Kankuro's mouth flew open and released a string of expletives so long it could have wrapped the entire world three times over. Gaara rolled his eyes, his mouth in its usual small frown. Kankuro demanded to know why they'd locked the doors to the room and then told him that he, Kankuro, was… well, gay.
"I'm not a fag, you… You fag!"
"Oh, please," Shikamaru said, "You're gay. Just look at you."
"Go die!" He began swearing again.
Of course, in retrospect, it wasn't one of Gaara's best ideas. Taking his brother out of his comfort zone usually resulted in having your ears chewed off. But still, it was unhealthy for Kankuro to stay in the closet.
And it takes one to know one.
Maybe it was the fact that he was the last person to figure out that about ninety percent of the people he knew were gay, or maybe it was the fact that he was also the last person Gaara had told about Lee.
And that Shikamaru had told about Chouji.
And Sakura about Ino.
And Sasuke about Itachi.
And Kakashi about Iruka.
Or maybe it was all of that, coupled with the fact that they had all locked his homophobic self in a room with them, and told him that he was also gay.
Or it could be the fact that two of those couples were dry humping in the left-and-right-hand corners of the room.
Whatever the reason, Gaara was rethinking his plan rapidly. Kankuro was starting to grow violent. He nodded at Ino, who put her hands into a familiar seal. She slumped over in her chair, and Sakura caught her.
---
I entered his mind. Holy crap! It was cluttered in there. It could do with some cleaning out. He really had some mental baggage to unload.
I quickly shifted through some papers, looking for love. In all the wrong places, it seemed. I chuckled to myself. But seriously, how much stuff did one guy have to keep locked away in here? I was surprised he wasn't off in a corner somewhere, crying himself to-
Then, I saw it. It hit me like a big, orange sledgehammer.
Gaara was right, he was gay.
I returned to my own body.
---
"You aren't going to believe this," Ino said, smirking. Kankuro's eyes widened.
"What… what did she just do?"
"Lee!" Ino called. The thick-browed boy bounded over.
"Yes?"
"I need you to get…" She whispered a name into his ear. Kankuro started sweating.
"What are you telling him?!" Lee's eyes widened.
"Are you serious, Ino-san?" She giggled.
"Completely."
"Will he…? Do you think he will…?"
"I'm not sure," Ino said, "but it's worth a shot." Kankuro started shaking.
"What are you doing?!"
"Relax." Gaara said. Sand came up and pushed Kankuro back into the seat. It was gentle, but he was still panicking. He'd finally caught on to what they were doing.
"No! Not him! Please! Don't bring him here!"
"It's for your own good," Gaara said, making the sand cover his elder brother's mouth to prevent further protest.
---
Naruto stepped into the room, a joyful expression on his face. "Ya mean it, 'ttebayo?"
"It is true, Naruto!" Lee said, locking the door behind them. Shikamaru smirked when he saw the familiar orange-wearing baka enter the room.
"Oh," he said, pulling out the chair next to the puppet master, "Hey, Naruto. Sit here." Naruto obliged. The sand finally released Kankuro. He was sweating even more than before now.
"Hi, Kankuro!" Naruto said, plopping down in the seat. Kankuro was still shaking.
Then, all of a sudden, he said it. "All right! Fine! I'm gay!" He pounced on Naruto.
"Eleven seconds. Longer than I thought." Shikamaru said, checking his watch.
"That's cute!" Sakura and Ino said at the same time.
"Finally." Gaara stood up and opened the doors.
Chapter 2 coming soon! Funny, no?