AN: HOLA! Okay, so here's that Canada one-shot, I finished it so yay! Also, as you can see, there's no one-shot for the Italy's brothers…Yeah I just couldn't do it, everything I wrote sucked to me, so I'm really sorry for that. So, this includes thoughts of self-harm and suicide, (Damn, I write a lot of self-harm...oh well it expresses how I feel so deal with it) so if you're not into that, LEAVE! Anyway, if you want to listen to any music while reading this, I was listening to Lost Cause by Imagine Dragons, and it worked well. Or Invisible by Hunter Haynes works too! So I was watching Hetalia (when am I not...) and I felt really bad for Canada, I mean, really, how must he feel? Being alone all the time, at least Romano has Spain! Not that I don't love Romano, I mean, look at the stories I write! But Canada doesn't really have anyone...so I wrote this! This is a human-au, like most of my other stories, so I hope you enjoy. Also, this is for my friend named Lydia, since she's a huge fan of Canada and PruCan. So here you go Seychelles! (the character she cosplays as)
Disclaimer: No, I don't own the anime or the characters, if I did, why would I be writing fanfiction? Exactly.
Matthew's POV
Why? Why do you always forget me? What did I ever do to deserve this pain? I'm an A honor student, I'm never mean, or rude to people, even though some are to me. When they see me anyway. I try to make my parents proud, but even THEY don't notice me.
Hell, they always forget who I am, even though I've been living with them for years! My step-mom is always going on about how 'sweet' and 'heroic' he is, while my dad brags to his friends how 'strong, and such a ladies' man' he is. My brother is who I'm talking about here. My older (by three days) brother named Alfred, who has everything.
He's always in the spotlight, making people laugh and smile, while I'm just in his shadows, crying silently in the dark. My pet polar bear (yes, you heard right, but he'll never get any bigger than a dog) named Kumo-something forgets who I am too, but at least he cares for me in a way.
Right now I'm sitting in my living room, with him in my lap, taking a nap, while I'm thinking to myself. 'What's the point anyway? No one remembers Matthew Williams, and no one will. There's so much pain inside of me, so why should I continue to live with it?' Suicide. I could finally be happy! Whether I go to Heaven, Limbo, or just stay in the ground, it's got to be better than this consuming darkness inside of my heart.
"Hey Kumojungo, do you think anyone would notice if I were gone?" The white bear woke up from his nap, and turned his head to stare at me, confusion in his eyes. I sigh, knowing what he's going to ask, but try not to look upset about it. "Who are you?" The slightly high-pitched voice asked me. "I'm Matthew, your owner" Tears start to well in my violet eyes, and I silently let them fall. I'm not a loud crier after all.
The bear frowns slightly as he remembers and he sits up, drying my tears away with his paws. "I'm sorry Matthew. Wanna go get some pancakes? I'm hungry" I laugh and smile at kimojingle, picking him up and carrying him with me into the kitchen. As I'm pouring the batter into the hot pan on the stove, kumojaro watching me, my brother bursts through the door.
I jump, but he doesn't seem to notice me until he smells the pancakes. "WHOAH! Who are you? Please don't hurt me dude, the hero promises to give you anything as long as you leave!" Alfred shouts at me, slight fear in his blue eyes. I stare sadly at him, my glasses fogging up slightly from the heat of the pancakes. My thoughts turn south, and suddenly, everything feels heavy.
I feel so tired, I just want to sleep and drop the pancakes. It's even difficult for me to blink! Shit, depression. 'Maple, why now?!' I'm so focused on my thoughts that I don't notice an albino walk in behind my brother. "I'm Matthew, your brother. I've been living with you for years! We're practically twins!" I say, my voice cracking slightly. God, it's hard to talk. My tongue feels like paper, and I feel as if I'll fall over any second.
Alfred blinks at me for a couple of seconds before grinning, and grabbing a plate of pancakes. "Oh yeah! My bad bro. Oh! This is Gilbert by the way; he's here to help me with a science project." I looked over to the guy Alfred was pointing at, and tried to hide my gasp. Not because of his ruby red eyes, or his white hair, but because he looked so...handsome.
He looked around 17, a year older than me, but he had such...beautiful eyes. Those eyes turned to me, and he grinned, making me blush slightly. "Hey! I am the awesome Gilbert, but you can just call me Gilbert for short...Wait I've seen you in school before, you're actually in some of my classes! Guess you must be pretty damn smart huh?"
I grabbed some more pancakes and sat them on the table with some butter and maple syrup in case Gilbert wanted any. 'He knows who I am? He actually saw me?' I thought with wonder. I shyly smiled at him, and said "H-Hi. I-I guess, I've got nothing much else to do, so I k-kind of just focus on my studies. I really didn't think anyone noticed me..." I say quietly. To the point where he has to lean in slightly to hear what I'm saying.
Actually, I have hockey, but its Spring, so I don't get to play. At this point, Alfred had already gone up to his bedroom to 'set up for the project' when he was really probably just going to play videogames. Gilbert stared at me for a moment, confusion roaming in his eyes. "What do you mean you don't think anyone noticed you? You're so cute and your eyes are an awesome shade of violet! Who wouldn't notice you?" He said to me, his cheeks turning a slight red when he realized what he had said. I on the other hand, was blushing so hard that my face felt like it was going to melt!
"U-Um a lot of people to be honest...I'm not very memorable actually. The only reason why my eyes are violet is because of an eye disorder I have..." Gilbert continued to stare at me, making me feel as if I am a painting in a museum. I think he seemed to notice this, because he closed his eyes and shook his head.
"I'm sorry, people are just stupid assholes, and you're wrong, you're awesomely memorable. You just got to find the right people who will see that. And who cares if you have a disorder? That just makes you more unique, I mean c'mon, if you think that's weird, take a look at me man!" Gilbert said, making me smile at his words.
3rd POV
Gilbert's heart skipped a beat at the sight of Matthew's smile. Did he have a crush on the Canadian? Why yes, yes he did. He noticed Matthew everywhere, in class, at lunch, hell they even worked at the same place!
It had taken him a while to realize that he did indeed, like Matthew. Thankfully, his two best friends Francis and Antonio, two experts at love, helped him figure out why his heart would skip sometimes when he saw the shy guy. All the Prussian wanted to do, was to take the small boy into his arms, kiss him with all of his being, and tell him that there was someone who noticed him, and loved him with all of his heart.
'Wait, love?...Shit, well there goes 'getting over this' oh well, the awesome me will love him with all of my awesome heart!' But, he knew that he had to start off with being Matthew's friend first, before they get into a relationship. Even though it's so un-awesome. "And don't worry; I'll be your friend from now on!"
Matthew's POV
I stared at him, slightly shocked. I mean, who would want to be my friend? The shy nerd who no one cares about, and no one sees. '*sigh* Might as well let it happen. It's not like that's stop me from my suicide plan anyway.' I thought to myself. I looked up and stared at Gilbert's ruby red eyes, and sighed quietly.
"Okay...You'll forget who I am sooner or later. Everyone does." I saw Gilbert frown, but surprisingly, he didn't say anything. We sat there for a minute, me deep in my thoughts, and Gilbert staring. So, we both jumped when Alfred grabbed Gilbert's arm, and looked at him with slight confusion.
"Dude, what are you staring at? I don't see anything man. By the way, have you seen my brother umm...what's his name?" Alfred asked, looking right past me. Gilbert snapped his head over to where he was standing, and back to me, anger and shock making his beautiful eyes shine a dark red. 'Wait, beautiful? Oh maple please don't let me get a crush on him. It'll make it harder for me to leave.' I thought in slight shock.
"Are you fucking serious?! Your brother Matthew is right at the table in front of you!" Gilbert exclaimed. Alfred squinted his eyes at the table, and his eyes widened as they saw that was indeed, right there at the table. "Oh! There you are! Sorry dude, you're really quiet, and it's really hard to notice you. You kind of just fade in and blend in with everything..." Alfred said bluntly.
I felt my vision go blurry, and I knew that tears were filling my eyes. 'Damn it Matthew, you should be stronger than this!' My mind tells me. None the less, I look down at the table to hide the tears, and thankfully, Alfred doesn't seem to notice. At the moment, being preoccupied, I don't notice Gilbert staring at me sadly, and burning holes into Alfred's head at the same time.
"I'm going to go upstairs and hang out in my room for a little while alright? Please be polite to our guest Al, and don't make a mess. I really don't want to have to pick it up before mom and dad gets home." I say, trying not to let my voice crack. I stood up from the kitchen table, and put my plate in the sink, before grabbing my bear, and traveled up to my bedroom.
I didn't notice Gilbert's sad gaze at me, or my brother's confused one.
Back to 3rd POV
Gilbert watched with a pain in his heart, as Matthew tried to hide his tears of sorrow. It was taking all of his awesome willpower not to walk up to Alfred, and punch him straight in the face. 'Okay, let's not do that, I don't want to get in trouble when their parents get home. That would be SO un-awesome. Let's handle Matthew, and then later, I can punch his son-of-a-bitch brother.' Gilbert thought to himself, and slowly uncurled his right fist, letting it hang loosely by his side.
By the time Gilbert had calmed down, Matthew had already gone to his room to be alone. Alfred was smiling confusingly, wondering why his brother was acting so strange, but decided to ignore it, and went to go play videogames, forgetting about the project he and Gilbert had to do. The Prussian rolled his eyes at the American, and went upstairs as well, going to search for Matthew.
Yes I know, so many pov changes. Oh well, deal with it. Matthew POV
I slowly walked up the staircase, holding Kumohundle close to my chest as I went. As soon as I got to the top, I ran to my bedroom door as quickly as I could. When I walked in, I could smell the maple-scented candle I had put in here last night, and smiled slightly. My smile wobbled as I closed the door, and let the tears I had been holding back fall.
I didn't care to lock the door-who would think to come in here if they didn't know who I was? So, I sat on my bed, and cried into my pet's fur, holding onto him for dear life. 'I try so hard to live, and hope for the best, but I'm just...so tired of the pain.' I thought, trying desperately to work through my hit of depression.
Suddenly, the idea of suicide and self-harm come back into my thoughts. 'Just one bullet Matthew, that's all it would take! You know where your parents gun is at, they wouldn't miss it! You could also take a handful of pills if you don't want attention, or slit your wrists! If you want to start out slow, than make baby cuts on your arm until you get used to the pain. There are so many ways Matthew!' "Shut up, shut up shut up please!" I plead my thoughts to stop, making my depression worse.
I keep muttering to myself, trying to get my head under control and calm down. "Are you okay?" My bear asked me, concern and worry shining in his eyes. I sigh sadly as my tears finally stop, and shake my head. "No Kuma, I'm not. I don't think I've ever been okay. I mean, what's the point in living, when you have nothing to live for?" I answered.
Before he could reply, I hear a knock at my door, making me jump slightly. "Hey, mind if the awesome me comes in?" Gilbert asks me, his red eyes peeking through the crack of my door. I stand up, walk over, and open the door fully, making sure to put on a fake smile. "Sure Gilbert, come on in!"
And here's Gilbert's POV
I watched as Matthew came to the door, his violet eyes shining with something I couldn't really make out. It worried me slightly. He put on a smile-which I could tell wasn't real, and said "Sure Gilbert, come on in!" He opened the door for me, and I immediately was assaulted with the smell of maple syrup, making me crave the pancakes Matthew made earlier.
His room (even though I hardly know him) really looked like his personality. With light purple walls, and the Canadian flag hanging over his bed, the covers and sheets having little maple leafs all over them. Matthews bed had a polar bear stuffed animal-and I chuckled at it, smiling at the pancake pillow on there too. I looked to the wall in front of the bed, and found a bookshelf covered with books and trophies. I was slightly curious as to where he got those, when I looked to the corner, and saw some hockey gear, and a well-taken-care-of hockey stick, the Canadian flag on it too.
There was a poster of what looked to be like an awesome hockey team, one that I loved too. Holy crap it had the team's signature on it! There were some other posters of bands that I also liked, like Imagine Dragons, Fall Out Boy, Peirce The Vail, and U2. HOLY SHIT THAT BEAR JUST MOVE AND SCARED THE AWESOME ME! It got down, and Matthew smiled at it as it came to me, and sat down.
"Who are you?" It asked-yes ASKED me, and I would've found his voice adorable if it were not a talking polar bear. "Mattie why the hell do you own a polar bear and how the fuck can it talk!" Matthew picked him up and explained to me.
"Well, see when I lived in Canada with my real mom, she worked at a zoo, and there was a section that had polar bears. So, one day she was working, and this little one got hurt, preventing him to grow any bigger.
So, she knew that I always wanted to have one, and she knew he was trained to be around kids. So, she asked her boss if she could have him, and since her boss didn't want to have to spend any more money on the animals than he had to, he said okay. I don't know how he talks; he just...did one day." Matthew shrugged.
I nodded, and then realized that he said his real mom in Canada. I decided that since I just met him today, that I wouldn't ask too many questions. I looked at his nightstand, and saw a picture of a tall, slender blonde woman, with violet eyes just like Matthew. She was smiling as she held a little boy in her arms, which looked no more than four, who was also smiling. It was obvious that the boy in her arms was her son, since they looked a lot like each other. The same eyes, hair, even the same weird curl that went from their forehead down to their chin.
It only took a moment for me to realize that this boy was Matthew, and this woman was his real mother. Matthew looked at me, and seemed to guess what I was wondering about, and surprisingly answered my question.
"When I was nine, my mom was diagnosed with lung cancer that grew over the years. My dad, Alfred's dad, had been with my mom before I was born, but when he found out that he was pregnant with me, he left for America. So, she took care of me, but the cancer got stronger, and eventually took her life when I was twelve. So, having no other family, I was sent to America, and by then, my 'dad' had already gotten married to Alfred's mom, and he happened. So, when I got here, they had no other choice but to adopt me and Alfred was my age. I miss her a lot actually."
...It took all of my awesomeness to fight the urge to hug him and tell Matthew that everything was okay, and that I would protect him.
Matthew POV
As soon as I was done, all I could feel was shock. This man that I just met not too long ago was in my room, and I already told him part of my past?! I must have lost my mind! Was I that lonely? But something just…pulled me to him, and I wanted to tell him everything.
How I just wanted someone to be there for me, and to see me, to care for me. How I honestly wanted to die, and leave this world forever. How this wasn't the first time I've thought about self-harm, but I was terrified about the prospect of dying. I was afraid of the unknown, because I didn't know what would happen if I pulled the trigger, or lost all of my blood, or died from medication.
And that's what has kept me here on Earth for all of my life.
Suddenly, a pair of arms linked around my waist, and I felt myself being hugged for the first time in a long time. It wasn't a tight hug like I was expecting to come from Gilbert, but a gentle, soft one that made my heart flutter. Wait, my heart flutter? Oh maple, this isn't going to end well for me.
Because honestly, who would like me? I'm really not that attractive or good-looking, my eyes are weird, and so is my curl. I look weak, and I kind of am, emotionally and physically. I'm not that interesting, and I'm pretty much…normal. A Prussian voice interrupted my thoughts.
"I'm so, so sorry Mattie. You out of all people don't deserve all of this. You're mom must've been an awesome woman if she made you. You know what? I'll be here for you, always. I will never leave you, and I'll always be there to help and be your friend. I awesomely promise." I didn't notice until now that I had started to cry during my mother's story, and I slowly leaned against Gilbert's chest.
'Damn it Matthew! Now what? You can't die now, or you'll feel bad! Don't trust this cocky bastard Matthew, he'll only leave you and betray you like so many others!' I ignored my thoughts as Gilbert started to run his fingers through my hair.
"I promise" He repeated, as if he was saying it to himself.
I shoved my thoughts from my mind, took a deep breath, along with a leap of faith, and decided to trust and believe him.
AN: So, Do you guys like? No, this is probably not the end, and I possibly will make a sequel to this, and it will be done. But, I honestly want to hear what you guys think. Should I make the second chapter? Or do you want me to leave it like this? Thanks for the reviews and likes that you guys give my stories! Ti Amo you guys 3 I would not be able to make these without y'all :) So, until the next chapter to this, La Bella Madre Italiana, or any new story, Peace!
HetaliaAndSpamanoFangirl