Title: Sedated
Author: Prawncocktailflavouredcashewnuts
Rating: PG
Summary: Erm yeah, just some thoughts I had on Logan's mutation and how it might affect his response to Jean's death
Author's note: Ok, so it's 01:10, and I just wrote this, it's not been beta'd so if it's absolutely terrible then I apologise. And if not, yay.

She sat at her computer, "I Wanna be Sedated" by The Ramones playing quietly on the stereo, and stared at the screen. There was nothing she could think of to do. All classes had been suspended until the funeral, and she'd already visited all of her favourite sites at least three times that day, and she had been staring blankly at the screen for over an hour now.

The midday sun shone brightly in through the window, casting light into every corner of her room, and she smiled at the irony of the absolutely gorgeous weather they'd been having since it happened. Since she died. She died. Rogue had to repeated it in her mind to reassure herself that it had actually happened, that Jean was actually....

A loud roar sounded from downstairs and she could hear screams and yells, and then the thumping of Jubilee along the corridor to their room.
"Rogue! Oh my goodness chica you gotta come quick!"
Rogue stood up in alarm,
"It's Logan! He's gone Schizo! And I mean majorly! Come on!!" The yellow clad teenager ran back out of the room and Rogue swiftly followed her to the scene of the disturbance.

The common room was destroyed, remnants of broken chairs and tables strewed across the floor, sofas shoved callously into corners, upholstery ripped to shreds. And in the middle of all the chaos, he stood. Well, he wasn't exactly standing still, he raced around the room, clawing at things and punching things, and generally looking for something to fight.

Rogue scanned the room, students stood around the edges of the battle scene, looking scared and anxious. Ororo and Scott stood across from her, seemingly having no idea as to what to do, other than to let him wear himself out, for neither of them dared get in his way with his mood like this. But Rogue knew it would be a long time before the Wolverine ran out of either breath or rage.

She moved forward slightly, into the "Danger Zone" and spoke his name very softly. He did not hear her and continued his rampage. She spoke louder, more clearly, but he was either deaf or ignoring her because when she put her hand on his shoulder he whisked around in panic and grazed her arm with his claws.

The look of sheer horror on his face indicated that he had snapped out of whatever sort of trance he had been in.
"Rogue...I..." The entire room watched him in terror, and Logan could feel every single eye boaring into him, filling him with guilt and shame. And he deserved it. He reached out for her arm, and started to remove her glove. He could heal her, he could make the pain disappear. Rogue saw at once what his intentions were, and instantly pulled her hand away. He looked at her, hurt for a moment, and scared. Hesitantly, she tore her tear-filled eyes from his, and ran out of the room. And he could only stand and survey in anguish the disaster area he had created.

As Logan approached her door later that evening, he could hear the harsh guitars of what she had once told him was the Stiff Little Fingers coming from her stereo. Louder than usual, most likely a signal that anyone who was thinking of knocking, shouldn't. But he did anyway. The soft sigh of her voice invited him to,
"Come in." and as he opened the door she smiled at him, with a sad look in her eyes.
"Marie," he began, but she cut him off.
"Relax Logan, I'm not mad at you. And I aint scared of you either if that's what you were thinking." She smiled again, this time reassuringly, she wanted him to believe her.

"Then why didn't you let me heal you?" He was confused, if he hadn't scared her, why had she shyed away from his offer of help? She sighed, and looked at her arm, now cleaned and bandaged.

"Logan, sometimes you just gotta let stuff heal by itself, you know? I mean, I know that you can't exactly do that, what with your mutation not really letting you and all. But Sugah, I think you've forgotten what real pain feels like, you being so used to everything just healing up in a second. Nothing's ever sore with you, nothing ever hurts the morning after, cuts don't sting you for a couple of days before they start to close up, and I think, it's kinda made you sedated. And I think maybe that's why you're having such a hard time with Jean's....with her...."
She looked away from him then, she couldn't look him in the eyes and say it out loud. She wasn't even sure she could say it out loud.
"With Jean's, death." There, she'd said it, and he flinched. It stung him to hear the words. Stung him to even think them.

"See, you're not used to dealing with the pain, it's there for a fleeting second and then it goes away, but this kind of pain doesn't just disappear Logan. It sticks around, and it's hard, and it hurts, but you gotta give it time to heal, and it'll get better. Slowly, I'll grant ya, but it will get better." She looked back up to his face, tears were forming in his eyes and he gulped down a large breath as he looked back at her. "And that's why I wouldn't let you heal me today, because I don't want to get used to stuff not hurting. Because there are some wounds that you just can't heal Logan."

He stood in the pale moonlight by the lake and contemplated everything she had said. And slowly a tear dripped down his face. He didn't wipe it away. And for the first time, Logan allowed himself to feel the pain, he let it wash over him without resistance. He didn't yell or scream, he didn't attempt to break anything, he just stood, and felt it hurting.