Evil Never Dies Anymore
AN: Just a sort of joke story to express my frustration at my two favorite elements to be seen in shows, what I depend on for entertainment (aside from comedy, nostalgic value, lovable characters, and good songs), diminishing. And who better to jokingly blame than some fictional corrupt executives? (well, some have blamed a certain terrorist who died four years before the decline started)
The Big Five sat at their desks. Their job was to make sure main villains stopped dying in shows and movies, but didn't care what was done with good characters.
"I still can't get over the fact that we're five of the first six villains to unambiguously die in Yu-Gi-Oh without any of that Shadow Realm censorship," said Gansley.
"Our original deaths were censored when Noah imprisoned us instead of deleting us," said Nesbitt, "but then we were dismantled along with the virtual world when Noah blew up the fortress it was stationed in."
"And our physical bodies had already been destroyed," said Lector.
"So," said Johnson, "I just did a tremendous achievement. I got Disney to stop killing its villains by threatening to set them up for stealing a boat. King Candy is, and will remain the last Disney villain to ever die. But I told them they could keep killing family members of the hero."
"Isn't that a whole lot darker than villain deaths?" said Lector.
"Yes it is, but I don't care," said Johnson.
"I'll see if I can't get after Supernatural," said Crump.
"They're not killing Crowley," said Gansley. "Might even be on the way to reforming him now. But see what you can do. Lector, help him."
"I don't wanna be paired with Crump!" said Lector. The two often got into fights.
"You will if you want to stay in the Big Five," said Gansley. "Nesbitt, you try to work on Marvel."
"Marvel?" said Nesbitt. "As in, the Marvel Cinematic Universe?"
"Exactly," said Gansley.
"It is very improbable that I will succeed," said Nesbitt. "Marvel excels at finding unique and spectacular ways of killing the villain, sometimes even better than my non-death at the hands of the female in Yu-Gi-Oh." Nesbitt had been defeated with an outline effect, but all the Big Five had survived their duels to return, Nesbitt in particular took Tristan's body.
"Offer them a whole lot of money you got selling your machines for war," said Gansley.
"Affirmative," said Nesbitt, and he walked into his office to make the call.
"I do have some bad news," said Lector. "I thought I'd convinced the creators of Winx Club to stop killing the main villain. They killed Darkar, Valtor, and the fairy hunters, but, movies aside, spared Tritannus, Selina, and Acheron."
"Of the fairy hunters, only Duman died," said Johnson. "Ogron, Anagan, and Gantlos just got frozen in the Omega Dimension."
"They fell into a crevice," said Lector. "They probably shattered to pieces upon impact with the bottom of the crevice, just like that bird that got frozen by a snake and fell in Season 3. Why the Shadow Realm doesn't anyone realize that?"
"I think Ogron, Anagan, and Gantlos survived too," said Crump, "and we didn't even have to lift a finger with them."
"Or maybe coz they consider them dead," said Lector. "But Kalshara falls to her death in some sort of void in Season 7, which I think is last season."
Nesbitt walked back in. "They didn't take my offer," said Nesbitt.
"You'd better find another way before Ant-Man comes out," said Gansley.
"It won't be easy," said Nesbitt, "Every Phase 2 movie has terminated the main villain. They even dismantled The Other."
"Well, I got them to wimp out on the dark villains in My Little Pony," said Crump. "They destroyed Sombra, but they just de-powered Tirek and imprisoned him in the Shadow Realm."
"They call it Tartarus in My Little Pony," said Gansley. "And I hear most other universes call it hell."
"But how do we know he didn't die?" said Lector. "That the damned souls of the Shadow Realm... Tartarus... don't spend their afterlife in cages there? They blast him, he appears in the place he'd go if he died..."
"Even if they consider him dead it was done in a very subtle way that no one would notice," said Crump.
"What about the Dazzlings?" said Nesbitt.
"What about them?" said Crump. "They just got their power taken away when their pendants were destroyed!"
"Affirmative, but they kept them young and active as human females for more than a thousand years. And you know what happens when a human has their magical source of immortality magically taken away after an extended period of time. No Immortal Inertia."
"Pretend none of us know your TV Tropes," said Gansley.
"It means, you age to the point you'd be at currently if you weren't immortal," said Nesbitt. "Mother Gothel, Edgar Volgud, Dorian Gray, Adam Monroe. The Dazzlings are over a thousand years old. After they ran off the stage, they'd age into dust."
"Again, too subtle for anyone to notice," said Crump. "And Starlight is the type of villain that's expected to reform, though I am pleased that over 75% of the audience hates her guts! But then the big Chrysalis return came, and she just flew away! They could have had her killed when her throne exploded, or had her end up like Yakon from Dragonball Z! I think I've succeeded there."
"Until Chrysalis returns and gets blasted to oblivion," said Lector.
"She won't," said Johnson. "She's just going to fly away again. That seems to be a Chrysalis tradition in both the show and the comics, now that we know she's impervious to long falls."
"And since she rejected the chance at redemption," said Crump, "chances of her reforming are 5%!"
"What about Midnight Sparkle?" said Lector. "We know she's separated from Sci-Twi, and she overpowers her and shatters her to pieces, and she's gone forever."
"She wasn't the main villain," said Crump. "Just the minor villain to take the fall, like Lord Kril or Politea in that Nickelodeon movie!"
"You like the Nickelodeon dub?" said Nesbitt. "The voices are less than satisfactory. The Cinelume dub is superior."
"I like how no one's mentioning the dub by 4Kids, who also does our voices," said Lector.
"Point is, Chrysalis will continue to fly away, and if she dies in Season 7, I'm a penguin's uncle! I mean, monkey's uncle!" said Crump.
"I'll send them a call threatening to put them on trial for disappointing me if she does die, or even reform," said Johnson, and he walked out.
"And I'll call the writers of Supernatural," said Lector, and he and Crump walked out the door.
A few minutes later, Johnson, Lector, and Crump returned.
"Well," said Johnson, "if Chrysalis dies in Season 7, or even gets the ambiguous Tirek treatment, then I'm watching all five Twilight movies."
"What about Supernatural?" said Gansley to Crump and Lector.
"We've done it," said Lector. "They've already written Abaddon's death episode and we can't stop it, but they're gonna spare Metatron, and promised me they wouldn't kill any main villain again unless they either reform first or get revived."
"But we told them to keep killing fan-favorites," said Crump. "They might even kill Death in an episode."
"They agreed on the condition that Sam and Dean still be allowed to kill monsters of the week," said Lector. "As our targets are main villains, we had to agree."
"I am a little worried about My Little Pony diminishing its subtheme of tails," said Johnson. "I thought I convinced them to diminish it, yet there were three instances of tailbiting in Season 6, one of which was done by Queen Chrysalis."
"Not to mention Fluttershy using her tail for buckball," said Nesbitt. "She's never really used her tail for anything before then, but here her tail actually plays a prominent role."
"That wasn't her tail," said Johnson. "She uses tail extensions. Remember Ponyville Confidential?"
"No she doesn't," said Lector. "That was a false rumor. If she did, she wouldn't be able to hold and bounce the ball with her tail, or wrap her tail around the Breezies, or around the tree branch."
"The tree branch was when she was Flutterbat," said Johnson.
"But everything else still stands," said Lector.
Johnson began to pout. "I told them to give her tail extensions right after Rarity bit Fluttershy's tail, thus biting a tail for the first time! They lied to me! I wanted to cancel out Rarity's first and, so far, only biting tails!"
"You failed miserably," said Gansley. "And we're out to stop Ghostkaiba's OTHER favorite element, the one that's more common to be seen. The tail thing is already rare but I don't care about it! We're out to stop villain deaths in movies and shows as revenge for our deaths in Yu-Gi-Oh despite all its ridiculous censorship!"
"I'm gonna frame them for saying bomb in an airport!" said Johnson.
"Leave it," said Gansley. "We have bigger fish to fry."
Several months later, the Big Five held another meeting.
"Gansley, you'll be pleased to know I've finally done it," said Nesbitt. "They're going to imprison Zemo with satisfaction that he disassembled the Avengers permanently, and as for their plans for Doctor Strange..."
"Hey, spoilers!" said Lector. "I wanna watch that movie when it comes out!"
"How did you do it?" said Johnson, who was very impressed that Nesbitt had gotten one of the shows that excelled at killing its villains to stop.
"I told them audiences find it too repetitive," said Nesbitt. "Which isn't even a lie, because some people do, even though there is a variety of ways it can be done."
"Well done Nesbitt," said Gansley. "This is our biggest achievement since Johnson got Disney villains to be spared."
"Well, I'll top it with James Bond," said Johnson. "They always have inventive ways for Bond to execute his enemies in all his licence-to-kill glory, even though he has half the kill count of Sailor Moon. All 21 main villains of the original series got the death penalty, but the reboot series have a different style, so I might be able to change their minds now."
"You're too late," said Lector. "I've already done it."
"You have?" said Crump, surprised and impressed.
"Dang straight," said Lector. "They had Mr. White commit suicide, but their incarnation of Blofeld was behind him, LeChiffre, Greene, and even Silva, and they said they'll have him survive."
"Impressive," said Gansley. "Now, we just need to work on the DC Extended Universe."
"And Sailor Moon Crystal," said Crump.
"It's too late for that," said Gansley. "Sailor Moon Crystal isn't getting a fourth season. But Queen Nehelenia survived the original dub, so if they do give it a fourth season, it shouldn't be too hard."
"I heard that Pokemon is killing another antagonist in an upcoming episode," said Nesbitt. "The episode's Japanese version is already out but it might get dubbed soon."
"Pokemon?" said Gansley. "But that show isn't even trying to appeal to older audiences anymore, and the only ones who do like it do so for nostalgic value!"
"They caught us by surprise," said Nesbitt.
"We could just prevent the episodes from getting dubbed," said Johnson.
"Two of the five episodes' dubs are already scheduled, but it's possible," said Nesbitt.
"I'll make the call," said Johnson as he walked out the door.
"I'll call them and see if they can't spare both Steppenwolf and Lex Luthor in Justice League," said Gansley.
AN: Yes, I know, the placement of these shows' release dates are inconsistent, but it's not meant to be time-consistent
Also meaning no offense to any of the writers, besides, LittleKuriboh made the Big Five members of 4Kids and portrayed it as a corrupt company in response to all the ridiculous censorship. So don't take it too seriously, it's more of a joke