Shadows of a Love to be Found
By: The Raven Twins (StarlitRaven, and SummerRaven)
T'pol/Trip
I don't own star trek I cant say these are mine don't hate, or sue me please.
"Commander Tucker Personal Log:
The doc says that givin' my experience over the last month…'Its hard t' believe it was only a month'… I should record the events in a log to try an' come to grips with some o' what happened. Says that it'll allow me t' gain some a' the closer I need. But I know better I'll never forget an' the memory o' what happened'll never diminish. I still ache to feel her in my arms again. Well if I'm gonna to do this, I'll do it right, I'll start at the beginning…"
"We were on our way back from deliverin' supplies t' the medical facility on the space station. We had almost made it back t' the shuttle when all hell broke loose, there was a loud noise 'comp'nied by a burst o' light so fer a moment T'pol an' I were blinded. While we were tryin' t' get outta there they attacked we didn' even have time t' grab fer our phase pistols b'for we were knocked out. They used some kinda injection the last thing I remember was seein' them do the same t' T'pol an' thinkin' 'bout how much I wanted to break there heads 'cause they attacked her."
"I dunno how long I was kept under, but when I started comin' around I heard voices in a language I didn' recognize. My head hurt an' so did most o' my body. Then I thought about T'pol an' wondered if she was awake as well. I opened my eyes a crack t' see if she was near me. Nothin' could have prepared me fer what I saw. We were in the middle o' three bulky aliens, one o' them hit T'pol. She had been standing but she fell t' the deck. What struck me hardest was T'pol 'erself. She was cryin'. It only took me a moment to regain my wits b'for I could think otherwise- which I realized later was a mistake- I jumped up with all my strength and, usin' all the self defense I learned in the academy, I knocked the guards to the ground an' when went to look at T'pol, she shied away from me and that I knew somethin' was terribly wrong. She was tremblin'-"
"Computer pause log:" (He stands and begins to pace) "Gawd, I cringe to think what might 'ave happened if I hadn't woke up then 'r if I hadn't been there, and I get so angry I cant stop shakin'. Okay Tucker, just take a deep breath" (sits slowly)…"Computer resume log entry:"
"-When I asked 'T'pol, are you all right' she looked at me in the strangest way an' said, "I know you?" it was half a statement an' half a question like she wasn't sure. I got m'first look in her eyes at that point an' what I saw broke my heart. She was scared. I couldn' believe it. The beautiful, strong woman I knew was nowhere in the eyes that stared at me with a mix o' fear an' wonder. I did the only thing I could think of- I wrapped my arms around her and stroked her hair, all the while whisperin' 'its all right, T'pol. Its okay, we'll get though this.' My voice seemed t' calm 'er down an' I nearly jumped out o' my skin when I heard her whisper, 'Trip.' I knew it wasn't much but she at least knew my name. I got excited an' said, 'Yes, yes that's right, y'know me?' She looked unsure an' replied, 'Your voice, it sounds...' She never got t' finish 'cause at that moment more guards came in an' used some kind o' weapon t' shoot T'pol unconscious, then I went down under a blow from one o' our new guests. O'viously he was mad that I knocked out his friends. I remember my last thoughts just b'for I lost consciousness were of T'pol, 'For as long as we are here I am not gonna leave her alone.'"
"Computer pause log: Strange, I didn' even like 'er. We fought more of'en than not on the enterprise, an' yet my first impulse was t' protect her. I don't think I could'a done anythin' else- I didn't even think that we could have been there for years. We could have been in different cells, 'r we could have been executed. I know now I would have died t' keep her safe, I still will but what does it mean" (shaking his head)… "Computer resume log:"
"When I woke up the ground b'low me was cold but the light was bright, I wondered fer a second where I was. It only took a moment fer me t' remember what happened an' I immediately looked for T'pol. I found her 'bout a meter away. I allowed m'self only a second t' rejoice over that b'for movin' to 'er 'an checkin' 'er vitals. She was breathin', her pulse was strong, she 'ad a bruise on 'er left cheek an' her lip was cracked, but she was fine. I allowed her to stay asleep while I looked at our surroundin's. We were in what looked like a large valley, with steep sheer sides prob'bly about twenty five meters high. The only way out looked t' be a door in the rock face 'bout three meters away. The valley was about the size of a large warehouse, there were a number of small make shift buildings an' about a two dozen other humanoids about. I knew it was only a matter o' time b'for the cap'n found us, but I didn't want t' take any chances so I started getting' ready fer the night ahead. My mind kept wandering t' T'pol, who was awake now but still remembered nothin'. The bruise on 'er cheek was bad, but that blow couldn't have caused the memory loss. I kept wonderin' what had they done t' her…"
"We settled inta a routine just like the others. It wasn't hostile most o' the prisoners were just like us didn't know why they were abducted 'r by who. They were just walkin' along an' someone grabbed 'em. One thing I did notice that struck me as odd was no two were the same species. Our days were spent keepin' out o' the sun an' lookin' fer any reason why we were there, an' how we could get out. Our nights were spent in the houses we could build out o' what we could find. They supplied blankets an' food, water was found at a stream that ran though the valley. T'pol o'viously didn't like cold the first night so I gave 'er my blanket as well. She looked- an' I still cant believe this- guilty, so I told 'er 'I'm fine, I always liked the cold.' That seemed t' help, but the next night she wouldn't buy it anymore. She tried t' give it back. It was illogical an' I told 'er that but she seemed not t' care. I saw so many things in her eyes over that month. I liked stubborn best. I thought it was strange then an' it still is now. We eventually came t' a compromise she slept on 'er side an' I slept behind 'er, close enough t' help keep 'er warm, but not in a position that the smell would bother 'er. An' that was how we lived fer two weeks."
"Now is where I think ill 'ave the most difficulty explainin' things cause 'ere is where I got lost. But I feel like I found somethin' precious at the same time, somethin' ill never find again but will carry with me forever.-Listen t' me I sound like an' idiot.- One day it was overcast so that night was colder than usual. T'pol was shiverin' despite both the blankets an' me beside her. I moved a little closer, hopin' that since she was asleep she wouldn't mind. What she did took away my breath, she rolled over in 'er sleep an' laid 'er head on my shoulder, put 'er arm across my chest sighed and settled down. In seconds she wasn't shiverin' anymore and she was smilin' in 'er sleep. I wondered fer a moment if Vulcan's dreamed, if that was why she was smilin', if so what was she dreamin', an' it hit me. She was in my arms an' she felt like she belonged there. Her face was perfect in the moonlight - 'r should I say lights cause there were two moons.- It didn't matter. All I could think was I had this beautiful woman in my arms, knowin' I might never have this again only made me more aware o' how wonderful it was. In that night I memorized all I could about her face I could stare at 'er fer hours watchin' 'er face change in 'er sleep. It was the most beautiful kinda torture. I relished in every smile, I worried at every tear, an' I felt the urge to ease every knot that creased her brow. Still now I can close my eyes an' remember every line, every curve of her face an' it makes my fingers itch with the desire t' touch it again."
"Pause log: As I pause and take a shuddering breath" (dripping with sarcasm). "What time is it, 18 hours, 54 minutes. Gawd, I've been talkin' fer hours, talkin' to m'self, people'll start t' think I'm crazy. Dousn' matter, cause I am I'm crazy enough t' fall fer her knowin' that she was gunna go back t' the way she was b'for. Resume log:"
"The night that'll haunt my memory 'til the end o' my days, was two nights b'for we were rescued. I woke up middle o' the night, an' it had been warm durin' the day so the night was warm too. I looked down at the sleepin' beauty in my arms an' had this overwhelmin' desire t' kiss 'er. I told m'self she would hate me, but it didn' help so I bent my head an' quickly kissed the top o' 'er head. Fig'red that maybe she wouldn' notice cause she was asleep an' all. SHE WAS WAKE. An' did what I never expected; she turned 'er head up and moved 'er hand from my shoulder t' the back o' my neck, -just THAT an' I couldn't think clearly- then she pulled me back t' her an' kissed me. This was not chaste, nor was it wild. It was pure…SOMETHING. It seemed t' last forever, then I stopped an' it seemed so short. 'We have t' stop T'pol,' I said it with my mind, but my heart was scremin' for me not to. She looked confused but didn't ask why, she just settled back down an' after a few minutes went back t' sleep. I felt like I 'ad just survived a warp breach, like the ground beneath me 'ad bin heaved up an' then settled again. It took me hours t' get my head back. Then I realized that as that woman she wouldn't talk t' me fer turning her away, an' as the T'pol she was b'for- and is now- she wouldn't talk t' me because I kissed 'er in the first place. I went t' sleep that night hopin' that one o' them would forgive me eventually."
"Two days later, we were found an' the doc found some kinda chemical in T'pol's blood, said it was ingested -It 'ad been in 'er food the whole time. That was what was blocken' her memories. He said it would take about a week b'for she began t' go back t' normal,-one week an' the dream would be over- said that the best thing t' do was get some rest. We found out the aliens that abducted us were runnin' experiments on alien in'eraction an' in the cases o' some o' the species memories were blocked so they wouldn't be recognized. We never did find out why they had felt the need t' attack T'pol on that first day, but not all questions have answers fer all we know the whole story was false. I guess I should continue, you'd think the adventure would end there but it didn't there's just a little bit more."
"That night I was in my quarters gettin' ready fer bed when the chime on my door sounded I fig'red it would be the cap'n with his 'glad your backs.' 'Enter' I called without lookin'. I had just showered an' was in my pants but no shirt, when I turned around to see T'pol standin' there in her sweats and that little shirt she was wearin' after that first mission when we were in the decon chamber. My breath caught in my chest at the sight of 'er. It only took a second to respond with, 'T'pol, what are you doin' 'ere?' too late. I realized it was rude. She looked upset an' asked, 'Do you want me to leave?' I felt like a cad "NO, no o' course not." She seemed relieved. I asked her t' sit. Once she did she seemed to gain the courage to say what she came t' say, 'Can I spend the night here…with you, I mean?' she said it quietly. I almost didn' hear her. My heart went int' warp drive at that one question. 'O'course, that would be fine.' She smiled at me an' I felt a stab of pain at the thought that that smile might be one of 'er last. She spent the night with me for three more nights b'for she became comf'rtable again, then she returned to 'er own quarters. That first night alone was torture; it took me hours t' find somethin' comf'rtable. It's been a week since she last slept by my side, and I still wake up sometimes thinkin' she'll be there and it's a shock when shes not. Makes me feel kinda hollow, bein' without 'er."
"She's completely back t' normal now, an' she still talks t' me. I don't know why she hasn't mentioned what happened. God knows, I'm too embarrassed t' talk about it t' her so all that's left is t' put it b'hind me. I don't think I ever will, but I'll consider m'self fortunate t' have had the pleasure of seein' the woman T'pol can be, even if it did leave me wantin' more… so much more."
"Computer end log entrée: Computer lock file my voice access only. I better get t' sleep not that I have t' work 'til next week; cap'n gave me enough time off t' recover from surgery. (Door chime rings) What time is it, 21 hours 04 minutes, who would be comin' by now? Enter." (T'pol enters, back to her usual unreadable self.) "Oh T'pol, I wasn't expectin' t' see you, come in an' have a seat. What can I do fer ya?" 'Gawd listen to me babble, can she just go I really don't need this now' "I came by to discuss what happened during our imprisonment." 'Funny how she can make it sound like it was so trivial' "Ya, what about?", "The night you kissed me", 'The way she says it I cant tell if she's pissed 'r just tryin' t' tell me she doesn't reciprocate the feelin's, either way I want t' be anywhere but here.' "Yes?" "It has come to my attention that you may have romantic feelings toward me." 'She makes it sound so technical.' "Ya I do, I'm sorry 'bout what happened. I wont let it happen again." (T'pol shakes her head at this and looks at him with a surprising amount of emotion on her face.) "Trip, I'm sorry about my animosity in the past, but I would like to change." (T'pol stands and slowly walks over to Trip, kneeling in front of him. She moves in and slowly kisses him. She's tentative at first unsure of how to proceed, Trip slowly reaches out and, placing his hands on either side of her face, deepens the kiss. After a few seconds trip moves away looking in her eyes) "Are you sure?" "Yes I'm sure." (And with that they kiss again.)