Winter break was supposed to be the best time of my life.

I was supposed to go skiing in Aspen, I was supposed to go visit my friend in San Francisco, AND I was supposed to lay on the beach in LA.

But instead of doing that, I broke up with my boyfriend of almost two years.

All these plans were with him. We were going to go to Aspen to go skiing with some friends and then go to San Francisco to visit one of my best friends and before all of that, we were going to go to LA to visit my family and lay on the beach and enjoy that California winter... pure sunshine. And it was supposed to be perfect and the best winter break of my entire life. My last winter break ever, pretty much. My last winter break before I graduated in June.

Change of plans, though. Because my boyfriend decided to start cheating on me with some girl he met two months prior at some party.

A party I didn't even know he went to!

So you know what I did? I spent four whole weeks at home, doing absolutely NOTHING.

And what did he do?

Let's see. He went off to Aspen with said friends, his friends. And from there, he went to Washington to visit some friends and he just had the best time. According to his stupid Instagram account where he documents his fucking life for the whole world to see. And having to see him having fun with his friends while I'm stuck at home, trying to figure out what went wrong, is the FUCKING WORST. The absolute worst thing, ever. And it almost makes me wish I hadn't met Chris altogether. That I hadn't taken that stupid sociology class at that time. That I hadn't given him my number when he asked. Or anything. I just wish that none of it happened because then I wouldn't be feeling this way...

Disposable. I feel disposable.

"You know there are a million fish in the sea, right?" Emily tells me as she takes a seat next to me on the couch.

"I don't want to fucking hear that," I snap at her even though she's just trying to be a good best friend, "Em, it was getting to the point where we were planning our future. How am I supposed to just ignore that? How am I supposed to pretend that I'm okay? That is doesn't bother me?"

She shrugged, looking helpless, "you just are. Because it's over. You're not getting back with him."

I stayed quiet. I told myself I wasn't. That I knew I shouldn't. But it's easier said than done. There's so much history. There's so much there that as fucked up as it is, maybe I would take him back... after some time.

"Gabriella Montez, you are NOT getting back with him," she instructs me, "no way. No. How could you after what he did to you?"

"I know, it's stupid to even think that, but the feelings were so real, Em. So real and so many people forgive cheating. Why can't I be one of them?"

She rolls her eyes and turns slightly towards me, "people who are married and have kids forgive cheating because they stood before God and made vows. People who have been together for ten years and have so many things between them forgive cheating because they truly love each other and have built a life for themselves. People who have cheated ONCE, it was a stupid drunken mistake, forgive cheating. People who find out their boyfriend has been talking to some girl for a WHOLE month shouldn't forgive cheating. He knew what the fuck he was doing. He knew. There's no way around that. And just look at the way he's acting. Like he doesn't care. Like he doesn't even remember he was just in a two year relationship. That's got to count for something, Gabs."

She's right. She's absolutely right. I know that. But still. Maybe I'm just going crazy right now. I just need some time.

"So if Tyler were to cheat on you, you'd cut if off? Even though you've been together almost as long?"

"Absolutely," she says with no hesitation, "I know that sounds like a bunch of bullshit considering how much I love him and everything, but honestly, you can't be with someone who doesn't think about you. You guys were dating. You're not bound to each other. It's going to get easier, I promise."

"I wish it was sooner rather than later," I sigh, sinking into the couch.

Emily frowns, "please just promise me you won't talk to him, you won't text or call him. If he tries to say he's sorry, you accept it and that's it? Please?"

It's just the pain talking, I know it is. Because I've always told myself that unless I'm married, to never forgive cheating. To never allow myself to let people think they can use me and be okay with it. I've always been strong and I so desperately want to be at this time.

I just know it's going to take time.

But I make her that promise because I really want it to happen. "Yes. I won't talk to him."

"I'm seriously only trying to look out for you, G, you know that. I love you."

"I love you, too," I tell her, sincerely. She's my best friend in the whole world, since the 5th grade. Of course she cares. "Thank you."

Emily turns on the TV, changes the channel to Bravo so she could watch the real housewives of whatever city and I just sit here and think about everything. About how a month ago, I had no idea what was about to happen to me. About how I was happily with my boyfriend. We HAD just hit the two year mark, like a week before. Can you believe that? A WEEK BEFORE I FOUND EVERYTHING OUT. It was the worst. But I felt happy with him. And I was happy about school ending and starting my life and hoping to start it with him. Back in LA. Out of San Diego. The two of us, with our cute little apartment and a new dog.

But that dream's over now and I have to accept it because he doesn't respect me and he doesn't care about me.

I'm moving on from Chris Matthews if it's the last thing I do.