The thing is, Spencer didn't mean for this to happen. He didn't wake up one day and decide he was going to go into work and notice the gleam in Morgan's brown eyes and the curve of the older man's lips when he was happy. He didn't ask for the odd heavy feeling in the back of his throat, the empty feeling in his chest as though something was missing, something important, something necessary for him to continue living.
The thing is, it happened anyway.
The moment Spencer notices something's wrong is the very first time it happens. He recalls all the details clearly. They're on the jet, Morgan is sitting across from him. They're playing cards. JJ's standing in the back, working her way through the third bag of Cheetos. Rossi's writing, pausing every once in a while to go over his work. Hotch is reading a book. Prentiss is curled up in what appears to be a terribly uncomfortable position, trying to fall asleep. And Morgan's laughing.
Spencer's not even sure why he's laughing, just that he is, and he finds himself scanning the older man's face. Noticing the curve of his smile and scrunched up cheeks, the way his eyes crinkle in the corners and his (admittedly crazy) eyebrows crawl up his forehead, and…
And it does things to him. Things that he can't explain. His breathing slows, a blush creeps up his neck to the tips of his ears, and he can't seem to look the other agent in the eye.
"Hey, Reid. You okay, Kid?" a voice draws him out of his stupor and he's nodding, although he knows it's apparent that he's very much not okay. He hopes Morgan doesn't ask what's wrong because he genuinely doesn't have an answer.
The other man just looks amused, shakes his head, and says, "Whatever you say, Pretty Boy." Pretty Boy. Spencer's stomach drops.
It happens a few more times, to the point where Spencer feels uncomfortable just speaking with Morgan, before he realizes what's happening. It's actually quite a gradual build. Little things happen, his palms get sweaty when they're off to investigate things without the rest of the team, he gets fidgety when Morgan talks to him, he stumbles over words when speaking with the other man. It's not until he's up late one night, when he can't stop thinking about Morgan, that Spencer realizes this odd longing feeling is a romantic longing.
This may surprise you, but, Spencer is not an expert in the field of romance. So, he goes to Garcia for help (actually, first he writes a long letter about his troubles to his mother, and then goes to Garcia).
"Oh, sweet, sweet Reid. You adorable thing. Come to Auntie Garcia, rest your head upon my metaphorical bosom. Let your river of longing run free." She says after he tells her (the team is having a night out after a particularly difficult case and he's pulled her aside to talk to her about it).
"Auntie Garcia?" is all he can think to say.
"Shhhh, Boy Wonder, don't question it. Just tell me all about your feelings so I can concoct a plan to lock you both in the closet and not let you out till he's kissed every inch of your body and you have hickeys up and down your neck and chest." He blushes at the image. It's not like he HASN'T thought about, you know, sexual things, but it's all been late at night, laying in bed and half asleep (or in the shower, but he doesn't want to think about those times). It's odd and sort of arousing to here words like that spoken aloud in a public place.
"Garcia, there will be no… hickeys. I could never tell him about this and you have to promise you won't either. He's the straightest guy I know, and an alpha male. He'd probably laugh, or become incredibly uncomfortable around me." She just laughs and fiddles with the straw in her martini.
"Oh, Reid, darling, you know nothing about Mr. Chocolate. Why do you think he's so vocal about how often he does the horizontal tango with women? Because he has something to hide, something like a sexual preference that isn't straight as a board." Needless to say, this is news to Spencer. "But if you don't want to even try, I promise I won't tell. I cannot promise, however, that I won't drop hints. Maybe mention how luscious your neck is, maybe mention how adorable your fetish for socks that don't match is. After all, I may not be able to tell him about your feelings but I can certainly help him develop feelings for you."
"Garcia-" he starts to say, but he's already prancing off and pulling the man in question into a dance. He sees her whispering things in Morgan's ear and then 'Mr. Chocolate' is looking Spencer's way with an odd look in his eyes, a look that may or may not make Spencer's insides liquefy.
The thing is, Morgan hasn't been able to look him in the eye since the night at the bar. Reid suspects it's because Garcia broke her promise and told Morgan and Morgan, being the alpha male that he is, subconsciously believes that Reid is trying to take up dominance over him and the thought, to such an alpha male, is terrifying.
So Morgan is unable to look him in the eye, has been unable for a week, and Reid can't believe he thought he could trust anyone and constantly stays up till odd hours of the night with his social anxiety through the roof, horrified that he thought anyone would take him seriously enough when it came to romance that they wouldn't make a joke of it (and he's not mad at Garcia for telling Morgan, he's just mad himself for telling Garcia).
Except one day Morgan stops being unable to look him in the eye and is instead asking Reid to meet him at a coffee shop because he needs help with some paperwork, and it's so close to a date that if Reid lets himself, he can pretend it is.
It's not, but he can pretend.
But Morgan won't stop looking at him and asking him questions that have nothing to do with paperwork and hasn't actually pulled out any paperwork since they got here that Reid gets a little more hopeful, hopeful enough that when Morgan asks what's on his mind he just starts talking and he can't stop.
"Do you know what phenylethylamine is?" he continues before Morgan has a chance to answer. "It's a chemical that your brain releases when you feel as though you fall in love. There's a lot more to it than that but basically it makes you feel happy. It's also found in chocolate, which is a large reason for when people feel happy after eating chocolate," he should stop now. He keeps going. "You've been avoiding me for a while and I know it's because of what Garcia told you at the bar the other day but I just want you to know that what it was she told you… it's NOT purely sexual attraction, I swear. Sexual attraction actually has very little to do with it, and I know that probably doesn't make you any less uncomfortable but I just don't want you to be upset with me because when I look at you I feel like I've been eating chocolate and I can't help it and I understand if you want to stop speaking with me out side of work but I just want you to know that I don't want to upset you. I think I really like you. That's the last thing I'd ever want to do."
As soon as he's finished he realizes what he's done and then he notices how stony and silent Morgan is and then he feels like he wants to curl up and cry so he goes to leave when a strong, warm hand wraps around his wrist. He wants to look back, wants to see Morgan's face, but he has a very fragile psych and he can't face that sort of rejection and disappointment so he tries to pull his hand away but he just-
"Reid. Reid, please sit down." He does as he's told, but he still can't look at the man across from him. "You can't say something like that and then try to just walk away." Reid just blinks and refuses to look up. "I don't know what you meant by 'what Garcia told me', but I do know that I…" There's a pause and a loud gulp. "I may or may not like you too. I may or may not have spent the last few weeks calling my mama and talking to her about how great you are and complaining that you're too good for me." Reid… Reid just… what.
He looks up at Morgan, who's blushing a little but has a smile on his face and a twinkle in his eyes.
The thing is, Reid didn't mean for this to happen.
But the thing is, he's so glad that it did.
This was written while listening to Honeybee by Steam Powered Giraffe on repeat. You should listen to it, if you haven't. It really helps set the mood if you're writing unrequited love/longing fic, which this was supposed to be. It just had a happy ending because I'm a wuss.