Promises
'Oh Cat,' Sara thought sadly as she watched her through a lab viewing window.
Catherine's hands were shaking as she attempted for the third time to process the sample of blood in front of her. She, and everyone close to Warrick were still shaken and numb and the wounds and sorrow of his shooting just 24 hours ago had turned the lab into a tomb of drones going through the motions of work; precise and in silence.
When Grissom had called Sara, a bit early for their normal time, his voice was cool and rational; compartmentalized and ever the scientist as the words spilled monotone through the phone.
"It's Warrick."
This was followed by a silent sorrow that she had only heard once before, when she had finally called him after she left, ran away from, Las Vegas:
"Hello?"
"Gil."
"Sara? Oh God, where are you?"
Months ago…a lifetime ago that was. But now…
"He's dead."
Suddenly the phone was too heavy for her hand, suddenly her body was too heavy to remain standing.
'Jesus no.'
She could hear Gil's voice.
"Sara? Sara, talk to me."
He was sobbing though she could barely tell over her own cries.
"God Gil…how? Why?"
"We were just with him, ate with him. I left the diner and found him at his car…." His voice trailed off.
The room was spinning around her. So much violence, she was trapped in it and she couldn't escape, no matter how far she ran.
"I'll be there," was all she could manage and less than six hours later, there she was, standing in a building she thought she would never see again.
"Sara," she heard from behind and felt a hand on her shoulder.
"Jim," she could barely get out as she was pulled into his embrace. It was warm and comforting, the embrace of someone she thought of as a father.
"Were you filled in?"
"Yes, as much as there is to fill in. I want in, Jim: Talk to Ecklie, whatever. I want in."
"You're in, provisionally," she heard. It was Ecklie. "Quite frankly, I wouldn't imagine keeping you out. Just mind protocol. Don't forget you don't work here anymore."
Sara could only nod.
"I'm serious Sidle, emotions are raw…we're just asking for mistakes. This investigation…Grissom, Catherine, everyone is all over it. Lingering, stepping on toes. Right now…I don't know, maybe you could help everyone focus, keep them in their place."
"Ok." That was all she could say.
She turned back to the window. Catherine was gone.
"Umm, can you excuse me?"
Not waiting for an answer, she made her way down the hall, ignoring the stares of past colleagues; there would be time for that later.
She stopped at Warrick's station. Already there were notes and little trinkets left posted to his desk. "We love you" "In our prayers"…
She felt hot liquid build behind her eyes but fought it. What was he wearing when she last saw him? She had bumped into him; he dropped a bottle of sleeping pills. When did they last speak? Just days ago…:
"Warrick, hey," she had said over their lousy phone connection.
"Hey Sar, did you check out that club I told you about?"
"I'll get there..."
"What's going on?," he had inquired.
"Nothing. I'm trying to get myself together, you know?"
"I understand that one girl. Sometimes things get so crazy…keep your head up. Just remember that your family is here."
'Damn it Warrick, what happened?'
Sara put her hand on the wall next to the locker room sighing and steadying herself. Today had been far too long. She wanted to see Greg, but he had turned off his phone and 'disappeared', at least momentarily. It was always how he dealt with things.
Nick had been another story. They sought each other out immediately. She felt the closest to him sometimes; victims of horrible crimes, belonging to a special club of survivors. The guilt of surviving, of going on and now Warrick…it was too much.
"When it's your day…it's your day," she had told Nick once.
"It's not your day Sara," she remembered him whispering into her ear that day in the desert, "it's not your day."
'Stop Sidle, don't do this to yourself. You're no good to Warrick like this. You'll be no good to anyone.'
She smiled at the thought of Warrick.
"I'm shocked actually," she had blurted out at his announcement of marriage.
"What, you didn't think anyone would marry me?" was Warrick's response.
"No. No it's just…well I just thought that you and Catherine had a thing."
He had chuckled a bit and shook his head.
"Girl…believe me." He had paused thoughtfully. "No. She's too…"
"Much?" Sara interrupted.
"Distracted," he answered. "There's someone else, at least that is my impression."
"Oh. Well, I guess I should know better than to listen to lab rumor anyway."
Sara knew though, despite fragmented rumor, that Catherine cared deeply for him.
When she had heard Grissom's words just a few hours prior, it had not been his sorrow or her own that ran through her head. It was Catherine. Sara couldn't explain it or rationalize it, but she had to come back and get to her and make this okay. As stupid as it seemed, and as hard as she had been trying to analyze it, nothing came except she just had to be here for her this time.
Gil had already said the he had noticed a change in Catherine's demeanor once she had seen a young girl tossed over a railing to her death and Sara had laughed at the time he told her, not at Catherine, but that Gil had noticed. It usually took him forever to notice interpersonal behavior unless the person in question was part of an investigation. At the time she figured that for him to notice it must have been a big change. A breaking point: She understood that painfully well.
'Ok,' she thought, 'just go in there.'
With that she walked quietly into the locker room where she knew Catherine would be hiding. She walked around the first row and like she had suspected, there was Catherine, sitting forward on a bench with her head in her hands.
Sara watched her for a moment as she felt her stomach grow tight in anticipation of speaking to her. The thought of a conflict now…it was too much, and yet, she felt compelled to seek her out instead of waiting to meet up with her tomorrow or whenever the 'team' got together.
Sara took a step forward. The woman in front of her seemed small, more so than her already-small frame; and broken.
"Sara!" Catherine exclaimed. Startled, she stood up. "How long have you been standing there?"
'I just got here,' she wanted to say, but instead she just shook her head slightly and shrugged.
"I didn't expect to see you until tomorrow," Catherine said mechanically in the typical 'I am as tough as anyone and don't you forget it' tone that Sara was used to. "I expected you and Gil…"
"No," Sara interrupted, taking a step forward, "No, Gil and I, we're…I just needed to come here."
Catherine ran her fingers through her hair and offered, "Well, I could fill you in now…"
"Catherine," Sara cut her off walking towards her.
"Ecklie has set up…"
"Cat, stop."
"What Sara?!" she snapped. "What?"
They were inches apart, staring each other down in a silence that lasted mere moments. So many times they had clashed in the same manner and yet this time, Sara could see the difference of this moment in Catherine's eyes. She could see her starting to tear up and not able to bear it, she grabbed her awkwardly into a tight embrace.
Catherine began to shake and cry and Sara held her, holding her up as much as holding her in comfort. She could feel the sobbing woman's arms tighten in front of her, her hands balled into fists.
"Why are you here?" she sobbed into her chest angrily and pushed Sara back. "Why?"
"You called me," Sara said softly. "I didn't understand it back then, that day at the motel. You called me and I couldn't fix it. Eddie was murdered and I couldn't fix it. You asked for my help and I couldn't…."
Suddenly Catherine lunged forward, pushing Sara against the locker, fury in her eyes, her lips crashing against the brunette's. It confused and excited Sara all in one instance and though resistant at first, she found herself quickly responding. Here was Catherine, the strong, intelligent, rational, beautiful, lost…
'Lost' Sara snapped to her senses. 'What am I doing?'
She grabbed Catherine's arms and began to push her back gently. Catherine would have none of it and Sara found herself spinning the blond around and against the locker for leverage, pushing her back.
"Cat stop…please, "she pleaded.
Suddenly Catherine, as if broken from a trance, stood motionless. Tears were still streaming down her face as she looked at the floor.
"God, Sara…I'm so sorry…I'm…I don't know…I need…" Her voice trailed off and Sara could feel the empty sorrow that she knew herself so well.
"No Cat…don't."
"I shouldn't have done that, not now."
"I could have stopped you," Sara half lied. "I could have done a lot of things."
"I don't understand."
"I was hurt and lost and I ran and I could have stayed with the people who care for me," Sara answered honestly.
The kiss had thrown her off momentarily. She was stronger than Catherine and could have stopped her and yet the feel of Catherine's lips against hers had made her feel surprisingly whole and focused.
"We have to go Cat."
"Where?"
I'm taking you home."
"I can't go home. I can't take the emptiness," Catherine choked.
"I know," Sara told her, and then tilting Catherine's face so that she could see her eyes, and running her free hand through Catherine's hair she said quietly, "I came back because of Warrick, but I'm here because of you. I won't let you be alone."
'I have to save you…I need you to be okay,' Sara thought, but said instead:
"Let's go Cat. I'm serious. It's time to go." Sara took her hand and began to lead her towards the door. "Please?"
Catherine nodded and followed her.
XXX
"I really am sorry about earlier," Catherine expressed while sipping coffee that had long gone cold.
Sara laughed nervously. 'No wonder men are always falling all over you.'
They had been sitting in Catherine's living room, talking about Warrick, talking about the case and as devastating as that was, it was a welcomed distraction to earlier events.
Catherine's cell rang.
"Gil," she answered and shot a look at Sara, who shook her head, indicating that she wasn't there.
"Yeah, I heard she was at the station before I came home. Well, I'm sure she was looking for you. Me? I'm fine, really. I just needed to…Lindsey had a recital and I wanted to be here to tell her in person, you know?"
As she hung up Sara was quick to explain:
"I just haven't seen him yet and I…guess I feel a bit guilty. It's silly I guess, I don't know why…."
"Me too," Catherine agreed "He needs you now, you know. You should go to him."
"He needs something," Sara said sadly, "but it's not me."
"Sara…"
"No, it's ok, really. This past few months has given me time and allowed me the clarity to understand…" Sara's voice trailed off. She really didn't want to discuss her relationship. It just didn't feel right.
"He loves you."
"Yes, and I love him. But we aren't in love. What we had was just…I don't know, comfortable. I think I thought I knew what love was…and it was only recently I figured it out, and it wasn't him."
"Oh."
"Look, I really don't want to talk about that. What happened to me in the desert…it was the proverbial straw I guess," Sara stood. "I should go though. He was expecting me quite awhile ago."
Catherine stood reluctantly. "Okay, umm, I guess I'll see you back at the lab then."
Sara smiled. "I will see you soon." She turned before she reached the front door, "thank you Catherine."
"For what?" Catherine laughed, "You're the one who picked me up pretty much off the floor."
"Thanks for letting me be there for you, for not shutting me out."
Catherine looked puzzled.
"Just thanks, that's all. I'll see you later."
XX
Weeks had gone by before Sara's thoughts turned back to Catherine: Weeks of closure for Warrick, weeks of ending what was left of her relationship with Gil. Sadness began consuming her as it had done before leaving Las Vegas. She had even asked him if he wanted to get away, just get away for awhile to regroup. His was the answer she had come to expect, the Grissom that she had always known…and still loved, though now more completely as a friend. Of course he couldn't go, of course he was under-staffed.
She felt more alone than ever, except for the thought of Catherine. When she had told her that it was just recently she figured out what love was, it was true. From the moment she sat across from Catherine talking about Warrick and drinking all too cold coffee she knew.
She was in love with Catherine Willows.
She was even more sure the moment Catherine had walked in on she and Gil in his office and Catherine had acted as if that was the first she had seen her in months, yet in hugging her whispered, "thank you too".
Packing her belongings, she sighed, the thought of Catherine's kiss running through her as if it had just happened. When she had held her in her arms she had felt complete. And that kiss: It was filled with a passion she had never known. It was new and exciting and it felt wonderful and now the sorrow of the loss of what would never be was too overwhelming. She would live with that memory forever, but she could only live with it as long as she left. Being close to her would be too painful. Sara realized that the need to save Catherine was enveloped in the need to save herself, the need to save the hope of love.
It was time to get out.
She had wanted the opportunity to say goodbye to Gil properly this time, she just couldn't wait any longer to leave. It had been 60 hours since she had even heard from him; with his working of doubles leading to triples, who knew when he would return? Besides, he had already hinted at the fact that he just couldn't say it, he just couldn't be the one to move on. It was up to her. So she called the guys and said her goodbyes, "until next time" she had told them.
Catherine she figured would be fine with a call later. When she had run into her lately she seemed back to her Catherine self, defenses up and all business.
As she walked out of Gil's place for the last time, she knew she was ready for whatever would come next. From behind her she heard the faint buzzing of the cell she had left on the counter. This phone had brought the news of Warrick's murder and the now-distant conversations with Gil.
'Let it go,' she thought as she climbed into the taxi.
XX
"We will begin pre-boarding of Flight 140 to San Francisco in just a few minutes," the overhead blasted.
"It's about time," Sara muttered to herself. San Francisco fog had delayed her flight already by 2 hours and she was feeling trapped and impatient.
"Sara Sidle, please report to any courtesy phone, Sara Sidle please report to any courtesy phone for an emergency call."
'What the hell?' she thought looking down at her watch as she approached a phone.
"This is Sara Sidle," she said.
"Thank you ma'am, you have an emergency call from the Las Vegas crime lab…I'll put it through now. Go ahead ma'am."
'Oh God,' she thought, 'they've told Gil.'
"Hello, this is Sara."
"So that's it then?"
The voice was low and cracking. Sara sucked in her breath. It wasn't Gil's voice at all.
"Catherine?"
"You really are something, you know?"
Shocked, Sara stood searching for a response.
"Catherine, how did you…"
"Right. You came here for me, and now, just walk away…"
"No…Cat…I was going to call you…"
Catherine laughed wickedly and slurred:
"Well, whatever then. Go…just go."
Sara's felt her heart racing.
"Catherine what's going on?"
The phone went dead and Sara felt a panic rise.
'She's drunk,' Sara thought as she heard the call for her flight, 'She's drunk and she's mad at me because I'm leaving? Damn it. Just get on the plan Sara.''
XX
As the taxi pulled over, Sara wondered again if she should have just stuck to the plan, boarded the plane and left Vegas behind forever. Catherine had gotten the better of her.
'She's fine, just had too much to drink,' Sara reasoned, 'I'll go in, check on her, tell her I'm sorry, that it was just a misunderstanding, then make it back for the 5:30 flight.'
So why did she feel like telling the driver to take her back to the airport right that second?
She knocked on the door and waited: Nothing.
"Catherine," she called out. Still nothing. She heard muffled sobbing.
Taking a deep breath, Sara turned the handle and walked in. There was Catherine in the living room; sitting huddled on the floor against the sofa with her head down on her knees. On the coffee table there was a half-empty glass and an empty Absolute bottle.
"Cat?"
She didn't respond or look up, she just sat sobbing. Sara crouched in front of her, placing her hand on her arm.
"Cat, look at me."
Catherine looked up.
"Sara," she slurred, barely conscious, "Sara, I fucked up."
"Cat, how much have you had to drink?"
"I fucked up and now Sara's gone."
Sara thought about how funny that sounded.
"Cat, c'mon now, let's get you some coffee."
She stood her up.
"I don't want coffee," she slurred, "I want Sara….oh Sara….hi Sara. Oh God…I really don't feel too good."
They barely made it to the bathroom before Catherine began to vomit; made it into the bathroom but not quite to the toilet.
'Nice,' Sara thought. Nothing about being a CSI had ever really bothered her except vomit.
Catherine was shaking. "I think I'm dying," she said.
Sara almost laughed. "No, you aren't dying, but you probably won't feel very good. Let's get you cleaned up."
She ran the shower and as it reached warm, she suddenly felt a bit shy.
"Uh…I'm going to take your robe off, okay?"
Whatever happened, she hoped that Catherine wouldn't remember the blush that she felt rising in her cheeks as she saw her body naked and creamy white before her.
'Jesus Sidle,' she thought, scolding herself, 'be a CSI, just wash her up and get her to bed.'
The task was far from easy. Now Catherine wasn't angry or sobbing, she was just sexy and teasing.
"C'mere," she teased, pulling Sara's arm. It took all of her control to hold her steady though her shirt sleeves suffered from the effort.
"C'mon baby…you look cold in those wet clothes." Her voice was hypnotic. Sara felt butterflies from her throat to her clit. "Let me warm you up Sara."
"Maybe later," she barely got out. She seemed to have lost the ability to speak, "next time."
"When?"
"Umm…later, after you have a nap," Sara compromised as she rinsed her hair.
"I'm not tired."
"Sure you are….so am I, remember?"
As Sara dried Catherine and slipped a pajama top over her head, she couldn't help but see how the cool air hitting her body had caused her nipples to harden and she swallowed hard at the thought of touching them, caressing them.
"Promise?" Catherine said sleepily.
"What?" Sara said, her trance breaking.
"Promise to shower with me later?"
"Okay…sure," Sara laughed.
Catherine lay back on her bed and Sara went back to the bathroom to clean up. After, as she removed her now-soaked shirt and jeans she heard soft from behind her;
"Stay with me. Please."
"I'm right here," she called back to her.
"No. Here….right now. Stay with me."
Sara sat down on the bed next to her, putting her hand on hers.
Catherine rolled over and Sara lay down next to her, cuddling around her body.
She felt soft and warm and soon Catherine was asleep.
'So much for the 5:30 Flight.' she thought, finding herself smiling as she drifted off to sleep.
XX
"Oh God…."
Sara awoke startled to those words. They were coming from the bathroom and she listened to Catherine again vomiting. As she listened to the sound of the sink she searched for the time. 1:30. They had slept for hours. And then, realizing her surroundings and remembering what had transpired...the shower, Catherine naked before her, Sara began to feel that surge of shyness, and pulled a blanket around her as she remembered that she was in her bra and underwear. In Catherine's bed.
'Awkward,' she thought.
As Catherine opened the door Sara's heart raced with what to do next. 'What do I say…feeling better? I didn't look at your…incredibly gorgeous body, your breasts…I swear I had my eyes closed the whole time..'
Her concentration was broken by the sensation of a hand on her arm.
"I'm sorry I woke you," Catherine said apologetically as she got back into bed and wrapped herself around Sara's body.
Sara felt herself stiffen. So did Catherine.
As Catherine began to move away in response, Sara grabbed her, pulling her closer. It became apparent to her that Catherine was either A) Still drunk or B) completely at ease with the situation…she hoped it was the latter. Either way, Catherine had led the moment and if this was the only time to be this close, she was going to make sure it was seared into her being.
They lay awake. Sara ignored the silence, opting to relish in the feel of Catherine's body soft but firm against hers. She found her hand on Catherine's arm and began to stroke it lightly from end to end and delighted as this action caused Catherine to shiver slightly. As Catherine's head rested on her chest, she felt her warm breath steady on her skin as Catherine began to trace her fingers up and down Sara's side.
Sara began stroking Catherine's hair, which caused her to snuggle closer and sigh, which Sara noted was more of a content purr.
The warmth between their bodies was growing. Sara knew her own was rising by the moment and a longing began to throb deep in her. She could feel the heat growing from Catherine where she rested against her side and could feel Catherine pushing that part of her gently closer.
They rocked slowly together. Sara lost herself in the slight rhythm; everything about this moment felt perfect. She leaned a bit and gently kissed the top of Catherine's head, pulling her all the closer. It was then that she felt a warm wet drop hit her chest and roll down and she realized that Catherine was crying.
"Cat?" she said quietly, not breaking their rhythm.
"No," Catherine hushed, "don't. Please don't say it. Just let me have this moment, just this perfect moment to hold onto when you're gone."
Sara felt a confused disbelief. Here she was leaving to save the moments experienced previously with Catherine and here Catherine was, thinking she was leaving and trying to create her own? Could Catherine really have feelings for her?
She tilted Catherine's face so she could look into her eyes and she saw it: It wasn't just loneliness or alcohol. She wanted her, she wanted this moment and she wanted to remember it forever.
Sara tilted in and gently brushed Catherine's lips with hers as she rolled her body fully against the bed. As her head touched the pillow she kissed her again, and whispered:
"This moment is ours forever Cat, I promise." She leaned in and began kissing her, first the tears on her cheeks, then another soft kiss on the lips, then her neck and as she felt herself begin to lose the control to just kiss softly she felt Catherine wrap her arms around her and her fingernails grip into her back. Suddenly Sara felt control leave her as she kissed her way back to Catherine's mouth.
They kissed hungrily, taking turns entering each other's mouths, biting each other's lower lips, their hands finding their way around each other's bodies. Sara made her way down to Catherine's chest, removed the pajama top and felt a whole new wave of lust fill her body as she took one breast into her mouth while massaging the other. She heard moaning, but she had no idea if it was Catherine or herself. Catherine's hands were gripped in Sara's hair and her hips were thrusting into her eagerly. Sara began making her way back up to Catherine's mouth and Catherine gripped her hair and bit down on her neck while whispering against her skin:
"I want you inside me Sara."
Sara pushed her off and held her down so that she could look into her eyes to show her intent. It caused Catherine to gasp.
Catherine bit her lower lip, reached up and grabbed Sara to her.
"Please Sara," she gasped, "love me."
Sara felt her eyes well up and she could only nod a response as she began kissing her way down Catherine's torso. When she reached the edge of the pajama bottoms, she ran her fingers around the edge, teasing and watching Catherine's body writhe and plead, kissing just over the top of the material, then just over the top of her clit. She pulled the bottoms down in one motion, not to ease Catherine's pleading but to ease the growing impatience of her own desire.
The sight of Catherine, completely naked and vulnerable before her caused her to pause just long enough to see the look on Catherine's face. It was anything but vulnerable.
She leaned in to kiss her one last time before making her way back down past her stomach, kissing through the moist hair to her clit, barely realizing that she was shaking a little as she kissed and then took Catherine's clit into her mouth, sucking it at first gently but as the sweet taste and the scent mingled, Sara couldn't help but lick and suck harder as her own clit throbbed and ached.
"Jesus Sara," Catherine moaned, grabbing and pulling her hair around her hands.
This only caused Sara to suck harder and she worked her way down to where she could now feel her opening at the tip of her tongue. She circled her tongue around it before pushing in and Catherine's back arched, so much so that Sara had to tightly grab her thighs to hold her still so that she could continue.
Catherine was moaning, or purring or maybe it was Sara, she couldn't tell. She was so close to the edge herself that she could barely focus, except for on Catherine:
"Sara…so close…damn Sara…"
It was pushing Sara even farther. Moving quickly, Sara sat up on her knees and thrust her fingers into Catherine.
'Jesus,' Sara thought, as Catherine gripped around her fingers
"Harder," Catherine gasped.
Sara repositioned herself so that her own pelvis was against the hand currently moving inside Catherine, pulling her up from the bed and holding her with the other as she began to use her own excitement to push harder into Catherine. It was a strange excitement, feeling her own wetness against her arm and Catherine's surrounding her fingers.
Catherine wrapped her arms around Sara; suddenly the position didn't allow Sara any movement. Catherine seemed un-phased by this, and to Sara's pleasure, was thrusting herself over Sara's fingers and each thrust caused a chain reaction of friction, wetness and heat against her own clit that was sending waves of ecstasy through her as she could feel an orgasm begin to crash through her.
As she rode the waves of her own pleasure, she bent her fingers just slightly inside Catherine and she could feel her tighten and move faster against her. She felt Catherine's release and was rewarded with a rush of warm liquid that covered her fingers and spilled out over her hand.
While Catherine was still grinding against her, Sara grabbed her by the hair and pulled her head back, bringing her lips down to hers, drinking in the rasp of her breathing.
As Catherine slowed, Sara released her lips and held her steady, moving their bodies back down on the bed.
As she removed her fingers from Catherine, she shuddered slightly and then smiled.
"Maybe you could take those off," she said, motioning to Sara's underwear and bra.
"Oh yeah, those," Sara responded, as she removed them.
They wrapped together, thighs twisted sex to sex and still wet, Catherine's head resting back on Sara's chest, her fingers running absently over Sara's breast.
Sara felt Catherine shiver and could feel the goose bumps rise on her torso. She pulled her in closer and pulled a blanket around them as they drifted once again to sleep.
XX
Sara woke to the light brush of Catherine's lips against her neck.
"How do you feel?" was all she could think to say.
"Headache, but better." There was a pause. "How do you feel?"
Sara thought about it as she rolled to face Catherine, propping her head on her hand.
"Truth. I don't think I have slept this well in a year."
The response caused Catherine to smile as she said, "last night was…wow, I don't know what to say."
Sara was prepared for what would come next. 'Just say it…it was a mistake, a drunken mistake. Well, I don't care. It was wonderful and it is mine forever.'
"It's okay Cat, you don't have to say anything."
Catherine's face turned serious: "No, I do…I had no right to keep you from leaving. I had no right to put this on you."
"You're hurting," Sara announced.
"I like you Sara. No, it's more than like…"
"You like me? Like, like me?" Sara asked shocked.
"Jesus Sara, what do you think? I wasn't that drunk…not once the water hit me."
"Oh. I mean, I know you weren't blacked out or anything…God, I would never take advantage like that, it's just that I, I don't know what I thought except that you were just so…"
"Pathetic," Catherine interrupted.
"Incredibly and intoxicatingly beautiful," she corrected.
Catherine closed her eyes, sighing and biting her lower lip.
"Cat, look at me."
She complied.
"You have to know that every moment we have spent together has meant everything to me…even the arguing."
It appeared to Sara that Catherine didn't believe her, so she continued:
"That day at the motel when you told me you thought you had been raped…I was so angry that I nearly tore up the place while processing evidence. I pictured myself tearing the limbs off of the son of a bitch who would presume to do that to you. And Cat, when I woke up under that car…"
Sara stopped herself and laid back on the bed, closing her eyes. The thoughts of that event still haunted her so completely that she just couldn't bear to continue the sentence.
Catherine cuddled into her and held her.
"Talk to me?"
"Another time. I wasn't thinking about Gil, though. I was thinking about regret: About how I never made peace with my mother. About how I never told you that, in spite of our differences, you mean the world to me. I was just going to die and that would be it. And then I woke up, and there was Gil and he wanted so badly to be there for me, he wanted what we had to be so much more than it was and I was drowning as if I was back underneath that car, thinking that he really was my one and only. So still I never told you. Instead, I just needed you to be okay."
"I think I don't want you to leave Sara. But you are going, aren't you?"
"Yes."
Catherine let out a long sigh.
"This is just a vacation away from everything that made me depressed and lonely Sara Sidle. I am reachable. I just want to return whole and happy."
"Couldn't I make you happy?"
Sara pulled her closer, "Oh God yes Cat, being with you last night and here right now makes me feel happier than I ever thought I could be. Is this what you want Catherine?"
Catherine leaned up and kissed her.
"I do."
"Then let's let this be our time to be sure."
"I'm sure," Catherine stated matter of fact.
"Then I will be back. I promise."
"You promised to shower with me too."
Sara kissed her and smiled: "I'll be keeping that promise immediately."
END