A/N- Hey guys. So this is just a one shot. Just some stuff I needed to write about and get off my chest, so I thought to myself, why not let the readers see it. See what you guys have to say. I kind of just went through this and had to deal with all this stuff. I changed some of the story from what's actually happened but only so it'd make more sense to you guys, and because well you don't need to know everything. ;) But anywho.. enjoy I guess. If you're into that whole angst thing. It's kind of the first thing I've written in this department. I'm posting it as a Spashley kind of one shot, from Ashley's POV. So tell me what you think. -Mel
I Cry Out
Ashley's POV
I cry out into the night. It's just another night where I dreamt of her face. Where I saw her smile and her eyes shinning brightly at me. Where I see us as we used to be. Smiling and laughing together. Like the old times.
But then I wake up from these nightmares and remember where it's all at. I remember how I gave you up all those months ago because I was too scared to admit how I felt about you. I left you to be with someone who was easier to be with then it was easier to deal with the feelings coursing through me. But a lot started happening. You started hurting yourself. You started doing things out of pain that weren't in character for you. Almost like a cry out for help. And as I always have, I answered your cry. I talked to you and helped you through everything like the good friend that I was.
But all it made me realize in the end was how much I needed you, wanted you. Loved you. How I could never bury the feelings that I felt for you because they were stronger than what I've ever felt before. How you were the only one that stuck out from the rest.
So I broke up with the girl I left you for. I was confused, and I was lonely, but I needed you. I couldn't bring myself to say it. Not at first, but I did. I needed you.
We started flirting and stuff like before. We were pretty much back to our normal selves. I finally got the guts to tell you how I felt. But I didn't get the courage until after we fought one night. About how you wanted to go away and stay in another state for school and how I wanted you to be here. But here wasn't good for you you told me. You didn't have the money for here, but there you had a scholarship. You had a dorm, a place to stay. There was nothing for you here. But I looked you in the eye and told you I was here. You looked away in pain, not knowing what to say. So I told you how I felt, how I'd always felt. How I was in love with you and always was. You told me it wasn't possible and then you had to go.
So you left me standing. With nothing back from you, no re-spoken words or telling of your feelings, you just walked away without a simple glance back at me.
Two weeks passed. There was no calls, no texts, no messages, nothing. It was like you were just avoiding me, because I seen you online from time to time. You had gone away to your college and never said goodbye. You were living the life that you said you couldn't have right here.
It got to the point where I was tired of feeling the disappointment and the regret of telling you how I truly felt about you. So I started doing my own thing. I started going out every night, dancing and flirting with other girls. I never brought any of them home, because I knew it wouldn't be the same as having you in my bed. So I always just flirted and danced, occasionally got drunk and then came home to be alone and lost in more thoughts and unwanted dreams of you and I.
I finally got tired of not hearing from you after a month and a half of silence. So I wrote you a letter. I laid everything out for you, I told you once again how I felt and that I'd wait for you as long as I had too. The same words I told you before the first time we ever dated.
The next day you were online. I checked to see if you had read my message and you hadn't. so I found it odd that you were there. You messaged me as if everything was ok, like a month and a half of misery and torment hadn't just happened. In utter shock, I answered your simple question and then you left. It had nothing to do with us, but still I talked to you. So I messaged you where you told me to message you and I told you I wasn't staying to talk, but that you should read the message I sent you. You did, and then you came and found me and told me you were seeing someone else.
My whole world crumbled down around me in that instant. I couldn't say anything else other than I had a feeling. Then I said I had to go. You told me I didn't, that I was running because I was hurt. I said I really had to go and I left. Just signed out.
Its been a year since all of this has happened and yet it's still you I dream about every night. It's still your smile I see and your eyes shinning so bright. It's always close to the same thing every time too. But since that day we've never spoken. We've never talked. You posted some things saying that you had done this for my own benefit, that you did this so it would be better for me in the end.
But the only ending that I could be happy in is one with you.
So every night, I awake from this dream and I cry. I cry my heart out until my tears run dry and I'm so exhausted that I can't help but sleep again.
The dream only happens once a night, so I know that once I've woken up, all I have to do is go back to sleep to be ok again.
But it doesn't stop me from crying out.