Chat with a Marauder

Everything had happened in a flash. Harry still couldn't believe that Dumbledore was no more. He wanted to be alone for sometime. The guilt that he let Snape escape without hurting him was too heavy to bear. Not quite knowing his destination, he began to walk with brisk footsteps.

'Harry where are you going?' Ginny called after him.

'I just want to be alone for some time' said Harry.

Ginny nodded. 'Come back soon' she said.

'I am okay.' said Harry and he walked down towards the lake. He watched its calm and it had an instant soothing effect on him.

But dread swept over him soon enough. The pain of loss was unbearable. He couldn't even cry despite been desperately wanting to. First his parents, then Sirius and now Dumbledore. Voldemort had killed every single person whom Harry had loved and respected.

Dumbledore's last moments came in flashes before him and he shut his eyes tightly, trying to shake them off. Hatred rose inside him like never before. He couldn't believe he would ever hate someone more than Voldemort. If Snape wouldn't have escaped, Harry was sure that there would have been two murders tonight.

He was trying to calm himself down when he thought he heard a creaking sound somewhere nearby. Darkness had spread and it was eerily quiet. Harry's hand automatically tightened around his wand and he stood up on his feet, looking alert. It seemed that he was not alone.

'Lumos' he muttered and the light from the tip of his wand fell upon a male figure. He wore old robes and his face looked weary and his shabby greying hair was unmistakable. Harry recognised that he was staring at the figure of Remus Lupin.

'What are you doing here Harry?' Lupin asked looking a bit startled to find him there.

'Just wanted to be alone' said Harry, lowering his wand. 'And you?'

'The same reason as yours' said Lupin. 'Mind if I sit down?'

Harry nodded and both of them sat down side by side, staring at the calm lake.

The breeze made them shiver slightly. They kept staring straight ahead at the smooth surface of the lake without speaking, each lost in his own thought.

'I know how you feel Harry. I mean, you saw him die. It's not easy.' said Lupin finally breaking the silence.

'I feel helpless. If Dumbledore wouldn't have immobilised me, perhaps I would have been able to do something to that filthy cheating scum. I could have even saved Dumbledore. It was just the same when Sirius had died, I couldn't do anything' said Harry miserably.

'Don't feel guilty about it Harry. It's not your fault. Please, stop blaming yourself for whatever happened. It was Severus. He must have planned it all long back' said Lupin bitterly.

Harry didn't say anything and Lupin plunged on, 'I still can't believe Severus killed Dumbledore. I mean if there was one person in the Order whom Dumbledore trusted more than anybody else, it was Severus. How could he even think of doing it? We have not exactly been friends at School but I've known Severus from a long time. It strange... people change so much' said Lupin.

At the mention of Snape's name, anger had started to bubble inside Harry once again and he decided to change the subject.

'Can I ask you something?' he said, looking at Lupin.

'Certainly' said Lupin looking mildly interested.

'When I broke the news of Dumbledore's death, you kind of lost control. I mean the news was indeed shocking but I had never seen you like that before.' said Harry.

When Lupin continued to look at him without answering, Harry thought maybe he had intruded into something too private and he burst into a hasty apology, 'I am sorry, If you don't want to tell, I can understand. After all it's a too personal question -'

'No Harry, it's not like that, I would rather talk to you about it because I think you would understand me better than anybody else.' Lupin interrupted.

'You see I had immense respect for Dumbledore. He stood by me when nobody else did. It's because of him, you see me today like this - a strong man with a hope that things will change for good. I was very young when I got bitten and had it not been for Dumbledore, I wouldn't even had gone to School. He trusted me when others were slamming doors in my face. People were scared of me, they felt disgusted to be in my presence' said Lupin.

'Not everyone' said Harry quickly.

'Yes. And I am grateful to have people around me who care for me and treat me as equals.' said Lupin smiling at him.

'Dumbledore was almost like a father figure to me. He found a place for me at Hogwarts where I took my education like any normal student. Here at Hogwarts, I got wonderful friends your father and Sirius - both who left me and then there is Peter... he is another one whom I never thought would betray his best friends. When Sirius came back from Azkaban, I was happy to have him back. He was like a brother you know but unfortunately we didn't get much time together' said Lupin.

'Yeah, us neither' said Harry glumly.

'Destiny has been harsh on you since childhood Harry but there is no point brooding over the past when we can do nothing about it. You have got so many people who love you and you have to be strong for them' said Lupin reasonably.

'Yeah I understand.' said Harry nodding.

A comfortable silence settled between them and it was minutes before Harry broke it once again.

'There was something else' he began, cautiously.

'Go on' said Lupin.

Harry hesitated but then plunged on taking a chance, 'Tonks and you? I never realised...' his voice trailed off.

'Ah! Yes, you wouldn't know. We didn't quite see each other since Christmas, did we? So, what about that? Tonks and me - it doesn't seem right, does it?' said Lupin.

'No, it's not at all like that. I think you both are great together. But I noticed that Tonks was really sad because you probably don't want it to happen. I mean we saw it all. We were there when she... you know kind of confronted you.' Harry blurted out unable to stop himself.

A moment of pause and then Lupin asked, 'Have you been talking to Tonks, Harry?'

'No, I haven't. I guessed this from whatever I saw some time ago' said Harry honestly.

'I see' said Lupin.

'Why -' Harry began but he stopped mid - sentence as Lupin gave him a sharp look.

'Now that I think, is an intrusion of privacy Harry' said Lupin smiling slightly.

'Maybe, but I am still going to say whatever I think. I neither know anything that has happened between you and Tonks nor do I know why you don't want it to happen. But I think it's a bit unfair of you to treat her like that when she's ready to risk everything for you' said Harry.

He didn't know what was making him talk. He had never really indulged in personal discussions with Lupin before.

'We better not discuss this Harry' said Lupin in a tone which told Harry that Lupin did not wish to discuss this matter with him. Harry however, was in no mood to stop this discussion at all.

'Some time ago you told me that there are many people who love me and I should learn to move on for them instead of dwelling in the past. The same thing applies to you, doesn't it? You being a werewolf is your past and you cannot change it no matter what. But there are people who love you. Tonks loves you and you just can't be so unfair to her' said Harry.

Harry had expected Lupin to get angry for having to take relationship tips from a teenager but he certainly hadn't expected Lupin to laugh.

'I can see what Sirius meant when he said that you seem like James sometimes and not his son. Harry, you are so like your father and Sirius too. They would have done the same if they had been alive. I am quite touchy about me being a werewolf since school and they always cheered me up no matter what. I can see James and Sirius in you' said Lupin smiling.

'Did you listen to them then, back in the past?' asked Harry.

Lupin smiled again. 'Yes, I did, 99.99% of times.'

'So if they had been here, you would have listened to them, right?' said Harry.

Lupin merely looked at Harry but didn't reply.

'Thank you Harry. I am really touched to see that you are so concerned for me.' he added after a moment.

Harry didn't say anything more. He knew he couldn't say anything beyond that. He was glad he had spoken to him and if Lupin and Tonks ever got together, he would be happy.

'I wish we would have had some more time together Harry. I felt nice talking to you tonight. I have talked about my innermost feelings with very few people and trust me, I was quite at ease while talking to you' said Lupin.

'We will. We certainly will. Maybe not now but we should always hope for the best, shouldn't we?' said Harry.

'Thank you Harry and yes let's hope for the best. Shall we go back? It's been quite some time since we came here' said Lupin.

'Okay' said Harry and together they walked back to the School.

Harry thought about what Remus had said and smiled. Remus was like a fatherly figure, just like Sirius to him. Both had been his father's best friends at School. True, he had little more affection for Sirius than Lupin but that was maybe because Sirius had been his godfather. He had never been this frank with Lupin before and maybe Lupin was right. They never had enough time together.

'Maybe after the war, we will', thought Harry for he was sure there was going to be a war.

His liking and respect for Lupin had certainly increased and Harry felt rather good to share someone else's pain and make the person feel a bit better. He knew it wasn't right mourn over the past anymore. Whatever was to happen had happened and now he would have to face whatever future had in store for him.

END