4-25-07
AN: This was inspired by not only my love for Chlark, but by my real-life love story with my best friend. Recently it's gotten complicated, and I feel so much like Chloe, though without my own Jimmy to run to. Anyway, hope you enjoy!
Disclaimer: I wish Clark and Chloe and Jimmy were mine, but alas, they're not.
Sometimes it really sucks being in love with your best friend.
I mean, when you're with someone so much, confide everything in them, listen to all of their problems, share so much together, how can you not expect to feel strongly for them? And maybe a lot of people can separate that strong feeling of friendship from something romantic, but with Clark, I can't. Even before I knew his secret, before he was the town's superhero, before he grew out of that awkward teenage phase into the man he is today, I've loved Clark Kent.
I couldn't tell you when I first realized it. Maybe it was when I first moved to Smallville in eighth grade. Clark was assigned to give me a tour of the school and show me to all my classes the first day. He was so nice and he made me feel so comfortable, joking around and making me laugh. He even let me eat with him and his friend, Pete Ross.
That was also when I first laid eyes on Lana Lang. Pete caught Clark staring at her across the cafeteria and told him to put his eyes back in his head and go ask her out already. I looked where Clark had just been looking and saw a dark-haired girl sitting amidst a bunch of other girls, laughing. Even then, I knew that Lana Lang was part of that crowd, the crowd I would never be a part of, even if I had wanted to be. I knew that I was a nerd and I was fine with that. I wasn't going to try to be someone I wasn't to fit in.
Turning back to Pete, Clark played it off, saying that he didn't have a crush on Lana, obviously not the first time that he had denied it. Pete just rolled his eyes and started asking me about where I had come from and why I had moved to Smallville.
Maybe it was the first time I visited the Kent farm. It was a nice sunny day, and Clark had asked me to come over after school for dinner. He said that his mom wanted to meet his new friend, so I agreed. Having come from the big city, I had never been on a farm, so that was a very interesting experience.
"Wow," I said, looking out through the pick-up window at the acres and acres of farmland.
"Where did you say you were from, Chloe?" Mrs. Kent, Clark's mom, asked me.
"Metropolis," I said, turning around to face her. "I've never been in a small town before, especially one with so much empty land."
Mrs. Kent smiled. "That land is far from empty. In a few weeks, it will be full of all kinds of crops: wheat, corn, soy beans. You just wait."
I smiled and turned back to the window. We were slowing down. Soon I saw a red mailbox with "Kent Farm" written on the side in white letters. Mrs. Kent turned the truck down a smaller gravel road and toward a red barn. She parked in front of a yellow farmhouse and shut off the truck.
"You kids have fun playing outside," Mrs. Kent said as we closed our doors. "Dinner will be ready by 6:30."
"Ok, Mom," said Clark. Then he turned toward me. "So, what do you think?"
"It's…different," I said, taking in the barn and farmland again. Then I turned back to him. "Are you Amish?"
He laughed. "No, we're not. We have electricity and you won't see any oxen plowing our fields. Come on," he said, "I wanna show you the barn."
"What's so great about it?" I asked, wrinkling my nose at the red building which I was sure would smell like horses.
"You'll see," he said, already a few feet ahead of me. "Come on!" Then he broke into a run.
Rolling my eyes, I followed. As I entered the door, I heard his footsteps running up the stairs, so I ascended also. When I got to the top, I saw what looked like a small living room, only surrounded entirely with wood and with a great view of the land through a large window.
Clark was standing to the side of a telescope, his arms folded over his chest, a proud smile on his face.
"What is this?" I asked. "Is this where you sleep?"
"No. My dad calls it my 'Fortress of Solitude.' I spend a lot of time out here, especially when I need to think things through. It's peaceful. And at night you can see the stars."
"That's cool, I guess," I said, walking over and putting my eye to the telescope eyepiece. To my surprise, though, it wasn't aimed toward the sky but down the road, at a blue house. A dark-haired girl, whom I recognized from the cafeteria, was sitting outside on the porch swing, drinking iced tea with a woman.
"So, Peeping Clark shows his true colors," I said, pulling away and smiling at Clark, who was now blushing a bit.
"The screw must be loose," he mumbled, coming over to examine the telescope, which we both knew was only a cover. I decided to change the subject.
"So Clark, what do farmboys do for fun, besides baling hay?"
"Oh, lots of things," he said, his blush fading. "I read a lot and write a little, but my favorite thing to do is ride my horse, Comet."
"I've never ridden a horse," I admitted.
His eyes twinkled. "You wanna try?"
"Sure, I'm game. Just don't give me one named Comet; that just sounds too fast for me. A 'Molasses' will work just fine."
He led me down to the stables and considered which horse to saddle up for me.
"Old Louise should be fine," he said, throwing a saddle over the grey horse's back and fastening it.
He held out his hand to help me up. I took it a bit awkwardly, briefly meeting his eyes and looking away quickly, and cleared my throat. I put my foot in the stirrup and swung my other leg over the back.
After Clark saddled up Comet, he helped me lead Louise from the stables and down a path behind the house. It went more smoothly than I thought. Louise was very responsive to my movements and she never went faster than a steady amble. Soon we came to a clearing, where Clark helped me back down. I took notice that this time, he didn't let go of my hand as quickly.
We sat down on the grass several yards away from the horses, and Clark told me about how he found that place randomly when he was first learning how to ride Comet. When he mentioned how he couldn't remember how to get home for the longest time, I made a joke about men not asking for directions, and though he tried to scowl, he ended up laughing, too.
Then there was a lull in the conversation, when our laughter was fading. We caught eyes, and I could see something behind his baby blues. Deciding not to wait on him to make a move, I leaned forward and laid one on him.
When I pulled back, I saw that his eyes were still closed and his lips still puckered, but his eyebrows were raised high into his dark hair. He opened his eyes a few moments later and looked at me, his eyes asking for an explanation.
"I know you've been thinking about that all day, so let's get it over with so we can be friends," I said. Then I looked at my watch. "We need to get back. Your mom should have dinner done soon." Jumping to my feet, I ran over to Louise and hopped onto her by myself. I looked back and saw him still on the grass. "Come on, Clark, I'm hungry, and you don't want a hungry Chloe Sullivan on your hands!"
He finally snapped out of it, mounted Comet, and led us back to the farm. On the way back, I thought about the kiss and how right it felt. But I knew that he was enamored with Lana Lang, even only after knowing him a week, and I wasn't going to put myself in the position to get hurt. So I could content myself with just being friends.
Maybe it was at that fateful Spring Formal dance when Clark and I got to dance to my favorite song, though, with the storm raging outside, the moment didn't last nearly long enough. Once again, Lana pulled him away from me, and once again, I was left to fend for myself.
Maybe it was just yesterday, when he returned to the Daily Planet office from the Phantom Zone.
He walked through the broken doorway and into the aftermath of Black Thursday. Reporters were rushing around the basement, gathering files and putting them back in their proper places, yelling across the room when they found others scattered across the floor.
I looked up and saw him standing there, in his blue jacket and plaid shirt, looking just as Clark as ever. He was looking straight at me with relieved yet somewhat haunted eyes.
"Clark," I said, pushing around my desk and running toward him. "Oh my God, I thought you were dead."
I threw my arms around his neck and he picked me up and spun a bit with my momentum.
"Hi," he said. "Umm, so did I. For a while there."
He set me back on the floor and I pulled back to look at him seriously.
"What happened? Where did you go?"
"A place I never want to go again," he said simply, and his face showed just how bad this place must have been for him. His hands still on my biceps, he trained concerned eyes on me and asked, "Are you okay?"
I smiled. "Yeah, everything's great now that you're here." I hugged him again, enjoying the feeling of his arms around me. I had been so afraid for a while that I would never get to hug him again.
"Umm," he said again after a few moments, somewhat timidly, pulling away, "Chloe…" He seemed to struggle with what he wanted to say. "Before I left, there was this moment that we, umm…" He looked rather uncomfortable, but I knew what he was getting at.
"You mean, when I laid one on you?" I said, grinning.
His eyes told me I was right. But I couldn't tell if he was just uneasy about the subject or what, so I just decided to brush it off, like I had done so many times before. Regardless of how much I would have liked it to happen, I knew that it couldn't, that he didn't want it to.
"Don't worry, Clark, it was the end of the world. It's not like I'm expecting us to hook up."
His eyes studied mine carefully, and my smile faltered a little. Was he expecting it?
"Yeah, me neither," he said finally. The searching look was gone from his eyes, but there was a tremble in his voice. He smiled to assure me that he was being honest.
I was thoroughly unconvinced, and I was about to say something when someone joined us.
"Hey, Bright-eyes."
Jimmy.
I turned around and greeted him. "Hey."
He looked between Clark and me, concerned. "Oh, bad time?"
Still recovering from Clark's odd reaction, I said, "No, uh," I turned to Clark, "I was just talking to a friend."
I could see something strange behind his eyes just then, but I couldn't think about it, with Jimmy standing right beside us. No need to give him false suspicions about me and my best friend.
Jimmy's a great guy and I'm so lucky to have him. He's funny and sweet and completely goofy. He always keeps me laughing and guessing what he'll pull from his sleeve next. He might not understand my obsession with the paranormal, having not grown up anywhere near Smallville, but he accepts it as a part of who I am.
Still, part of me can't help but wonder how things with Clark might have been. I know that I would constantly be second to whoever may be in the trouble and need Clark's help at the time, but I would be willing to overlook that, if only Clark would love me like I've loved him for eight years.
I'm sure he knows that I was covering up yesterday, as I'm sure he was too, but he must know that I did it for a reason. He knows that I did it not only to protect Jimmy, but also to protect myself from getting hurt again. As much as I love him and as often as he's saved my life, Clark has hurt me so much, and he realizes it.
Even if Jimmy hadn't come around, I don't think I could have let anything happen with Clark. Who's to say that he wouldn't just drop me at the mention of domestic trouble at the Luthor Mansion? I know this has been hard for him; I can't imagine how I would feel if my first love was with someone I thought was my friend, but who had betrayed me so deeply. But sometimes I just want to shake him and say, "Honestly, Clark, Lana is a big girl, and she can make her own mistakes. You can't always be there to protect her. Lana is one of my best friends, too, but you have to realize when to let best friends go their own way."
I guess I should take my own advice. It's time for me to let go of Clark. I know that his destiny is bigger than me, and as much as I want to tell myself that I could, I know that I couldn't contend with it.
I just hope he finds a woman strong enough to share in his destiny.