I'm so good at forgetting
And I quit every game I play
But forgive me love
I can't turn and walk away
Back to you
It always comes around
Back to you
- John Mayer, Back to You
The warm September day had turned into a cool night, a sure sign the seasons were about to change. Hugging the light jacket she was now suddenly thankful she had thought to grab before her customary hurried rush out of the house this morning, Elizabeth wandered through the first batch of falling leaves, not knowing exactly where she was heading and for the first time in a long time, not entirely concerned about that fact either.
All day long a vague feeling had been settling over her. In the rare slow moments at work, whenever she went to write the date down the nagging sensation would start. There was something about today her subconscious was desperate for her to remember, but for the life of her, she couldn't figure out what exactly it was. There were no birthdays she was forgetting. She was reasonably certain she hadn't scheduled any important appointments for the day, Epiphany would have reminded her of any time off she had requested for that reason.
After work, she had planned on picking up the boys from her brother who was staying with her grandmother, going home and then maybe after she had a moment to herself, racking her brain trying to puzzle this out. But her mind obviously had other plans. Even though she had every intention of getting into her car and driving straight for her grandmother's house, she had found herself parking just outside a park she hadn't been in years. As her feet crunched in the first leaf fall, Elizabeth felt herself smile at the two children racing past her playing a loud game of tag. In a few short years that would be Jake and Cameron, she mused as she leaned against the bathroom provided for the campers in the area.
"I'm not running to get you just because I have to go to the bathroom. You'll just have to teach me." She had argued with him, crossing her arms defiantly in front of her. It was only a matter of time before he caved, just like he always did.
"I really need to learn to win an argument with you." He grumbled good naturedly under his breath as he pulled out her purloined bobbie pins out from his back pocket. "First, you have to have the proper tools."
"So you'll have to stop stealing them then."
Elizabeth jumped back from the building as if it had been electrified. Surely she hadn't come here of all places? The building just looked the same, that was all. She pushed the fact that she could still recognize some of the graffiti as cocindence, nothing more. Forcing herself to move, she walked further into the wooded area, trying to erase the memory from her mind, pausing only to breathe once it had faded completely from sight.
The light of the day was fading quickly, a stealthy reminder the days were becoming shorter as well as cooler. Trying to take in her surroundings, Elizabeth stepped forward almost immediately catching the toes of her brown boots on something covered in the ground. Managing to right herself before hurtling towards the earth, she glanced at the offending ground, trying to figure what had tripped her. Spying a glint of metal in the sunset light, she carefully kicked off a patch of leaves to reveal the last reminants of a railroad track, long since covered over and abandoned.
No. Elizabeth felt her breath leave her as she realized where she had ended up. How had she become so removed from herself that she failed to recognize her first real home? The boxcar had long ago been padlocked and moved, but there was a time the route was so familiar to her she could walk here in her sleep with little difficulty. As she followed the tracks further into the woods, the memories began to tease her.
The first time he has shown her this place, so proud she had hide her horror at him living in the middle of the woods. The hideous neon paints he had gotten from the paint store. Paint fights. Late night flights from her room in her grandmother's house to this very spot after a nightmare. Falling asleep here and scandalizing her grandmother. And of course the last night either of them had ever spent here.
The first time he had kissed, Elizabeth remembered as she stopped in the exact spot where the boxcar had once stood. Pulling her hand over her mouth and closing her eyes, she realized that was what her subconscious was trying to tell her. That was what was so important about today.
Why she should remember today, of all days, was lost on her. Maybe it was related to the increased time she was spending with Lucky these days. They had both found themselves flying solo lately. Jason was still out of the picture, still claiming it was too dangerous for her to be near him, but apparently not dangerous enough to send away Carly or Claudia. Sam had jumped head first into investigating the contaminated drugs in the hospital and clearing Ian Devlin's name, causing Lucky to take a step back, not wanting to compromise his sobriety to clear the man he knew had shot Michael.
Unconsciously they had drifted towards each other. At first over the boys, then Nik's recovery, Lulu's latest romantic crisis or Luke's determination to self destruct. Some time in the past few weeks, they had dropped pretenses all together, getting together just to talk and see each other. Calling each other in the middle of the day when they saw something that reminder each of the other. The silent film festival she had seen advertised in the paper. The traveling exhibit of her favorite artist he noticed coming to town next week.
Sitting down on the cool ground, Elizabeth plucked shards of the brittle grass, rolling them between her fingers. She wasn't about to deny she was enjoying spending the time with Lucky, or that she hadn't realized how much she had missed it until recently. Pulling her knees up to her chest, she could almost see the teenage versions of herself and Lucky, teasing each other, laughing and falling in love in this very spot. If she stayed very quiet, she could almost hear their voices.
"Elizabeth?"
Startled she jumped up, twirling around as fast as she could. She may have stayed away from Jason in the past four months but that didn't mean her fear of being followed had decreased any. Pressing her hand to her chest, she forced herself to take a deep breath when she recognized the tall figure standing behind her. "Lucky." She breathed out. "What are you doing here?"
"I was going to ask you the same thing." He shrugged as he made his way out of the shadows and closer to her in the failing light. Lucky wore his typical early fall uniform of gray hooded sweatshirt, lightweight shirt and jeans. Kicking at a rock as he neared her, he thrust his hands into the front pockets of his jeans. "Most nights you run home to get the boys and are in full mommy mode right now."
Smiling softly she nudge his arm with her shoulder and laughed. "My brother has them, remember? His crazy idea about super bonding time?"
"Poor Steven. He'll never come back home again." Lucky chuckled lightly. Steven had returned for a brief visit and had decided to spend every spare minute he could with his nephews. While an admirable goal, an energetic toddler and a baby weren't exactly a walk in the park. Casting a sidelong glance, he quirked up one eyebrow. "You never answered my question though. What are you doing here?"
Elizabeth shrugged her shoulders, causing her hair to fall behind her back. "I don't know" she answered honestly. "I just started driving and ended up here of all places. Why are you here?"
Scratching at a spot on his hand, Lucky edged himself a little further away from her. "I come here sometimes to think. It's pretty quiet out here."
"Yeah I always loved that part. The quiet."
"I remember." Lucky said softly.
Startled by his admission, she looked into his eyes, the ones that couldn't lie to her. If she hadn't have been so caught up in saving everyone else and looked into his eyes, she might have been able to prevent all that happened next. Although Elizabeth knew he hadn't been referring to what today was, looking into his eyes, she realized he did remember. Lucky knew exactly what day it was. Shaking her head at her own shock, Elizabeth chuckled quietly to herself. Of course Lucky would remember. Of all people Lucky would remember.
"Will this ever not be weird?" Seeing the question form on his lips, she rushed to answer it before he could ask. "Us being here. Remembering. I don't want it to be weird."
"I don't know. Maybe. Someday." Lucky shrugged his shoulders and turned slightly away from her, scanning the trees, most likely looking for anything that looked out of place. No matter how many years it had been since his family had been on the run, Elizabeth had learned long ago, you couldn't disrupt the lifetime of caution and teaching. "It's less weird now than it was." He offered.
"I'm glad." And she was. No matter how hard she had tried to convince herself otherwise, Elizabeth had finally accepted that no matter what life would throw at her, Lucky Spencer was going to be there in one way or another. The threads of their lives were too interwoven with each other for it to be any other way. Someway, somehow they would always gravitate back towards each other, moths to the eternal flames.
"Come on. It's getting dark. I'll walk you back to your car." The friendship may be mending, but Elizabeth was still aware Lucky was probably far more uncomfortable spending this kind of time with her. No distractions, nothing else to talk about but the past. It was dangerous territory for both of them. And neither wanted to sully this place with painful memories. There were enough other places for those.
Nodding her agreement, she took exactly one step before tripping herself on a rock, hidden and lying in wait. Feeling herself flailing she let out a small scream before Lucky reached out his arms to stop her fall. "Here you go." He whispered as he helped her steady herself.
"Thanks" The words barely left her lips when she realized the position they were in and her breath left her. Their shared quiet laughing at her clumsiness. His hands resting on her hips lightly, as he was afraid she might flee. One step closer by either one and their lips would be touching. The exact same position they had been in this night, so many years ago.
Feeling herself being hurtled into the past, Elizabeth locked eyes with Lucky's, seeing the same emotions mirrored there. A definite pull to fall right back into the exact same action was growing stronger. It would be so easy, and feel like coming home. But just as clearly Elizabeth could see Lucky battling with himself, pulling himself back mentally. It hurt but she didn't blame him. She blamed herself. She had done the damage and hadn't spent nearly enough time repairing it, something Elizabeth could feel herself resolving to do. She owed Lucky at least that much.
Before he could fully talk himself out of the gesture, Lucky dropped a quick kiss on her forehead. "Come on Clumsy. You need to go rescue your brother."
"Of course. Lead the way." She fell a little behind his step naturally, and managed a quick glance back before her former home slipped completely from view. "Happy anniversary Lucky" she whispered under her breath. "Happy anniversary."