AN: So this is a tag to swan song – just Dean's thoughts the night Sam jumps into the cage. I was rewatching the S5 finale and this occurred to me, so I wrote it. It's very short but I wanted to know if anyone else thought this.
Sacrifice
That night, Dean lay awake, staring at the ceiling. His thoughts were jumbled, rolling around in grief, in sorrow, in guilt. He tried not to think about where his brother was right now. Tried not to think about what his brother might be going through this very minute. It was impossible, of course.
His body was itching to move, to run, to search and scramble frantically until he got his brother out of hell. But he couldn't. He knew Sam wanted him to have a normal life. To get away. To live. He would never escape from his past, both of them knew that. But he could at least change his future.
Maybe that was what sacrifice meant. Maybe it didn't always mean doing anything and everything to save someone you loved. Maybe it didn't always mean selling your soul, or offering up yourself rather than the other, or making it your job to protect someone with your life. Maybe it didn't mean dying to let someone else live.
Maybe sacrifice meant living yourself, without that person you tried to protect for so many years. Maybe it meant when something was over it was over for good. Maybe it meant that sometimes you had to just shoulder that pain and grief and live through it, live past it, with it, every day. Maybe sacrifice meant keeping a promise. Maybe it meant being selfless in the most painful way.
Dean closed his eyes, swallowed the choked scream that was threatening to erupt from his soul. He wouldn't be ok for a long time, he knew that, but he could try. He could try to put on a brave face and move on. He could ditch all the angels and demons and monsters and live in the present rather than wallow in the past. He could, in a sense, lock up the Impala and leave it behind. He couldn't forget, didn't want to forget, but he could create new memories for this new life.
He would be selfish and selfless at the same time, but that ok, because that was what Sam wanted. He would keep his promise and he wouldn't waver from it. And even though it would be painful, he would live. He would live for Sam.
So, what do you think? Please rate and review, I appreciate the feedback! Thanks for reading!