THE PICTURE ON THE CORK BOARD.
3.17am
Sam wakes up with a start. His heart feels like it is going to explode and he is struggling to breathe. It takes him several long seconds to realise he's just had a nightmare. Again. Always the same.
He wipes the sweat from his forehead and glances at Jessica. She is sleeping peacefully and he heaves a sigh. He carefully runs his fingers through her long blonde hair and gets up.
He goes to the kitchen and pours himself a glass of water. It doesn't help to chase his fears away.
So he reaches out for a familiar face. A picture pinned to the cork board, next to a shopping list. A relic of his former life.
The picture is blurry, but Dean looks... so Dean on it. A big grin is plastered on his face and he makes a stupid face. Dean always plays the fool in front of a camera, as if he wanted to hide his darkest secrets and his torments behind a mask. Sam can't suppress a smile.
Unconsciously, he traces the contours of Dean's face with his fingers. He brushes them against his smile, and memories reappeared.
He remembers the fight. The last time they talked to each other. They told each other horrible things on that day. He wanted to hurt Dean, and he wanted Dean to hurt him. To make things easier. To give him the strength to leave for Stanford. To get a chance to lead a 'normal' life.
He remembers Dean's eyes. They were burning with anger and disappointment, and looking at them defiantly had been one of the most difficult things he has ever faced in his whole existence.
He remembers Dean's fists hitting his face. His shoulders. His stomach. Again, and again. He hadn't made a single move. He had received every punch without flinching. He owed him that much. And Dean had broken down and cried.
He remembers the kiss. Wild. Desperate. Forbidden. Unforgettable.
A tiny, salty drop falls on the picture but he doesn't care.
He grabs his phone from the table and his thumb frantically presses the keys to form words on the screen.
"Hey Dean, this is Sammy. I know it's been a while. I'm sorry, and I miss you. Just thought I'd let you know."
He stares at those words a long moment before he presses "delete".
He replaces the picture back on the cork board, drops the phone on the sofa and goes back to bed.
In a few hours, he will share breakfast in bed with Jessica. They will laugh. They will kiss. Maybe they'll even make love. Then they will go to university. Meet up with friends. Attend classes. Have lunch. Attend other classes. Go back home. Study. Talk. Have dinner. Watch TV. Go back to bed...
And he'll still miss something. Someone.
'Normal' is overrated...
Thanks for reading! :)
And sorry for the mistakes, English isn't my mother tongue!
Published on July.25 2011