Tongue in Cheek

Or, It's All Fun and Games and Then Someone Gets Screwed

"So then she had to tell me what 'water sports' meant. It was totally embarrassing," Kuwabara groaned, gulping down his soda. "At least she didn't say it in front of Yukina, though. She would've completely freaked out, and I don't think I could stand it if she decided to avoid me again."

Kurama smiled serenely, sipping his tea to hide the grin. His friends, despite their rough-and-tough attitudes, could be so remarkably innocent at times. If they had any idea of even a tenth of the things he'd tried over the years, well, suffice to say that even easygoing Yusuke, who currently had his head thrown back in laughter at his friend's latest misfortune, might be scandalized. Of course, that had been back when he was Youko; years in Human World had necessitated the reigning in of those impulses, and with time, they had faded. And even if they hadn't, it would have been rather hard to get away with such activities when his mother was in the house. He did so enjoy it when they screamed, and things tended to get a little messy when that happened.

"Yeah, keep laughing, Urameshi. I bet the same thing's happened with you and Keiko, 'cept with your mom instead of Shizuru." The orange-haired male paused. "Though now that I think about it, I don't think I've seen you get flustered over that kind of thing, not even one tiny bit. What gives?"

Yusuke rubbed the underside of his nose thoughtfully, tipping back his chair to rest his feet on the tabletop. "I dunno. Stuff like that just doesn't bother me, is all."

Kurama hummed softly. "Yusuke, I seem to remember you becoming quite flustered when Keiko –"

"And I remember telling you we weren't going to discuss it again or else I would shove your rose whip down your throat. Right?"

The fox demon took another sip of tea, chuckling. "Yes, I do believe that might have been mentioned."

Kuwabara slammed a hand into Yusuke's back. "So, even the great Urameshi gets embarrassed sometimes, huh? Though I'm not sure I want to know what you were doing with her, or what Kurama was doing there, either. Too much information, you know?"

"It wasn't like that, dipshit. It was just Keiko being her normal-ass naggy self, is all." The ex-detective grabbed his beer and chugged down the rest, muttering about stupid girls and blabbermouth foxes.

The carrot-top sighed and leaned back. "Yeah, I figured. I'm just messing with you." Like everyone else who had every met the two longtime sweethearts, Kuwabara knew that Keiko, more than anyone else, could push Yusuke's buttons and not give a crap about any of the shit he spouted. It was one of the reasons they made such a good (and definitely funny) couple. And it didn't hurt that Keiko was the only one who could smack him without getting seriously injured. "What about you, Kurama? You and Hiei both have that cool-as-a-cucumber thing goin' on, though maybe Short Stuff's is more of an iceberg. Is it a demon thing or what?"

"You have to recall, Kuwabara, that I'm many thousands of years old. As Youko, I saw much. Not many things can surprise me anymore, though," the redhead gave a small laugh, "You and Yusuke have both managed to do so frequently." He pondered the question momentarily. "And I have found the concealment of such things a good tactical maneuver as well. If a foe cannot read you, then it is much easier to defeat him or her."

"That's Kurama for you. Leave it to you t' think of it that way, huh, Fox-boy?" Yusuke grinned. "Man, know what? I'd pay big money to see Hiei all red in the face. Not from anger, though – that's way too normal."

"Are you offering a wager, Yusuke?" Kurama raised an amused eyebrow.

"You're on, Urameshi! How much do I get when I make it happen?"

"It wouldn't work if you tried it, you dumbass. The two of you would just start arguing."

Kuwabara sighed. "Yeah, you're probably right… but…" he smirked. "A thousand yen says even Mr. Smartie-Pants over here can't get Hiei all flustered. For any reason."

"Two thousand says he can!" The ex-detective rounded on his friend. "You'll do it, right?"

"You should have considered my willingness before placing your bet, Yusuke," Kurama chided gently. "Although…" the fox-boy's emerald eyes gleamed at the prospect of such an enticing challenge. Could he do it? Make Hiei turn that delicious shade of crimson that meant embarrassment? Even he didn't know – the short man's tactic for deal with such things tended to be rechanneling whatever emotion it was as anger. "It is an interesting idea. I'll do my best."

Yusuke nearly tipped his chair as he doubled over laughing. "Aw, man, this is gonna be great! Hiei won't know what hit him."

"No way, Urameshi, he's just gonna get pissed and try to kill us all," Kuwabara snorted, but he was grinning, equally entertained by the thought of messing with their irritable associate. Kurama didn't join their display of childish glee, however; his mind was racing. He had always enjoyed pressing Hiei's buttons, seeing how he reacted to the most innocent of comments; so far, his favorite had probably been "Kurama. Don't make me pull out your precious voice box." But that light teasing would be nothing compared to what the Jagan wielder would face now, not if the once-fox wanted to win this. And he did want to; he was loathe to back down from such a fun and exciting challenge once it had been laid so neatly at his feet, especially one with an added bonus: the memory of Hiei's face, red and blushing and completely flustered, would probably entertain him for decades to come.

All he needed was a clever plan, a trap. A neat little web of rose vines that Hiei would be unable to avoid. Now, what to do...

The redhead's mouth slowly stretched into a smile that would have instantly terrified any who had known him as Youko; the hunt was on, and Kurama fully intended to capture his prey by any means necessary.

The next time Kurama saw Hiei, he had fleshed out what he thought was quite a good strategy. There was really only one avenue he could pursue, honestly; the shorter demon showed very little embarrassment when he had made a mistake or done something foolish, shrugging it off and blaming others for the problem, so orchestrating such a situation had been quickly eliminated from his initial list of seventy-four possible plans. So had anything that would definitely lead Hiei to react in anger, which certainly helped narrow things down quite a bit. No, what he needed to do was confuse the man so much that he couldn't even summon the rage that burnt so brightly within him. And the easiest way to do that was… well.

Kurama gave a secretive smile. Despite his cold and calculating personality, Youko had been, by all accounts, very seductive when the situation called for it (and sometimes when it didn't). What better way to rattle his somewhat shy and certainly skittish spikey-haired friend than the mention of sex? Alluding to relations of any variety seemed to unseat Hiei, and Kurama was sure the carnal kind were no different. Innuendos, a steady stream of them, would work perfectly. It would be amusing, and the redhead was positive that Hiei, of all people, would take his teasing as just that, teasing, so there was no risk of hurt feelings afterwards.

Sipping his tea, the fox-boy almost chuckled to himself. Quite fortuitously, Genkai had once again invited them to visit her compound, and currently the whole of the ex-detective team was lazing about, drinking tea prepared by Yukina and chatting. Hiei had arrived only moments ago, and after being greeted enthusiastically by Yusuke, the flame wielder came over to him, slumping against the wall in his typical standoffish fashion.

"Hello, Hiei." He received in return a grunt and a half-nod, a decent reply considering who he was talking to. "How has patrolling been?"

"Dull." Kurama chuckled, but did not pursue the topic, choosing to sit in a companionable silence. If he started out too strong, Hiei would realize something was afoot and be on alert, tense and ready to react to everything as brusquely as he normally would. No, relative subtlety as Kurama's best ally for now, though too much might result in his words flying completely over his target's head. He would simply bide his time. When the moment was right, he would strike, and with a few well-formed innuendos, cement his victory.

"What made you decide to visit today, Hiei?" Kurama inquired, attempting to restart the conversation. "Did you miss us so?" He had to tease the demon at least a little, too; he never could resist, and the Jagan wielder might even notice if he didn't and be equally as suspicious as if he overdid it.

"Hardly. I thought coming here would relieve my boredom, but it seems as though everyone is as stupid as ever," Hiei answered disdainfully.

I'll take that as a yes, Kurama decided. "What a shame. How do you spend your time, then?"

"Training. Boring."

This was too easy. He hadn't expected the perfect opportunity to present itself so quickly. Kurama leaned just a tiny bit closer to his friend, so that his head was just a bit too close to Hiei's ear. "What a shame. I suppose you'll just have to find something else to… excite you." With little more noise than a hawk grabbing its prey, he gently placed his hand about six centimeters behind Hiei's right hip, close enough to be felt but not quite touching, leaning lazily on the limb. "A new way to get your blood pumping, make you hot and sweaty and breathless. One where every limb ends up so blissfully exhausted that you can no longer move. That's the best kind of exercise, eh, Hiei?"

There were three possible reactions he expected to see. One was the usual anger; the fox-boy really should have taken more time, but honestly, he wasn't likely to get another opportunity quite as perfect as this one anytime soon. The second was the desired embarrassment, and the third was for Hiei to be his usual blunt self and ask if Kurama was really coming on to him and, if so, why?

However, he got none of these. Hiei's head turned so that crimson eyes met emerald, something flickering in their veiled cold depths, and then… "Maybe it's time to find a new way to use my sword," he deadpanned. "Eh, Ku-ra-ma?" He drew out the redhead's name tauntingly.

Did he just…

Kurama blinked at his friend in absolute astonishment. Had Hiei just turned his own innuendo back on him? Hiei? His reticent companion, who he'd always been sure was inexperienced in the sexual arena? After all, the flame wielder avoided attachment of any kind like a plague, even those that were temporary, momentary. Apparently the fox had been greatly mistaken. Who would have thought? And the demon appeared to know he had completely flummoxed and unseated Kurama, wearing that smug expression that always seemed to make Kuwabara want to punch him. "Although I doubt I can find anyone who knows how to even polish a sword properly, much less keep up with me while wielding one."

He thinks he's won! Kurama realized with incredulity. Oh, this would not do at all. The fox would not allow him the last word. Not with this. This was his arena. "Well, Hiei," the redhead returned mildly, "I have learned quite a bit about sword handling over the centuries. Perhaps I can assist you. But be warned, I'm a harsh teacher. You may get hurt."

Ruby eyes were bright, sly, and filled to the brim with utter wickedness the likes of which Kurama had only seen reflected back at himself in the mirror. "You think I'm afraid of a little pain?"

Kurama's grin widened, and he moved just a tad forward, his chest only a hair's breadth from the smaller man's shoulder. "I think you'd welcome it. But would you welcome the hours? You might be tied up for quite a bit of time."

Hiei tilted his head so that he faced Kurama, and gave the young man a long, evaluating once over, eyes drifting down the redhead's body and then back up slowly, pausing for the merest fraction of a second on his groin, chest, and then lips before responding. "You'd better tie me up tight, fox, or I may burn you."

An image flashed through Kurama's mind then, a picture of just what would happen if this banter came to life, and something dark and primal within him stirred. He tamped it down immediately; this was just a game, not a promise. But it was a game he was going to win. Pulling a rose seed from his hair and making it sprout, he smirked and tapped the stem teasingly against the inside of Hiei's wrist, tracing the taut tendons of his arm. "Just be warned, you may get pricked by my thorns if I restrain you too tightly."

"It's just a little blood." The demon's tongue slipped out to wet his lips, a brief movement but one that Kurama believed was entirely calculated; it bordered just a bit on slower than necessary.

"Delicious, I know – and all the better with just a bit of heat to it, a small spark. But you needn't worry overly much. I was a thief, after all. I know all about restraints."

He eagerly anticipated Hiei's reaction, but before the flame wielder could continue their game, a strong arm was clamped down around Kurama's neck. "Hey, you two, stop sulking in the corner and come chat with us."

"My apologies, Yusuke. We simply got… involved in our conversation. It was very interesting. We'll just have to continue it later, hm?" Kurama allowed his eyes to lock with Hiei's and then roam down the man's small but well-muscled form just as Hiei had done to him moments ago.

Back in the immediate presence of others, Hiei merely grunted in reply, but Kurama thought there might be a hint of a smile playing across the man's admittedly delectable lips. Kurama felt his own mouth twitch upward in response.

Oh no. Their little game was not over just yet.

After that day, Hiei seemed to make sure to slip something sexual into their conversations, and Kurama found himself always playing along and even offering the first innuendo in their trade-off whenever he could. They had found a new game to play, and every time Kurama thought that perhaps, just maybe, he had topped the flame wielder once and for all, back would come another sly insinuation. Like the time Yusuke had dragged them all to a festival, quite literally in Hiei's case. The job of calming him down after the fact, however, had been left to Kurama.

The redhead stood just behind his seething companion, peering over his shoulder easily. "Look, Hiei, there are games –"

"Pass. I know as much of games as I do kittens and presents."

" – and rides, like the Ferris wheel. Of course, if that isn't appealing to you…" Kurama's voice lowered so that the rest of their group wouldn't hear, "there are other things you can ride." That certainly stopped his grumbling, and Kurama could almost hear the gears turning in his friend's head as he thought of a response.

The pause had just gotten to the point where it might be considered awkward when Hiei finally opened his mouth to reply. "There's no mount I know of that can keep pace with me." The arrogance in that statement made Kurama want to laugh, but even more, it made him want to win.

"Hey, do you guys want any ice cream? They've got a soft serve place over there, and Yusuke's treating," Keiko interrupted, approaching them without any concern. Oh, if only she knew what they were discussing; he'd love to see the faces she made, though after growing up with Yusuke, she probably had a tolerance for at least a minor level of perversion.

"Vanilla for me, then. Thank you. Hiei?"

"Tch." With a dismissive turn of his head, the demon rejected the offer, though when Kurama brought the cone back, he observed it with carefully veiled interest, even leaning in a tiny bit closer to sniff it.

"Would you like a taste?"

"I have no interest in sweets." That may or may not have been true, but either way, Hiei was too proud to ask for a bit even if he did want to try. Shrugging, Kurama sat himself on a bench, lounging back as he languidly licked the creamy spiral atop the cone. He could feel the glances Hiei was shooting at him as he ran his tongue around the base, trying to avoid getting too much on his hands, and he was positive the Jagan user made some sort of noise when, after it was all gone, he licked the few white drips from his fingers.

Slanting his eyes to the side, Kurama chuckled. "It'd be a shame to waste any," he commented idly. Had the display been enough to unnerve Hiei? But the man only snorted and smirked back at the fox-boy.

"Next time… allow me."

Oh, but this was just too much fun. "Next time, I'll make you beg for it," he answered. And so it continued, even as the sky grew dark and the group lazed about on a grassy hill, awaiting the start of what was supposed to be a spectacular fireworks show. The sky was soon lit up with twinkling lights, accompanied by thunderous booms and crackles, and Kurama couldn't help but lean over to murmur in Hiei's ear, "A rather dull display after some of the things we've seen, isn't it? Though I suppose we could attempt to make our own fireworks," he mused. "Do you think you could light a hot enough fire?"

Hiei actually turned to look at him then, baring his teeth in a mocking grin. "If I light a fire, Fox, the heat will consume you."

And so it went. The two of them kept at it, always baiting and needling, but Kurama noticed that it never became physical. The tantalizing teasing always stopped at words, and it felt as though the two of them were dancing around each other, daring their opponent to be the one to break, to make the provocative promises a carnal reality. Or at least, that was how it seemed to him; as far as he knew, though, it was just a game to Hiei, and that was fine, too, just another challenge.

The closest the pair had come to crossing the invisible line was when Hiei had come to his school, entering through the open window the second everyone but Kurama had cleared out.

His companion sauntered forward, glancing around imperiously. "Wasting your time at this pathetic institution again?"

The redhead shrugged unabashedly. "I have nothing else to occupy my time, and besides, some of it is actually quite interesting."

"What do these humans know that could possibly be of any worth?"

"You'd be surprised at the wide array of knowledge some of these teachers possess. Would you like me to show you?" Kurama waved the Jagan wielder over with a graceful twitch of his pointer finger, and though the man snorted, he complied. Hook, line, and sinker.

"What do you say, Hiei?" The fox-boy leaned forward, invading the other's personal bubble with no shame. One hand placed itself flat on the surface of the desk behind Hiei, and the other moved to tilt the man's chin upward to meet emerald eyes and a taunting smirk. "We are at a school. Let me be your teacher."

Hiei snorted, surprisingly calm considering the two of them were practically chest-to-chest, and met Kurama's gaze with his own fierce and equally confident one. "I'm sure you can't teach me anything I don't already know."

Drawing back, the redhead crossed his arms with a chuckle. "Oh? But Hiei, I just made you come with one finger."

That certainly stopped the flame-user in his tracks for a moment, before his shoulders shook in an attempt to suppress his laughter. Then a teacher had walked in with the two students responsible for cleaning that day, and the pair had been forced to leave. Kurama had to admit, though, he did wonder what would have occurred had they not been interrupted. He certainly wasn't averse to finding out, either, if Hiei was willing. Despite how well he knew the demon, however, he couldn't figure out the motives behind this unanticipated behavior. What was running through that devious brain of his? It was getting increasingly frustrating, in more than one way.

He may have been human for so many years that he had reigned in his sexual desires, but that didn't make them entirely extinct, and the images that came to mind every time he played with Hiei were only arousing them more. But that was part of what made it fun, he supposed, the teasing-without-touching, the promises-that-weren't, this game of walking on a line without crossing it, this wanting for what he couldn't have.

If he ever got it, though… oh, the things he would do. The heat would devour them, clouding their minds until there was nothing save red, hot lust. They would both enjoy every moment of whoever's defeat it was. He could practically see it, Hiei –

"Kurama, would you like some tea?"

Vivid green eyes blinked, coming back into focus as the redhead smiled placidly at the girl before him. "Ah, yes, that would be lovely. Thank you, Yukina."

"And you, Mr. Hiei?"

The demon gave a gruff "Hn" before responding. "I'm fine."

"Okay! I'll be right back." Kurama waited until she had moved away before opening his mouth to tease the irritable flame-wielder about his sister. It was so easy; he couldn't resist. Before he could utter a word, however, Hiei turned away with a growl.

"Don't even start, Fox." Yes, much too easy. Kurama chuckled, leaning back against the wall perpendicular to where the other demon rested, but dropped the subject.

They sat in an easy silence, listening to the chatter around them – Yusuke's enthusiastic shouts, Kuwabara's braying laughter, Keiko's light, happy giggles, Botan's playful scolding, the calm tones of Shizuru, and the rougher, aged voice that belonged to Genkai – until Kurama opened his mouth again. "Yusuke and Kuwabara had a bet, you know. They wanted to see if I could make you flustered."

He had decided that, regardless of what happened, from a strategic standpoint it was best that Hiei was made aware of the origins of their current balancing act. That didn't mean he was forfeiting, not by a long shot. The victory – because he would be victorious – would be that much sweeter when Hiei was fully aware of what was happening but unable to help himself. Not to mention the fact that the demon would be unable to blame Kurama for tricking him and hiding things when everything had already been laid out before him.

Black eyebrows raised a fraction of a millimeter, and ruby eyes shot an only half-angry glower at the idiots in question before turning back on him. "What made you say yes?"

"What made you play along?" Kurama countered.

There was no response for the longest time, until finally Hiei huffed, turning towards him so the young man could see the devious smile his face. "Hn. I doubt even you are skilled enough to achieve that."

"Oh?" the redhead practically purred, lips curving into a slow, devious smile that only grew as he leaned in closer, watching his companion suppress a shiver as his breath ghosted over the outside of an ear. "Make you flustered, cause you to blush and squirm and perhaps even cry out? I think I could do that quite easily, though I'm sure you wouldn't appreciate my methods, at least in such a… public space." It wasn't his best, wasn't even subtle, but what did it really matter? It kept the game going, and he was eager to see how Hiei responded.

The Jagan user shifted to his knees and then his feet in one fluid motion, raising himself up so that he was actually looking down at Kurama. "Well then, shall we find somewhere a little more… private, so you can prove it, Fox?" The smirk on his face was pure wickedness, tinged with just a hint of smugness. "It seems I may need some help polishing my sword."

Kurama felt his eyebrows fly up onto his forehead momentarily, only to come back down as he mirrored the expression. Once again, Hiei had managed to completely floor him, acting in a manner completely opposite to what he had expected, and had the fire demon actually just propositioned him? Yes, the fox-boy decided, and he meant it, too; a flash of nervousness had skittered across his red eyes as he had stood. Well then. It'd be impolite to keep him waiting, wouldn't it?

Without a word, Kurama also rose to his feet, strolling calmly (albeit a tad too quickly) to one of the doors, Hiei trailing him like a second shadow. Sliding it open, the redhead nearly ran into Yukina, returning with their tea. There would be one extra mug, now, since he had found something else to drink. "Ah, Kurama. And Mr. Hiei. Where are you going?"

"We," Kurama answered mildly, "are going to fuck." He said it like it was the most natural thing in the world; of course that was it, what else would they be doing? Absolute silence greeted his blunt statement as every single conversation in the room halted so that the occupants could swivel their heads to stare at him. The reactions were mixed; most were aghast and various levels of horrified, though Genkai, he noted with amusement, was only shaking her head with a small smirk.

"Hell yes! Pay up, Kuwabara, he's blushing!" Yusuke crowed triumphantly, and indeed, when Kurama glanced over at his companion, he found a face as red as the crimson eyes glaring at him as though their owner would like nothing more than to slit his throat in his sleep. He'd have to remember to bring that up again… later.

This particular moment, however, was for walking out the door, Hiei still hot on his heels as he strode into the woods around Genkai's home. The second they were out of earshot, Kurama swung around, backing the fire demon up against a tree. Leaves crunched under his feet as he brought his face down to Hiei's, noses almost-but-not-quite touching and predatory emerald eyes sparkling hungrily.

"Now then, I believe I told you that next time, I'd make you beg for it?"

Hiei smirked back up at him. "Just try."

Oh, yes. This was a fun game, indeed.

End.

A/N: This is almost entirely based off a joke conversation I had with two of my friends online, with me speaking as Kurama (because I was cosplaying him at the time), Black-Dragon1003 as Hiei/Azula, and another friend as Toph.

Thanks to Black-Dragon for putting up with my rambling, helping me brainstorm, and being a great Beta!