Jean sits at the table absently staring into the nothingness. Her mind swirling with all that needs to be done. Council meeting notes put aside for another time. Today is not a day to be a politician. Abruptly, Jean stands to check the biscuit tin; Matthew was caught stealing one just this morning. Glancing into the sunroom, the empty pots are waiting for new flowers to be planted. Something for them to do together. She huffs to herself that pacing the floor will not make time go quicker. Just as the kettle is placed on the stove, the distinct sound of crunching gravel in the driveway comes through the open window. As Jean's heart skips a beat, heading towards the door a small knock echoes in the hall. Before the door is even open she hears the giggle. Jean scoops her granddaughter up in a big twirl, a wide smile and bouncing chestnut curls on both. Two weeks with Amelia is just what she needs.
After a light lunch, Christopher and Ruby are on their way for a much needed vacation alone. Jean got a sense during lunch that there may be more to the vacation than Christopher let on but it isn't her place to pry. If and when Christopher is ready he will tell her. The taxi is barely out of the driveway when Amelia takes Jean's fingers and starts swinging their joined hands as they make their way back into the house.
"Well, poppet, shall we get your things settled in your room?" With that Amelia's face dropped. Jean bends down so she can be eye level with Amelia worrying that maybe the reality that mummy and daddy were gone is settling in the 4 year old's mind. "What is the matter sweetie? Are you sad that you are left here?"
"Oh, no Nana! I love that I'm staying here with you. I just want to sleep in the big room with the sparkling ceiling with you."
Jean feels her heart drop like it is weighted down with stones. Trying to compose herself with a few deep breaths Jean explains, "I don't sleep in that room anymore."
"Why, Nana. Don't you like it anymore?"
"I like the room very much. It's just,". Swallowing back the tears, "it's just too big for me alone so I use a smaller one."
Running to the studio door Amelia yells back to Jean. "Well, Nana, if I'm with you, you won't be alone in the big room. Don't you think that would make Papa happy?" Before Jean can stop her Amelia has the door open and is struggling to reach the light switch.
Jean reaches over Amelia's head and turns on the light. Letting out a long breath that she didn't realize she held. The little girl immediately runs to the fireplace and looks up. Looking at her granddaughter's face then looking around the big room that has accumulated some boxes, furniture covered in sheets, Jean makes her way to sit. The tears are flowing and as much as Jean wants to stop them, hide them from her granddaughter she can't.
It's not the large cold room that is causing the tears but Amelia's words. The small child is right. It would make Lucien happy to have his 'girls' sharing the studio. He would hate that she shut up their room. That she shut the door on their space the same way Thomas had done when Genevieve died.
Amelia turns and sees her Nana's tears. Climbing into Jean's lap, Amelia's small hand running along Jean's cheek, "I'm sorry Nana. Daddy said not to make you sad but he said not to talk about Papa and I didn't."
The weight of Amelia's words land on Jean like a hammer. How many have guarded their words around her in the months since Lucien has disappeared? How many have avoided talking about Lucien in her presence? Do others really see her as being some fragile thing that needs to be protected? If anything hasn't she proven herself to be resilient above all else? Looking into the clear blue innocent eye of her granddaughter, Jean held Amelia tighter.
" You are a most clever girl and you have not made me sad. Quite the opposite. My tears are because I miss your Papa very much but we should talk about him, remember him." Putting Amelia down with a kiss to her brow, Jean stands up taking the sheet off the couch . "What do you think about getting this room tidied up? If we work hard we may be able to sleep in here tonight."
"Yes! Can we light a fire to make the ceiling sparkle?"
"I think that would be a wonderful idea!"
Later in the evening, Matthew walks down the hall and hears music coming from the studio. As he gets closer to the door he hears laughing and commotion. Peeking through the door he is taken back by the smile on Jean's face in the glow of fire light. It is a smile that he hasn't seen in almost a year. "Hey you two. Fish and chips for dinner?"
Jean catches his eye with a wink, "sounds good to us."