for all the feltson lovers out there! Just hold on!
He needed to call her. He needed to talk to her. It was true. He had promised himself, and to her for that matter, that he won't ever talk to her. Won't disturb her. Wasn't that how exes was supposed to be anyway? Exes. Lost and forgotten about? No. She wasn't even that. Ex. No, he can't demean her and call her an ex. She meant so much more. She still MEANS so much more. No, he can't call her.
"Tom…" He heard the woman say for what felt like the hundredth time. Yet again he chose to ignore her. The woman. A deranged laughter rose to his lips but he squished the need. This was not a moment to laugh. The woman. An undermining name for someone he had spent his last 7 years with. He couldn't help it though. He wished he could. No one just spends their 7 years with someone if there wasn't any love. Yes, he did love her. Not at first. No, not at first. He was still too deeply in love with her to love the woman at first. Two years into the relationship and his love to her grew. It was a love that grew from fondness and closeness. The woman, she cared back then. Or so it seemed like that. He was true to his promise. He never made contact with her after her birthday party. That blasted birthday party. It didn't mean that he didn't keep track of her. No, like a sad pathetic loser, like a crazed stalker, he knew all about her whereabouts. Even when he thought he loved the woman, he kept secretly checking up on her. Yes, he was a special kind of fucked up.
"Tom. Talk to me" The woman. This time he turned his head slightly and stared right into her black eyes. Once upon a time, he had thought that those eyes were a deep midnight in colour with mystical secrets hidden in them. Now, all that he saw was hollowness. It was shallow.
"What do you want me to say Jade?" He asked. "What can I possibly say?"
"Tom, it's not my fault" She cried out. Yes it wasn't. And it broke his heart that he was doing this to her. He wasn't a monster after all. He knew how much she loved her. Their baby. Their Timber. Timber…a fresh surge of pain filled his heart and tears threatened to fall. Again. He fought that battle and won. Again. He won't cry. Not here. Not anywhere.
"Tom. She was sick" Jade continued. Didn't he know that? Wasn't he the one constantly by her side when his baby got sick? He turned down so many offers to be with his baby. Did he regret it? No, bloody hell not. Where was Jade then? Anger bubbled inside him and he tampered that down as well.
"I need some time alone. To think" He said after sometime.
"Tom…?" The silence that followed must be confirmation enough for her unasked question. Whatever that was between them, yes whatever because love had long ago lost its meaning in their relationship, had died along with Timber. The speck of feeling he had for Jade was gone. He felt empty. Desolate. Oh how he missed Timber.
He rose up and started to walk towards his bedroom. They had started sleeping in different beds. Then 'whens' and 'hows' of it happening, Tom didn't know. It was too minute and distant for him to remember clearly, anyway. The one thing that was holding them together was Timber. Now that she was gone, Tom had no inclination of living under the same roof as Jade. Had no inclination of giving the world the false impression that he was happy with Jade. Giving her the false idea that he had forgotten about her.
Her.
Emma.
His Char.
Damn it, he needed to talk to her.
He lay down on his bed with the intention of sleeping off this dreaded feeling. He needed a clear head to think. Think about the obvious decision he was about to take. He was going to leave Jade. With the drowsiness settling in, he fell into a deep slumber.
The sound of his phone ringing woke him. Confusion marring his features he sought for his phone. It was on the table beside his bed. He was glad that the phone rang when it did. The sleep had left him with an unsettling feeling. Though he may not remember what he saw in his dream, he was fairly certain that Timber was in it. It was not a good dream.
He held his phone to eyes level, squinting slightly at its brightness. It was not a number he recognized.
"Hello" He said. He was greeted with silence. "Hello?" He repeated.
He heard a sigh.
"It was beautiful" Said the person on the other end of the line.
Emma. His Char.
It felt as if someone had knocked the breath out of him. He had literally forgotten how to breathe.
"It really was" She continued. "I'm so sorry, Tom"
"Beautiful?" He said, his voice hoarse. He never thought that she would call him. Ever. Never realised how badly he wanted to hear her voice.
"Your song. To Timber" She said as if that was an explanation enough.
"What song?" He asked confused. He knew this was not something he should be focusing on. It was Emma! She called him. That's what he should be thinking about.
"Uhh…yeah. I…uh…Jade. She posted the video to Instagram. The one where you sang to Timber. It was beautiful" She said stammering. Why was she stammering? "Didn't mean to pry…" She said. Ah! That's why.
"I had no idea that she posted that video…" He said. "Thanks"
"How are you?" She asked.
"I've been better" He replied trying to keep things casual.
"…well ok then…" Emma said awkwardly.
"Thank you" Tom replied.
"Take care" And before he could say anything she cut the phone. Great!
He stared at the phone. At the number. At the time. It was 2 in the morning. She had called him at 2 in the morning.
He walked out his room and made his way towards Jade's. She had some explaining to do.
"HOW DARE YOU?" He shouted as he switched on the lights.
"What the hell?" Jade said annoyed. Tom would have felt a little bit of remorse if she was sleeping. But no. She was playing with her phone. Figures. Since when was that woman not playing with her phone? Always on internet…always trying to gain the love of his fans.
"How dare you post that video!?" He repeated.
She smiled back in return. "People adore the video Tom. See how many people are crying after seeing this video" She said waving the phone in his face.
"Get that thing away from me" Tom said. "That was personal. You had no right. NO RIGHT!" He said leaving the room. He heard the door slam behind him. Great. Jade was just fucking fantastic!
He went to his room and sat down on the bed with a heavy thud. Trying to keep the bubbling anger at bay he threaded his fingers through his hairs roughly. How did he end up getting so tangled up in this web? How did he let himself get in so deep with Jade? All for Timber? Possibly. His eyes landed on the phone still lying on the bed. Phone. Emma. Emma had called him. Fuck everything, he needed to see her.
With the new found determination he put on a shirt, grabbed his phone and walked out of the room. Out of the house. Away from Jade Olivia. He was going to meet Emma. His Char.
She stared at her phone. She had done it. Plucked up the courage and called him. Dear God! She actually called him. Had a decent, albeit a little awkward, conversation with him. With a sigh she rolled around her queen sized bed, burying her face deep inside the plush cushions. She was going to regret this. She really was.
"I won't contact you ever again, Emma. That's what you want isn't it?" Tom had said. Emma turned around purposefully hiding her face from him. She couldn't dare to see the look on his face. Couldn't allow for him to see her face as well. He was always good at reading her.
"Yes" She simply said.
Oh yes. She will regret calling him. When the truth actually sunk in. Now all that she wanted to do was to fly in her euphoric high on hearing his voice. He sounded so masculine and so…sad. So broken.
Her heart cried out for the boy who had come running to her ecstatically when he first bought the puppy, Timber. "Isn't she amazing? Isn't she just so adorable?" He kept saying like a proud Papa.
Her heart cried out for the man who lost his little girl. She can still hear, can still see the sorrow in his face when he sang to her. He looked so lost. So very very lost.
With a sigh Emma turned to lie on her back and closed her eyes intent purely on to sleep the night away. Something she should have done long ago. No Timber, no Tom, no nothing. Just as it has always been.
It was then that she heard the buzz. The buzz that indicated that someone was at her door. At 2 30 in the morning. Apprehensiveness, a clawing feeling in the pit of her stomach, with a healthy doze curiosity found Emma walking towards the door cautiously. She switched on the camera on her security system and sucked in a breath when she saw her late night visitor. Her uninvited guest. Still clad in her short shorts and tank top, she switched on the button allowing him the entry to her flat.
Her palms started sweating as she waited patiently, no definitely not patiently but oh well, for Tom reach her floor. Millions of thoughts ran through her mind and not one thought was she able to decipher. She had gone from completely composed to disastrously distraught in a matter of seconds. Dear god…
There was the knock. His knock. On her door. He was knocking. Waiting for her to open it. She should open it. Emma wiped her palm, her sweaty disgusting palm, on the top of her shorts and willed her legs to move. Not that it did. She tried though. She really did. There was that knock again. This time she somehow managed to walk up to the door. Managed to even open it. Congratulated herself that she was able to look straight into his greyish blue eyes and smile. Bravo Emma.
"Hi" He said awkwardly.
"Hey" She replied. What should she do? She he invite him in? Probably. Why was he here?
"Can I come in?" Tom asked bringing an end to her internal turmoil. She nodded with a shy smile playing across her lips. This was so awkward.
"Do you mind?" He asked again coming in.
"No. Um…Not at all. Uhh…have a seat" She stammered. Why does she have to stammer whenever she talks to Tom? "I'll uhh get something for you. Beer?" She asked once he sat down.
"Emma" He stopped her, holding her hand lightly, rooting her to the spot. "Sit with me" He murmured.
And she did.
Neither said a word as the time stretched into minutes. Tom lightly took hold of her hand and started drawing patterns in them. She wasn't sure if he was even aware of that. It wasn't something Tom would normally do. Then again, it was just them. No paparazzi, no fans or friends. No Jade. Just the two of them. Jade…
"Wouldn't Jade be worried about you?" She asked hating herself for bring her up. But she had to. Jade was a part of Tom. A permanent part by the looks of it. And for the life of her, she couldn't understand what Tom was doing at her place at this time.
He turned to face her with an odd look swimming in his eyes. Gently squeezing her hand in his, he gave her a smile that didn't quite reach her eyes.
"I'm leaving her Char. I'm leaving Jade"
To say that she was surprised would be the understatement of the year. No, make that the century. Heart hammering against her chest, she stared at him. She wished, oh how she wished, that her voice was calm when she asked that one single question anyone in her shoes would ask. "WHAT?"
He shrugged and then did something that completely shocked her to the core. He laid his head on her lap. Completely drained, completely…lost. Her hand found its place getting tangled in his hair as she gently tried to comfort him. Tried to give him strength.
"I lost her" His voice broke at the end. "Timber" He added. Emma's heart did a little jittery dance when she realized that the 'her' was Timber and not Jade.
"I know" She whispered. All the while weaving her fingers through his hair calmly. As calm as one could at such a moment.
He grabbed hold of her free hand and brought it to his lips and gave her a chaste kiss on her palm. "Thank you" Emma didn't reply. Didn't need to reply. He would know that she would always be there for him.
She felt rather than saw the first tear leave his eyes and make its way down his face, gravity leading it to find its home on Emma's lap. Heard him make a sound that was between a sob and a sigh and felt her own eyes tear up. She slowly laid her head on top of his and wrapped him tightly in her embrace.
She didn't say anything. Didn't need to say anything. No matter what she say, Timber wouldn't come back and it wouldn't be alright. So she gave him the only thing that she could give. Her love, which quite frankly she had in infinite amount when it came to him.
They stayed like that for a while before Emma realised that Tom had finally found comfort in sleep. His breath had evened out and his grip on her arm had lessened. She closed her eyes promising herself that she just wanted to remain like that for a few minutes. Just a few minutes….
Love ZC