Dreams
Notes: Okay! So this is the introduction to the introduction to a KH story I've had planned for ages. It rather spoils it a bit but really you don't know who the characters are cept the original ones. There aren't a lot of added characters but there are a few. Anyway! You can't fully tell that this is a KH story until the second chapter but I'd still love to know what you think about it and tell me if I should continue! ^.^ BTW! This is a mushy sort of romance that I did last night while I was in depressionish mode. So it's also just random.
Italics - Ailey
Bold - Riku
Pairings: Riku/OC, Sora/Kairi
Rating: K+
Disclaimer:
Kingdom Hearts belongs to Square
Everything else but some of the plot elements belongs to me
Introduction
I've never felt this way…so paranoid…so worried for someone else's life…so obsessed in this strangely good way. I've never felt this pain of not knowing where someone is at all times. I've never felt anything like this before…
There are many different kinds of dreams in this world…
How can he love me…if he's never here…how can I know that he loves me if he's never here…to show me just how much he does love me. I don't understand what this feeling is…I've never wanted so much to believe something was true…I've never though about something so often…day and night…I'm always thinking about him…
There are the dreams that you have for your future, the wishes you have in your heart for your life. These dreams are known as goals and you have full control of them for the most part. These dreams are the ones that sometimes mean nothing to us and these are the dreams that not all of us have. For some of us, these dreams are nothing but trouble but for others these dreams are all we have to live on.
Why do I miss him so much…he never cared about me back when we were at home? He was always talking about her…always hanging out with her…there was something different in his eyes back then…as if…now he's realized that she loves someone else…does that make me a second choice?
There are the dreams that you have at night and wake without memory of. Some people say that you can see the future in these dreams; of course no one has been able to prove that you actually do see the future in these dreams. They say that these dreams show what you truly want, what you're heart truly wants but they haven't proved that either. They don't know much about these dreams…but many people live to dream these dreams even though they rarely remember them…
Still…when he did speak to me he was always very kind. Even though he was kind, it was always obvious that he loved her…or at least that he liked her…maybe he wasn't sure about it…I don't know really…but now…the way he looks at me now…the way he talks to me now…maybe he kept his distance from me then for the same reason he does now…because he doesn't want me to get hurt.
There are dreams that you have full control over, that you narrate so to speak. That you have when you space out…that you don't have to be asleep to have. People always talk of these dreams when they speak of romantic desire. It's almost like a picture to go along with your thoughts is how these day dreams are understood. Many people have these constantly and others are robbed of them because they have no one to think of. No one to dream of.
It doesn't make sense…he told me he loved me but he had to save his friends. They were my friends as well…why couldn't I go along with him? Why didn't he take me with him? He told me he wanted to protect me but all I want to do is protect him. He told me he loved me…but then he left me behind. All I want to do is keep him safe…I've already lost him once.
Then there are the kinds of dreams that you have at night…but you always remember. The kinds that make you terrified for your life and for the lives of the people you love. These are known as nightmares. We all have nightmares because we're all afraid of something. It only makes us human…but the people who aren't afraid of anything or say they're not afraid of anything…people wonder if they have nightmares. They must have the worst kind, the kind when everything comes crashing down and you have no hope left, only fear…
I want to save him…but I can't if he won't let me…I want to save him…but I can't if he keeps his heart locked away from everyone. I want to show him that he's not alone…and that everyone still loves him…but I can't…
All these dreams are sparked by deep feelings in your heart…
I never wanted to leave…but I had too…I don't have a choice in the matter. No. I had a choice to leave and I made the choice to leave…
Or so the research says…
…but I never wanted to leave her…I had too…it was the only thing I could do to keep the people I loved safe…
But with all these feelings deep in our hearts, it's impossible to know what ones cause us to have dreams. Sometimes people have nightmares that are daydreams and sometimes people have normal dreams that they can always remember. A nightmare is the same as a dream that one remembers. Maybe all dreams that we forget are frightening, and we only ever remember a few of them. Goals are but dreams we make for ourselves, doesn't that mean that they're daydreams? Maybe those who have no daydreams have no goals…does that mean that without someone to care about you can't have a goal?
No one can love me this way…not even her. No one can want me in this way…it's simply not possible. I wish it wasn't true, I have dreams every night…and I dream about her smiling at me no matter how I look or who I am…
It's foolishness. It's human nature to be attracted to something they don't understand. It's only normal for them to attempt to understand the heart and dreams and wishes when these things are impossible to understand. Its normal for them to want to recreate these things because they want to be the masters of everything…but a heart is part of a human…they wish to master themselves, maybe?
…No, these aren't dreams but I wish they were…I wish that I had to dream about her loving me no matter how I looked or how terrible I am. Sometimes I wish she would have fallen for someone else…that she would have left my side…but she never did…and it hurts…she's too full of light…too pure…
Then why do we let ourselves go like we do when we fall in love? If we wish to have such control of ourselves then why do we give our hearts willing to other people and set ourselves up for pain, all that loving does is create hurt and all hurt does is make anger and death. Love, the one emotion that no one can understand…maybe they believe that if they can master the heart then they can master love, the strongest of all emotion.
If I want to protect her…and the only way to do that is to leave her…than why can't I stop thinking about her? Why do I long for her warmth…I'm near finished with what I started and it's not like when I do finish I can go back to her. No…I belong in the darkness…she'll have to move on…but what if I'm not strong enough to stand being with her touch? I don't want to hurt her anymore…so why can't I move on? I'll have to tell the others…to find her…and make her forget me…
Maybe love causes dreams…if so this is how the world would work…Love causes us to fear and fear causes us to have nightmares; Love causes us to desire and desire leads to daydreams, or so they say; Love causes us to hope and perhaps hope causes us to believe our dreams are of the future; and our love for things is what causes us to make goals. No one knows for sure if love triggers all these emotions but there is one kind of dream that love is always a part of…
But what if I can change back…what if I do make it back…what then…will she forgive me? If I tell them that I hate her…will they let me see her if I do change back. Can I lie to them…if I can't lie to myself? No, it's not possible to lie too your friends…everything worked out between my two best friends…why can't I get that happy ending? I can only hope that if I do go back she'll forgive me…that she'll find me again…because I know I can't forget about her.
Love is always part of the dream that you can wake up too…because for many of us…love is the reason that we dream. For so many of us…love is the reason that we hope and that we fear and that we have these human desires. It's human nature to want to be love and its human nature to love in return. It's only natural that we all want to have someone care for us…and that's why people do such crazy things for love…it's the reason that many of us are alive…to love…and love…the dream that you can wake up and still have…that you don't have to truly dream at all to have…once you find them…they're both always there…
By now his mission must be finished, but why can't I go back home…why was I sent off to hide here where I don't belong?
Everything's over…and I doubt that she'll ever be able to find me again…I doubt I'll ever see her again…why can't I forget her?
I was told the other day…that he went home…that they're all back home…that there's once chance for me to go home…I don't care what anyone says…I'm taking my last chance home even though it's not where I belong in truth. I'm going home…to him…
Even with all this pain I still want to see her…I don't understand why, but I'd do anything just to see her face right now. I'd do anything just to have her with me right now…I'd do anything to be with her right now…everyone else is happy it seems but me…it makes me think that maybe she is happy…I hope she's happy…wherever she is…
There's only one think I know anymore…and it's that there's only one person I can love anymore…I can never love anyone else as much as I love…
Riku…
Ailey…
I'll never forget you…
So please…
I'm begging you…
Don't forget me…
Alrighty! So! As the note says, tell me what you think of it!