Pick A Pic Challenge
Title: Volatile
Penname: Ryder Jude
Banner: # 35
Rating/ Disclaimer: M/ Violence. All Twilight character names belong to Stephenie Meyer. No copyright infringement is intended.
All intellectual property, characterizations, plot lines, backgrounds and details belong to Ryder Jude. No copying or reproduction of this work is permitted without express written authorization. ©2010.
Summary: Violent, Entrancing, Explosive, Raw, Intense, Repelling. These are the words to describe our love, and our hate.
To see all the stories that are a part of this contest please visit: www .fanfiction-challenges. blogspot. Com
Volatile
Explosive
His lips were forming words against my lips, his warm, sweet breath was invading my senses. He was clouding my thoughts. Closing my eyes, I swallowed heavily. Tears were thick in my throat, and were on the verge of brimming over the edge of my eyes. Edward was caressing my cheekbones, and then his thumbs were stroking the skin under my eyes.
"Bella," he whispered in his velvet voice, apology lacing his tone.
I whimpered. I felt broken, torn.
Edward always made me feel this way, my brooding Edward. It was our nature, we drew everything out of each other. Some called us passionate, others reckless. Violent—that's what our relationship is. We were like a brewing storm when angered—scary, dark, and invading. Only when the storm passed could one feel the peace, and the aftermath. And, we were the aftermath, too—quiet, loving, content. We were the carnage.
A tear slipped down my cheek, but Edward softly brushed the trail away. I glanced up at him from beneath my wet lashes. His piercing green eyes arresting me. Green was all I could see, those jade pools consuming me.
And, I wanted to be consumed.
Only by him.
Anger bubbled up within me, hating myself, and what we are. It was destructive, being consumed so entirely by someone who brought out the worst in you. I was like an animal—primal, defensive, rabid.
Although, it was disgusting watching each other become these mad creatures, we also lived for it. Because, it was such an alive, raw feeling.
Twisted ire scorched through my veins, curling my fingers into a fist, and blazed through my system. I felt the steel behind my eyes, and watched Edward take in the swift, subtle changes, as he knew so well now. His expression reflected mine. I watched him harden with fury before my eyes, and I was fascinated.
He became this mountain lion in front of me—graceful, and dangerous. It was like he was on the prowl, so intensely focused on me. Always me.
It welled between us, his chest raising out, as he drew in deeper breaths, his grip tightening on my arms, the fingers curling further. Challenging, threatening.
"No," I growled.
His green eyes blazed, "Bella," he hissed.
Struggling out his grasp, I gripped the edge of the table tightly for leverage to escape his hold. My cage, his protective arms.
"Bella, stop!" He yelled, taking on the pissed off quality to his voice, making it grittier. I felt my lips twitch. His voice was beautiful, but when his dark moods caught in his voice, it sounded incredibly sexy.
Finally I broke free from him, but as I slipped past, he turned quickly, capturing my wrist in his large hand.
He pushed me up against the wall. I stared at him above me, feeling enraged.
"Don't walk away from me-"
I interrupted him, "I can do whatever the hell I want." I threatened him, with narrowed eyes.
His nostrils flared, his eyes clenched closed. He was trying to calm himself, calm the tension between us. But, I wanted none of that. I wanted this, as ugly as this was.
"I hate you,"
I glared at him, his dark eyes snapped open, and they were swirling with emotion. He started shaking his head, refusing to take my bait.
"Shut up!" I shouted, wild.
Suddenly his hands were fists on either side of my head, thumping against the wall, exasperating his point. "Don't. Bella. Just don't."
His dropped his arms, and started to turn away from me. I quickly grabbed his bicep—knowing he couldn't be held if he didn't want to be—and turned him back toward me. "Don't leave," I whispered, pained. His gaze softened as he cupped my face gently, and then his lips descended upon mine with a punishing kiss. Our lips were devouring, hard, and taking. I scratched the back of his neck, grabbing the curling locks at the nape, as he gripped the back of my thighs, hitching my legs over his waist.
More. I wanted more, it was never enough, for either of us. We both wanted everything the other had to offer.
"I love you," he whispered, soft, and heartbreakingly.
I broke our kiss, and gazed into his green eyes. "I love you, Edward."
We pulled each other back in, still rough, adrenaline coursing through our bodies, from our lovers spat.
Edward was pushing into me with his lower half, and I tore myself away from him, to unbuckle his belt. But, he was impatient and needy, and dragged my face back to his, as he undid it himself. I smiled, listening to the metal clinking, and thought about when I first met him.
XXX
Entranced
I had just started my freshmen year at Colombia College in Chicago. Declared my major early on, education. I wanted to bring art to children, to their educational experience. I always loved art classes when I was in grade school, it was my creative outlet in the otherwise boring day. Expect English, I loved reading. But, books aside, there was always something about any art class—whatever form it took—that inspired me.
I met Rosalie that year in my art history class, she was my opposite. Tragically beautiful, daring, and aggressive. She made me less inhibited, while I restrained her. It was perfect.
We were paired for an art project on Jackson Pollock. Her abrasive behavior turned me off immediately, but late one evening we were in the library pouring over his abstract expressionist paintings when I stood up to her. She was grumbling about his bullshit style, when I jutted my chin out in defiance, and promptly told her to "Shut the fuck up."
Honestly, I had been so exhausted at that point, that her complaining was like driving a stake through my head. Once I had realized my mistake, taking on Rosalie Hale, I cautiously peered at her, and found her expression one of surprise...and awe.
She smiled slowly, her eyes twinkled. And, when she leaned into me from across the desk, I instinctively retreated.
"Well, shit..." She started, "Bella Swan-the kitten has claws. Who knew?" She arched an eyebrow at me in contemplation.
She nodded her head once, and said, "I think I like you." And, our friendship was sealed from that moment on.
And, then we met Jasper.
Or I should say that she introduced Jasper to me.
Jasper, and Rosalie had grown up together, and then shared a music class our freshmen year.
I loved Jasper. He was cool, understated, quiet, and very attractive.
They were easily mistaken for twins, given their similar complexions, and beautiful features.
...
It was a typical lazy Saturday when Rosalie stormed into our apartment, demanding me to get off my ass.
"We're going out," she commanded, stomping around our apartment.
Rosalie was like a wild hurricane unleashed. Her billowing long golden locks, her violet-blue eyes unfazed as I remained unmoving.
She disappeared around the corner, enclosed in her red bedroom. Peeking her head back out, she shouted, and it vibrated the room.
"Now! Bella Swan!"
She was fierce, her fury unbridled. And, at times she still intimidated me. But, I refused to back down when necessary.
It wasn't really one of those times. I knew where she was headed tonight, a bar. And, then a concert afterward. I actually wanted to come out, for once. A few drinks, and tunes sounded good.
"Yeah," I mumbled to no one, as I regrettably got up from our comfy couch.
Moving past Rosalie's room to get ready in the bathroom, I saw her peering into her mirror, applying make-up. She smirked into the glass, as I passed. "Good girl," she cooed, turning toward me.
I stopped mid-stride, and narrowed my eyes at her. After a couple of moments, of saying nothing, I moved on.
I was standing in the restroom, when Jasper quietly appeared, leaning against the doorway. His honey-blonde locks sweeping across his fore-head, and his amber eyes were dancing with amusement. He tipped his head, like a cowboy. "Hello ma'lady," his southern voice drawled.
Although Jasper had been raised in Chicago for a majority of his life, his voice was still ingrained with his Texan-accent. He had moved when he was still a boy. I secretly wondered if his tone was his trademark, it certainly wasn't a deterrent with the ladies.
"Hi Jazz," I greeted, wrapping my arms around him.
Jasper released me, and leaned against the tiled wall. "I take it, Rosalie forced you into tonight." He assumed. The humor written all over his face. On any other night he would have been right, but not this time.
Tilting my head, I stared at him, "No," I alluded. I felt a little cross for no reason at all. It made me realize how much I needed this.
Jasper stood silent, strong. As he always carried himself, and nodded, leaning his head back against the wall behind him. "I get it," was all he said, as he watched me carry on.
The three of us were walking down the sidewalk, people were spilling out on the walkway, and catcalls were thrown out as we moved down the crowded path. Rosalie was threatening men's livelihood left, and right. And, sneering at any slutty girl bold enough to slink up to Jasper.
He liked it, it saved him the effort of constant refusals before the night even really began. It got old battling away the endless line-up of barflies.
…
Wandering through the packed pub was difficult, bodies were shoulder to shoulder. Everyone was bumping into each other. I felt irritation rise with every hit, as I anxiously bit my lip. Rose wasn't so kind, venom was spewing forth from her.
Jasper was in line at the bar, grabbing our drinks.
Rose, and I were facing each other, forcing our backs to the crowd, as Jasper emerged.
He thrust a drink into my hand, "Here you go, darlin'," he said.
I smiled in thanks, and sipped, feeling the burn slide down my throat.
The dark, smoky haze surrounded us, as he joined our duo. We built a little circle between the three of us. Rose, and Jasper were scanning around the joint, as I stared into my glass of liquor.
"We need shots!" Rose suddenly shouted over the music. Jasper nodded his head in agreement, while I shrugged.
Leaving our carefully crafted bubble we moved over to the bartender. I stood behind, as they ordered three shots. Rose pushed the little glass into my hand, and the three of us turned together and clinked. The strong, warm taste coated my senses. My face puckered, and the other two chuckled at my expression. I slammed the cup down on the wooden top, and looked to Rose.
But, she was turned away, staring at the level above us with pool tables.
She grabbed my hand, and nudged Jasper, raising her eyes toward her wanted destination. Following behind her, I grabbed for Jasper's hand. When we reached the staircase, I pushed to the far right side, as people were coming down the flight. When we made it to the second floor, it felt more congested. It was a smaller room. The pool tables dominated the space.
As we all dropped hands, I noticed Rose staring at some guy. He was close to the pool table, sipping a beer. He was massive—like a football player—with curly-dark hair. I could only see his profile, but he seemed good-looking. But, he just wasn't my type.
Diverting my attention to Jasper I realized he was also staring at someone. I followed his line of sight, and took in a tiny girl with black, short hair. She wore a wide smile, and it was directed at the big guy. Wondering if the small girl was with the large guy, I glanced between Rose and Jasper. But, they were still glued to the scene in front of them.
Turning back I found the pixie, waif-like girl, holding a pool cue. Suddenly she glanced over her shoulder, and started talking. I saw a guy come into view from under the lamp above the table, and froze. Reddish-brown disheveled locks, a sharp square jaw-line, and emerald-green eyes appeared. He was beautiful, tall, masculine. He looked incredibly sexy with his jeans slung low on his hips, and simple white t-shirt.
I gulped, and turned my back toward him. Jasper, and Rose looked down at me, and exchanged a glance. I watched their eyes dart back to their previous position, and felt my shoulders drop as I sighed.
Feeling as if a stare was burning into me, I turned, searching for the gaze. The girl was watching me curiously, and then suddenly the beautiful guy's emerald eyes found me. He was leaning over the table, lining-up his shot, watching me the entire time. Suddenly he dropped our trance, and looked down to shoot.
The spell was broken, and I shook my head to loosen my thoughts.
Jazz was grinning down at me with a hint of his tongue peeking out. I giggled, covering my mouth at the sight. I slapped a hand against his chest.
"Quit, perv." I lamented. He covered my hand over his chest, and chuckled.
I arched an eyebrow at him, "So, the girl, huh?" I asked, glancing over at the small woman across from us. She was watching us intently, and I noticed the guy off to the side with the football player, drinking his pint, also staring at us. Rosalie was zoomed into the big guy, peering over her glass with mischievous eyes. Likely, thinking dirty thoughts.
"She's a doll," he smiled, big and full of teeth, "beautiful, and tiny." He remarked.
Nodding my head with his assessment, I started to reply, but suddenly I was knocked into from behind. My drink splashed over the glass, coating the front of my shirt. Jasper pushed the guy who spilled my drink, as he rushed past us. Jazz looked angry, but knew the man was just drunk, and therefore let it go.
"I'll get you some napkins," Jazz whispered in my ear.
Looking over I noticed Rose had left, and met big guy in the middle. They were standing there, conversing. I almost felt sorry for him, because Rose would eat him alive if he wasn't careful. But, something told me he could hold his own. Sweeping my gaze back over to the beautiful guy, I noticed him glaring at the fumbling guy who had elbowed me, he was gripping his pool stick with darkened eyes, they no longer looked emerald, but it was hard to see in the darkened space.
Jazz reappeared a few seconds later, bearing a hand-full of napkins.
"Thanks," I yelled to him, and tried to dry my shirt.
"We need to be leaving soon for the concert," he said.
"Okay," I nodded, "let's just go grab Rose."
Jazz led the way, but the dark-haired girl intercepted him. I couldn't hear them speaking, but I had a pretty good idea what it was about.
I tapped Rose's shoulder, causing her to swivel around. "The concert's starting soon," I reminded, peering between Rose, and the hulking man.
She nodded, pursing her lips. "Emmett, this is Bella. Bella, this bear, is Emmett."
I snickered.
He grasped my hand in his overwhelming large one, and said, "Hey, Bella. Nice to meet you," jovially.
"Like wise," I blushed, as he let go of my hand.
"We're about to leave for this concert," Rose started, and faltered. It was the first time I had ever seen Rose act this way. "You should come," she finished.
"Yeah, that sounds cool," he said, and then shouted over at the beautiful guy, "Edward," waving him toward us.
Beautiful guy—Edward—slowly approached with a confident gait. I felt pinned standing there, watching him make his way over.
Jasper, and pixie girl saddled up next to me at that moment. Jazz smiled, leaned into me, and introduced his friend. "Bella, this is Alice."
She smiled wide, her dark eyes glowing, with her hands on her hips, and said "Hi Bella! It's so great to meet you," she chirped, with pep.
My eyes widened at her enthusiasm. Jasper had found himself a live-wire, I smiled a slow revealing grin.
"Hi," I muttered, shy.
She smirked, and arched a delicate eyebrow at Edward. Up close I noticed the green of his eyes, vivid emerald.
Alice spoke up, "Edward, Jasper." They shook hands quietly, murmuring polite guy hello's.
Emmett seemed like a young boy with a secret he couldn't keep, he practically shoved Rose in front of Jasper, effectively ending that introduction. "This is Rosie," Emmett said.
Rose's icy glare hit Emmett, making him flinch. But, then he drew up to his full height in resolve.
"Moron," she muttered, rolling her eyes. She stuck her hand out, "Name's Rosalie."
"It's nice to meet you," he muttered to her. And, then his eyes landed on me. They seemed to darken again like before, becoming a jade.
Puzzled, I felt my brow furrow. Alice piped up, "Edward," she paused, giving him a significant look, "this is Bella," she softly spoke.
Staring at him with his close proximity, it seemed like a collision of sorts. His gaze was intense, and dark. I couldn't read the expression behind his deep eyes, but I felt vulnerable.
My cheeks burned.
"I've been waiting to meet you," velvet murmured mysteriously.
I didn't say it, but I felt like I had been, too.
Rose clapped next to my ear, and it brought me out of my reprieve. "Who wants to go to a concert?" She asked.
…
The music was loud, pulsing. I closed my eyes, and let the sound wash over me.
Emmett, and Rose were behind me, and Jasper, and Alice were beside me. I had lost Edward as we made our way to the front of the floor. Emmett was keeping most harm away from us, striking fear in most everyone, I assumed.
Nodding my head along to the edgy beat, Alice halted my movements. She grabbed my arm, and whisper-yelled in my ear.
"Can you come with me to find Edward? I haven't seen him."
I saw the worry in her eyes, and found myself nodding.
We pushed through the mob, and finally reached the clearing.
"He smokes, so he might be doing that," she guessed.
"Let's search the bar, first." She said.
After rummaging around there we turned up empty, so Alice and I split up for a little bit. She went to see if he smoking outside, while I continued walking around like a lost puppy, looking for him.
I was holding my need for the bathroom, but I couldn't wait any longer. Searching for the ladies room, I saw the men's first.
As I was crossing, the door opened, and instinctively I peered over.
Green, green, green was all I could see, as I stood, embarrassed beyond belief that I had been caught by Edward. His jade eyes sparked, as the clinking sound of his belt-buckle, pierced my ears. Swallowing thickly, I watched him smirk at me. My heart was thundering, and I felt the encompassing warmth flood my face. I hadn't seen anything, but I continued to stand rooted to my spot.
Finally the connection severed, as a guy walked out, blocking our line of sight.
As quick as my legs could carry me, I rushed over to the girl's line.
A surge of chagrin swelled within me. I wanted to hit something, the shame I felt, the irritation that rose, and that cruel mocking smile he bore.
Normally, I think I would have found this kind of thing, or story humorous, but I couldn't find it within me to feel that. It irked me, because it exposed me. And, then I imaged another girl stumbling upon Edward, and finding that sight. The thought enraged me.
My last image of Edward, would forever be ingrained in my mind.
XXX
"Edward," I moaned coming back to the present, using my toes to shove his pants down. He grunted in response.
He was sucking on my bottom lip, and then broke for a breath, only to trail his mouth along my neck. I was writhing, pinned beneath him, against the wall. He braced his hand beside my head, and then I heard a crash. A clock that had hung on the wall, was smashed into bits, laying on the ground.
Tugging on the strands of his auburn hair between my fingers, I urged him on, I wanted rough.
I wanted the animal inside him.
I bit into the soft skin of his shoulder, causing him to cry out.
"Mine," He growled, tightening his grip on my thighs, bruising my legs. He jerked into me, slamming my back against the wall, I lost my breath.
XXX
After the concert, we all returned back to the apartment. We were all sufficiently intoxicated. Alice was sitting in Jasper's lap on the couch, giggling, and talking non-sense.
Rosalie was showing Emmett her movie selection.
I stood in the kitchen with a glass of red wine, watching Edward stare at our framed pictures. He was pouring over them, like it was the answer to his existence.
After a while, he came over to me, and I poured him some wine. I blushed the entire time.
"I love your pictures," Edward said, his voice grainy.
Surprising even myself, I asked, "Do you want to see more?"
"Yes," he grinned crookedly, "I'd love that."
Suddenly Jasper pulled Alice up, and called out a farewell. "We're going home, its late."
I had my suspicions, but said nothing. "Goodnight, it was lovely meeting you all," Alice giggled, skipping out of the apartment, half-dragged by Jasper.
Edward came into bedroom, as I closed the door. I sat my glass down, and picked up a photo album from my closet. He opened the book, scanning the pages, until he stopped. He dropped the book out of nowhere, and kissed me, mercilessly. He held my face carefully, while he explored my taste.
And, then I bit him, hard.
I honestly didn't know what came over me in that moment, I became violent with him.
His brow was furrowed, over his jade eyes, and he was breathing heavily. He was touching his bloody lip.
I covered my mouth in shock, and shook my head. "I'm sorry," I apologized sheepishly, slipping my lip between my teeth.
But, he advanced on me, like a predator. "Don't be," he said, shaking his head. Drawing my lip out with his fingertip.
He pulled me back into him, with soft full lips, our tongues meeting, and melting. His strong arms picked me up, and carried me over to the bed, and I realized how quickly things were unfolding.
But, I wanted it.
I scratched at the back of his shirt, red angry marks blooming across his back, as he hovered over me. He slipped my shirt off my head with ease, and I felt him straining against my thigh. I moaned his name.
Quickly, we tugged off my jeans. And, then he was unbuckling his belt, smirking at me.
I needed to slow things down, tell him. Be honest with him, because I was a virgin.
But, I wouldn't.
Savagely he ripped my underwear away from me, growling under his breath. He produced a condom, and stroked his long, hard, length a couple of times, before rolling it on.
He leaned his head down, kissing the inside of my thigh, and trailed his fingers along my slit. He rubbed a caressing circle around my clit, and then plunged a finger inside me. I was already moaning, and writhing under his touch, when he added another finger.
"Fuck, your tight." He murmured, with a gritty voice. His jade eyes hooded. Suddenly, his fingers were gone, and he was buried inside me, letting out a guttural moan. My eyes burned, as I clung to him, riding the pain. I could taste the coppery-saltiness inside my mouth, the blood pooling on my lip. He began to move again, whispering dirty things in my ear. My nails were embedded into his shoulder-blades, and my tears spilled forth.
But, then the pain started to ease, and I began to feel the sensations running through me. I whimpered, releasing my hold, and dragging my hands above my head. Edward's hands trailed along my arms, pinning my wrists there. His head was buried in the curve of my neck, kissing, sucking, and nipping the skin there.
I felt a coil build in my stomach, as warmth flooded my body, overriding my senses, it took control, leading my movements. I began to thrash, my hips slamming against his narrow ones. I was panting, moaning his name.
"Yesss," he hissed, "fuck me harder."
I jerked against him, becoming wild, scratching free of his hands, and dragging them along his face. I felt the coil tighten, and then I was falling off the edge. Feeling my pulse, riding out the aftermath, breathing his name in his ear.
Edward followed behind me, moaning my name into my mouth, pulsing inside me, but continuing his thrusts. Finally he stilled, and rolled over. After our breathing slowed, he removed the condom.
"Bella," he murmured, his voice almost gone.
I couldn't be bothered to answer, "hmm," I responded.
"Why didn't you tell me you were a virgin?" His jade eyes lit with anger.
I sat up so quickly, I became dizzy. He settled me back against the sheets, and hovered over me with his slow, deep breathing. He was mad, very mad.
"I'm sorry," was all that came out. He stared into my eyes for a few seconds, and then faced back around. His back was to me, as he gripped the edge of the bed, "Fuck."
Pathetically, I whimpered, I hadn't anticipated this. He stood, and began pulling on his clothes. It would have been sexy watching him, if I hadn't felt so stupid. "Edward," I tried, pulling the sheet around me, rising.
He titled my chin with his curled fingers, "I'll be right back," he said. Leaning in, he kissed me thoroughly.
In my haste, I hadn't noticed that he didn't put on his shoes, until I watched him leave the bedroom. I heard him walk down the hall, I listened to the rush of water, and realized, with tears in my eyes, that he was drawing me a bath. He came back a few minutes later, picking me up into his arms, and carrying me to the warm, sweet-smelling, water.
XXX
Edward, and I were lounging in my bedroom with school work, and a novel, when Rosalie and Emmett popped in.
"Hello lovebirds, I was afraid we were going to walk into that animalistic-fucking, you're both into. But, I'm happy to say, I'm not blinded." Rose crooned.
Edward chuckled, but I ducked my head, feeling the heat rising. "Rose," I admonished.
"Oh please, you prude. I hear you all the time." She sneered, while I grimaced. Emmett was guffawing.
"Anyway," she continued, "want to watch a movie? Jazz, and Alice are coming over." She asked.
Flickering my gaze to Edward, I found him waiting my answer. I nodded my head, and we went to the living room.
Rosalie popped popcorn, and Alice jumped on me when we entered the room. She squeezed me tight, and then latched onto Edward. "How's my brother dear?" She asked him.
"Good," he smiled, staring at me, like the answer was only for my ears, "really good. Best."
Alice smirked, tapping her temple, "thought so."
"Hi Jazz," Edward muttered, sitting next to me on the couch, threading our fingers together.
He pushed me until my legs were draped over his lap, he brought our intertwined hands to his lips, and kissed each of my fingertips.
"You're disgusting," Rosalie muttered, exasperated. "You're worse than these two," she said with a nod of her head in Alice, and Jasper's direction. They were cuddling together on a recliner.
I shrugged.
Edward took the blanket from the back of the sofa, and covered me with it. Emmett turned out the lights, taking a swig from his beer, and found Rosalie on the loveseat. The movie started, and I found myself growing tired.
I was worn out, as my eyelids were fluttering closed, I felt Edward's warm palm along my thigh. He was slipping his hand beneath my shorts, his fingers crawling inside my underwear. As I quietly breathed into his neck, I drifted. Emerald-green eyes stared back at me, heavy with intent. But, I think he knew I was already gone, and he was further easing me, with releasing this ache.
I had come to find that when Edward was angered, or out of control, that his eyes darkened in color to a jade. But, when Edward was romantic, soft, normal, they were emerald. Always green, but a color in contrasts.
Sometimes I was able to watch the transition, it enraptured me, the morphing, fusing of colors.
I heard a buzz against the coffee table as I felt myself tumbling, curling my toes. Kissing his neck, sleepily, I sighed.
…
"Wake up, Bella." Edward's velvet voice sounded in my ears.
I felt around, gasping his shirt within my palm. "Stay with me," I slurred.
"Bella, who's Jacob Black?" Velvet sounded annoyed.
I floated, and then the sound hit my ears, "Umm, er, no one. A childhood friend." I mumbled.
Opening my eyes slowly to adjust to my dim room, I asked, "Why do you ask?"
Edward's ran a hand through his messy locks, and looked over at me. "Because he's been texting, and calling you all night."
"Oh," I mumbled, and sat up. "I'll call him back in the morning." I promised, and tried to snuggle into Edward's arms.
"I don't want you to call him back in the morning," he alluded.
Feeling confused, I felt my brow crease, "Okay," I paused, "Why?"
He blew out a harsh breath, and said, "I read some of your texts, and I didn't like the shit he was saying."
He faltered, struggling for words, "It was...wrong." He seemed edgy, like one false move on my part would cause him to detonate.
"Why are you reading my texts?" I wondered. "I wasn't, they were popping up. I didn't read them on purpose." He huffed out.
"Sorry," I mumbled, I knew he was right. They did pop up. "Jake's just a kid though, he's a junior in high-school." I reassured.
Edward sat unmoving. "He's probably just excited about me coming home for Thanksgiving."
"I don't care, Bella. I don't want you talking to him." I watched the emerald merge to jade. The storm clouds were rolling in. I narrowed my eyes at him, I felt like he had just thrown down the gauntlet.
I felt my hackles rise, "don't ever tell me what to do," venom coated my words.
Edward flipped me down on the mattress, and hovered over me. "I don't fucking think so, Bella." He said.
My fists curled, as I tried to push him away. But, he was too strong. "I'll do whatever the fuck I want," I warned.
Reaching for my phone on the bedside table, I started to dial Jake's number in defiance, trying to slip away from Edward.
"The hell you will," Edward growled, snatching the phone away from me, and threw it against the wall. The pieces scattered along the floor, as I glared up at him.
"Get out," I demanded, my pitch raised. I shoved him with all my might, refusing to back-down, or back-off. He crossed a line, there was no need to break my phone. We could have reached a compromise if he wasn't so damned infuriating.
"No," he roared, his muscles rippling, veins throbbing.
Emmett came barreling through my door, in his underwear, and a wide-eyed Rosalie pounced in, wearing Emmett's shirt.
"Everything alright in here?" Emmett asked glancing between the two of us, but Rose's eyes were zoned in on Edward.
"Yeah, everything's fine," he sighed, dragging both hands through his hair.
Boring my gaze into Edward, I answered, "Yes, fine."
Emmett left pretty quickly, while Rosalie stayed for a few more moments, "are you sure, Bella?" she asked, staring at Edward.
"Yeah," I nodded, "go back to bed." She left without another word.
When the peace settled, I spoke, shame-faced. I had gotten sort of violent with him, aggressive. "I'm sorry," I mumbled, rubbing my eyes. "I never should have touched you," I left my forearm across my eyes, hiding them. I acted like an animal in front of him, for no reason, no real provocation.
Edward's hands were tugging my arm away, and I let him, staring up at him sadly, with my eyes glistening. "No, Bella. I'm sorry," sincerity pouring from every word, "I shouldn't have gotten so angry, or broken your phone." The truth was he shouldn't have broken my phone, but he wasn't violent with me. If he was guilty of anything, from what I had known from him, it was an obsessive tone. Me, however, it was me, that had turned into something unruly for him to confront, to contain. I knew he wouldn't touch me, knew it in my very soul. It made me feel all the worse, knowing he would never.
It was the first time I had noticed something about our relationship was off, it was corrosive.
I was violent, he was obsessive. It was fragile, and dangerous.
XXX
Repelled
Edward was absent one Friday afternoon in early November, when Rosalie came through the apartment. She swept her gaze around the place, and asked, "Is Edward here?"
Looking up, from my school text-book, I replied, "No, he's got class." Edward went to Colombia, too. He was studying music-piano. He was brilliant, remarkable.
We had been together for a couple of months now.
And, I was in love with him.
"Good, I need to talk to you," she urged me.
I rubbed my temples with my fingers, trying to push out any other thoughts. "Okay," I mumbled, and shut my book. "What's up?"
"Bella," she began, she seemed cautious, weary. "I think there's something off about your...relationship with Edward." She was still blunt, even with her attempt at being tactile. No beating around the bush for her.
My mouth drew into a straight-line, "What?"
"I just...I just don't think it's healthy. You guys spend so much time together, and you're so intense. It's passionate, reckless. I feel like this whole thing is going implode in your face, if you're not careful."
"Thanks, mom." I said flatly.
Rose's blue eyes sharpened, "Look Bella, I'm serious. You're always fighting, or fucking. And, I just don't want you to get hurt. I'm scared for you." She rambled.
I understood where she was coming from, a protective friend, but it wasn't necessary. I could handle myself.
"Rose, I love you, but mind your own business." It was harsh, and it came out even harsher than I intended, but I wanted to get my point across. Leave me alone.
Her jaw clenched, "Bella, you need to face some facts." She paused, "There's something not right about the two of you together. Maybe it's not meant to be."
Rage was steadily building, and I really didn't want to become this defensive animal in front of her. It was provoking, but I beat it down. I took several deep cleansing breaths, and quietly replied.
"I know you're just looking out for me, but Rose, have a little faith, if not in us, then in me." She nodded in understanding.
She looked like she wanted to add something else, I almost wanted to roll my eyes at her. This wasn't like her, at all.
"Go on, Rose." I urged, "Just say it."
The silence felt thick, as Rose continued to stare at me.
"Does he hit you?" Her violet eyes bore into me.
My eyes widened, and stung. "No," I breathed. Guilt ate at me, because she asked the wrong question, asked the wrong person. I was violent with him.
She sighed, and relaxed a little, "Want a girls night?" The hope in her, reinforced my decision.
"Yeah, that sounds good." I mumbled, with only a little residual angry dwelling.
…
"Jasper is apart of girls night?" I asked, incredulous. "Where's Alice?" I wondered.
"Yes, Jasper counts. He was our chick with a dick, long before those three showed up." She commented, as I held my belly, laughing.
"As for Alice, I don't know where she is." She shrugged, unaffected.
"Uh huh," I hummed, sipping my cocktail.
"Hello ladies," Jazz drawled, as he came up to the table.
"Hi Jazzy," Rosalie smiled, "we missed you."
I waved, with a mouth full of my drink.
"I've missed both my girls, so what are we up to tonight?" He asked.
"Why, can't wait to get back to Alice?" I questioned, already drunk.
"You know it," he grinned, and my heart melted a little for Alice.
"I want Edward," I pouted.
Rosalie's hand slapped down on the table, startling me, and almost spilling my drink. "Now, none of that. We're out on our own, and having fun."
"Sure, sure," I mumbled, ordering another cocktail.
A couple of shots later, plus two more drinks, and I was feeling good. "Do you want to dance?" Jasper asked. Rose was slamming her shot glass down, and stood quickly on even legs. I nodded, feeling loose, and wobbly. I smiled at Jasper, as he guided me to the dance floor. Rosalie was the leader with golden hair.
"Ahh," I laughed at nothing, standing in the middle.
Jasper took one look at me, and said, "She trashed," to Rose.
"Ya think?" I tried to smirk.
Rose's giggled, I pointed in her face. "You laugh like a girl," I pointed out. She was so independent, head-strong. It was funny listening to her girlish laugh.
She shoved my finger away, "Shut it, Bella," she smirked.
"Come on, I think it's time to get you home." Jasper whispered in my ear, clutching me.
Alice was trying to help Jasper carry me off. "Whatcha doin' here?" I asked in a sing-song voice.
"We had the same idea as you, although we weren't planning to get this inebriated." She said, breathing deeply.
I was bigger than her, probably heavy for her, too. "Me, neither. Your boyfriend is entirely at fault."
"Well, I'll be sure to let you kick his ass for it tomorrow," she chirped.
"Thanks, Alice."
"Where's Edward?" I breathed.
"He's meeting us," she paused with hesitation, helping push me through the door, "don't worry you'll see him soon."
Green met my eyes, as we stepped out into the downpour. I immediately sobered a little seeing his green gleaming eyes turn dark. "That was fast," I noted.
"Hi," I whispered, " I missed you."
I clutched the lapels of his black jacket, and kissed the corner of his scruffy jaw. He was beautiful, and mad.
Why was he mad?
"Why are you mad?" I asked, because I had no filter.
"Because your friends let you get this wasted." He gritted out.
"It's not their fault-" I mumbled, but was interrupted by Jasper.
"You're right, it was irresponsible. Sorry, man." Jasper apologized.
"What were you doing? Rose isn't this drunk." He probed.
Jazz looked over at Rose, and said "Rosalie can hold her liquor."
"Hey!" I shouted, indignant.
Edward stared at him hard, unrelenting. "Just don't let it fucking happen again." He snapped.
"Woah, stop-" I tried.
"Just a second, do you think I would ever let anything happen to her?" He asked.
Jade eyes blazed, "I don't know, would you?"
I tried stepping in again, but stumbled. Jasper was reaching out to balance me, as Edward held me. Something darkened behind Edward's eyes, he was a ticking bomb, the fuse igniting.
He shoved Jasper, "Back up," he growled, lethal. Jasper's drunken state caused him to knock back toward Alice. He sloppily regained his footing, as if he were about to charge at Edward.
Fear ran through me, because those jade eyes were hungry for it. I couldn't let Jasper be dragged down with us. Edward was towering over Jasper, with a menacing glare.
"Enough!" I yelled, watching the two men square off. I yanked Edward away from Jasper, muttering apologies. "Take me home, please."
When we reached his car, we were soaked through. I just wanted the boys to cool down, and I needed to clear my head. Silently, he started up the car, and we made our way home.
The car ride was filled with quiet contempt, on both our parts.
Reaching our complex, I climbed up the stairs, and fell into our apartment. Jasper was already there, looking remorseful, Alice tucked into his side.
"Hey man, I'm really sorry. You're right, about everything. I'm just drunk, and not thinking clearly. I never intended any harm." Jazz sincerely implored Edward.
"No blood, no foul." Edward said, holding up his hand.
"So, we're okay?" Jasper asked.
Edward nodded, "Yeah, Jazz. We're fine. You guys should go home, sleep it off." He mumbled.
I walked out of the room, and into the bathroom as they were saying their goodnights.
…
I took a long, hot, shower. It made me feel human again, and slowly the haze lifted. After I was clean, and dressed. I stood staring at my reflection in the mirror. I looked like me, but everything was different. Overwhelmingly, so. The conflicting emotions rose within me. And, suddenly I was breaking down. I sat down next to the tub, and curled my knees into my chest, and cried.
I was repulsed.
By me, by my actions.
By my relationship.
By Edward.
I loved Edward, and yet sometimes I hated him.
I hated what I'd become.
Tonight yet again proved, what I learned a couple of months ago. Edward was obsessive, to the point that it became explosive.
I remembered his jade eyes, so full of rage, that it scared me.
But, Edward wasn't bad. Rose was right, it was something about us. There was something wrong, but I needed him too much to defy that.
We were a collision, that you couldn't dare to look away from, a wreckage.
Tears were running down my red face, when Edward peeked his head in.
"I was just checking on-hey, what's wrong?" He asked, concerned.
He kneeled down in front of me, uncurling my frame, and rubbing my back. He pulled me into his chest, surrounding me with his honey, sweet scent, and warmth.
"Nothing," I mumbled.
Emerald-green eyes softened, he looked so breakable, and tender. He was stroking my cheekbone, urging me to tell the truth.
"Just a little sad," I admitted, "I miss Charlie." I lied.
"Shh, sweetheart. We're going to see him soon." Edward was coming with me in three weeks to visit Forks for Thanksgiving, I was thrilled, yet nervous. I was a little bit weary of them meeting.
"I know," I sniffed, clutching his shirt.
I took in a deep breath, preparing myself. Because I had to do it, it was the right moment.
"Edward," I breathed, imploring him with my eyes, "I love you." I whispered.
I held my breath, waiting his response. "My Bella," he whispered, feather-light, "I'm in love with you."
That slow burning flooded through my veins, warming my heart. I blushed, and smiled, shinning with happiness. I kissed him with all my might.
XXX
Raw
"Char-Dad!" I greeted, with a warm hug. Edward was gathering our bags, as he gracefully strode over.
"I missed you, Bells. It's good to have you home." Charlie's chocolate eyes, crinkled at the corners, as he smiled.
"Chief Swan," Edward murmured politely. "It's a pleasure to meet you," he said with a firm shake of Charlie's hand.
Charlie's head was tipped back, and he replied. "Nice to meet you, too."
"Come on, let's head home." He said.
"Jake's been wanting to see you," Charlie told me, once we were in the cruiser. I rolled my eyes, and then glanced in the rearview mirror towards Edward. I feared his anger.
He was studiously glazing out the window, at the greenery.
"I don't think I'll have time to see him this trip, Dad." I said.
"Oh, well I invited Billy, and Jake over for dinner tonight." He let me know.
Edward tensed, I could feel it, before I saw it.
"Err, okay." I mumbled, at a loss.
I would have to grin, and bear it. And, so would Edward, I hoped.
…
Charlie ordered pizzas, while Edward, and I washed up after the long flight. As I was blow-drying my hair, Edward snuck into my room. I smiled at him, and turned off the machine.
He walked around the room, studying objects, and pictures. Finally he landed on me, and ran his finger across my bottom lip.
"I love you," he murmured.
"I love you, too." I smiled.
Furrowing my brow, I pulled him down onto the edge of my bed, curling up into his lap. "Listen, about tonight, I'm really sorry-"
Edward interrupted, "It's fine. It's not like you knew what he was doing. It'll be fine."
"You promise?" I asked, worried about his temper.
"I'll try to be on my best behavior, besides I want the Chief to like me," he grinned, cocky.
But, the tightening of his eyes, told me otherwise.
We clasped hands as we made our way out of the room, and down the staircase.
"There you are," Charlie called, and then Jake was at the bottom on the stairs.
He swooped in for a hug, and spun me around. My wide-shocked-eyes met Edward's, his were intense, and darkening. His jaw clenched, the muscles working, as he pushed down his instincts. I felt my anxiety calm, watching him soothe himself.
"Jake, put me down!" I demanded. He complied. "Hiya, Bells." Jake's cheerful voice greeted.
"We missed you here, and on the rez." He said.
I kept my eyes on Edward, gulping down my fear, "Well I miss Charlie, and your family, but I can't say I missed it." I concluded, pointedly staring at Jake. I saw a flash of pain in Jake's eyes, and felt a little bad about putting it there.
"Edward, this is Jake. Jake, this is my boyfriend, Edward." They shook hands, and I felt the tension spike.
"Bella!" Billy shouted, "Good to see you, kid." I snickered, but it sounded off. "It's good to see you, too."
"This is Edward, my boyfriend." I introduced the two, inching toward Edward.
Billy appraised him, "I hear you play the piano, beautifully."
Edward was bashful, shrugging his shoulders, and scratching his neck awkwardly. He was thrown off track for a split second. I couldn't have been more grateful.
I furrowed my eyebrows in question, but then we answered in unison.
"Charlie."
"You two still gossip non-stop," I teased.
"You know it, come on kids, let's eat." Billy said. My stomach grumbled, and Edward nudged me forth to feed my empty tummy. Starring upward, I saw jade returning to emerald. I exhaled, dropping my shoulders.
…
"It was great to see you Bells," Billy said. And I nodded my head, it was good to see him, too. He was supposed to be fishing with Charlie in a couple of days, the two of them had talked Edward into tagging along. I told him I'd make them all Harry Clearwater's fish-fry. Edward just crookedly smiled.
Jake was coming out of the house, carrying a left-over box of pizza. I glanced out of the corner of my eye, and watch Edward still smoking his cigarette far off, so Charlie wouldn't have to see, or deal with the smell. Billy had already left, hitching a ride with Harry, for some business matter. Jake had ridden his bike here, and was sticking around.
Unfortunately, I didn't have the time or energy to expend on Jake right now, and I knew how little of Edward's control was left.
Jake had been his usual self, obnoxious. He was flirty, I realized, far too late. Edward's eyes grew darker, and darker during the meal. They weren't jade, but somewhere in between.
I think the only thing that kept Edward grounded, was the comfort of my touch the entire time.
But, his carefully crafted control was about to slip it seemed, so I just wanted to get rid of Jake. I loved him, like a brother. He was my best friend, but I had lead him on, I realized now, in some inadvertent way.
And, now I was paying for it.
"So, I was thinking we could hang out tomorrow, when you have free time." He said.
"Um, I don't think so, Jake." I muttered with my eyes downcast.
His voice sounded rough, "Why?"
"Jake," I said, exasperated, "I'm only in town for a few days. I have Edward with me, and I want to spend time with him, and Charlie." I rushed out.
He rolled his eyes, looking away. "You see your boyfriend all the time, I only have you for a few days."
Typical Jake.
"My priority is spending time with my farther. Jake, we had nice evening, why are you trying to spoil it?" I asked, curiously.
I came here on vacation. I was leaving in two days, and didn't want to feel this kind of pressure, to feel obligations forced on me. With, out without Edward, it was irritating.
He was just a kid, and didn't understand though. He wanted as much time as he could get.
"I'm sorry, I'm asking too much of you to borrow some of your precious time," he huffed out, angrily.
"Jake," I sighed, "I'll see you again, if I have the time. But, don't get your hopes up." I tacked onto the end, because I was absolutely certain I wouldn't follow through with my words.
"I'm glad," he sighed, pulling in a deep breath, "because there's something I want to talk to you about." He said slowly.
I resisted the urge to roll my eyes, I had a feeling I knew what it was about. "Sure, Jacob. We'll see."
"Well, just in case we don't get the chance, maybe I should say something..." he trailed off, pondering.
My patience was running out, if he was jumping at the bit, to tell me he had a crush on me, I was about to finally shut things down.
"Just spit it out, Jake." I said, annoyed.
But, instead he just rushed in to kiss me, I tried warding him off, but he refused to break our lips. It was disgusting, being kissed by Jake, he's family to me.
"Stop," I tried to say, around his mouth, pushing against his chest. But, this seemed to spurn him on.
Suddenly, Jake, was flying backwards, and all I saw was Edward's back rippling with rage. His auburn hair, was like flames.
He picked Jake up by the collar of his shirt, getting ready to defend, to send a message, and to obliterate Jake's existence.
"Stop!" I screamed, to no avail. I knew that Edward was close, I tasted the edge at dinner, but Jake had to keep pushing.
Damn, kid.
Charlie came rushing out, with his gun. And, took in the scene before him. "Dad, it's not what it looks like," I started.
"What's going on out here?" Charlie shouted, so loud it seemed like everything shook. Edward dropped Jake back to the ground.
Jacob swiped his mouth, with the back of his hand. The blood was drying already. But, I knew what it would look like to Charlie without a word, and then even with several. Edward was older, legal, and Jake was not. Jacob Black, his best friend's seventeen-year old kid, beaten by his daughter's twenty-one year old boyfriend, her monstrous, boyfriend.
But, he was no monster.
Why did Jake have to kiss me?
"Why don't we take a seat inside," he grunted, "or should I grab my badge to make it official?" He asked, with disdain.
…
"Bella, what do you even see in him?" Charlie asked.
"I love him," I replied, evenly. I was unaffected by his questions.
"He just hit your best friend, Bells. He's four years older than the kid," he said.
I sighed, "You don't get it, Dad."
"So the kid made a pass at you, doesn't mean that Edward has to come thundering in, inflicting damage." He surmised.
"Actually, why not?" I turned his statement back around. Shouldn't he want my honor defended, he was my farther.
He cleverly gave no answer. "Just forget it," I breathed out.
"Bells, come on. Don't you think it's a little odd?"
"No," I answered, truthfully. If any girl had kissed Edward, I'd have acted on pure instinct. I imagined that I would have done worse things.
"Sweetie, I think you need to step back, and really look over the situation." Charlie encouraged.
"No, Dad. You were young once, so why don't you stop, and remember what you did to the Dwyer boy when he hit on Mom," I paused for effect, "yes, she told me that story."
"I wasn't out of high-school, Bells, there's a difference."
I was done, "This is ridiculous," I muttered.
"This isn't just about the fight, Bella!" I flinched back from his forceful voice.
"I've been watching you two since the moment you got here, and Bella's it's not normal." He exposed.
"And, you're different with him, Bella. You seem to take on this bottling rage. I see the way you watch him, there's fear there sometimes, too." His brown eyes were unwavering.
I was trapped, like a moth pinned.
"Maybe, you should think about asking Edward to leave." He hinted.
And, that was the last straw. I had tried to reason with him, that failed. I had tried to just agree with him, that flopped. Now, he was trying to make me see his opinion, forcing it upon me.
"Then, I'm leaving, too," was all I said before I walked out, leaving a stunned Charlie in the wake.
I'd always choose Edward.
Edward was in a forced exile, chain-smoking outside. I just needed him, then we'd be gone.
XXX
Intense
Shakily I sighed, and braced my forehead against the cool wood of the door knowing what was awaiting me on the other side. Things had been tense between us, since our visit to Forks. Tearing open the door abruptly, I swept my teary-eyed gaze over Edward. Edward's disheveled dark auburn locks were drenched from the torrent of rain outside, it created little crystals among the strands. Pieces of his hair fell carelessly over his eyes. It created shadows over the violet circles that I knew were beneath his eyes. He stood leaning against the threshold to my apartment. I was entranced, locked into those dark piercing green depths. The dark ominous clouds hovered in the sky, casting a muted dull grey light, as an inky blackness encroached upon the starry expanse. I felt a shiver run through me.
"Forgive me?" His voice murmured.
I nodded, wiping the tears with the back of my fingertips. "Let's just never fight again," I mumbled, defeated.
"I'm sorry, love." He breathed, and cupped the back of my head, laying a kiss upon the top. "Edward,"
"Yes, Bella," he answered.
"I want to have a home, with you. Soon." I admitted, blushing. A shy smile peeking from my lips.
"Live with me," he said.
"What?" I gasped.
He repeated himself, his lips curling up further on one side, "Live with me."
"Okay." I whispered.
"Rose is going to kill me," I told him, giddy.
XXX
"Edward, love me," I whispered, as I was pulled back into his presence. The ache spreading throughout my back.
"Always," his velvet voice answered. He thrusted hard, rough, insistent. Our mutual hatred brewing, our toxicity seeping in.
XXX
Volatile
Edward was gripping strands of his hair, his jade eyes were full of turmoil. We had been fighting with Rosalie for the last hour. Emmett finally intervened, he came swooping in, carrying Rosalie off to defrost.
I had submitted to the animal long ago, Rosalie bared witness to that. My face was twisted with my rage, as I grabbed a discarded dish on the counter, and slung it a little left of Edward's head.
The shattering sound made me feel better.
"Jesus! Bella, what the fuck is the matter with you?" His velvet voice was harsh.
I screamed, I needed to release this beast, that I'd become. "You. Us." I sneered.
Edward looked like he was going to rip his hair out, "You think I want this?" He asked.
It made me freeze. The burning running through my body, chilled. I never questioned him about his feelings, it was beyond selfish. But, I was afraid of his answer.
I swallowed, around the lump in my throat, dreading his words.
He was shoving his fist into his chest, like he was trying to press the ache out of it.
"Bella," he murmured, his eyes burning, "fuck." he swore.
Standing there, I waited breathless for those destructive words that I knew were coming. They burned on the tip of my tongue, just like his.
"Sometimes, I hate you." He barked, purging.
My shoulders slumped with those uttered words, despair filled me.
We magnified each other, every imperfection, every flaw.
"I hate you, too." I whispered, staring down at my unlaced tennis shoes.
He laughed humorlessly, I snapped my head up, and glared at him with every ounce of hatefulness I could muster.
"What did you think, that you were alone in this, this destructive, sick thing?" He asked, cruelly.
I held hope that it was just me, that I was the problem.
My silence answered for me.
"Well...you're not, sweetheart." He almost sounded apologetic.
XXX
These are the things that made us...us. These words perfectly described the two of us...together, only together. You see, for all our weaknesses, we had a strength to counter every single one. Love, and hate. We walked a fine line. Always dancing on the precipice with wild abandon. Perhaps, that is the problem. We were always on the verge of falling over the edge, and any slight wind would find us plummeting to either side.
We love without reason, and without reason we hate.