Hero

As he looked through the doorway, a stab of guilt pierced his heart. He felt like he was an intruder, a predator feeding on their pain and tears. He watched as his best friend collapsed on the ground, shoving his father's embrace away from him as he just curled into a ball, wrapping his arms around his chest as though to keep his very self together. His mother had backed against the wall, her face drenched with tears as she kept whispering an apology to her son as though it was all her fault – as though she had had anything to do with his brother's death.

Mike Dallas leaned slightly into the room, his hand grasping the handle of the door before pulling it close, trying to allow the Torres family to grieve in solitude. Omar glanced at Dallas through the window, a grateful smile on his lips despite the tears that were threatening to spill over and run down his cheeks. Dallas nodded, the gesture more instinct than anything before turning away from the hospital room and beginning a mindless walk in the hallway. His hands were balled up into fists and he bit on his knuckle as his own eyes began to fill with dears. He leaned against the wall, his forehead pressed against the cool surface as he tried to get a hold of his grief.

First Cam and then Adam… was he a catalyst for death? When they had first found out that Adam had stolen the van, Drew had blamed himself, saying that he should have said something different to make Adam not leave. Then after he found his brother's broken phone with the unfinished text, his anger turned to Becky, demanding that everyone not call her and tell her of Adam's condition. However, it was Dallas who tried to take the blame because he felt he deserved more than Drew or Becky. He was the one who advised Adam to pursue Imogen, to forget about Becky.

"TTC at its finest," Dallas muttered to himself, shaking his head slowly as he tried to stabilize his breathing and control his tears.

"Dallas?" He turned at the sound of his name and his stare locked with the piercing blue eyes of Clare Edwards. She was sitting in a wheelchair wearing a white hospital gown for a large pink sweatshirt wrapped around her. She was paler than the last time he had seen her after Drew had smuggled her into camp and now she had dark circles under her eyes, but she was smiling that same good girl smile although it seemed harder for her to pull it off naturally. Her boyfriend, Eli Goldsworthy, stood behind her, a couple comics as well as an iPod in his hands.

Dallas caught Eli's eye as he glanced once more at the collection of items in his hands and Eli shrugged, smiling weakly, "We… uh saw Drew earlier. He said Adam should be out of surgery by now. I thought he could use something to read until he gets discharged. You know him. He would go crazy sitting in bed."

"We also made a card," Clare held up a yellow piece of paper along with a couple of others, "Imogen also came by with cards from Dave, Bianca, and Zig. I think there's one in here from Simpson too."

"Everyone wants him to know that they're thinking of him," Eli smiled before glancing at Dallas who had backed away slowly, noticing for the first time the tears in his eyes, "Dallas, what…?" There was silence as the truth dawned on him and he felt the comics slip from his grasp, scattering on the clean, white floor.

"No," Clare whispered, covering her mouth with her hand as tears rolled down her face, "No, no."

"How?" Eli's voice was dark and quiet, his green eyes fixed on Dallas as he repeated his question, "How? I mean, he was here – right here in the hospital! How could they not have saved him? Isn't that what doctors are for? To save people?"

"Eli," Clare reached for his hand, but he backed away, shaking his head.

"No, I won't accept this. I can't accept this," He muttered before spinning on his heel and storming down the hallway, brushing past nurses and other hospital staff. Dallas and Clare watched him for a moment, wishing that that was enough. That they could just storm away and leave their grief behind them.

"Home sweet home," Alli Bhandari grinned, staring at Degrassi before shrugging, turning around to face Jenna Middleton and Connor Delaurier, "Well, Degrassi, but this is like a forced home away from home – you know what I mean?"

"And school starts again in a couple of days," Jenna buried her face into Connor's shoulder, "Oh, I miss Paris already."

"Hey guys," Maya Matlin joined the seniors, Tristan Milligan beside her, "Do you think we could get a ride with one of you? Tris's brother was supposed to get us, but it looks like that was a no go."

"Yeah, sure, no problem," Alli smiled, "My parents are going to be soon so we can-"

Connor cut her off, "Is that girl alright? She looks like she's crying."

The four teens turned and followed Connor's gaze, instantly spotting a girl with pigtails sitting alone on a bench. And Connor was right. She was obviously crying. She had her hand over her mouth and her shoulders were shaking violently.

"That's Imogen," Maya whispered before dropping her bag on the ground and hurrying towards Imogen, the others moving more slowly behind her. As she got to Imogen's side, she bent down so that she was at eye level with the older girl. She paused before speaking softly, not wanting to scare her, "Imogen, hey. Are you okay?"

Imogen shook her head, fresh tears in her eyes as she whispered, "He's gone."

"Oh my god," Jenna's voice was hushed and she took a step back, Connor's arm wrapping around her waist.

"I don't understand. What happened?" Tristan asked and Alli glanced at Tristan and Maya, realizing that they wouldn't know about Adam's accident. Clare wouldn't have thought to text them and the three seniors hadn't really discussed it in Paris. "Who's gone?"

"Adam," Alli whispered and Imogen broke out with fresh tears.

What the hell was wrong with him? Did death stalk him? How else could he explain all the crap that had happened the last couple of years – hell, the last couple of months? He thought about his ex-girlfriend and then about Cam. And then Clare was diagnosed with cancer. Why couldn't Fate decide that he had enough? Now, they took away his best friend. His rock. The one who kept him stable for so long. The one who was his hero in so many ways.

A knock on the window of his car caused him to look up, quickly wiping the tears from his eyes. Clare was standing there, wrapped in her pink sweater and wearing a pair of matching sweat pants that were thrown on under his hospital gown. Eli instantly opened the car door and pulled her in, frowning through his tears as he wrapped his arms around his girlfriend, "Clare, what are you thinking? You know you can't just leave the hospital. You could get sick or something."

"Dallas snuck me out… similar to the way Drew did," Clare pulled back and touched Eli's face, wiping away his tears. He turned away as though to try and hide his weakness from her, but she pulled him back towards her, "Eli, don't… don't shut me out. Right now, we need to lean on each other." Her voice was shaky and despite the tears in her own eyes, she continued to keep a strong grip on Eli's hand, "Eli, please. Just talk to me."

"How?" Eli whispered, not facing her, but not removing his hand from her grasp. "There are no words for moments like this."

"No, no there aren't," Clare nodded slowly, tears rolling down her face, "There are no words. It's stupid and unfair and it's all just so fucked." Eli jumped as his girlfriend swore, the word bouncing off the walls of the car. "But even if we don't talk about this, trust me to be here for you. Don't abandon me… us, like you did with Cam. I need you too, Eli."

Eli stared down at his hands before muttering, "We should get you back into the hospital."

"Eli, he wouldn't want us to stop living. He would want us to live… for him."

"I don't care what you say! What Drew said! She has the right to know!"

"They broke up! They were over! If Drew doesn't want her to know then you should respect his wishes. Especially now!"

Connor awkwardly stood next to the two arguing women, silently wishing that Alli and the sophomores hadn't left already. He knew he should be siding with Jenna who wanted to call Becky and tell her about Adam, but honestly, he understood Imogen's point. If Adam and Becky really had broken up then shouldn't Adam's family be the ones who told his friends about what happened? Drew told Imogen and Clare, who told the others, was as close to the Torres family as anyone. Did Jenna have the right to spread the news about Adam's death?

"How do you think she's going to feel when she comes home tomorrow and finds out that the boy she loved is dead?" Jenna snapped back, "How would you feel if something had happened to Fiona? Or if no one decided to tell you about Adam?"

"I would respect the family's wishes!" Imogen repeated, but this time she had tears in her eyes. Jenna huffed and walked away, leaving Connor with the now sobbing Imogen. He knew he should follow his girlfriend, but instead he took a seat beside Imogen, his hand awkwardly hovering over her shoulder.

Imogen's stare locked with him and he shrugged awkwardly, slightly flustered, "I… I don't really know what to say. Adam was my friend, too. I don't want to say the wrong thing."

"You can say anything," Imogen whispered through her tears, "You still wouldn't be as bad as me."

Connor cocked his head to the side, "What do you mean?"

"Adam got into the van to text Becky," Imogen closed her eyes, trying to stabilize her breathing, "Drew said that he kept saying that he had to talk to her… that he had to get her back." She paused, her voice still shaky, "Connor, we had kissed earlier that day. I was the reason he had to go talk to Becky. Me. Drew is blaming himself. Dallas is blaming himself. Everyone is blaming Becky. But it was my fault. Mine. It's my fault that Adam's dead."

Connor didn't know what to say so he just sat there quietly.

There was a small group of Degrassi students sitting at the back of the Dot. Alli sat in between Dave Turner and Maya, Tristan and Zig Novak across from them. When Alli's parents had come to pick them all up, Maya had asked if they could just drop her and Tristan off at the Dot. They said that they didn't want to be alone right now. Alli, despite not knowing them that well, wanted to go with them. Then one thing had led to another and they sent texts out to anyone who would want to join them. Only Dave and Zig had showed up, their faces turning solemn as they were told about Adam.

"I can't believe it," Zig whispered, staring at the coffee he had ordered, but not having the stomach to actually drink it, "Adam was always so positive and so strong. I can't believe he's really gone."

"You should have seen Imogen. She looked… broken? Like she was blaming herself," Maya said softly and she caught Zig's stare across the table. What was going on this year? Maya still grieved for Cam and Zig would always feel guilty for the role he played in Cam's suicide. That death was still fresh in their minds – in all the minds of Degrassi students and he had been a new student, lacking the same fame and infamy as Adam. The two sophomores thought about school in a few weeks. What would happen when everyone entered the high school, realizing that they had lost two fellow students forever?

"I saw Bianca earlier," Dave said, "She said Drew was blaming himself and that Dallas wasn't talking that much – he was just trying to be strong for Drew. I imagine that everyone is feeling guilty."

"So Imogen is blaming herself. Drew is blaming himself. And Dallas is blaming himself," Everyone turned to look at Alli, "Is anyone going to blame Adam? I mean… he was the one texting and driving." Everyone looked at her in shock and she dropped her gaze onto the table, "I'm sorry. I'm just trying to make sense of this."

The group fell silent.

"Zig, remember the double date we went on with Adam?" Tristan asked, breaking the silence after a couple of minutes. Everyone turned to face him, "When Tori and I thought he was gay?"

"Yeah," Zig shrugged, "Why?"

"I worked with him during Romeo and Jules, but that was one of the only times I really talked to him one-on-one. I just… I wanted to share a good memory with him, but I guess I don't really have any."

There was another moment of silence.

"We did a video together, about Clare," Dave spoke up, "I never laughed so hard. He was hilarious."

"I remember that," Alli smiled, "Clare showed it to me. It was really funny."

"He also was really good at talking to people," Dave added, "I didn't know… I didn't understand the whole transgender thing when we first met. I was an ass more than once to him, but he kept showing that he was a guy. He opened my eyes." Dave looked down at the table, "He was a better man than I."

"There was the time he got Chaz Bono to let us back into Battle of the Bands," Maya said.

Zig glanced at her, "He was the reason we got kicked out in the first place."

"Yeah, but he gave me the chance to apologize to Cam," Maya glanced away after saying Cam's name, frowning before adding, "Mo wanted us to continue Whisperhug even though he wasn't going to be at Degrassi anymore. He told us that Adam was in charge. I wonder if he's heard about Adam yet."

"Probably," Alli said, "I mean, he's best friends with Jake and I'm sure Clare would have told him."

"So pretty much everyone knows," Tristan said quietly.

Dave then looked up, "Does Becky know?"

Jenna sat on the picnic table a couple of feet away from the school (and from Imogen), looking at her phone. Becky's name was highlighted, but now, knowing that she was about to tell her friend that her boyfriend was dead, she found that she kept on remembering Imogen's words. Who was she to tell Becky that Adam had died? She was one of Becky's best friends, yes, but she hadn't known Adam that well – they played poker and she slowly befriended him when he started dating Becky, but they weren't close. She didn't have the relationship with him that he had with Imogen and Clare.

She thought about her relationship with Connor.

If she was away and if something had happened to Connor, wouldn't she want someone to tell her? Wouldn't she expect Becky or Alli or Clare to tell her that Connor had died? Didn't hearing it from a friend make it easier than a stranger telling you that the love of your life had passed away?

No.

Nothing made this easy and Jenna knew that. Even if God himself told Becky that Adam had died, it would still be hard and it would still be painful. But Jenna knew that Becky (like herself) would want to hear about their loved one from a friend. The last thing Jenna wanted was to have Becky hear it from Degrassi's social grapevine. She could only imagine how her friend would react if Luke found out before her and broke the news to his sister.

So with less hesitation than she had before, Jenna hit call.

The phone rang once.

The phone rang twice.

Maybe she wouldn't answer.

The phone rang a third time.

"Hello?"

"Hey, uh, Becky," Jenna tried to swallow the lump in her throat, but found it nearly impossible. Hearing Becky's voice made her realize how unprepared she was for this. How was she supposed to tell her friend that Adam was dead? She didn't even know that he had been in a car accident! "How… how are you?"

"I'm… alright," Becky sighed on the other end and Jenna could barely recognize the voice of her bubbly friend, "Just packing for the plane tomorrow. What about you? Are you back from Paris yet?"

"Yeah, we just got back this morning," Jenna explained, knowing that she was procrastinating telling Becky the true purpose of her call, "I'm at the school with Connor waiting for a ride home."

There was a pause and then, "Is Adam there? I forgot when camp ended."

"Uh, no," Jenna closed her eyes and found with surprise that she was trying to prevent her own tears from falling. She had to do this. She had to. "Listen, Becky, we need to talk."

"If you see Adam can you tell him that I'm sorry and tell him to please call me," Becky's voice was thick and Jenna could picture her blonde friend's eyes filling with tears, "I've tried calling him and texting him and he's just ignoring me. I need to talk to him. I need to apologize and to tell him that I…"

"Becky," Jenna's voice was sharp even through her own tears, "We need to talk."

"Oh, okay, I'm sorry, Jenna," Her voice was soft and Jenna instantly felt bad for snapping, "Is everything alright?"

"No," Jenna whispered, pausing before knowing that she had to continue. Not matter what happened on the other end. "Becky, I'm not even supposed to be telling you this, but I…"

"Jenna, if you aren't supposed to tell me then maybe you shouldn't?"

"No, no, Becky, you have a right to know. Drew just…" Jenna sighed, "Becky, Adam was in a car accident two days ago." There was silence on the other end, "Becky…?"

"Is he okay?" Becky whispered, "Is he – but he's okay? Car accidents are serious, but –"

"Becky," Jenna's own voice dropped to a low hush, "He's gone."

She sat on his bed, staring blankly at the wall, her phone on the floor. It buzzed a few more times – people who knew asking about the family and people who didn't know asking about him. At her feet there was a blue bag, a LGBT pin hanging loosely off it. She had been in the middle of packing it with clothes and a couple of things she found around his room. Drew had asked that she bring him a change of clothes and maybe some other stuff to make him feel better when he woke up. Eli had sent her a text, suggesting she bring some comics, explaining that he didn't have any of their friend's favorites.

The whole point of the bag though was pointless now. Dallas had called her a couple of minutes earlier, his voice quiet on the other end as he explained what happened. She couldn't recall any of his words though. Once she understood the point of the call, she had dropped the bag and her phone, slowly sitting down onto the bed. She didn't know how long she sat there in numb silence or when she began to cry. Time just began to move slowly.

Her rock was gone.

Her brother was gone.

Bianca DeSousa sat there, wondering why Adam had been the one chosen to die. He was the best person she had ever known. He had gone through so much crap already (a lot of it because of her) and he always emerged optimistic and strong. He had forgiven her despite the pain she caused him and he eventually loved her like a sister after her engagement to his brother. He was the very best – much better than her. Yet why was she here when he wasn't?

"What's the point?" Bianca whispered and then looked up at the ceiling, "What's the fucking point?"

She didn't know who she was talking to. She didn't believe in God, but she needed to talk to someone. She needed someone to see her tears and watch her breakdown because she knew that she was going to have to be there for Drew and for Audra and for everyone else. She had to be strong and the strong one couldn't breakdown.

So she cried alone. She curled onto Adam's bed and cried.

An hour passed and she stood up, wiping away the last of her tears. She emptied Adam's bag and put his clothes away. She stared around his room and walked towards his mirror which had a collection of pictures on it. There was a picture of Adam and Audra. He was around fourteen in the picture and she realized it was probably when he first started going by Adam. His hair was long, but covered by one of his trademark beanies and Audra had an arm around him.

There was another picture of Adam and the rest of Whisperhug and Bianca smiled softly as she remembered the night the picture was taken. It was the night after Battle of the Bands and as Bianca's eyes focused on the blonde girl next to Adam, her hand on his knee, she remembered it was the also the night he finally got his girl.

She took one picture off the mirror and stared at it. It was a picture of her, Adam, and Drew at the dinner where they had once more announced their engagement, but this time, they were surrounded by friends and family. She couldn't remember who had taken the picture. It could have been Audra or Fiona, but it had captured all of them perfectly. Adam was in the middle, his arms around both Drew and Bianca. Drew was laughing, his eyes sparkling even in the picture as he ruffled his brother's hair with affection and Bianca saw herself, happy and in love with the entire Torres family.

How could that have only been a couple of months ago? How could their summer vacation have ended so drastically different from their spring break?

Bianca took the picture and put it in her pocket before heading towards the door. She was going to grab a bag and put some clothes for Drew and his parents in it. That was how she was going to help. Maybe she would also stop by the Dot and grab some sandwiches… Drew loved egg salad.

As she reached the door, she turned around and stared at the room. She stared at the pictures on the mirror and the collection of beanies on his dresser. She stared at his bass in the corner and the dozens of comic books thrown across his bed. She stared at Adam Torres's room for the last time and closed the door behind her.

"Goodbye Adam Torres."

I hope you enjoyed this and found it good enough to leave a nice review. Before I end this I really want to say this: I know I really left out Drew and Becky (especially Becky) in this story, but that was for two reasons. One, I have never lost someone to death and I really can't imagine what it would be like. I can't imagine losing one of my sisters or my brother nor can I imagine losing someone I was in love with. So instead of writing a scene that maybe inaccurately portrayed grief or had the potential to offend someone, I showed their grief mainly through the eyes of others (Dallas, and Jenna, well Jenna, sort of). On the second note, Drew and Becky's grief was some of the main focus in Young Forever. Their grief along with Eli and Clare's were the only one's really shown and Adam affected so many people so I wanted to give Dallas, Bianca, etc. their turn.