This is for Sari naeo who told me to do it..Yep I'm that easy to persuade to do things. So anyway I still haven't invented any sort of time machines so I don't own FFVII or any of the other scenes that I might rip off now and then...yet. For the most part this stuff is my own and for the rest it's Sari naeo's. NB. Just to let the folks who aren't from Northern Ireland know "craic" pronounced "crack" means good times or "Whats the craic?" means "Whats up? anything good?" Ok so without further delays start reading the story. Go on. Do it now...I told you to start reading. Its not like theres anything interesting here. Go on... Damn. Ok I'm going to stop typing this intro now.

To Hell and back just for the craic

Chapter 1: Bedtime Reading

Incident Report Form Z9MGD666

Reporting officers name: Reno

Date: Monday I think… I'm not blocked and I have a hangover so it must be a Monday.

Shinra Division: The Turks.

Statement:

Well I was just taking Yazoo to the holding cells to find out what the hell he was doing in the Honey Bee. I said he must've been looking for his Mum and… man I'm hungry. I wonder if there are any cookies left in the kitchen. I sure am hungry. Wonder who invented cookies? I bet it was some genius. One on the same level of the guy who invented the electric prod. It might even be the same guy. Whoa cool…

Tseng read the statement again in disbelief. Years of military training and the guy still can't write a report without going miles off track. Mind you, Reno's lack of concentration was the least of Tseng's worries. What really troubled him was what Rufus was going to do when he woke up. At present Shinra had a coma contingency in effect while their president recovered in hospital. The bemused Turk leader sighed at the long night of work ahead of him.

In front of him his desk looked like someone had dumped a forest of paper on it. It was littered with incident reports, damage claims, fines, bar tab reminders, death threats, security DVD's and one very cute nurse's phone number. He dug into his arm into the thick pile of paperwork and fished around until he found his laptop. At least that was still in one peace. He set the device on his lap and started it up while picking up the nearest report to hand.

Somewhere in this pile of work was the full story. He liked to think of himself as a good multi-tasker so he fired a random DVD into the small computer while he read the report. Unfortunately he didn't notice that his tie got caught in the drive. The room was completely silent except for the hum of his laptop, so when his office phone rang he jumped about three feet into the air.

He pulled the phone out of the paperwork and tried to answer it. At the same time his laptop had managed to fly up into the air and then weigh him down like an anchor so by the time he reached the phone he had whacked the side of his face off his desk. Not only that but the computer was now slowly choking and strangling the now half-dazed Turk, so that when he spoke his voice sounded a bit like a cat coughing up a hairball. His face kept changing colours from red to purple to blue as the conversation went on.

"Kewaarrrk?"

"Hello? Mr Tseng Sir?"

"Wharrl. Yes? Gaak"

"There is a Nurse Fiona on the line. Says she wants to talk to you."

"Nooooo caaalls."

"But sir…"

"Gvoooork Damnit," Cough, "I said no caaalls."

He just about managed to put the phone down before passing out. As soon as he hit the ground the drive slot popped open, releasing his tie. He woke up ten minutes later coughing and hacking. A weak sounding,

"Damn I hate Monday's," passed his lips before he passed out again.

He woke up to his secretary cleaning a random pot plant that she liked to call Harvey. The room was tidied and organized. His desk was now covered with neat piles of paperwork and DVD's. His laptop and a fresh, steaming cup of coffee waited for him.

"Oh. Good afternoon Sir. Good to see you awake again."

"Uuuugh. Hello Rosie. How long was I out?"

"It doesn't really matter. You got some rest. However now it's time to work, work, work. Come on. Time to go." During that last part Rosie did not take a breath and pushed him into his chair while dusting him over with her feather duster. She walked out of the room quickly when she saw his right eye start to twitch.

After Tseng got over the shock of being pushed around by his secretary he muttered darkly and settled down to read the mountain of reports on his desk. If he was going to make a proper report that would convince Rufus not to kill them when he woke up then he would have to do some background reading.

After finishing the first couple of reports he banged his head off the desk a few times. 'Rufus is never going to believe this. This is going to take a lot of tweaking.' He downed another coffee before continuing reading and thinking how he could relay the incident without death becoming a consequence.
End of Chapter

Hope you enjoyed it. R&R if you wish though its a bit early to do that yet. Next why Yazoo was taken to the holding cells as Tseng begins construction of his statement. TTFN
Cheers
Wolf