I lay on my bed with a weary hand over my eyes and a bottle of whisky dangling out of the other one and off the bed. I was exhausted but that was a feeling I was used to being the Chief Medical Officer on the USS Enterprise. Being a doctor anywhere is a draining job but being a doctor, not to mention the chief one on a USS ship that had a tendency to attract trouble was even more so.

I sat up a little to take a swig of the whisky in my hand before lying back down. No, I was used to being exhausted. That wasn't the cause of my current drinking binge. The cause was more emotional. I had had a horrible day and wanted nothing more than to forget about it. I had lost a patient during a surgery due to massive blood loss and trauma. He had lost his leg during an away mission and I was trying to stitch him up and save him but he had already lost too much blood. He died on my operating table.

That was something doctors had to live with but it didn't make it any easier to deal with. Add on to that the fact that my boyfriend had then gone down to the same dangerous planet. I hadn't heard about it until after I had finished my report on the death of the crewmember on my table. At that time they were beaming back up because he had been injured saving the life of the freaking hob-goblin.

I snarled a little as I thought about it. As soon as I heard about Jim's injury I had rushed to the transporter room to see them beamed up. He was bleeding badly from a wound on his side and was being supported by two of the other members of the away team, neither of them being the man he had saved. Said man was standing emotionlessly behind them and simply walked out as soon as they were back on the ship to go take over on the bridge.

I could be cold and emotionless, I knew that but I couldn't understand how someone could be so much so about the person who had saved their life. The least the hob-goblin could have done was thanked Jim or escorted him to the medical bay.

I took another drink of whisky, trying to numb the pain I was feeling. I had stitched up my boyfriend before retreating out of the medical bay as quickly as I could. I wanted nothing more than to yell at him over the fact he put himself in danger. I knew he wouldn't understand where I was coming from. He saw putting himself in danger as the best thing to do and he would do it at any point for his crew. He didn't care what it did to me.

I felt tears sting my eyes as I lay back down on my bed, setting the bottle of whisky on the floor. Sometimes I felt like the best thing for me and for Jim would be for me to break up with him and get transferred to a different ship. It would break my heart but it would hurt less than watching Jim endanger himself all the time, knowing someday he wouldn't come back or I wouldn't be able to save him and he would die on my table just like the boy today.

I was so lost in thought I didn't hear the quiet knock of my door or the swish of it sliding open to admit the man currently plaguing them. Jim entered my room and sat down on my bed next to me carefully, knocking me out of my thoughts.

"Bones? Are you okay darling?" He muttered quietly, reaching out to stroke my hand gently. This was the tender side of the captain that no one got to see but me. This was the side that made me fall more in love with him. I opened my eyes to look at him, a few tears escaping. When he saw the tears he looked horrified before climbing over me carefully to lie down beside me, wrapping his arms around me. "Talk to me please."

I sighed as I looked at him. "It's been a bad day." I stated simply, not wanting to get into it with him, not when I was thinking about leaving. He simply raised an eyebrow at me, giving me a 'Don't give me that. Keep going' look. More tears burned my eyes. "I lost someone today who had been down on that planet, the same one where you got hurt saving Spock."

Understanding lit in his eyes as he tightened his arms around me, pressing a kiss to my forehead. "I'm so sorry darling. I know how much it affects you when you lose someone."

I bit my lip to try and keep the rest in but it won out. "You don't get it do you?" I snapped at him, pulling away some. He looked confused and slightly hurt. "That could have been you on that table! One of these you are going to get hurt to the point I won't be able to patch you up or they won't even bring you back alive! I'm going to lose you because you're risking your life for everyone and not worrying about yourself!" I started to cry in earnest. "You don't realize what that would do to me. I love you Jim. It would kill me if you died. I… I've been thinking it's time for me to leave, that we should end our relationship and I should switch ships." I muttered in between sobs.

Jim's eyes filled with tears as he listened to me before pulling me close to him. I fought it slightly at first before resting up against him. I loved him so much I would savor every moment I had with him. "Bones, please don't leave me. I'm so sorry I put you through that all the time. I.." He started, voice thick with tears, fingers running through my hair. "I didn't realize what I was putting you through. You never let on to it. You always seem so strong. I feel like I have to protect my crew but I will stop endangering myself as much if you will only just stay. Please just stay, stay, stay.. I've been loving you for time. I couldn't live without you."

I looked up at him, cupping his face gently knowing he was being one hundred percent honest. "I will then. I love you to Jim. I love you more than anything in the entire universe. I'll stay with you forever if you let me." I smiled at him as he smiled back before he leaned in and tenderly kissed me, making my bad day not so bad.