I know what you're thinking, "Teresa, we're still waiting for you to update your other stories! Don't start another one, baka!" Okay, so I'll be the first to admit that it isn't wise for me to just let my creative mind wander and distract me from various focus points (a.k.a. homework, stories I'm in the middle of, the really overdue library book I need to finish, my dirty room, etc.) but I…I can't help it! I just had this idea and I had to write it out! I'm sorry! Blame…um…blame…*looking around desperately for a scapegoat*…blame Yusho! *Points to the stuffed panda she stole—ah, borrowed from Jade when she left for college* He told me to! I sleep with him every night, and every night he lays there, whispering evil words in my ear, encouraging my irresponsible behavior! "Oh, they want to read the next part of 'A Taste of Humanity' but it would be much better if you started writing that story for Jade first." He whispers. "Now that they want more 'All I Needed Was You,' you should start a new fic! Here, I will give you ideas! Painful ideas that will dig at your mind until you write them out!" Oh Yusho, you treacherous fiend you! Everyone's upset with you now, not me because I have nothing to do with all this! *Yusho makes a sad face* Oh, okay, so it's really my fault. On with the new story.
Hey, has anyone noticed that I practically never remember to put a disclaimer on these things? Oh well. I don't own much. But I do own Yusho, two pet snails, my blanket, this computer, and the HG Gundam Sandrock Custom model complete with little paintable Quatre figure. I own some other stuff, but those are my most prized possessions, and if you try to take them, I will very likely put up ridiculously violent resistance. Okay, was that a disclaimer? Oh, I forgot to say that I specifically don't own any of the characters in this anime. I bet no one read this whole thing. I bet a few of you got to the part with me blaming my teddy bear, and just said "what a crackhead" and skipped straight to the story.
*****
To Finally Let Go
Part 1
*****
Feels like I'm starting all over again
The last three years were just pretend
And I say
Goodbye to you
Goodbye to everything
I thought I knew
You were the one I loved
The one thing that I tried to hold on to
-Michelle Branch Goodbye to You
"So this is it, then?" Sango's eyes widened as Kagome's words finally registered with her. No one else had responded to her explanation yet. "You're leaving for good?"
"I…I might be able to visit, but if I do, it will only happen once a year." Kagome answered quietly. She hadn't exactly expected them to all be thrilled when she explained that she was moving to a different country to go to college in her world, but she also hadn't expected so much shocked silence. "It is very far away, and I will only be able to come home once a year, so that will be when I come to visit. I just wanted to explain this to you guys before I left because I didn't want you to not know where I was and why I wasn't coming to see you nearly as often. I didn't want you to think that I'd forgotten all of you, or that you just didn't matter to me. Do you all understand?"
"What's college? Why do you have to go so far?" Shippo asked, leaping forward into Kagome's lap and clutching the fabric of her shirt in two tiny fists as his lip trembled. Kagome gave the tiny kitsune a motherly smile. Shippo had grown very important to her, all of them had, but Shippo had always made her feel so…needed. It was a wonderful feeling.
"Shippo-chan, please don't be sad." She scooped him up in her arms, smoothing his constantly wild hair in a protective gesture. "College is a type of school. It's where people in my world go after they go to high school so that they can learn enough to get a very good job. There are lots of different colleges, but some are better than others. I get to go to a very nice one, which is very good for my future, but it's in a different country, so that's why I have to go far away. I wish I could be closer to home and to all of you, but the fact of the matter is that I need to place more emphasis on my life in that world. I can't simply come live here with all of you."
"But why not?" Shippo was not satisfied, but she knew that he would eventually accept whatever decision she made, even if it caused her to be far away from him.
"Because, this is not my home, Shippo-chan. I have a world of my own, and I have spent so much time here trying to collect the Shikon shards that I sometimes forgot that. But we finished the jewel last year. I'm not needed here, and the only reason I've made sure to keep returning is that I care so much about all of you. We had an adventure together, and even though there were times when it was frightening or the future was unsure, we made it through together. That brought us all very close, and I can't ever forget the bond we share." Kagome set Shippo down and let her eyes raise to take in the other four people in the room. "All of you are very important to me, but honestly, we all knew the day would come when we had to part ways. I don't belong here, and I think you all know that."
"Kagome-sama is right." Miroku spoke to the others before turning to Kagome, "But that doesn't mean we're glad to see you go."
"I know." Kagome nodded, smiling sadly at the monk. "I'm not asking you to celebrate, though. I'm only asking that you understand why I have to leave."
"We understand, Kagome. Thank you for explaining it to all of us." Kaede nodded slightly. "And thank you for coming to say goodbye to all of us. It has meant a lot to everyone here that you have continued to visit us even after the completion of the jewel. But please do not think that we do not need you at all. You are important to all of us, and not because you are the protector of the jewel. It is because you are Kagome."
"Oh, Kaede," Kagome's eyes became wet with unshed tears. "I will miss all of you so much!"
"Inuyasha, aren't you going to say something?" Sango asked the dog demon who was sulking in the corner, his arms crossed over his chest and a stubborn look on his face. He hadn't said one word since Kagome had explained that she was leaving.
"Yeah Inuyasha, you better say something nice or Kagome will sit you!" Shippo threatened.
"Feh!" Inuyasha grumped, tilting his chin upwards and shutting his eyes stubbornly.
"Leave him alone, Shippo-chan." Miroku spoke in a whisper that was intentionally too loud. "Inuyasha thinks that if he doesn't acknowledge the situation, Kagome won't leave."
"That's a stupid thing to think!" Shippo exclaimed.
"Inuyasha can be very stupid sometimes." Sango concurred. Inuyasha growled, turning away from them further as if trying his best not to pay attention to what they were saying.
"Yes, he acts like a child, but even Shippo-chan is more mature than him." Kaede commented. Kagome sighed sadly because it appeared as though Inuyasha wasn't going to say goodbye to her.
"You guys, stop it. If he doesn't want to talk he doesn't have to." Kagome told them all, her voice pained.
"As you wish." Miroku conceded and the rest of them turned back to her.
"So when do you leave, Kagome-chan?" Sango asked.
"Actually…" Kagome looked at her watch and stood, "I have to get going now. Should I say goodbye here, or would you guys like to come to the well with me?"
"I'm coming!" Shippo exclaimed, hopping up in his excitement. Kagome had definitely expected that.
"We'll all come see you off." Miroku stated as Sango and Kaede rose as well. Inuyasha, however, remained firmly planted in the corner of the room.
"All except for that one, it seems." Kaede sighed in annoyance at Inuyasha's childish behavior.
"I'm sorry he's acting this way, Kagome-chan." Sango gave her a sympathetic smile.
"Should I eat him?" Shippo transformed into a cute pink balloon, and Kagome giggled at how he was completely incapable of looking the least bit threatening.
"No, please don't, Shippo-chan." Kagome smiled fondly at him as he de-transformed. She turned to the others, who were watching her expectantly. "I'd like to say goodbye to Inuyasha, so could you all please wait for me outside?" she asked.
"Yes, of course." Miroku ushered the others out, picking up Shippo who didn't want to be separated from his precious Kagome at this moment, no matter what the reason.
"Why do I have to go too?" he asked, baring tiny fangs and flailing his arms in resistance.
"Behave yourself, Shippo-chan." Sango scolded as the door closed. Kagome shook her head slightly as they left before turning to the man moping in the corner. He had changed a lot since she first met him, but sometimes he seemed to be just as selfish and ridiculous as he always had. She supposed she shouldn't be surprised that he was acting this way right now, but she had honestly hoped that Inuyasha would show a bit more maturity in this situation.
"Inuyasha," she began, not knowing how to talk to someone who wasn't going to respond to anything she said. She wished he wasn't acting so childish at such an important time. "Inuyasha, I have to leave now. I may not be able to see you for quite some time." Inuyasha didn't move from his position. He was still sulking like a spoiled child who was upset that his parents wouldn't buy him a new toy, and Kagome's patience was beginning to wear thin. Didn't he at least care enough to say goodbye to her? "Inuyasha, would you please say something? I hate it when you act this way." She dropped down in front of him, grabbing his shoulders in both hands. "Please, I really want to say goodbye to you." Inuyasha didn't respond except to grunt in anger and pull out of her grasp, turning away.
"What do you expect to happen if you act this way? Do you honestly think this childish behavior will make me stay here?" she yelled at him, her patience snapping. "What do you want from me?"
"I want you to stay!" he turned back angrily.
"I can't, and you know it! And when you act like such an idiot, it doesn't make me want to stay here, Inuyasha! It only makes me glad that I'm leaving!" She shouted back, leaning in toward him.
"If you want to leave so badly, than why are you still here?" he asked, also leaning in angrily.
"Because I thought maybe I could get an honest goodbye from you, but apparently you'd rather I remember you as a selfish jerk!" she yelled at him.
"You're the selfish one, leaving all of us so that you can go to some stupid college!" Inuyasha growled at her. Kagome's eyes widened and she slapped him across the face. Inuyasha's jaw dropped, amazed that she had hit him, but Kagome was still fuming.
"You're so self-centered, I can't believe it!" she screamed at him in a rage, "How dare you insult me! How dare you insult my decisions! It's hard enough for me to leave you without having to deal with this! Can't you for once at least pretend that you care about someone besides yourself?"
"I…I'm sorry…I…" Inuyasha was still completely in shock from the slap. He stared at Kagome with wide-eyed surprise. Realizing what she had done, Kagome suddenly stopped in her rampage and covered her face with both hands, shaking her head vigorously.
"Inuyasha, I didn't mean to do that, I just…I was so angry…" she told him, grabbing his shoulder as though she was willing him to understand. "I really didn't mean to hit you…did it hurt?"
"Feh! Of course it didn't!" Inuyasha was suddenly himself again. "Like a weak human girl like you could possibly hurt me."
"I guess not." Kagome gave him a small smile. "But I seriously am very sorry. I shouldn't have done that."
"It's okay, I might have been acting kind of…weird." Inuyasha admitted. "But I just didn't want you to leave, and I didn't know what else to do."
"You could just tell me that you'll miss me instead of acting so silly." Kagome smiled tenderly at him.
"Kagome," Inuyasha engulfed her in a possessive hug. "I'll miss you." He whispered into her hair. Kagome gasped, not expecting him to show such strong emotions.
"I…Inuyasha…I…" she murmured, not knowing exactly how to respond.
"Do you promise you'll visit?" he asked her in a voice so intense she was almost afraid to say no.
"Of course I will." She told him, relishing the feel of his arms around her. "And you could always come visit me, you know. I'm sure it's no trouble for a powerful youkai like you."
"Hanyou." He corrected.
"But…before I left, I wanted you to have this." Kagome backed away so that she could take off the chain she always wore that carried the Shikon jewel on it. "I've thought about this a long time, and I know how much this means to you. Also, if you make a wish on this jewel, it will disappear and no one will ever misuse it again. I want you to have it. You worked harder than anyone else for it."
"I…thank you…" Inuyasha took the jewel from her, but he couldn't believe that he had it after all this time. "I promise I'll be careful with it. I'll use it the right way."
"I know you will." Kagome smiled. "Now, there's one more thing I need to do before I leave." Kagome reached forward, her hands drifting over Inuyasha's neck, and for a moment, he thought that she was going to kiss him. And the strange part was, this didn't bother him at all. Instead, though, she pulled the rosary beads off of him gently. He stared at her in disbelief. This really was it. She had freed him and given him the jewel he had worked so hard for. Now there was nothing left to tie them together.
"You…you didn't have to take it off. Only you can make it work, so it wouldn't matter if you were gone." He told her, feeling slightly disappointed that they didn't have that thing to tie them together anymore.
"No, I had to. I should have done it a long time ago, but I needed to learn to let go of you first." She told him, touching his cheek lightly before picking up the beads and standing to leave. "Are you coming?"
"I think I'd rather remember you alone. It's my memory, and no one else's." he spoke, for once sounding thoughtful. Kagome was momentarily speechless, but then she leaned over to kiss the tip of his nose.
"You're wrong. It's mine as well." She smiled sweetly before she left, and Inuyasha let out a huge breath as the door closed. For some reason, he felt like there had just been a huge turning point in his life, and it upset him to know that he'd had no choice in the matter. Or had he?
*****
The End (Of Part 1, That Is)