This story is dedicated to Morning Glory2 & Starfoxtwin for being such great Beta's for my fledgling fics, thank you ladies! I wrote this story as to quote Morning Glory2 "you can take that video (from Wondercon, where John Pyper Douglas says "things happen" between Tex & Rachel) and shove it! This is my way of doing exactly that – shoving it!
This fic reference's 2 songs I listen to the rain – Beverly Craven (1991) and Rain – Madonna (1992) – look them up on YouTube; both are beautiful songs and suited this fic so well.
RAIN
Part One - Tex & Rachel – the End (I Listen to the Rain (Beverly Craven)
I listen to the rain, whispering your name
And hurricanes cloud my life again
The memory will fade
And time will turn the page
Our love was made
I dream of yesterday
The fantasy is mine
It's you I long to find
I close my eyes
And dream that you are here tonight
Make believe you're crazy for me
Rachel could feel the rain pelting her skin; it felt as if the heavens were sobbing along with her. That it was a warm, tropical rainstorm made little difference to her, it didn't lessen the pain she felt and knew she was about to cause a good man who didn't deserve it. Still, she had to be honest with herself – she just simply couldn't go on like this anymore, truthfully it should never have started! Rachel knew why it had begun, she'd been so unbearably lonely, weighed down with the burden of supporting Tom and his family, trying to find a way around The Chosen's attempts to prevent the Cure being delivered to those not immune. She'd needed someone to be there for her, the way she wanted Tom to be but couldn't. The grief the man she truly loved was overwhelming him – leaving Rachel out in the cold, and she'd never felt so lonely.
Tex had been there, just as he'd always been - offering comfort, affection, and he loved her she knew that, he'd never made a secret of it. It just wasn't enough, it never would be – she didn't love him, would never love him, not the way she ought to. It wasn't enough because he wasn't the one she wanted, so she'd settled for him, hoping Tex had enough love for them both. It wasn't enough because it was unbalanced, and Rachel didn't want to find out what would happen when Tex realised it, and resented her for not loving him enough, for being stuck with a woman who would never love him back. Things were going to be messy enough when he read her letter, she'd told him where she'd be and that he'd seek her out, rail at her plead with her – but Rachel knew it had to end tonight. A quote from one of her favourite author's book, Mercedes Lackey's Burning Water, popped into her head – it was so apt
"I'm not the one you want, so I'm not going to settle for being the one you're with"
Rachel knew damn well that this was what she was doing; settling for being the one each other was with. Reading that quote had brought her to the realisation she had to end her relationship with Tex, before it did anymore damage to each other, and to the mission – well no more than they could cope with.
You turn your head to hide
I know the reason why
The moon we ride
Could drown the swelling tide
I call out from the shore
A siren from the sand
This lonely land I am forever more
The fantasy is mine
It's you I long to find
The sound of angry footsteps told her that Tex had found her letter and had now found her.
"Time to face the music, and do what HAS to be done, what I should've done weeks ago" Rachel thought to herself.
"Rachel – what the hell?! You're dumping me with a letter? Jesus woman, even for you, that's cold!" Tex shouted, he couldn't understand why she'd do this to them!
No, if he was being frank with himself, he knew why she'd done it – it had been coming for a while, but he'd hoped that she'd learn to love him back. Tex knew who held Rachel Scott's heart, who'd always held it, and once again wished he didn't like the man so much.
"Tex, please! Keep your voice down!" Rachel whispered"the whole ship doesn't need to hear this!"
"Well excuse me for being upset – if you wanted to end things, why not say it to my face?!" Tex snapped, wondering what had happened to the passionate woman he'd shared many nights with, not sure when she'd been replaced by this ...stranger. He wondered if he'd ever really known the real Rachel Scott, perhaps he'd only ever seen what he'd wanted to see.
"I wrote the letter because what I wrote needed saying, I knew you'd react like this, and I needed you to hear those words, hear what I'm trying to say! It's over, Tex" Rachel returned, the tears falling down her face in floods, god this hurt!
"The hell it is Rachel – don't I get a say in this?! I love you woman, isn't that enough?" Tex pleaded with her, desperate to hang on to one of the good things in all this death and destruction that surrounded them daily.
"No, Tex – you can't make me stay, can't make me feel what I don't feel and I don't love you – not the way you deserve to be loved" She cried "I've tried to make this work, but I can't go on like this, can't keep pretending things will change, because they won't ! You know I'm right Tex, please...please...just let me go"
Tex looked at her, knowing he'd lost her – as heartbroken as she looked, the resolute expression she wore was mirrored in her eyes. Had he ever really had her, he thought to himself? Tex wished it were different, but she was right, things hadn't been right for a long time, had never really been right between them. He'd hoped with time, she'd learn to love him as he loved her – but Rachel was right, it was time to let her go. Tex dropped his head, feeling his own tears begin to fall – his heart was breaking into a million pieces right here on the deck of the warship they called home.
"You're right darlin', it's time to let go" he stepped forward to kiss her lips once more, but Rachel had turned her face away, so the kiss fell on her cheek.
I close my eyes I listen to the rain
And dream that you are here tonight
Make believe you're crazy for me
I close my eyes
And dream that you are here tonight
Whispering your name
Whispering your name
Tex watched as Rachel walked away from him, out of his life for good – probably into the arms of a man he'd willingly follow to hell and back, already had. It would be hellish seeing them together – but she was right, you can't make someone love you, and he'd been a fool to try.
Part 2: Tom and Rachel – The Beginning – (Rain – Madonna)
As she entered the room, Rachel could hear the CD player begin to play the song she'd come to love, it reminded her of the first time she and Tom had been together, it had been raining then too.
I feel it, it's coming
Rachel could feel it, the smell of ozone on the air, warning of an impending storm, much like the one brewing in the vivid blue eyes of her teething son. Even at 6 months old, little Nathan Gerard had an impressive set of lungs, ones he was exercising to good effect due to the little set of teeth currently cutting through his gums. He was every bit a Chandler though Rachel thought, from his blue eyes to the tiny face that was a mirror image of his handsome father's that the little boy had inherited, along with his father's stubborn nature she thought.
Rain, feel it on my finger tips
Hear it on my window pane
Your love's coming down like
Rain, wash away my sorrow
Take away my pain
Your love's coming down like rain
The night she'd ended her non relationship with Tex, Rachel had walked off down the deck of the ship, not looking where she was going. It wasn't till she heard the footsteps behind her that she realised someone had followed her. Thinking it was Tex following her to remonstrate with her once more, convince her to change her mind, she'd spun around intending to send him on his way with a firm "NO!" Rachel was stunned to meet a pair of vivid blue eyes staring back at her.
"Tom!" She said breathlessly, wondering just how much he'd seen, heard of the last few minutes.
When your lips are burning mine
And you take the time to tell me how you feel
When you listen to my words
And I know you've heard, I know it's real
Rain is what this thunder brings
For the first time I can hear my heart sing
Call me a fool but I know I'm not
I'm gonna stand out here on the mountain top
Till I feel your
Rain, feel it on my finger tips
Hear it on my window pane
Your love's coming down like
Rain, wash away my sorrow
Take away my pain
Your love's coming down like rain
"Come out of the rain Rachel, you're shivering" He'd said, taking her hand and pulling her into the helo bay before she could protest. Silently he'd draped a blanket around her shoulders, and set about making a cup of tea for her. Rachel wondered for a second where he'd got the kettle, the tea bags, before remembering he'd had them brought down to her lab for her to use when she'd been developing the cure.
"How much did you hear Tom?" Rachel asked, hoping he'd not heard any of it. Tom's words dashed that hope.
"All of it – and I'm sorry Rachel" he'd replied, looking as miserable as she felt.
"You're sorry?" she'd replied "whatever for?" He couldn't have startled her more if he'd stripped off in front of her then and there.
"I'm sorry for listening in on a private conversation and sorry for driving you into the arms of someone else" Tom told her "I took everything you had to offer, never once thinking about how little I was giving you in return."
"It's ok Tom, you were grieving, I know that..." She began to say before he cut her off.
"No Rachel, it's not ok, for once let me acknowledge what a selfish sod I've been" He'd said "My Dad was right to call me on it, said you'd turn to someone else if I didn't realise that I was using you as an emotional crutch – and he was right wasn't he?"
Wordlessly, Rachel had nodded, there was no point in denying what they both knew was the truth. She'd turned to someone else because the man stood in front of her, the man she loved more than life itself, had closed himself off from her, yet had had little problem using her for emotional support. If he'd asked her to wait whilst he worked through things, Rachel knew she'd never have given Tex the time of day, but he hadn't, not once, and there seemed no one else to turn to.
"I know I have no right to ask, but I'm going to anyway" Tom's voice broke into her thoughts "Rachel, I love you...I have for a while now, but whilst I was married I couldn't offer you anymore than friendship, and losing my wife just left me frozen. I'm still working through things, but will you ..." He stopped, as if unsure how to ask whatever he wanted to ask her, seeing him unsure was a novel sensation.
"Will I what Tom?" She needed him to say the words, needed to hear them.
"Will you wait for me? I want you, and I do love you, but I need to work through my feelings" He replied, looking at her hopefully.
"Tom, isn't that how we, I got into this mess?" Rachel returned "I need to know you'll be there, not shut me out again"
When you looked into my eyes
And you said goodbye could you see my tears
When I turned the other way
Did you hear me say
I'd wait for all the dark clouds bursting in a perfect sky
You promised me when you said goodbye
That you'd return when the storm was done
And now I'll wait for the light, I'll wait for the sun
Till I feel your
Rain, feel it on my finger tips
Hear it on my window pane
Your love's coming down like
Rain, wash away my sorrow
Take away my pain
Your love's coming down like rain
Tom nodded, and before Rachel could say anymore, he leaned forward and brushed a kiss across her cheek, lingering just long enough to let her know it was anything but a friendly gesture.
"I won't shut you out Rachel, I promise – I need you to help me heal, and I meant it when I said I love you, but I know you need time to work through your own problems" Tom told her, squeezing her hands "I'll wait as long as you need, this time, I'll support you, include you – this time I promise you it will be different"
The sincerity in his voice, in his eyes told Rachel he was telling her the truth, and she didn't doubt him. When it came to emotions, Tom didn't lie nor did he usually play around with them. He played it close to his chest, revealing very little but now he was showing her everything, all the emotions she'd needed to see before was now on display. Rachel closed her eyes, and smiled – when she opened them, Tom saw the love and affection he hoped he'd see reflected in her beautiful green eyes.
"You set the pace Rachel, I'll let you make the next move – when you're ready, let's see where this goes" Tom said softly, leaning forward once more to kiss her cheek, but Rachel caught his face gently, and the kiss landed on her upturned mouth, lingering for a few moments. Rachel's hand caressed his face tenderly, before she stepped back and left the Helo bay. Tom watched her go, knowing it was a chance he was taking, but if she was going to be his, Rachel had to trust him, to know his word was good. Her reaction just now though told him the odds were definitely in his favour – it was a gamble worth taking.
Here comes the sun, here comes the sun Waiting is the hardest thing
And I say, never go away
(It's strange I feel like I've known you before)
I tell myself that if I believe in you
(And I want to understand you)
In the dream of you
(More and more)
With all my heart and all my soul
(When I'm with you)
That by sheer force of will
(I feel like a magical child)
I will raise you from the ground
(Everything strange)
And without a sound you'll appear
(Everything wild)
And surrender to me, to love
It didn't take Rachel long to decide that if there was even a chance that Tom cared for her, and was willing to give their relationship a chance, then it was something she was going to pursue wholeheartedly. She thought about going to his cabin, but what did she say? "Hi Captain, about our conversation earlier – how about we get it on now?" Rachel shuddered at the thought. In the end, it was a chance occurrence that brought them together; as she passed the showers, she noticed the "Captain" sign was lit up on the outside of the showers, a notice to alert other crew members that the captain was using the showers. Without stopping to think, Rachel stepped into the showers and approached the middle stall, her gaze fixed on the tall man stood under the falling water. For a moment, she watched the path of the water as it trailed its way down his muscular body, the way Rachel herself wanted to do with her hands, to feel his skin under her fingertips.
Suddenly, Tom became aware of her presence and looked up, his eyes never leaving hers. He held out a hand to her, motioning for Rachel to join him – one eyebrow cocked as if in a dare. Rachel didn't hesitate and began removing her clothing, taking each item off with deliberate, excruciating slowness. Tom couldn't tear his gaze away from the gorgeous body she was exposing to him. He knew she had a lovely figure, she'd always favoured tight jeans that left little to the imagination, but this was his wildest fantasies confirmed. Rachel stepped under the spray and into Tom's arms, and pulled his face down for a kiss. He ran his tongue along the seam of her lips, pleading for entry – entry that she granted eagerly. Rachel moaned as Tom deepened the kiss, seducing her with his tongue the way she wanted him to do with his body. She ran her fingers over his body, just as she'd fantasised doing moments before, listening for the moans and gasps of pleasure that told her she'd hit an erogenous zone, and did it again. Tom returned the favour, exploring every inch of skin with hands and mouth, taking his time to love her, leave her in no doubt of his feelings. Tenderly, he spun her around, pressing her back into his body, allowing her to feel his arousal. He slipped his fingers between her folds, caressing her bud with light, measured strokes that soon had Rachel teetering on the brink of release.
"Tom, please...please" She gasped, she'd never experienced this with Tex, never felt so turned on, out of control, she loved it.
"Please what Rachel? Make love to you?" Tom growled, "I intend to sweetheart, I intend to"
Tom slipped his hardened member into her warm, willing body, thrusting in and out at a deliciously unhurried pace. It wasn't long before Tom felt Rachel's walls begin to contract around him, and heard her cry out as her release raced through her body hard and fast. Tom held Rachel as she came down from her high, before withdrawing from her body and pulling her into his embrace, enjoying the pleasure of the warm water running down their cooling bodies.
Rain is what the thunder brings Rain, I feel it, it's coming
For the first time I can hear my heart sing
Call me a fool but I know I'm not
I'm gonna stand out here on the mountain top
Till I feel your
Your love's coming down like
That night had marked the turning point in their relationship, which seemed to grow with an almost exponential speed, despite the comments from some who'd known of her previous relationship with Tex. The overwhelming opinion though was they made a good couple, but neither Tom nor Rachel had any intention of listening to anyone but themselves and those closest to them, who knew the truth. Tex, predictably, had taken it hard, leaving the ship on one of the vaccination runs Tom had instigated as a means to get the cure out to people, and reduce the influence of The Chosen. In time, he'd come to accept what Rachel had known all along, that she was irrevocably in love with Tom Chandler, and what they'd shared paled by comparison.
Rain, I feel it, it's coming
Your love's coming down like
Rain
As Nate began to grizzle again, a pair of strong arms reached around Rachel and handed the miserable little boy a cold teething ring that the child grabbed with eager, chubby fingers, shoving it into his mouth. Taking his son from Rachel, he walked up and down the nursery rocking the little boy lovingly in his arms, listening as Nate's cries dwindled to a whimper, and then stopped as he finally fell asleep in his father's arms, the teething ring dropping to the floor.
"Think we can risk putting him back in his cot?" Rachel whispered, looking down at her now sleeping son. Wordlessly, Tom nodded, placing Nate back in his crib, and pulling his wife into his arms as they watched their little boy sleep, listening to the sound of the rain falling on the deck.