Dear diary;
I dont know why I'm doing this, I suppose it's because Ella made me, she wanted me to write down my feelings after-after seeing Sherlock fall, I couldn't upload this on the blog, It's too personal for me.
Currently I hate him. Yes maybe that sounds mean but he left me, he left me alone, he made me WATCH him jump, that bastard!
But it was more then that, it wasn't simply just watching him jump, please, if it was just that maybe it wouldn't of affected me so much, but it did, and the reason is because he-he was my best friend, maybe, maybe more. He meant so much so bloody much too me and now I'll never get a chance to tell him what he meant to me, he'll never know that no matter how much he annoyed me, how much I shouted at him, that I loved him. That he had someone out there, who wasn't family, that loved him.
I understand how this sounds, I started off with saying I hate him and then went on to loving him, but see the thing is, I feel both, as much as I love him he left me, and honestly? I don't think I can ever forgive him for what he did. See if he came back I don't think things would ever be the same, I guess that's why I'm glad he's going to be staying dead, because no matter how much I love him, things wont ever be the same between us. I don't know why I'm saying all this it's not like he can come back alive is it? No. Which is good, because honestly I think it's best for me if he just stays dead.
~John.