A/N: So here goes my less-than-readable attempt at making my writing at least slightly humorous. There's a severe shortage of Akai-related fanfics, so I'll be trying to increase the story population here. Hope you like it!

Prologue

He woke in an unfamiliar room, dizzy, disoriented, but to his surprise, alive.

Akai Shuichi, however, was less pleased to see Vermouth standing over him with her trademark smirk. For some odd reason, his perspective from his lying position was slightly off, and she was making it worse.

"So you're finally awake, Silver Bullet."

"If you don't mind, I'd like to be enlightened. The last thing I remember was me dying on a highway in the middle of nowhere with a bullet in my lung."

"If it weren't for me, you would've died on a highway in the middle of nowhere with a bullet in your lung."

"According to you, you saved my life. Last time I checked, we were enemies. I'd like a more detailed explanation on why you're being so out-of-character from your usual vicious self，" Akai stated coldly.

Vermouth widened her eyes in mock innocence. "Why? I don't have any argument with a wounded seventeen-year-old that, although quite intelligent for his age, simply appeared out of nowhere." She resumed her smirk. "Being Chris Vineyard, the model citizen of America that I am, what could I do but temporarily take him in?"

Akai stiffened. "What do you mean?"

Producing a mirror from behind her back with a flourish, she held it in front of his face.

And reflected in its surface was his face. Ten years younger.

He barely heard her next words.

You are no longer Akai Shuichi, Silver Bullet. You are no longer Rye or Moroboshi Dai or any of your old faces. So what remains now, among the fragments of the broken mirror?

.o.

Apparently, Akai's teenager body wasn't as capable of hiding his inner turmoil-he had to dig his nails into his wrist to keep the errant hand from trembling. Carefully maintaining a neutral face,he resumed his increasingly disturbing conversation with Vermouth.

"So, you spent all that time setting up my rescue (he said the word with distaste), and smuggling the poison, timing its effect, bribing so many others, obviously taking huge amounts of effort. However, you still haven't explained why you saved, yet crippled, one of your greatest enemies."

"You're becoming as childish as you look," smirked Vermouth. She suddenly adopted an expression of almost complete seriousness. "You see, even in a teenager's body, you are still a highly capable asset. And," she murmured," I'm offering you both a chance for revenge and redemption."

He narrowed his eyes. " This is the second time in less than ten minutes you've went on about your own agenda with no clarification whatsoever. You're on your way to setting a new record for this kind of thing."

"My, my, you're getting dull."

"No thanks to you drugging me with an unknown substance, tranqing me, and giving me another near-death experience to my count."

Vermouth sighed, brushing her hair back from her face with a careless hand. "Even so, I'm amazed that you could forget all that. You know, tossing your little girlfriend back into a nest of black wolves----"

"----Which you were a part of----", Shuichi growled,

"----And traipsing off without a care. I really thought you had better morals than that," she finished. "And, to amend my involvement in such a base thing, I'm going to give you the chance of a lifetime."

"You sound like a game show host"

"Dear me, do I? Well, since we've actually held a civilized conversation for this long, I might as well lay out the prizes. First of all, as a minor and a fugitive from my more trigger-happy associates, despite of my clear signs that you've been blasted to cinders---- don't wince like that---- , I've arranged for you to pay a debt for me by protecting her." Vermouth pushed a photo of Ran Mouri across the table.

"As you've probably inferred from our previous, not-so-friendly meetings, her father---- and for the completeness of the mission, her as well, have an excellent chance of being the next famed individuals to commit suicide for no particular reason that could be identified. You're going to be registered at Teitan High, in her class. And besides being able to shoot another chunk out of Gin's face, it'll even the scales if you save a girl whose boyfriend abandoned her for the sake of his overt curiosity, don't you think?" She had a hard time keeping her serious face on when she saw the hidden fury in his eyes."You can even contact your friends, if they actually believe you, if it comes to that. And I'll even pay for the funds you'll need for new lodging and supplies. Hardly a bad deal."

This was making Akai even more suspicious than before. Heck, her offer was actually reasonable, if not downright generous. He sighed. He had enough contacts and people who owed him something if it came to that, but...

"I accept. However, I really need to ask one more thing. What's the catch?" Perhaps it was too late to ask that, but he'd prefer to have that off his back.

Vermouth... giggled? God no, it was going to be bad. In some ways, he would've been more assured if she'd told him that he was going to have his organs sold or the FBI building blown up or something like that.

"You're---- You're----" She was having fits of laughter, sending chills down his spine. "You're enrolling as a girl.

Shit.

A/N: Never. Again. I now officially hate writing dialogue. It is painful, humiliating, and makes Rae's head explode.

This was complete fanservice, but I suppose it's better than trying to write somehing completely inappropriate. Now, I need to get back to the big assignment due tomorrow.

My brain is going to rot out of my ears by the time I enter high school Please review and critique!