Summary: - Esme Masen is tormented by her troublesome past, and afraid to face the world again. She's frightened to trust, but more importantly, frightened to love. When she's forced to enroll in high school again, she takes work experience at the local hospital for extra credit and a chance to be of use.
But what will she make of the alluring and mysterious Dr. Cullen?
I don't own Twilight... I wish I owned Stephenie Meyer's bank balance though... sigh...
Oh, and Vigoratus Meus Animus means Heal My Soul in Latin, in case you're wondering.
Esme
"High school?" I choked on my oatmeal cookie. Amanda fixed me with a glare that plainly said that I was being repugnant and unladylike. She was always fixated on the inconsequential things in life – it irritated me to no end.
"Your brother goes," she told me, as if I didn't already know that. I opened my palms wide in a gesture that showed I was surrendering. Or pleading. Either way, I was completely at the mercy of the two most unfeeling people in the entire world.
"I'm aware. Need I remind you that I used to go as well? We all know how that ended up..." I trailed off, biting my lip and wincing as the memory of my high school past stung anew. Do you remember Carrie at the prom? Well, that was me. Humiliated, bullied, degraded and alone. I was an expert at not fitting in, at being a doormat, at letting other people take advantage of me.
"Esme," Amanda swilled her cocktail olives around her dirty martini as she spoke. "You are going back to high school. I'm not paying a tutor to home school you anymore. If Edward can cope, you can."
I resisted the urge to roll my eyes. Edward could cope, of course he could, because he was something that teenagers liked to call popular. Accepted, witty and gorgeous, there was nobody who didn't want to be my brother's friend.
Of course, I could see why. Edward, my junior by two minutes, was possibly the best person in the entire world. Anyone should feel privileged to be his friend, just as I felt privileged to be his sister.
"Can you not just spend your time with Edward and his friends?" Dad suggested. I didn't glare at him... I could tell that none of this was his fault, or his suggestion. Ever since he married Amanda, he'd lost himself, and my heart mourned for the father I used to love so powerfully. I allowed his appalling choice of new wife to go without comment, because I had seen how despairing and despondent he had been when my mom died, and I never wanted him to need to go through that suffering again. I tolerated Amanda, something Edward didn't understand.
But he hadn't been there. During the flu epidemic that nearly wiped out half our town, both he and my mother had fallen perilously ill. We were only just twelve at the time, and he was so out of it that he never saw how sick Daddy got, how often he would sit at his desk and sob uncontrollably until I found him and put him to bed.
He felt it when Mom died, obviously, but he was never shown just how completely my father seemed to fracture on the inside. I owe him this happiness now.
Though I can't for the life of me understand how he can be happy with Amanda-the-witch.
"Edward wouldn't take kindly to me spending all my time with his friends, I'm sure," I said quietly, addressing my clasped hands. I knew the battle had already been lost, but something kept me talking anyway. Perhaps it was just denial.
"Alice and Jasper seem to adore you, Esme... as do Emmett and Rosalie, come to think of it," Dad said kindly, his big blue eyes – the same shade as my own – beseeching me to concede that this was a good idea after all.
And, of course, I did what I always have done. I folded. I gave up the fight. "Okay, I suppose I could give it a go."
"That's my girl!" Dad beamed at me, whilst Amanda looked sullen yet smug.
"May I be excused?" I asked politely, feeling the need to put as much distance between myself and my wicked stepmother as possible.
"Of course, sweetheart. You don't have to ask," Dad chuckled. Amanda shot me a sharp look.
"But it's only polite," she said sternly, reprimanding me, amazingly, for doing the right thing. I held back a sigh and ignored her, scooting my chair back across the flagstone floor and making my way out of the dining room. "Don't forget to make dinner, Esme!" Amanda called loftily after me, and I clenched my jaw to stop myself from shouting something crass in return. She was a real test of endurance. I was in dire need of some cheering up.
As if he had read my mind, I suddenly heard a beautiful melody drifting down the stairs from the music room. A smile tugged at the corners of my mouth as I recognized the tune. It was titled "Esme's song" and Edward had composed it for me when I had been in a particularly unhappy mood.
I floated up the stairs, allowing my brother's piano composition to fill me up from the inside out.
As I reached the door to the room, I didn't enter, but rather watched Edward as he created the music, taking in how engrossed he was and grinning. He was always a handsome boy, but sitting on that piano stool, so absorbed in his talent, he looked somehow more than human. His ever-tousled bronze hair was spectacularly messy – he must have been running his hands through it.
He probably sensed me watching him, as the music suddenly cut off. He lifted his eyes – our mother's shade of emerald green – to mine, and smiled warmly.
"Hello, Esme," he greeted softly.
"Hi," I responded, raising my hand in a weak wave. He returned the gesture, and then shuffled along the piano stool to make room for me. I sat down delicately, and slotted my hand into his. He squeezed my fingers reassuringly.
"You're scared," he surmised, displaying his uncanny knack for being able to read my thoughts. I would've excused this talent as a 'twin thing', except that he could tell what everyone was thinking. It was almost creepy. I figured he was just very intuitive. Or perhaps we were all more transparent than we thought.
"Yes," I answered, though it wasn't necessary. He was making an observation, not asking a question.
"School here in Forks really isn't so bad, Es," Edward promised gently. I couldn't stop myself trembling a little at the word 'school'.
"You would say that, though. Everyone adores you, Edward," I pointed out in a meek voice.
"I won't let anybody bully you, Esme," he vowed, his voice solemn and serious. "There is no need. You're such a sweet person – and people will see that."
"They didn't before," I mumbled, hanging my head. Edward's hand found my chin and he jerked my face upwards until I was staring into his fierce expression. I shrank back a bit, and his face softened when he realized that he had frightened me.
"Those..." Ever the gentleman, he omitted the word he had been about to say, "...animals deserve to be locked up. Especially Charlie Evenson. I wish I had killed him," he snarled, finishing his speech looking impossibly sinister.
"You nearly did," I whispered, the memory bringing stinging tears to my eyes.
"I should've," he said darkly, and the threatening menace in his voice scared me again.
"Edward, violence won't change anything," I murmured. He gave me a very long, speculative look, before breaking into a crooked smile.
"Do you see what I mean, Esme? You're the nicest person on the planet. They'll all love you," he declared, and he sounded so sure that I almost believed him. Almost.
"You're being way too quiet, Es," Edward told me as we sped down the road. I gripped the edge of my seat, my knuckles turning white.
"Maybe you should slow down, Edward," I advised, hoping and praying that, for once, he would heed my advice. No joy.
"I like driving fast," he said, shrugging and flashing me his customary smirk.
"There are speed limits for a reason, you know," I snapped, sounding much more like my usual motherly self. He laughed freely, throwing his head back.
"It's great to see you're back to normal, sis," he teased, grinning at me. "Sorry, I mean, Mom."
I smacked at his arm, but I didn't put any effort into the hit. Edward always had a way of making me feel better.
That feeling only lasted as far as the parking lot of Forks High, however, before I was feeling nauseous again. Come on, Esme, I thought. Get it together. You're seventeen years old! You shouldn't be this afraid of a building. My head was talking sense, of course, but my heart chose to ignore it.
Edward parked the car and switched off the engine, facing me with a grave expression. "Are you alright, Esme?"
I shook my head, not trusting myself to speak for fear that I would burst into tears. Edward reached across the passenger seat and patted my arm reassuringly.
"Come on," he said gently, getting out his side of the car and walking round to open my door for me. "It'll be fine."
I climbed out the car shakily, and instantly felt a parade of eyes watching me. I ducked my head, letting my caramel hair fall over my face, obscuring my features as best I could. Edward shut my door for me, and took the bag that I was clinging to for dear life. Our mother raised him well.
"Hey, Masen!" I heard a shout, and I glanced up involuntarily. My eyes met with a dark haired boy with a cocky grin for a brief second, before I realized he was actually speaking to my brother.
"What do you want, Tyler?" Edward called back, projecting rather than raising his voice. Another skill our mother taught him.
"Your new girlfriend's hotter than your last one!" he bellowed. I felt a roll of nausea in the pit of my stomach. Please tell me he wasn't referring to me...
"She's my sister, asshole," Edward snapped. Oh, great. He was.
"Sister? Then hey, beautiful, wanna be my new girlfriend?" His friends wolf whistled, and I hid my face again, my cheeks burning with embarrassment.
"Go to hell, Crowley!" Edward yelled, linking his arm through mine and towing me away towards the office. I didn't glance up again until we were safely past the rowdy boys.
"Hey, wait!" Another voice, female this time, sounded from behind me, and I turned in time to see a very pretty brunette girl catch up to us. Her pale, heart-shaped face was flushed from the exertion of running, and she was panting a little, but her chocolate eyes were friendly.
That's why it surprised me when Edward was not.
"What do you want?" he demanded in a cold, dead voice. The pretty girl shot him a disparaging look, before turning back to me with a gentle smile.
"I'm really sorry about Tyler. Just ignore him, he doesn't mean anything by it." She smiled wider, and for a moment she looked radiantly lovely.
"It's okay," I managed to mumble. The girl pulled a face.
"Nah, he can seem like a real jackass sometimes, but honestly, we're not all that bad."
This girl certainly didn't seem that bad. I gave her a tentative smile, and she seemed to take this as an excellent sign, as she stuck her hand out for me to shake.
"I'm Bella, by the way," she introduced herself. "Bella Swan. My dad's the chief of police."
I nodded. I knew Charlie Swan.
"She's Newton's girlfriend," Edward chipped in, and I was surprised to hear the venom in his words. I had no idea what his problem was with this – seemingly lovely – girl.
"Yeah. My boyfriend Mike," she turned to look behind her, pointing him out. He was cute, in a baby-faced way. Blond hair, blue eyes, cheeky grin. "Is one of the jocks, but he's not so scary. I'm certainly not like a bitchy cheerleader or anything. For starters, I don't do exercise. I mean, I'm still out of breath from that run!"
I laughed, surprised that she had cheered me up so much.
"We should be going now, Bella," Edward dragged her name out like it was a disgusting word. "So why don't you run along back to Newton and his sycophants."
I turned to glare sharply at my brother, but Bella gave me an 'it's alright' look, before smiling at me sweetly. "I'll see you around?" she asked.
"Yeah. I'm Esme," I added, remembering at the last minute to introduce myself.
"It's really nice to meet you, Esme. Later, Masen."
Edward rolled his eyes. "Whatever."
I watched Bella Swan's retreating back for a second before rounding on my brother.
"Why the hell were you so monumentally rude to her?" I demanded, placing my hands on my hips. Edward jerked his own glare away from Bella and refocused it on me.
"Because she's Newton's girlfriend. And Newton and I don't exactly get along."
That was the single most ridiculous thing I had ever heard. "How is that her fault?"
Edward shrugged unhelpfully and began walking off in the direction we had been heading in before. I had to follow, lest I be swallowed up by the crowd, so I gritted my teeth and charged after him, making a mental note that I wasn't finished reprimanding his behavior yet.
The office was packed when we entered. Students were converging on the front desk left, right and center, clamoring to get at their timetables or other multi-colored strips of paper. Edward steered his way through, and, though she was on the phone, a receptionist with tight, ginger curls literally slammed her phone down and stared up at Edward with wide, starry eyes and an ear-to-ear grin. I hid a smile by biting the inside of my cheek.
"Ms Cope?" Edward asked, smiling.
"Yes dear?" she sounded breathless. It was sweet, in a kind of creepy way.
"My sister Esme Masen is starting school here today. Can we collect her timetable please?" I had never heard my brother be deliberately charming before, but he pulled it off with aplomb. It was slightly manipulative, but an admirable talent.
I heard the clacking of Ms Cope's computer keys, then the whirr of the printer.
"Here you are, Edward," she gushed, handing him my printed details. "I got yours for you as well, so that you wouldn't have to wait."
Edward beamed. "What would I do without you, Ms Cope? You're a lifesaver."
She turned pink with pleasure. "Not at all, dear. It was nothing."
"Thank you," he said sincerely, and pulled me backwards, away from the desk, leaving a very flustered receptionist in his wake.
"Oh, wait! Um, Esme!" I stopped as Ms Cope called my name, and turned around slowly. She was leaning over the desk towards me.
"Yes?" I asked politely.
"You need to fill out an elective work experience form. Three nights a week, your choice of activity."
I frowned. "What's available?"
"Well, there's the police department..." That put me in mind of Bella and her father. "Or the bakery, or..." I zoned out, watching her mouth move but forgetting to listen. I recovered myself at the last moment."Or Dr. Cullen is looking for someone to help out at the hospital. That's it, really."
"The hospital sounds good," I said cheerily, hoping to mask the fact that I'd barely been paying attention to a word she said.
"Well, then, that's settled dear. Your first shift will be tomorrow, and then Thursday nights and Friday nights. Is that okay?"
I nodded. It wasn't as though I had a social life to worry about.
"Fantastic. You can run along to class now, dear."
I left the office, not noticing that Edward was speaking to me. I was absorbed in my own mystifying thoughts. Why did he have such a hostile reaction to Bella Swan? I was determined to get to the bottom of it.
"You have English now, right? It's in building 3, over there," Edward was saying. I followed where he was pointing with my gaze and nodded. "See you in Spanish," he told me, and walked in the opposite direction. I noticed that all the girls swooned when they saw him, and a couple of them even threw me jealous looks. I was really going to need to get someone to explain that I was Edward's sister.
I allowed myself to be herded by the rest of the crowd until I reached building 3. Not really watching where I was going, I smacked straight into the back of a tall, skinny boy with lank, black hair.
"Oh, sorry," I muttered, my face flushing. "I didn't hurt you, did I?"
He turned around with a keen smile on his face. "Naw. I'm made of stronger stuff than that."
I highly doubted it. He looked like a strong gust of wind would knock him to the ground. It would have been rude, not to mention cutting to his ego, for me to point this out, however, so I kept silent.
I moved past him into the English room, enjoying the whoosh of warm air on my face after being subjected to the cold wind. The moment of truth.
I glanced around me to see where there was a spare seat, and nearly fainted with relief when I saw a small, black-haired girl with a pixie cut waving at me like a maniac, pogoing up and down in her chair to get my attention.
I made a swift beeline for her, dropping my bag on the desk and sitting down in the vacant chair. She turned to me with a Cheshire cat grin on her face.
"Hi, Esme!" she trilled, sounding as though I was the most exciting thing that had happened to her in months. "Gosh, are you nervous about today? I'm so glad you're in my English, I really wanted a lesson with you!"
I smiled, feeling better already. "Hi, Alice."
"Is this seat taken?" a quiet voice beside my left ear said, and I looked up to see pretty Bella Swan standing over me.
"No, sit down," I invited warmly, feeling a secret thrill of acceptance when she did so. I watched Alice to see if she would give Bella the same cold reaction that Edward had, but on the contrary, she grinned widely and said,
"Esme stole your seat, Bells."
I opened my mouth to apologize profusely and offer to move, but Bella just laughed.
"Yeah, because you no doubt gave it to her, Al."
"Fair point," Alice shrugged, breaking out into an amused grin identical to Bella's. "But what are best friends for?"
Bella rolled her eyes. "Irritating little pixie."
I chuckled at that, but soon stopped as the teacher held his hand up for silence. Instead of listening to him, I glanced down at the desk as a note was slid under my nose.
How are you finding your first day so far? Alice wrote.
It's alright. I wrote back. Then I asked the question that was burning a hole in my tongue. Why does Edward hate Bella? They're both your best friends.
Because, Alice wrote, he hates the fact that she's the only one in Mike Newton's little group that he can't hate.
I frowned. That didn't make any sense. What do you mean?
Bella's really nice, and it bugs Edward. It means that he has to be polite to someone that Mike is involved with. PLUS he likes her, but he won't ever admit it.
I was instantly speculative. Edward liked Bella? My brother was constantly sought after by hoards of girls, but I had never seen him return the sentiment. But this was interesting...
I tried not to feel hurt that he'd never told me about it. Maybe I could do something to get the two of them together... maybe a bit of matchmaking...
No. Mom had always told me that I was too interfering in that respect. And besides, Bella had a boyfriend. I should just leave them alone.
And I should really pay attention to the lecture.
I folded up the piece of paper in front of me, and subtly slid it into my bag. Edward would never know if I did a little bit of investigating...
Where was the harm?
I grinned at Alice, and she could clearly tell what I was thinking, as she shot me a wink.
"Are you thinking what I'm thinking?" she whispered. I shrugged, smiling.
"What're you thinking?" I asked.
"I'm thinking... let's put a bit of love in the air."
I nodded, and Alice erupted into silent giggles. I glanced around the room, seeing if there was anyone who perhaps caught my own eye, but nobody stood out. I sighed. A little romance for me would be welcome...
"Esme... you know you want it really... you've been teasing me for way too long..." I shivered as the voice came unbidden to the forefront of my mind. The hairs on the back of my neck stood on end, and I was abruptly fighting tears.
I dropped my gaze to my hands, twisting my fingers together in stress. Forget it. Forget guys. I glanced up in time to see an ordinary looking boy eyeing me up from the other side of the room, and speedily looked away again.
What was I doing here?