With the recent release of the blockbuster film, Kid Icarus: Uprising, we here at The Generic Times decided to interview the actors.

We regret this choice.

You now have the "honour" of reading excerpts of this disaster.

First up is the actress playing the "wise" goddess Palutena.

So, I noticed you're a natural blond, why did you dye your hair green in for the movie?

Well, I thought that goddesses have a lot to do with nature, so I thought OMG, why don't I dye my hair green to get in touch with nature! Also, I look rocking with green hair!

If that's the case, why didn't you choose the role of the nature goddess, Viridi?

Because she is a kid, and everyone knows that it's Mother Nature!

So, how will you help nature next?

I want to donate money to the wild chihuahuas in Africa! You see-

-End Interview-

Next is the actress in the part of the goddess Pandora

So, you're a new actor on the scene. How did it feel to be in your first big hit?

Oh, it was wonderful, the director was s nice, I knew my agent was right when he told me to get out of my comfort zone.

Oh? What was your comfort zone?

Porn.

Is that why you wore such a revealing outfit in the Amazon Pandora scene?

Actually, I was originally naked, but apparently that was too "racy" for younger audiences. Thankfully, I was naked under the normal Pandora suit.

Isn't everyone naked under their clothes?

...That is so hot.

-End Interview-

Next is the -ahem- "rocker" playing the copy Dark Pit.

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So, what do you plan to do now the movie is over?

Well, I totally have my rock band career to fall back on.

Oh? I didn't know you were in a band?

Yeah, we're not mainstream because the man keeping us down.

Oh joy. So what's your band called?

Evil intestines. Do you want to hear our latest song, "That Baby is Possessed"?

-End Interview-

Now we have the eccentric billionaire playing the role of the moon god Arlon.

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So, what made decide to enter the acting business?

Well, I was talking to my teapot over a cup of hot zebras when-

-End Interview-

And here is another... "esteemed" actress playing Gaol.

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So, why did you choose this role?

Well, I heard I would be wearing a big suit of sealed armour and that basically decided it for me.

Oh, you like playing knights?

Oh, no. I'm just into bondage.

-End interview-

Finally, we have the actress playing Phosphora.

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So why did you decide to go for the role?

I was reading my tea leaves while listening to my whale song CD and my spirit animal, Yow Oshi, told me that acting would help me on my next step on the cosmic road of life-

-End interview-

Unfortunately, the actors -can we even call these idiots actors?- then decided to do a group interview.

Joy of joys.

Arlon: So then I told the moon, no, I will NOT marry your giraffe!

Dark Pit: OH MY GOD (BUT NOT REALLY BECAUSE WE BELIEVE IN SATAN INSTEAD BECAUSE WE'RE COOL AND GOTHIC LIKE THAT) THAT BABY IS POSSESSED!

Palutena: Then I heard Switzerland was very poor so I donated money to the gorillas there.

Phosphora: The Feng Shui of this room is messing with my aura. I'm sensing some seriously bad chakra right now...

Gaol: Do you think my next movie will let me use rope? Ooh, or as a prisoner?

Pandora: *To Dark Pit* Did you know that under your clothes, you're completely naked right now?

I sincerely hope my next assignment is better. Or at least less idiotic.