Spoilers ahead!!! If you haven't seen season 3 episode 9 don't even read the summary!


Summary: This is a very short drabble I wrote containing Dean's thoughts in those few minutes after Sam left him bleeding to go after the witches and before Ruby came to save him in 3x09 Malleus Maleficarum

Disclaimer: Unfortunately, I don't own Supernatural. It belongs to Eric Kripke and the CW

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I deserve this

Stabbing pain floods my inside. Son of a bitch, it's like being stabbed from the inside, over and over. Those damn witches. It has to be them.

I've got to tell Sam. We need to find the hex-bag.

"It's the coven. It's got to be the coven."

The pain is so bad now that I can't even concentrate to say anything else. My mouth is filling up with blood. Sam's somewhere behind me now, frantically searching for the hex-bag. Next thing I know, he's rushing out of the motel door. Impala keys in one hand, the Colt in the other. He's going after them alone.

I try to call him back. If I'm going to die here on this dingy motel carpet, he should be here too. For once, he deserves to see me without the mask. He should see his brother without the game-face built solely to protect him from seeing his big brother hurt. He deserves the truth, just like I deserve to die.

I should be long dead by now anyway. Sam's the one who deserves to live, the one who needs to live. The other hunters, they all need him in this war. He's strong and smart and they need him that way. I need to tell him. He needs to know not to dwell on where I've gone.

No one could've saved me; I need to tell him that. I know he tried, man, I wish he hadn't. He'd always have his nose in some book or be online searching for something, anything. He thought I didn't know.

God, there's so much blood. I deserve to die. I should be dead. Dad should never have made a deal for me. I should be dead. Sam has to understand that.

I deserve this.

A/N: So, what do you think?

I promised mirrorofsin that I'd update [I know it's a little late hun, and you don't know who they are but I posted something! huge hugs