Chapter One

"Bella? Bella, love, can I see your arm?" I heard an angel ask me. I didn't even bother to open my eyes but instead groaned. What kind of question was that?

"Sure," I mumbled half asleep. I felt Edward's cool hands touch my arms and run his fingers horizontally across my skin. My fogged brain was slow to comprehend what Edward was doing. My eyes shot open and I tried to push him away. My scars.

"Isabella," Edward growled. "What the hell did you do to yourself?"

I stared at the thin piece of metal, shining from the light of the moon, on the cool tile floor with tired eyes. It was so small, so close. It could make me feel something again, anything but the constant numbness that suffocates me.

I picked up the razor and brought it towards my wrist with shaky hands. Applying just a small amount of pressure will split my skin and allow the crimson blood to flow out freely. There was a slight sting but nothing unmanageable. I greatly welcomed feeling that began to flow through my veins and I smiled to myself. I could actually feel something.

I watched the blood flow so easily out of my body with a small smile on my face. Oh, how I wished I could smile as easily as the blood streamed out. I moved up my arm and did it again and again, enjoying the new sensation. I bit my lip and dropped the blood covered razor causing the leftover liquid to splatter across the white tile and continued to stare at the fascinating liquid.

After sometime I decided it was enough and began to clean up. I cleaned my wrist quickly before applying some band aids. I bent down and picked up the razor, washed it off and walked out of the bathroom. I looked down at my wrist and smiled. Who knew this could make me feel so good? I shut my door and hid the razor in a sock before putting it into my drawer. I could tell this was something that was going to happen daily to keep me sane.

"I'm so sorry," was all I could muster out. He refused to let go of my wrist and continued to trace the darkened scars.

"Why?" he asked barely above a whisper. I pulled my hand from out his grasp and looked away. How could I confess and tell him that the cause of so much pain was from him leaving? Yes, of course Edward knew that I was in a great deal of pain when he left me after my birthday but he had no real idea of how much pain and self inflicted harm I had did while he was away. His icy hands surrounded my face and applied a small amount of pressure to force me to look at him. His dark eyes were full of fear, sadness, and curiosity.

"Tell me," he begged but how could I?

"Edward," I said closing my eyes. "It doesn't matter now. It's over. It's the past."

"It's over?" he echoed. I looked at him begging him with my eyes to drop it. He didn't.

"Tell me," he demanded with fierce eyes.

"You left me…" was all I could say with a lump forming in my throat and tears clouding my vision. I looked away when his face turned into devastation. I shouldn't have told him. Saved him his sanity from blaming himself. I should have lied. He would never be able to live with himself now.

"I caused this? You did this because I left? Why, Bella? Why?" A strangled sob escaped my lips.

"I'm so sorry. I couldn't live without you."

He grabbed my face roughly and glared at him. I blinked away my tears. He looked beautiful, perfection. I didn't deserve him. Another sob escaped from me as I wondered why he settled with me and my flaws.

"I love you, Isabella. I'm so sorry for all the pain I ever caused you. I promise - no swear that I will never hurt you like that ever again and will always make sure you are filled with happiness. I love you with every ounce of my being. Please, Bella. Please. Promise me you'll never do this harm to yourself again."

"I promise," I whispered.