The Only Steps In This House (or, Every Boy Does It Once - Take 2)
Author's note: I really love the Brady Bunch S1 episode 10, "Every Boy Does It Once", where Bobby decided to run away from home. And I decided to make it a bit different. Well, practically, this time Peter did not walk in on Bobby packing his suitcase, and neither did anyone else. Also, Mike and Carol arrived home much later, when Bobby was already gone. The story also features references to some earlier episodes. For this one, I'm following the production order they are in, not the broadcast order. So, in production order, this episode is actually the 14th, not 10th.
Also, several later broadcast episodes in fact preceed that episode, such as "Vote for Brady" (11th broadcast, but 13th produced), "Is There a Doctor in the House?" (13th broadcast/10th produced), "Father of the Year" (14th broadcast/7th produced), "54-40 and Fight" (15th broadcast/11th produced) and "The Grass Is Always Greener" (24th broadcast/8th produced).
The Brady Bunch belongs to Sherwood Schwartz, I myself own nothing.
Bobby opened the door sadly, before walking out and sitting on the deck chair, with Tiger still following him. This night had been hard on him, even the talks from Mike and Alice hadn't raised his spirits. "You still like me."
That was right - Tiger was happy to be with him. But everybody else wasn't - at least what Bobby thought. Then he got a supposedly good idea.
"I'll show them, I'm not gonna stay where I'm not wanted. I'm gonna run away, that's what I'm gonna do – run away."
Bobby got off the chair, still sad, but now determined to make his next move. He went to his room to pack, followed by Tiger.
Bobby had been packing for quite a while with no interruptions, until he noticed that his suitcase wasn't been big enough to fit all his stuff, so he took Greg's and repacked his things into it, before finally slamming the case shut.
"As soon as I get settled somewhere, I'll send for you. I'd like to take you now, Tiger, but I can't carry all this and hold on to your leash too."
It took Bobby a lot of effort to get the suitcase off the bed, but when he tried carrying that, it still wasn't lightweight. He couldn't get out of the house unnoticed like this. There was only one thing to do. Bobby dragged the case to the window and dropped it down to the grass.
He thought of it for a moment. This was Greg's suitcase, and while no one would care about him (or so he thought), he still had to leave an explanation to Greg, so he picked up a piece of paper and a pencil, to write Greg a letter.
Bobby had some tears in his eyes as he finished and enveloped that letter and put it to where Greg's suitcase had just been. He was right in his own mind – besides Tiger, maybe only Mike and Alice (and possibly also his two older brothers, Greg and Peter) cared about him, while he didn't have that pleasant emotions about his new stepmother and stepsisters.
"Bobby, would you do me a favor? Save Alice some work and clean up the fireplace?"
"Hi and bye, small fry."
"Besides, we couldn't take you looking like that."
"Of course not. Who'd look at the screen?"
"Where were you on the night of March 9?"
"He did it! He's the one who did it!"
"I'm going to tell Daddy on him!"
Out of them four, he had been the closest maybe to Cindy, due to him being just around her age. But he still wasn't that close to her as he was to Peter and Greg, and he really found it unfair that some weeks ago Cindy had accused him of taking Kitty Karry-All, when it had actually been Tiger. Though he still had to thank Jan for voting for him during the mock trial. And still, a few years later Cindy would definitely be just as mean to him as Marcia and Jan, even though she'd still be younger than him.
But who knew, maybe he had done enough wrong for his family to hate him. After all, he had fought with the girls over the clubhouse (though this included Greg and Peter as well), and even though he didn't take Cindy's "stupid" doll Kitty Karry-All, he was acting too arrogant and selfish about it, as he was so not fond of it, had insisted on "male doctors and female nurses" (again, sharing the blame with his older brothers), insisted on getting a rowboat instead of a sewing machine (sharing the blame again), and had been very partial and rude that only Greg should become the Fillmore Student Body president over Marcia (again sharing the blame).
Boy, he really missed the old Brady life. Back when it had been just him, with Mike, Lottie, Greg, Peter, Alice and Tiger. However, his mom, Charlotte Jane Jones-Brady had died on August 8, 1963 of cancer, after the radiation treatment only proved to be toxic and ineffective. At the time, Greg was 3 months shy of turning 8 and going to 2nd grade, Peter had 4 months to go to his 5th birthday, and he himself was just a month shy of his 3rd birthday. So, he hadn't known his birth mother for very long, but she was definitely better than the new one. And back then, he didn't have any evil stepsisters either. Though he originally only saw Marcia, Jan and Cindy as "rotten", now it seemed that his new mother didn't like him either, asking him to clean the fireplace and giving him hand-me-downs from Greg and Peter. Probably because Cindy was her own daughter, she didn't have to get hand-me-downs, and his older siblings surely didn't get any hand-me-downs.
Bobby opened the door and carefully peeked around. Cindy was just walking right towards the girls' room through the hallway, so he retreated to the boys' room, staying hidden until she was out of the sight and in the girls' room. Another look – no one was coming. This was his opportunity, Bobby sneaked to the stairs and carefully snuck down, followed by Tiger. Alice was in the kitchen, Greg and Peter were not in his eyesight either, Mike and Carol were gone too, the evil older sisters were at the movies, and the way to the door was safe. Bobby snuck to the door and carefully opened it, before slipping outside.
„Goodbye, all of you, even if you don't want to say it to me." Bobby said quietly as he closed the door. He walked around the house to where he had dropped the suitcase. Bobby hugged Tiger for one last goodbye and walked him to the doghouse, then got back to the suitcase. It was still quite heavy, but in about ten minutes he was outside the yard and on a way to start his own life.
It was about 10.30 PM when Marcia and Jan got back from the movies, to found everyone walking around the house frantically and yelling for Bobby.
„What's going on?" They asked Greg who just happened to pass them.
„We can't find Bobby anywhere. We've been checking all the rooms, everywhere, and he hasn't turned up. Come on, Peter, we'll look for him outside!" Greg and Peter now walked out of the house with their flashlights, searching every square inch of the yard for their youngest brother, shouting for him. But whom they didn't find was Bobby, but they did find Tiger sitting quite distraughtly in his doghouse.
„Tiger, what's the matter?" Greg asked the dog, who was sniffing quietly. „Have you seen Bobby?"
Tiger walked out of the doghouse and led them to a grass clump. Everywhere, the grass had looked normal, except for this one place. There, the grass had been crushed, it looked like something had been dropped there. Greg looked up to the windows, and a realization hit him.
„That's our room's window! Peter, up there, pronto!"
In half a minute, Peter and Greg were both inside their room, checking everywhere for clues.
Greg walked over to the closet and pulled it open. No Bobby there, though it did seem a bit emptier to him. Peter checked the drawers. Some of them were now empty, yet they normally were quite full.
Then Greg checked under the beds, and once he had looked under his bed, he had the feeling something was missing. Then it hit him. „My suitcase!" He then grabbed the envelope which was there in its place, opening it and pulling out a letter. „Peter."
„Yes, Greg?"
„Looks like Bobby's gone. Here's a letter, and that's his handwriting."
„Well, read it to me!"
"Dear Greg, if you read this letter, I will probably be far-far away by then. Cinderella truly is real, stepmothers and stepsisters are mean. I don't know if I'll come back, I'm not staying where I'm not wanted. Nobody here seems to care much for me, and I don't know if you and Peter do either. So I guess it would be better for me to walk away on my own. Please forgive me for taking your suitcase, mine was small enough to fit everything. Once I get settled somewhere, I'll have the suitcase sent back to you. I'm sorry. Your youngest brother Bobby."
Then the realization hit Peter. „Bobby's drawers were empty!" He moved to the closet and grabbed Bobby's piggy bank and shook it. It was empty, and so were his and Greg's.
Greg and Peter were in shock. Mean stepmothers and stepsisters? It must have had something to do with the newest additions to their family.
„Oh god, what are we going to do now?"
Just then, Marcia and Jan walked into the room. „You found anything?"
„In fact, we did." Greg handed them the letter. „He's hit the road."
Marcia and Jan read Bobby's letter and began to feel guilty about their recent lines.
„Hi and bye, small fry."
„Of course not. Who'd look at the screen?" *laughter*
„Marcia." Jan got serious. „We've messed up bad!"
„Messed up?" Greg overheard it. „What do you mean?"
„N-n-nothing." Jan stuttered. „Let's go, Marcia."
Before they could exit the room, Peter shut the door and blocked it. No matter how much Marcia and Jan tried to move him out of the way, he wouldn't budge. Then they went for the bathroom door, only to have Greg shut it and stand in front of it.
„Now I got a feeling that it has to do something with Bobby's departure. So you're not leaving this room before you've told us what happened."
Seeing there was no way out, Marcia and Jan confessed their teasing. Peter was quick to get fired up about it.
„Did you really think what you did or you just shot your mouth off? Bobby may be a lot younger than you, but it doesn't give you the right to look down on him like he's second class! At least not in this house!"
Greg continued. „Well, unlike you, Peter and I actually do care about Bobby. And you've hurt his feelings!"
„What?" Marcia asked. "You think we don't care a bit about him? Well, I'm sorry, we just had no idea that it could have such an effect-"
„Save it!" Peter yelled. „You two are responsible for his sudden departure. Though I could also believe Cindy had a part in it, when she wrongfully accused Bobby of taking her doll."
"That's really rich coming from you, especially when you actually voted that Bobby was guilty!"
„That was when I did not know that it was Tiger who had taken Kitty. And besides, I hadn't even thought it through, and thought that Bobby was just acting selfish! Now you two are-"
„Peter, cut it." Greg stopped him. „You girls may not like Bobby, but to me and Peter, he is our youngest brother and we'll protect and help him. Who knows what could have happened to the poor boy now, there are all kinds of stranger-dangers and sinister-ministers out there! Now if he turns up dead in the ghetto, then if I were you, I'd go and turn myself in to the cops, because there will not be a single place in this house where you're going to be safe from us."
Before Marcia and Jan could answer, Peter continued the rant: "Yeah, you better pray we can find him and get him back. Oh, wait, why should we even bring him back home for his evil stepsisters who will relentlessly bully him and drive him to yet another mental breakdown? Maybe we should rather help him run away to second uncle Francis, he still lives in Chicago, and there, Bobby can at all times be at least 2,000 miles away from you-you evil, selfish creeps!"
„Now just a minute! For starters, he's our younger brother too, we just should have been more considerate." Marcia cut in. „And second, how is all this arguing going to help us get back Bobby?"
„Us? You mean Peter and me. Come on, Peter, we're going to find him. And to you – bye, small fry!" Greg shouted angrily with venom in his tone, before he and Peter walked out of the room, smashing the door after them. Greg and Peter quickly put on their coats before walking out of the house and taking their bikes from the shed, to go after Bobby.
Jan was about to get up from where she was sitting on the bed and rant at her two older brothers, but Marcia pulled her back. "Don't bother, Jan. We made a mistake, and while the boys are being too outraged, they have every right to be. Look, Bobby is three years younger than me, but like Greg and Peter, he has been a Brady his whole life, while we've only been Bradys for a few months. Add to the fact that he's younger than us, it's only natural that Greg and Peter have the "protective big brother" sense. Best we can do now is to own up to the mistake, and pray that they get Bobby back, and don't let him run away to Chicago."
"Well, sure, Marcia. But if they should get Bobby back, then maybe we should, like, apologize to him, just to make sure we won't have any other problems like this in the future."
"They have to get him back, so that we can say we're sorry and resolve it. Keep your fingers crossed."
Mike, Carol and Alice were checking the house and the yard for Bobby, but there was still no sign of him. Then Mike sighed and started up his convertible, driving off to find Bobby, while Carol started up the estate. Carol took off west to check Van Nuys, Sherman Oaks and Northridge, while Mike turned south to Hollywood.
About 35 minutes later, Mike encountered Greg and Peter on their bikes near a hotdog stand in Universal City. Mike quickly stopped the car and ran out to them.
"Boys, what are you doing here?"
"The same that you're doing dad, looking for Bobby."
"I appreciate your care, but- Hey, I think I got an idea. We need a special way of handling this. Look, I know that's he's not that happy with our domestic situation right now, but to you two, he would relate the closest, right?"
"Of course, we're his big brothers."
"Well, you two follow me. If we find Bobby, I'm gonna talk to him first, and then I'll lead him straight to you."
"Thanks, dad."
They encountered Bobby about 75 minutes later at some Hollywood Hills schoolhouse. Mike did a double-take at a boy sitting on the stairs, and noticed that it was Bobby. "Okay, Greg, Peter, you know what to do." Greg and Peter turned to the alley, to meet Bobby at the end of the block, while Mike went to talk to him. „Hey, Bobby."
Bobby was shocked to hear someone call his name, but he quickly recovered and looked up. „Dad?"
„Am I interrupting something?"
„Well, I wanted to get on the train before you would catch up with me." Yes, Bobby was sure heading southeast, to the Union Station.
„Train? You going somewhere?"
„Well, yeah. I'm kind of running away."
„Well, I see. Why?"
„Lots of reasons. I'd tell you, but it's getting late and I wouldn't probably make it to the station, so I better go on."
„Don't you like it at home anymore?"
„No, sir, not as much as I used to."
„Well, don't worry about it." Mike assured his youngest son, knowing that he wouldn't actually get a chance to really run away as Greg and Peter were waiting nearby. "When a person isn't happy where he is, he has every right to look for a place where he can be happy. But you know what beats me?"
"No, dad."
"How very wrong we were. We all love you and we thought you loved us too."
„Oh, I do. It's just- I'll better be going."
„Here, I'll give you a hand." Mike lifted the suitcase, so that Bobby could easily get off the steps.
„You're letting me go?" Bobby asked astonishedly.
„Yes, if that's what you really want. You will write, of course, and keep in touch, won't you?"
„Sure, as soon as I know where I'll be."
„What about money?"
„I got nine dollars and 86 cents."
„Well, a lot of famous men have started out with less than that. Of course, you'll get more when you go to work."
„Work?"
„Yeah, you can't keep running all the time, you're gonna have to stop and go to work at some point. What can you do, Bobby?"
„Well, I can finger-paint and glue things."
Mike nodded. „I guess with that kind of experience, you can find an opening someplace. Let's go."
„I thought you'd be mad and make me come home again."
„Why? Listen, you wouldn't want me to stay around in the house if I didn't, would you?"
„But you have to, you're the father."
„You're very right, but I don't want any son of mine to stay when he doesn't want to." Mike handed Bobby the suitcase now. „Goodbye, son."
„Goodbye, dad." Bobby said as he continued to walk down the street, while Mike got in the car and made a U-turn, waiting for Greg and Peter to do their thing.
About fifty yards down the street, an older, poorer looking man walked towards Bobby. „Little boy, what are you doing out here so late with this suitcase?"
"I'm running away."
„Oh, you are? Well, have a candy, you want to come with me?"
„Dad always said not to go anywhere with strangers."
„I'm no stranger, I'm going to be your partner. You can't run away like this on your own, the police would take you back to your folks."
Just then, Greg and Peter appeared around the corner. As they noticed the hobo talking to Bobby, they immediately rushed over to the scene.
„Now you leave our brother alone!" Greg yelled at the man.
As the two oldest Brady boys made their way over there, the hobo started shaking. „P-please, I was just-"
„You get away from our brother, or you're gonna regret it for the rest of your life." Greg meant business.
„And I'm backing him up." Peter joined Greg on the threat.
The stranger quickly ran off, then the Brady siblings moved over to their brother. „Bobby!"
„Greg? Peter? What are you doing here?"
„Well, I noticed my suitcase was missing, and the letter was there."
„I'm sorry, I couldn't fit everything into my suitcase, had to take yours."
Greg took the suitcase from Bobby. „Well, why don't you let me carry it on my bike and you can ride with Peter on his bike?"
„Where are you guys going?"
„Bobby, it's a big world out here." Greg explained to his youngest brother. „We can't let you run off alone. So, we're coming with you."
„What about Dad, and Mom? Won't they be mad?"
„We'll explain it to them."
„I don't know, would you two really come with me?"
„Of course, Bobby, you're our little brother and it's our duty to protect you. You're still too small to go out there all by yourself."
„Thank you, guys. I didn't think anybody at the house would care, nobody said good-bye or anything."
„Oh, Bobby, you're worrying about nothing. We all care about you. Well, Dad and us do, and Mom loves us as much as she loves her own daughters. And don't forget Marcia, Jan, Cindy and Alice."
„Are you sure?"
„Don't worry about it. We know about Marcia, Jan and Cindy. We know, it's not easy to get used to having a new mother and three sisters all of a sudden, but they all actually care about you, and things will get better. And if they don't, then you can always come to us, we're your brothers and we'll always be there for you in tough times. So how about going right back home?"
„I guess we could, but I'm a bit hungry now."
„Well, can't blame you, you've sure come a long way. We can stop for a burger or a hot dog somewhere on the way."
„I'm sorry I ran away so suddenly."
„Don't worry yourself with it." Greg calmed him. „We understand it. As I said, when Dad and us have lived so many years on our own after our mom died, it's not very easy for us either to suddenly share the house with four new girls."
Greg now lifted the suitcase on his bike, while Bobby sat on Peter's bike, and they rode off, back to home.
„Hey, isn't this Dad's car?" Bobby asked.
The three Brady boys rode over to the car. „Hey dad, Greg and Peter and me are going back home again!"
Mike smiled as he got out of the car and lifted Bobby up in his arms. „That's good, because that's where you all belong!" As Bobby's older brothers joined them, Mike got serious. „Okay, it's quite late, let's get going back now. Greg, Peter, put your bikes in the trunk and then get in the car with us, we're going back."
„Um.. dad? We promised Bobby we'd stop for a hot dog somewhere. After all, we've come a long way."
Mike thought of it for a moment. „Alright, we can do it."
They stopped for a hot dog on the way back home. Bobby wanted to pay for it out of his $9.86, as trying to make amends for attempting to run away, but Mike refused, saying that it'd be on him.
The four Brady men arrived home quite quickly, and just then the phone rang. Mike picked it up.
It was Carol, she had decided that she'd call Alice from the nearest phone booth from time to time just to check in, but this time, Mike just happened to pick up the phone.
"Yeah, honey, everything's alright. Greg, Peter and I got Bobby back, he's safe at home with us. Okay, see you in twenty then. Bye."
And in twenty minutes, at about 2.20 in the morning, she arrived home and was immediately greeted by Mike. „Bobby, now you come here."
„I believe that means I'm in trouble." Bobby said sadly.
„You're not. Trust us, it's gonna be okay." Greg and Peter encouraged him. „Now go."
Bobby walked over to Mike and Carol, and Mike quickly took a step away, leaving Bobby there with Carol. "Hey, my little traveller, how are you doing?"
„Fine, I guess."
„Now Bobby, if you wanted to run away, you could have just asked me and I would have come with you."
„Really, mom?"
„Oh, really, Bobby." Carol pulled her youngest son into a hug.
„Well, nobody said goodbye to me or anything, and I didn't think they cared."
"Oh, sweetheart, everybody cares. And I bet you your baseball cards you wouldn't guess who cares the most."
"You?" Bobby asked. Carol nodded to this, so Bobby continued. "Even though I'm only a step?"
"Listen, the only steps in this house are those." Carol spinned Bobby around so that he was facing the stairs. "The ones that lead up to your bedroom."
Some time after she had said that, Marcia and Jan walked down the stairs. "Bobby, can we talk?"
Bobby thought for a moment, but after assurance from Greg and Peter, he decided to do it. „Fine."
„Look, we might have teased you a bit too much today, but don't get so worked up over it, we don't really mean it. We're sorry about it, and we won't do it again."
Bobby thought for a moment. „Well, actually I'm sorry for overreacting. Give me a few years and maybe I'd actually miss it."
„And one more thing. Just because we're now your new older sisters, it doesn't mean we don't like you. You'll always be our little Bobby to the end, and while we may not show it that much, we still love you."
„You do?" Bobby asked. „Well, I forgive you."
„Thanks, Bobby. Can we have a hug now?"
Marcia and Jan now both pulled Bobby into a hug, and all problems were solved.
„So, what did I tell you, Bobby?" Greg asked. „Everybody still cares about you." Then he turned to Marcia and Jan. "Well, you're off the hook, but I surely hope you learned your lesson." He said firmly, but not with the hostility he had shown just four hours earlier.
"We sure did." Marcia rubbed Bobby's head while Jan patted him on the shoulder. Greg and Peter smiled, everything had worked out.
„Thanks, guys." Bobby said happily. "It also showed that with brothers like you two, I'm never going anywhere from this house."
„Well, not on unauthorized leaves, or when you're running away. Come on, let's get some sleep now, it's almost 2.30."
"Oh, and Bobby?" Mike continued. "I understand how you were feeling recently, so for this time, you won't be punished. But you do know now that running away is not the solution, right?"
"Yes, Dad." Bobby happily walked up the stairs with Greg and Peter, with Mike, Carol, Marcia and Jan behind them.
Since it was around 3 in the night, the older five kids were all sleeping in 10 minutes, while Cindy, being only 6, had already gone to bed at 9 last night. Mike and Carol then retreated to their bedroom.
„Isn't it wonderful, Mike?" Carol asked her husband. „Talk about a happy ending."
„Yeah, Bobby went to sleep as happy as a bird."
„Darn that Cinderella anyway, you know that's what started all that trouble."
„Maybe we should write a nasty letter to the Fairytale Control Board."
Carol laughed at it. „Oh, Mike. Well, thank goodness all the other fairytales aren't like that."
„Goodnight, dear." Mike said. They kissed goodnight and went to sleep.
At about 10 in the next morning, when Mike and Carol were just waking up, the door suddenly opened.
„Mommy! Daddy!" Cindy came in distraughtly to their bed.
„Cindy, what's wrong?" Carol asked.
„What's the matter, sweetheart?" Mike tried to console their youngest daughter.
Cindy then spoke up. „It's Henry."
„Henry?" Carol asked surprisedly.
„That bullfrog I found today. I've kissed him twice already and he still hasn't changed into a prince, he's just the plain old bullfrog."
Mike turned to Carol. "Last night, you were saying about the happy endings?" But he couldn't help but laugh at it. At least Cindy's problem wasn't that big that she'd consider running away from home. They lifted Cindy between them and hugged her to raise her spirits.