Summary:
It's a year after Gus died, and Hazel is not well, she is depressed, and more importantly, spending most nights in the ICU. While she wants this all to be over, she can't give up just yet, because her parents would be devastated if she let go. Story told from Hazel's POV.
I woke up at about six am, thinking about Gus. Not a moment goes by that I'm not thinking about him, wishing he was here with me, but I know that's impossible, for him to be here. I read over the four pages he wrote me, about a year ago, right before he died. I always have them at hand. I could probably recite them by memory at this point in time, but there was something special about seeing his handwriting, it's like a piece of him I could hold onto until my last day- which probably won't be too far from now. Right now I'm in the ICU, which is pretty normal for me.
Lately, my philanxifor stopped working, and my lungs have been filling up with fluid about every two weeks. I've probably been home about once this entire month, and all I want is this to be over, but I can't give up now, I have to fight for my parents, but if I stay, or if I leave, I win either way, right?
I remember that last day in Amsterdam, we ate breakfast, and went out for a walk, little did I know that Augustus was dying, until we sat on that wooden, creaky, old bench. "It lit up like a Christmas tree, Hazel Grace." His words rang in my head, as I let a tear gently fall down my cheek.
That night in the hospital, I decided I was going out for a walk, I went out near the playground, where I laid down on my back, looking at the stars, counting them. I reminisced the long phone conversations with Gus, letting another tear fall from my eyes and stroll down my face. They kept coming, like a rainstorm, but instead of noisily crying, it was almost as if I found peace in my tears.
As I was crying, my lungs started burning, like they were on fire, and I managed to let out a loud scream before shutting down. Soon, a nurse came out and found me. She took me inside and hooked me up to some machine. My mom and Dad sat on my left side, my mom holding my hand and saying for the millionth time, "You can let go honey, it's okay."
But it wasn't okay. I tried to spit out an "I love you," but it was too late, bright white light started to fill my eyes, and I knew this was the end.
After this happened, I began to regain my sight, and I saw that all around me was clouds, was this heaven? Walking up to me was Augustus, looking handsome as ever, and I couldn't help myself but to run up to him and kiss him. He introduced me to a teenage girl named Tris, a young girl named Primrose, and an older guy named Finnick, who apparently never wears a shirt. I was so relieved to see him again, it was like a breath of fresh air, no, it was a breath of fresh air. Augustus showed a soft smile, and asked, "Okay Hazel Grace?"
I replied, "Okay."