This is what happens when your teacher gives you an assignment and you're kinda high at the time.
Just kidding guys.
We had to write a Lord of the Flies fanfiction and it had to be a crossover, so in my crazy state, I decided to write a Batman/Glee crossover.
I realize that there is a slim chance anyone will read this, but hey.
Whatevah bruh.
(This story includes references to Justice League Unlimited and uses preseason 5 Rachel)
Onward ho lovelies!
Ouch, Batman thought. He rubbed his head. Where was he? Bruce scanned his surroundings. He was on an island, a tropical island, most likely in the Pacific, as he noted that some of the plants were native to places like Hawaii or Samoa.
How did he get there? Batman turned around and saw signs of a plane crash. He followed the trail of debris to a large scrap of metal. The ruined Batplane.
How did the Batplane crash? It was designed to be almost indestructible. He could already hear what Dick would say.
Yeah, so was the Titanic. And you're nowhere near as hot as Leonardo DiCaprio.
The next obvious step to him was to scavenge the wreckage. He wasn't even entirely sure how he got here, so he had no idea what he had with him. But, hopefully, Bruce still had his spare Justice League communicator hidden in the emergency compartment of the Batplane. Batman wrenched the thing open. He grasped for it, and felt its familiar shape. He pulled it out and….there was a, a something. A something shaped very much like his JLA communicator but it definitely wasn't it. Bruce turned the red shape around in his hand and spotted a clasp. He opened it and pulled out a sticky note.
For you, "Dad" when you're in a pinch! So next time you are in an emergency you will know exactly how it felt when you didn't kill the Joker for killing me. Love, Jason.
Damn it.
He did manage to pull out his emergency crash kit, but all the technology he could have used to get a signal out there was destroyed. Which was fantastic, really. Quite spectacular. Batman entertained the idea of trying to get Superman's attention by creating a loud sound, but there was no way to be certain he could even create a noise loud enough to get Clark to notice. Or, he could stick his head into the ocean and make fish noises to try and get Aquaman's attention, but he couldn't speak fish. Also, he was pretty far from Atlantis. His best chance to survive was to create some kind of smoke signal to see if a boat travelling nearby would notice it.
Now he knew how Ollie felt when he was trapped on Lian Yu.
He pulled off the armor on his costume, leaving only the spandex suit underneath. Bruce ripped the top off. Tropical islands tended to be hot and he was already sweating rivers. He stashed the armor and ripped fabric in a container, since he figured it could be useful later. He was about to pull his mask off when he heard a high pitched girly scream, kind of similar to the noise Dick always made whenever he tried to hit the high notes in Mariah Carey songs.
Batman trudged through the forest towards the source of the screaming. A girl, maybe about seventeen, wearing a ruined plaid skirt and a muddy sweater, was sobbing on the ground, successfully making her clothes filthier.
Up until the screaming, he assumed he had been alone. The fact that (apparently) others had crashed too was both promising and dismal. If more than one plane had crashed it was likely that the attack was planned. However, it also meant that there could be more supplies in the wreckage.
"I'M GONNA MISS NATIONALS," the girl cried. Tears were streaming down her face, leaving clear tracks in the dirt. "Oh my god, I'M GONNA MISS MY WEDDING."
"Aren't you a little young to be married?" Batman loomed over her form.
"Holy Barbara Streisand!" she yelped. Fear shone in her eyes. "Batman? Am I dead?" Her hands flew to her mouth. "Am I in Heaven?"
Batman didn't respond.
"Oh my god, am I in Hell? I'M IN HELL? I haven't even headlined Funny Girl yet and I'm dead?" She began to hyperventilate. "HEEEEEEEEHOOOOOOOOOOHEEEEEEEEEHOOOOOO-"
"You're not dead," Bruce grunted.
She peeked at him through her hands. "Huh?"
"You are not dead. You're stranded on an island," he stated. He held his hand out for her. She got up and wiped her eyes.
"Not dead," she said. The girl exhaled. "That's good." She grinned at him, showing off her white teeth, like she had been practicing for when she accepted her Oscar. "I'm Rachel Berry."
"I'm Batman."
"Is there anyone else?" she asked. Rachel looked around. "Are there snakes? I don't do snakes."
"I don't know."
"You don't know if there are snakes?" She made a face.
"We are on a tropical island. Snakes most likely live here. I was talking about if there were other survivors." Batman's expression never changed, but he did sound annoyed. This girl is more irritating than Damian at Disney World, he thought.
Rachel yelped.
"What?"
"I think I saw a snake." She pointed off towards a point in the east.
This was going to be a long day.
Batman's ears picked up sounds that resembled human motion.
Rachel gripped his sleeve. "There are people over there."
"I noticed."
They walked over to source of the noise. The trees opened to a clearing, revealing rocks, a lagoon, and two adolescent boys. One was skinny with fair hair, cute in the way that made you know he would be handsome someday. His expression was one that reminded Bruce of Jason. It was an "I just don't really care so just stop talking" face. The other boy though, was really short and fat. He had crooked glasses that he kept pushing up, like Harry Potter if he was addicted to Big Belly Burger.
"That one boy is kinda cute," Rachel noted. "He looks like Finn."
"Shut up."
Rachel shut up.
"Aren't there any grownups at all?" The fat boy said.
"I don't think so," the other boy replied. Both of them had a British accent. Batman assumed that they must have come from different areas, since they had a slightly different way of pronouncing things.
Rachel tugged on his sleeve. "Shouldn't we go talk to them?" she whispered, rather loudly. The two British boys turned around.
"Grownups," the fat one whispered, pointing at Bruce and Rachel. Bruce grabbed Rachel's arm and dragged her up to them.
"Holy Knight and Squire… You're Batman!" The fair haired boy seemed rather amazed.
"Are there any more people on the island?" Batman stared at them through his mask.
Rachel scowled at him. "Can't you be polite?"
Batman glared at her.
Rachel shut up.
"I-I don't know," the fat one stuttered. "We haven't seen anyone else." He appeared to be staring rather enviously at Batman's rock hard abs.
"If there are four survivors so far, there must be more. Follow me." Batman turned around, his cape fluttering in the wind. The three others followed after him.
"Ugh, could you at least take us down a clear path?" Rachel whined. "Broadway stars don't get tick bites."
Batman was considering tossing her into the ocean.
15 Days Later
Bruce glared at Rachel. "You can't order the boys around like your slaves."
Rachel flipped her hair. "If I don't do my morning and night time face routine, I will get splotchy and red." She snapped her fingers. "Drink."
Piggy ran up to her and brought her an opened coconut.
"Thank you," Rachel said, patting him on the head. She was the only mostly clean person on the island, due to the fact that she refused to do any work and made the boys do everything possible for her. "Besides, don't you have, like, ten Robins that do your every bidding?"
"There have been six Robins." He thought of Jason, Damian, and Carrie. "And they definitely did not do my every bidding."
Rachel shrugged. "Well, they don't seem to mind helping me." She looked at the closest boy pointedly. "Do you?" she asked.
"No Miss Rachel!" the boy yelled dutifully.
"See?" she smiled. "Anyway, you should probably try my face routine. Wearing that mask all the time probably gives you a horrible complexion, not to mention the awkwardest mask tan ever."
Batman glared at her again.
"Glaring solves nothing."
Ralph ran up to Bruce. "Sir, Samaneric want to switch off fire duty early. They say that they feel feverish." Ralph had become his assistant of sorts. He reminded him of a more serious Dick, and was easily the most like himself. Batman thought that he'd make a good Robin someday.
"Send up Jack and Roger. They were slacking off the other night, and need to make up for their lack of effort."
Ralph smiled slightly, as if he enjoyed that idea. "Yes, sir." He saluted and ran off into the distance.
"So I can't order around all the other boys, but you can?" She crossed her arms and did her best Batman glare impression.
"I do it to keep everyone from killing each other." Batman's expression never wavered. "You do it for selfish purposes."
Rachel scoffed. "I am not selfish."
"Really?" He started to walk away, but Rachel gripped his arm.
"Hey! I'm not one of your crazy Bat villains," she said, releasing his arm. "But I am a prisoner. I am trapped and alone and the only girl, in the only situation where that's not a good thing and I feel very trapped and-" She started to cry. "I'm a prisoner of an island, and I feel like God is punishing me and you think that I'm selfish when really I'm just stressed."
Batman decided not to mention that she bore a strong resemblance to Harley Quinn at this moment.
"I have been taken away from my fiancé, my life, and my- my," she choked through her tears, "Nationals award, and I am stuck on this island with an urban legend, and- and a bunch of adolescent boys." She collapsed on the ground and screamed/sobbed. Some of the boys came over and started to comfort her. "I'm gonna go crazy here and then you'll have- have to lock me up in ARKHAM. Everyone probably thinks I'm DEAD. Mr. Shuchster and Finn and my dads think I'm DEADDDDD."
Contrary to public (and Superman) belief, Batman wasn't completely heartless. He sighed. "Fine, you can take the day off and get a mud facial or whatever."
He started to walk away when he heard something like music start to sound in the air. Bruce turned around.
"What the-"
Rachel had gotten up off the ground. The choir boys were standing behind her in perfect formation, and melancholy music filled the air.
"Daylight
See the dew on the sunflower
And the rose that is fading
Roses wither away
Like the sunflower
I yearn to turn my face to the dawn
I am waiting for the day."
She was singing, and the choir boys hummed and danced in the background. Rachel didn't look perturbed, as if it was completely normal.
One of the choir boys was crying. "Why does this keep happening?" Another was shaking as if he didn't have control over his body.
"Memory
All alone in the moonlight
I can smile at the old days
I was beautiful then
I remember
A time I knew what happiness was
Let the memory live again."
Batman face-palmed. "Not this again." He vaguely wondered if Rachel had some sort of curse on her that caused the people around to just start singing whenever she did. He made a mental note to call up Dr. Fate or Zatanna when he got off the island to try and remove it from her. No one should have to suffer from something that horrible. Dick and Jason would probably enjoy it though. A disturbing image of Jason beating up a bomber while singing "Let it Go" passed through his mind. He shuddered.
Suddenly he felt a strange urge in the back of his throat to break into song.
"Am I blue?
Am I blue?
Ain't these tears in my eyes telling you?"
He covered his mouth and ran deep into the forest to get as far away from Rachel as possible. Bruce hadn't been in a musical number yet and he intended to keep it that way.
Sometimes he really wished he didn't have a code against killing.
The End.
Told you I was high.