Chapter 1: Potential

Kakashi observed his new genin. Potential new genin, he corrected himself. After all, there was no guarantee that they would pass his test. Sure the civilian council wanted him to pass them. But he was a ninja, one of the best in Konoha, and he didn't have to give a shit what they wanted. Still, they at least had potential. Well, sensei's son and the Uchiha had potential. The civilian was… fairly hit or miss. He didn't blame her, but she was working with a disadvantage.

The jonin considered the bells in his pocket. He had planned on doing the bell test, but that wouldn't really be fair to them. He had spent enough time with Uchiha and he knew how standoffish they could be. And to fail the civilian and sensei's son because of a moody Uchiha just wasn't really his style. So just this once, he would ignore tradition.

His mind made up, Kakashi shushin'ed into the classroom.

"Hey kiddos. I'm Kakashi Hatake. Note! You're not genin yet. Pass my test and you will be. Fail my test and its back to the academy with you. Meet me at Training Field 17 at 7:00 tomorrow. Don't eat or you'll throw up. Caio."

With that he shushin'ed back out of the room, leaving his potential students to curse his name in disbelief. Ah good times. Messing with baby genin was always a treat.

10:00. Kakashi checked his watch, before stepping out of the tree. He landed in front of the three kids, one of which was complaining about the lack of food and his lateness, one of which was brooding silently, and one of which was drawing in the dirt with a stick. No points if you can guess which is which. At least sensei's son knew how to keep himself interested.

The three maybe-genin started at his sudden appearance. Before Pinky could complain about his lateness, Kakashi spoke.

"Your test," he said, "is to beat me. You have half an hour. Come at me with the intent to kill."

Unsurprisingly, the Uchiha recovered quickest, spewing a ball of flame at the jonin. Kakashi sidestepped it with ease and hurled a flurry of kunai at the kid. The Uchiha twisted out of the way of most of them, but the sheer quantity overwhelmed him, hammering into soft flesh. Fire jutsu were mostly pointless against him. Kakashi had spent enough time around Obito to learn how to avoid most fire jutsu. His old teammate had loved spamming them at every opportunity, and so Kakashi knew fire inside and out.

Surprisingly, Pinky was the next to attack him, throwing herself at him in a textbook academy taijutsu strike. Kakashi almost laughed. His rival was Maito Guy, one of the foremost taijutsu experts in Konoha, if not the entirety of the elemental nations. Academy taijutsu, no matter how perfect, wasn't even a challenge. He countered her knife hand strike with a Crane-Wing style Gan Jiang block before driving the breath from her lungs with a Mo Ye strike. She hit the ground and didn't get back up.

Kakashi turned to the only remaining kid. Sensei's son regarded him. "So, when you say 'intent to kill,' that means you'll be able to survive whatever I throw at you?" the kid questioned.

"Oh?" Kakashi eye-smiled at the kid. "Of course. I'm a Jonin, after all. A genin isn't going to take me down."

Sensei's son nodded. "Just making sure. I mean, it's not as if they'd assign an incompetent to…"

And then Kakashi's world exploded. The earth around him shattered and fire and smoke filled his eyes. His ears rang with a high-pitched whine. It was a good trap. Distract the target by talking and catch them off guard. Perhaps using Obito's eye would have allowed him to see it coming. But then, that would be a bit cheating, especially against not-even-genin.

Still, the trap was well made. Fire, to throw one off balance and terrify them. Smoke, to prevent vision. And noise, to cancel out detection of an attacker. Too bad Kakashi was quite used to the chaos of battle—and didn't need to see to substitute.

He disappeared from the cloud, swapping with a nearby log. He landed on a tree branch and surveyed the Training Ground. The ground where he had been standing had been torn asunder. Kakashi looked a bit to the side, and found himself staring into a pair of blue eyes. The owner grinned at Kakashi.

"Damn, you're the real thing," sensei's son chuckled. "Substitution from memory, in spite of the fire and the noise?"

Kakashi dropped from the tree. "Spot on, very good. You planted explosive tags?"

Sensei's son shrugged. "Not as such, but something else with more or less the same effect. There was poison gas mixed in, but you don't seem affected."

"Yes, well," Kakashi tapped his mask. "Enhanced to transform poisons into air. Useful."

"I'd bet." Sensei's son raised the stick he had been using to poke at the ground and leveled it at Kakashi. "Ready for round two?"

Kakashi tilted his head to the side. "Always," he commented. And then he burst into motion.

Half a second was all it took for Kakashi to cross the distance between them. Speed is armor. Speed is everything. Even without any enhancement or techniques, Kakashi had trained himself to be fast, first and foremost. It was in his nature after all. Literally, considering his lightning affinity. His fist slammed into the blond haired boy's chest. Sensei's son staggering backwards and collapsing to his knees.

"Ma…" Kakashi sighed. "Nice try. But not nice enough."

A pained smirk caused Kakashi to frown. "Hey, now. I'm not the only one here!"

Kakashi spun around just in time to deflect a volley of shuriken with a kunai. He was unable to completely block the textbook perfect Academy-style spinning side-kick. His ribs snapped under the force—and wasn't that a surprise? A little baby genin who could hit him hard enough to break his bones. More surprising that the attacks had come from two different sources, the shuriken from the Uchiha, the kick from Pinky.

Jumping back, Kakashi waved a hand over his chest. Bones re-knit, and within a second he was perfectly fine once more. He wasn't a medic, but one picked up a few tricks when one possessed the Sharingan and finely tuned chakra control. Still, he hadn't thought that the baby genin had possessed any healers. Kakashi looked over at them.

While he was distracted, Sensei's son had pulled himself to his feet. Now, the orange clad boy raised his stick in salute to Kakashi. "Media. It only heals a bit, but it's enough to keep my team on their feet. Moreso when you're not aiming to kill."

Kakashi frowned, though they couldn't see it on account of his mask. Announcing that you were a medic was a surefire way to get yourself targeted. It would be good to demonstrate that. Instead of charging in, Kakashi unleashed a hail of shuriken which closed in on sensei's son from all directions. Not enough to kill, but certainly enough to take him out of the fight.

The staff struck the ground. "God Wind Wall," sensei's son intoned. Every shuriken that Kakashi had thrown was blasted away by a mighty wall of wind. Kakashi blinked in surprise. That was on par with a low B-level jutsu. For a not-even-genin to pull it off…

He was distracted, if only for a second. Not even a second. Still, it was enough. The razor sharp edge of a dozen shuriken glinted in his vision, rocketing towards him. Kakashi grunted as he felt his ribs—what was it with her and ribs?—almost shatter as Pinky hit him once more, driving her fist into his side this time. A lesser man would have been thrown back. He just stood his ground, letting the force of the blow ripple through his body. It seemed despite his misgivings, these kids would do just fine.

Chakra surged through Kakashi's body, electrifying the air. Pinky recoiled, spasming, as charged electrons rushed through her nervous system, shocking her with a painful jolt. He ignored her twitching body and turned back towards the incoming shuriken. Before, each had been a whirling spiral of lethality. Now they hung in the air as if they weren't moving; though that was just a byproduct of how fast he was moving. In reality the shuriken were approaching just as fast as before, but now Kakashi was processing the world at a much faster rate. His reactions, already absurdly high, were now lightning fast. Literally.

As if taking a walk in the park, Kakashi weaved between the shuriken, coming to a stop in front of the Uchiha that had thrown them. A sharp blow to the Uchiha's throat sent the boy to the ground, gasping for breath. Leisurely, Kakashi turned back towards Sensei's son, crossed the gap between them, wrenched the stick from the blond boy's hands, and clubbed him upside the head with it. The lightning that had charged Kakashi's body receded and the older ninja smiled. Not that any of them could see it.

"Good job," he said. "You all pass. Congratulations. You are now officially Konoha ninja."

The sound of three bodies hitting the ground was all the response he got. Kakashi winced before looking around, rubbing his head sheepishly. His three baby genin were laid out in various states of injury. Pinky was still spasming, Sensei's son was out cold, and the Uchiha was on his knees gasping for breath. Whoops.

New story. This one is less in line with my other ones, though there definitely will be fanservice. You better believe it. But whereas the others are more crack with a helping of seriousness, this one is more seriousness with a helping of crack.

But what, you might ask, is this story? Well, in response, let me tell you a story. It's the story of a story. The story of Uzumaki Naruto, Sorceror for hire. An unfortunately incomplete story that seems like it will never see completion. I read that story… quite some time ago, I believe. It was fun. And it formed the inspiration for this story. The story of a Naruto who is no conjuror of cheap tricks, no child of simple pranks, no man of a jester's make.

Rather this is a Naruto who is assured in his strength. Who possesses power, and has learned to wield it. (Though he still has a ways to go, I'd reckon.) Who possesses knowledge, and all that entails. And who's also a bit of a pervert. But hey, I'm me. You can't blame me for adding a flair of the perverse to my stories, can you?

Still, it's not going to be all fun and games. People are going to hurt. Tears are going to be shed. Blood will run. The consolation? At least we'll get some boobs.

Side note, for those who care, I'm planning on uploading a chapter of Shattered Armour later today as well. Two chapters in the same day! Aren't you lucky!