Author's Note: Hey guys! This is a random one-off that I wrote when I should've been writing something else. It's loosely based off a contrastingly nostalgic/hopeful song by the same name from Regina Spektor. It's ZA but it's also AU. I also realize I'm creating my own timeline as I don't think we ever saw TF experience winter on the show. Oh well, lol.
Thanks for reading! :)
x-x-x-x-x-x-x
Then
"Got you a little somethin'."
Rick appears in the open space of her cell, his head of wavy curls already in a slant.
She's in between reps, so she sits up for a proper look at him. After a long day scavenging, dirt and sweat cling to his ivory skin. On his brow and under his nails, staining his half-untucked, now-ruined flannel shirt. It's a regular sight for him. He rarely rests.
"You got me something?"
"Here," he says. There's a playful note there, hidden under the throaty Southern drawl. He holds the 'something' in his palm for her to take. "It's not much, but I saw it and thought of you."
Suddenly, she's like a kitten in unfamiliar territory as she eases closer. Mingled hesitancy and humor in her eyes, she reaches for the cloth strip. It's a headband.
"Rick…" she swallows, smiling out of surprise. "You didn't…?"
"You're always complaining 'bout the one you have—saying it's old and falling apart. So I found you a new one."
She's too busy staring at the colorful band to notice he walks away without another word. His thoughtful gesture is done and he doesn't want to stick around for the heavy praise. That humility, rare in a leader at any time let alone a post-apocalyptic world, is what first struck her about him. He's truly a man of the people. Even when he doesn't have to be. When men like the Governor hoard and abuse power.
The dying light beyond the bars of the prison window reveal it'll be dark soon. Midnight in a couple hours after that, marking the beginning of a new year. And another birthday.
Her fingers trace the beautifully stitched Aztec patterns on the headband, and she smiles only to herself.
This time last year, the world was on the brink of ending. She was unwittingly on the cusp of losing everyone dear to her heart. Once she had, she'd thought it was the end. It was, in a way. But in another, it was a beginning.
Life now is harsher, rife with danger and death. She'd given up on the notion that good people still existed. That a life of any sort could. That was before the prison. Before she's slowly become a part of their little self-created world.
Beyond her cell, the others put on scavenged party-hats to ring in the New Year. Glenn and Maggie snuggle comfortably in each other's arms. Carol and Beth prepare the special treat that night, a bowl of pudding straight out the box. Hershel sits like a Santa Claus of sorts, contently observant with that gleam in his eyes. Daryl's cleaning his crossbow, but engrossed in listening to the chatter around him. Then there's the Grimes. Carl plays with Judith and she giggles 'til her chubby cheeks go red. Rick's standing back with his hands on his waist. His face is finally lax, relieved of the constant stressors plaguing him, even if only for a moment.
His eyes catch hers and he grins.
Her heart's racing, spine shivering, but she doesn't understand why. She can't pinpoint it. Not yet.
It's another bashful second of shared gazes and smiles between them. Bravery gives her the last nudge she needs to abandon her cell and walk over, taking her place at Rick's side.
x-x-x-x-x-x-x
Now
"I don't want anything special," she says, eyes set on the stack of plates.
"It's your day too."
"It's R.J.'s. The party's for him. That's all I care about."
She leaves Carol staring after her. The rest of the preparations are underway. They've hung streamers and blown up balloons, and though it might not be matching, it's the most festive they've gotten in years. The occasion's special.
R.J.'s fifth birthday is one she hopes he'll always remember.
"Mommy! Mommy, guess what?"
The boy dashes through the kitchen like a little tornado, gummy smile and all. She catches him midway, hoisting him up in her arms.
"What, pumpkin?"
"I'm gonna stay up 'til midnight! 'Til the new year!"
"That's pretty late. You think you can make it?"
He shakes his head so fervently she briefly worries he'll give himself a headache.
"I can make it! Judy says she'll stay up with me," he chirps.
"Did she now?"
"Mhm!"
"You know what? Good luck to you both," she says with a small laugh.
There's no doubt in her mind R.J. will pass out shortly after sundown. He has the innate ability to fall asleep anywhere. Judith'll make it longer. Maybe 'til the final hour in an engrossing fight against sleep. The idea either of her children want to try amuses her to no end.
She turns him free to roam the house once more. He speeds off like a toy choochoo train gaining traction and she can't help but laugh. It's the little moments like these that keep her going. That help her forget about the massive hole in her heart.
It's been six years and it's not any easier.
The pain is still as fresh as if he'd gone yesterday. She only lets herself feel it when alone. Judith and R.J. need her to be strong, and for them, she will be.
x-x-x-x-x-x-x
Then
It's their second New Year together. First in Alexandria.
It's her birthday and they're too sick to celebrate.
Rick bites back a cough as he attempts to wish her a happy birthday.
She's little better. Her eyes are teary and her throats sore. Anything she says sounds hoarse.
"Happy birthday, Mi…Mi…ACHOOO!" Carl hacks out a sneeze loud enough to shake the walls.
Judith squirms in disgust. "Cover your mouth, Carl!"
"Like you're any better…you wiped your nose on my shirt!"
"Nuh uh!"
"You two stop bickering for one night," Rick drawls exasperatedly. He turns his devoutly blue eyes on her. No matter how many times he looks at her, his gaze holds an intensity that flutters her stomach. "It's Michonne's birthday. We've gotta make sure it's special."
"I'm gonna stay up 'til the new year," Judith boasts triumphantly. "Me and you, mommy!"
Michonne shares a knowing chuckle with Rick, but both let her believe the fantasy.
"Anyway," says Carl loudly. "'Stead of a cake, I got you something different!"
Michonne watches in puzzlement as the teenager dashes from the dining room. He's gone for ten seconds tops before he rushes back in, carrying a giant bowl. She looks at Rick for guidance, but he's just as confused. Judith has the blunt impatience they're too polite to express.
"Ewww, Carl, what's that?!"
"It's tomato soup! For Michonne's birthday. Considering we're…we're…" he pauses with the big soup bowl in hand, his nose wrinkling and eyes closing. They cringe in bated anticipation for the body-racking sneeze that never comes. He fends it off, grinning proudly afterward. Setting it onto the dinner table, he stands back and suggests they light a candle and sing happy birthday.
She's flushing and smiling wide, unable to hide how ridiculously happy they make her. It's embarrassing, really. For the time being, her throat stops aching and her nose isn't running. She's seated amongst the three people who mean the world to her, celebrating her birthday on the cusp of another new year graced with their love.
"That sounds like a good idea to me. Hopefully we can be on key," Rick drawls. His gaze is still on her. Still making her pulse race and her smile brighten like only he can.
The three break out into an uncoordinated rendition of the joyous song, but somehow it's the most perfect version she's ever heard. Between Rick's rasps, Carl's sneezes and loud bellows, and Judith's cooingly mispronounced words, her heart swells 'til she thinks it might just explode. Is it possible to be this happy? To feel this loved?
"Blow out the candle!" Judith exclaims at the end.
She leans forward and blows gently on the candelabra, extinguishing the short-lived flame.
Her wish is simple. To live this way forever. For the rest of her days with them, making the most of the dark world, lighting it with their love. If she's given only this for the rest of her days, she'll die a happy woman. She'll go in peace.
Rick's hand slides to the small of her back and his whisper tickles her ear. "Hope you made a good wish. I love you, baby."
She loves him too. More than she can ever say.
x-x-x-x-x-x-x
Now
The birthday party begins with the children of Alexandria running around like maniacs. R.J.'s one of them. Judith too, even after she bragged about being too old to play hide and seek.
She watches the apples of her eyes on the sidelines with the faint traces of a smile on her lips. It's not lost on her that they'd love a sight like this. If they were still around, they'd be on either side of her, laughing at the mayhem. Carl likely rolling his eyes, shaggy hair in his face. Rick relaxing with his arm hugging her hip, saying something about how he wished he could chase after the kids. And his drawl is so real that she can almost hear it.
"Too bad I'm too old now. I'd hurt my back," he'd say, chuckling.
She'd look at him, fingers trailing his grayed beard, and she'd tease him for good measure.
The vision is so vivid it draws tears in her eyes. Blinking them away, the imaginary figures at her side vanish into thin air. In reality, she's standing alone.
R.J. pauses mid-tumble, gasping for air in his naïve innocence. He waves and calls her name.
"I see you, pumpkin," she says despite her breaking voice. "Be careful!"
He carries on a mile a minute with the other children, none the wiser to the aching nostalgia plaguing her.
"Hey, saw you by the snacks table. Thought I'd head over," says Aaron. He's casual with his approach, clutching a drink in his grasp.
She's grateful for the distraction. "I'm thinking we'll bring out the cake in an hour."
"Carol baked it, right?"
She nods.
"I think I filled up on peanut butter and apples, but I'll make room."
The remark's in jest, but she can barely muster a smile. Aaron notices, searching for a topic that'll fully engross her.
"Uh, not sure if it's the right timing, but…but I found something. Figured you might want it."
She's watchful as Judith shrieks with delighted laughter from afar. The girl's long, golden hair sways for every move she makes, running along with the other children so not to be tagged 'it'. Aaron's words barely register, but when they do, she looks over.
"It was Rick's," he says. "I was cleaning out the old car—you know, the one I used all those years ago when I brought you here—and I found it under the front seat. He must've had it with him that night we escaped those walkers."
She takes hold of the golden sheriff badge, its gleam dulled after so many years. Holding it feels like holding Rick. Another piece of him from the past that she can treasure when unable to sleep in the middle of the night.
"Thanks," she whispers.
"Don't mention it. Take care of yourself, alright?"
x-x-x-x-x-x-x
Then
It's minutes before midnight and they're mixed up in each other.
They roll over, her breasts flush against his chest as he slips inside her again. Inch by inch his length fills her, swallowed up by her tight, slick walls. The joining brings their lids to flutter and mouths to open. He feels so damn good. So fucking amazing, it's all she can do but revel in the stretch feeling of accommodating his girth. The delightful fullness that makes her whimper his name out of utter surrender and abandon.
He silences her mews with a heavy kiss, tongue exploring her mouth. She's breathless rocking against him. Her hips undulate in a slow rhythm that eventually picks up its pace, graduating to a friction between them that's mind-numbingly pleasurable. That welcomes him deeper and renders them outright incapable of intelligible sound. Speechless in each other's arms, skin flush and sheened by sweat, except for the animalistic grunts and growls escaping their throats. The rumble in Rick's chest as his fingers dig into her flesh and he seizes control, raising his hips to hers in hard thrusts.
She tosses her head back, mouth hanging open in mounting ecstasy. His hands snaking up to her breasts, squeezing the soft, full weight of them, only adds to the heavenly ascent she seeks.
The warmth of his calloused hands on her, caressing her body like every dip and curve marvels him, is always enough to send her over the edge. She's rocking against him fast now, so hell bent on pleasure that she's lost concept of anything but. He's one in the same, the blue in his gaze dark enough to be sapphires gleaming in the night.
That's what finally tips her over. His intense gaze. The heavily-lidded, lust-ridden, blue-eyed gaze that tells her she's the sexiest fucking sight he's ever seen. Ever will see. That she's the shimmering moon in his night's sky, riding him unabashedly to a point of unreturnable, euphoric oblivion.
She's done for, shuddering uncontrollably as she reaches her peak. A quivering mess atop him, he clutches her close and smashes his lips to hers, driving into her spasming core like a madman. Her vicelike clench on his girth stalls his breathing, hitching it to the point he grumbles out a primal grunt. Struggling to hold onto his last shred of sanity, snug in fluttering walls, he surrenders and spills freely inside her.
His hands are cupping her ass and his once sturdy muscles are shaking, and she moans kissing him. The gooey warmth of his seed is a sensation she'll never tire of. They should be pragmatic and careful but, in the moment, neither care. In their comedown, the afterglow of their passionate lovemaking, they even entertain the idea of a little one. Something they've done before.
"You're mine," he marvels aloud. He reaches up and brushes a loc out of her face, his hand slipping down the curve of her cheek and snaking down her throat. It lands on her heaving chest, palm flush against her rising and falling ribcage. He feels her heartbeat.
She can't help smiling softly. He's gone flaccid and slips out of her, but she balances herself atop his lean, lithe body. Once she'd worried about being too heavy, but he's laughed when she's confessed as much, telling her she's a lot lighter than she thinks she is.
"And you're?" she whispers against his lips.
"Yours," he answers without hesitation.
She can't help but laugh as he starts kissing her and the recklessness of its hardening him.
"Uh…are we going to talk about the birthday cake batter you just spilled?" she giggles.
"Nope."
He's so assured in his answer that she giggles again, thrown by the unapologetic honesty.
"Rickkk…"
"Hmmm?"
"I love you."
"I love you too. And looks like it just turned midnight. New Year," he says, lifting his head and studying her face. "Happy birthday, Michonne."
x-x-x-x-x-x-x
Now
The sun begins to set.
The kids gather at the table, eager to sing happy birthday and blow out the candles on the cake. Carol's baked a sheet cake big enough for two dozen. Aaron lights the candles. Judith stands on a chair and calls for everyone's attention. The 10-year-old loves leading and insists the crowd sing happy birthday.
R.J. runs toward her, mouth fallen open in an eager smile. In her arms, she brings him close to the cake as the group sings and he blows out the candles. She makes a wish of her own. One that'll never come true.
"I made a wish, guys!" R.J. brags to a chorus of laughs.
The cake's cut and everyone's mingling. The kids have cake smashed on their fingers and smeared on their cheeks, their party hats askew at this point. R.J. sits head of the table looking the part of a little prince in his flannel and jeans.
She sees Rick in him more and more each day.
He'd be so proud.
She knows that much.
His children are brave and clever and they laugh as freely as he'd hope they would.
He'd always wanted that for them—the full innocence of childhood no matter the state of the world.
"Mommy, do you want some cake? It's chocolate," R.J. chirps. He's got buttercream frosting on the tip of his nose.
She smiles, wiping away the smudge, and says, "thanks, pumpkin, but I'd rather watch you open presents."
"Presents!" he echoes in a gasp.
His attention is stolen away now, diverting to the modest heap on the table. The scavenged gifts are creatively wrapped in newspaper, but that doesn't matter. It's the thought that counts. His rounded brown face lights up when he unwraps a toy cowboy with a hat and a gun. He holds the figurine up for her to see and beams remembering the stories she's told.
"Just like daddy…right, mommy?"
Her throat aches as she gives a slight nod. "Yes, pumpkin. Just like daddy…"
x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x
Then
"It's a boy."
Siddiq wears a weak but hopeful smile as his eyes seek hers. With utmost care, he transfers the wailing newborn into her waiting arms.
The first time she holds him her heart stills. Exhausted from the ordeal of childbirth, she doesn't have enough strength to fight the choked sob that escapes her. Tears prod and beg. Her bottom lip trembles and she clutches him to her chest. She can't take her eyes off him. He's beautiful.
In seconds, her motherly touch warms him and his wails cease. Against the infirmary lights, he squints up at her with a sense of wonder. He comforts her unknowingly, as bonding with him takes her mind off the empty space at her bedside.
The space where Rick would be.
Dutifully at her side, stroking her hand and whispering sweet encouragements in her ear.
She swallows hard. Pushes those thoughts away. It's a new year. The entire future lays ahead of them. His memory will have to be enough for them both.
"What will you name him?" Siddiq asks with a tentative lilt to his voice.
Looking down at him again, he curls and uncurls his ten tiny fingers and toes as if to wave. She laughs studying him, taking in his wrinkly, rosy flesh and matted dark hair. The answer exists long before the question's ever been asked.
"Rick," she whispers.
x-x-x-x-x-x-x
Now
The party's fizzling out as it enters the third hour.
Parents begin whisking their kids into their arms to haul them home.
Judith's eaten too much cake and has a tummy ache. R.J.'s still buzzing off the sugar.
She's going to give them a few more minutes before she ushers them inside.
Aaron checks on her one last time. "Jesus and I are going to head out soon. Do you need anything?"
"I'm good. Thanks."
"Okay…oh, and Michonne?"
"Hmmm?"
"Happy birthday."
The wish is sincere and so she offers him an appreciative smile. Jesus stands feet away, watching their farewell with the same kind of sympathy. At this point they've all lost someone, but they're still standing. They're still alive and breathing. The lucky ones.
She relishes in that as she stands and calls R.J. and Judith's names. The kids abandon their game in a race against each other, seeing who can reach her first. Judith's long legs help. She wins then groans about her tummy.
"I'll make you some mint tea," she promises the girl, stroking her long strands.
The family of three turn to go into the house when the wooden gate to the yard creaks open. It's slow but loud and captures their attention at once. They're confused as they whirl around, thinking it's a party-goer whose left something behind.
Time stands still and her knees go weak. She's dreaming. Surely she's asleep as the gate opens and walking through is a gaunt, dirtied man that looks like him. That is him. That's Rick several years worn and older than the last time she's seen him, but nonetheless, it's him.
It's a dream. It's a dream. Only a dream. She repeats this over and over again.
But it doesn't matter as she abandons logic and inches toward him, lost in a tearful trance. His eyes are on her, growing closer, staggering even. She doesn't want to imagine what he's been through since he's been gone. Since he's somehow come back to life.
For as strong as she is, she's a shuddering mess at the sight of him. They meet halfway, tears streaming and arms open tentatively, both scared the illusion will end as soon as they touch. It doesn't. His arms, though weaker than she remembers, wrap around her and it's like the pain she's felt for six years washes away. Is this real? It can't be real…
Relief is a hurricane, sweeping her up in a whirlwind that leaves her lightheaded.
She buries her face into his neck and sobs. His hands cradling the back of her head, his eyes squeezed shut. Then he lets go of her, looking to the two children feet away. Comprehension dawns in his tired blue eyes and his words are gibberish.
"Is this…is that…?" he starts then gives up, rubbing his face in total disbelief.
Judith's staring with slow blinks, struck speechless, but R.J. knows. The ever-hopeful little boy, who's never stopped believing, glances at him and he just knows. His face explodes with pure jubilance and he gallops toward him. His father has finally come home.
And Rick knows it too. He falls to his knees and shatters into tears.
Both children are soon to follow, piling on top of their daddy in a frantic embrace. They're all delirious.
The four of them huddle on the ground in shaky whimpers and breathless laughs. The moment is undoubtedly the happiest anyone has ever been. She's sure of it now, touching his wildly overgrown beard and feeling his heartbeat and reeling from the scent of his sweat.
It's real. He's alive.
"How?" she mumbles, lips pressed into his skin.
His arm tightens along her hip, the other around the kids. "I found a way. I…I never stopped trying."
Of course.
It's who he is. The kind of man he is to never give up. To find his way back to them even in death.
"Happy birthday," he whispers knowingly. The hint of his old charming grin flitters across his fatigued face. He's been through hell and back, but he's with them now, and it's going to be okay. They're going to be the family they've always dreamed of. It's only the beginning as together they ring in the new year.
x-x-x-x-x-x-x
Author's Note: I don't watch the show anymore, but in my head, Rick will never stop trying to find his way back to Michonne and the kids :)
So this is my HEA head canon and I'm sticking to it, LOL! Anyway, thanks for reading and review if you'd like. And, lastly, HAPPY NEW YEAR!