Please don't."
After bidding farewells and nice-to-meet-yous, Zoro, Luffy, Usopp, and Sanji bundled into Zoro's car, Usopp driving, Luffy in the front, and Zoro and Sanji in the back.
"You guys okay back there?" Usopp asked, glancing back as he reversed out of the spot.
"Yeah, I dealt with this all the time in college," Zoro said, supporting Sanji. "Sit up, dick."
"So where were they?" Luffy demanded as Usopp drove out of the lot. "Ace and Sabo."
"The guys behind you," Zoro said patiently, pushing away Sanji's grabby hands from his head. "They were wearing sunglasses."
"That couldn't've been them," Luffy said, confident. "They don't have mustaches!"
"They were fake. The mustaches."
"Oh. Really? Oh! Wow! That's smart!"
Usopp and Zoro rolled their eyes. "So, they're protective, huh?" Usopp asked.
"I guess so, yeah."
"Very much," Zoro agreed. "They'll probably be regular guests from here on out. Luffy, don't let them in if I'm not there."
"Why?"
"Oh, I have to check if you're allowed guests without me," Zoro said evasively. "And . . . I don't want them in my house. Without me there."
"Boo. Okay."
"Here we go," Usopp said, pulling into the apartment parking garage. "Zoro, thanks so much. Luffy, nice to meet you, like, for real." He got out and went to the back, pulling Sanji out. "Come on, dumbass, let's go home."
"Home's where the fiancé is," Sanji mumbled, grinning. "Bye-bye, Zoro an' Zoro's boyfriend."
"Bye," they said together. "And congrats again," Zoro added.
Usopp walked and dragged Sanji to the stairs while Zoro got into the driver's seat.
"I know the way back," he said, looking at Luffy.
"Didn't say anything," Luffy said, looking away.
Zoro leaned over and kissed his shoulder. "Let's go."
"Finally home," Nami said, collapsing onto the couch. "Those guys are tiring."
"It was nice to see Sanji again," Vivi remarked, undressing with a sigh of relief. "I wish he'd stayed sober, but . . ."
"So now you know you got the better deal, right?" Nami said, winking.
"I already knew that," Vivi said, letting her hair down and joining Nami on the couch. "Still up for dinner pancakes tomorrow?"
"Of course." Nami kissed her nose and stood to get out of her own clothes. "Let's open some wine, come on."
Vivi stood and shut the curtains on the windows before following her into the kitchen.