Alvin and the Very Strange Reality

By Cedar Woods

Alvin Seville, as anyone who knew him could tell you, was obsessed with himself.

Granted he found he basically had to go back and live certain parts of his life all over, every time some snot nosed brat popped in their DVD copy of the Squeakquel (not that he minded seeing Brittany for the first again).

But still, considering how many kids must watch it (and more importantly, how popular he was) Alvin Seville just found it quite difficult to grow up.

Then there were the kids who scratched their DVDs, and it was those times when Alvin felt there were large gaps of nothing, or odd skips in time. Alvin was quite sure he had never done drugs in his young life as a child-star, but this happened so frequently, that he really couldn't be sure.

Simon also found it quite annoying that he couldn't ever test his new inventions. He too, was forced backwards in life every time some small minded child, pressed rewind on their remote to watch some scene for the umpteenth time.

And quite frankly who did this Betty Thomas person think she was?

Alvin, Brittany, Theodore, and Eleanor, all got to have romantic moments with each other. Why didn't he and Jeanette have anything? This pissed Simon off a great deal. But he kept his silence, and just hoped they would have a scene in the third movie.

'At least we'll all get to move forward a bit' he thought.

All the fans seemed interested in was the arrival of some woman named Ms. Miller. Apparently she was supposed to become the Chipette's new mom or something.

Simon looked her up on Wikipedia, and found that she had belonged to a singing group called the thrillers.

He also thought to himself, that she must have had neck problems, what with that huge beehive hairdo. He hoped, for her sake at least, that she had cut it a little since then.

Of course, Ms. Miller already looked about 60 in her wiki-photo.

How on earth could a little old woman, who probably had trouble doing the basic things in life, manage to take care of three (count four if you considered the fact that Brittany was like having two kids to deal with) young girls.

He was also extremely wary, when he found out that Ms. Miller had been involved in a number of traffic accidents. Luckily he found there were no fatalities in any of these cases. However he was still concerned at the thought of his beloved Jeanette in that dangerous situation.

Now Theodore was a slightly different story.

Theodore was the type of kid who felt comfortable in a simple unchanging routine. So it didn't really bother him that he had to go back and relive the same events every day. Sure their life prior to being completely settled in with Dave was a bit scary, and it always made him sad whenever their father would end up in the hospital because Alvin could never learn to control himself and would always cause the set piece to come flying down and knock Dave 20 feet across the stage. The worst was when mean children would laugh, and rewind the movie, merely to watch that part again.

It saddened Theodore and gave him nightmares.

That was another thing. The nightmares. Theodore was never allowed the opportunity to grow out of his childish insecurities. Any normal sort of kid would eventually (if given the proper love and devotion) be able to move past the kinds of things that Theodore found frightening. Sadly though, Theodore was forever crippled by the remote-control pressing fingers of small children (fingers that had tasty smelling crumbs on them which Theodore could never get to).

For all his talk about food, he never really got to do much eating. And what he did eat, wasn't exactly healthy for you. He wished that he could eat some healthier stuff. He had always been a little ashamed of his weight, and although Simon told him at least once a day that his butt was fine, Theodore would always try to adjust his green sweater to cover it.

Furthermore, all of the boys noticed strange names whenever the opening credits rolled.

Alvin was rather mad that some dude named Justin Long was trying to steal his thunder. Who was he? Alvin hadn't the foggiest.

Matthew Gray Gubler intrigued Simon, as his name also popped up in the cast list for a detective series in which he apparently posed as some sort of brilliant professor or something. Theodore of course, was frightened by him, and clung to his blue clad brother and asked him what a Gubler was. It gave Theodore terrible nightmares, until Simon explained that the monster did not have a very impressive name (Matthew, the grey Gubler).

Jesse McCartney appeared to be in music like the boys, but other then that they didn't know much about him.

It was a strange world the boys lived in. Very strange indeed.

Next time:

Brittany and her less important sisters have similar problems to Alvin and his less important brothers.