A bit of a different take on skins. Darker. Contains self harm, sexual content, abuse, suicide, mental illness. Who cant bear to read it, shouldn't.
Who is interested, welcome and don't be shy to drop a review with your thoughts, worries, complaints.
Criticism is appreciated as much as everything else.
Rated M
Skins isn't mine.
IwysAshes
A smirk forms on her lips and she nods when I mutter ;"Welcome to the child and teenage psychiatric hospital Bristol, be part of your future, now."
Prologue.
Born to die.
It's got quite a ring to it, a almost poetic way to describe my life if I'd try to explain what my purpose walking this earth might be.
She is looking at me through red-rimmed eyes. She always is after I open her eyes to see how right she is when she describes me as a bomb.
She's pleading for me to stop hurting, to stop listening, to stop trying to walk by the edge. She's scared I'll go one step too far and fly too far away, loosing my senses altogether.
She's blaming herself, blaming my father, my brother, my school, my friends. She cant bring herself to see her her little girl being to blame for this.
She's grasping my hands, my arms, my shoulders, clinging to me like I'd disappear if she let go.
Her hands are shaking, her body is shaking and her voice lost its strength she carries in it.
She's a lioness. She's a mother.
She's the strongest woman alive because she is my mother but my eyes bring her to her knees, change her roars to sobbing pleas, change her glares to begging watering eyes.
Her strength turns into fear.
A sobbing shadow of the woman she needs to be to live through times like this.
She's stroking the red marks on my lower arm, kissing them with tenderness only a mother can show, trying to kiss it better like only a desperate broken mother could.
I let her. I let her have the time to try and make it better for her little girl, because she needs this.
Just for the moment.
She's cupping my cheeks, begging me to look at her, begging me to stop looking through her.
"Did you bring my fags?" Like a flash she's showing me a bag she's brought, emptying it on my bed with shaking,
wrinkling hands.
"Got your favourite clothes love, washed them. They said I could bring your CD player, but I didn't know which CD's to bring, grabbed two hands full, don't know what you're listening to now." Her lips are shaking, realizing again and again how far away I truly am.
She tries to pull herself together, her shaky fingers reaching back inside the bag.
"A few books. Your favourites. You'll have time to read again, sweetheart. You always enjoyed reading." When my eyes meet hers she stops the nervous babbling and continues unpacking.
CD player.
Clothes.
CD's.
Books.
Canned dinner.
A carton of fags.
Make up, tooth brush, tooth paste, shower gel, shampoo.
Garibaldi biscuits.
Cuddle blanket.
Favourite pillow.
Sweets.
One could think I was moving in somewhere. From the look in her eyes I think I do. She looks guilty.
She is guilty.
"Love, you'll see this will be good for you. For us. You'll learn how to deal with your, uh, problems and I will do my best to support you on every step you take. Time will fly by and soon you'll be back home, where you belong." Guilty tears run down her face.
She aged.
I feel nothing wondering when this happened.
I snatch my hand away and light a much needed cigarette, my eyes finding hers and making her sink in her chair.
They always do.
"They kept me locked up for two days. Two days I've been tied to a bed, mother, pumped full with drugs and left to piss myself. I hope you are fucking happy because when I'm done here, I'll have no home any more. I'll never see you again."
My words might as well be bullets, seeing how she flinches and breaks out in heart wrenching tears.
She's grabbing my hands again but I don't let her.
She's had her time.
"Dont say that, you're my daughter. You will always be with me Naomi. No matter what."
She's hysterical.
"Dont you remember? No matter what happens, I'll be by your side." Her face crumbles and she starts to hiccup when I push her off me.
"Home isn't home without you."
"Should have thought about that before you betrayed me." I take a deep drag of my fag before I hold it to my lower arm, pushing it against the scarred skin without hesitation. "Piss off."
She knows I wont stop until she leaves.
When I turn my head to the side, she's gone and all I see is my room-mate, silently staring at me through her empty, blue eyes.
A smirk forms on her lips and she nods when I mutter ;"Welcome to the child and teenage psychiatric hospital Bristol, be part of your future, now."